Met when both 21 and broke
20 years later
She still wants love. He still wants money. Thinks women want his money.
She complied. He still demands.
Walks all over her.
Some people give in, give up themselves. Help someone else get what they want.
Others take whatever they can get and help themselves.
In the beginning all of him was good. In my eyes. In my heart. He had my devotion. I should say I gave him my heart. He didn't give me his but I didn't realize it at the time. Blinded by my hormones and wishful thinking I ignored every red flag there was.
Sex was good. It has always been good. The best of anyone I have ever been with.
Things about him looked great to me. He fit the bill for the man I had been searching for. Single. Nice appearance: fit and clean. Intelligent. Kind, patient, calm, gentle, not pushy. Didn't take advantage of me. Slow, steady. Humble. Reliable. Honest. Detail oriented.
As time went on he became the opposite of all of those things except his physical appearance.
I realize now that one can live with someone else for years and not really know everything about them. I only know what I have experienced in his company.
I am sure there are many more facets of him I am not aware of. The only way to find out would be if I were invisible and right with him at every moment so I could see what he does when I am not with him.
The causes of his behavior has been a major source of my life. I live with this man. I have lived with him since December 15, 1991. It is now January 7, 2025.
From and including: Sunday, December 15, 1991 To, but not including Tuesday, January 7, 2025
Result: 12,077 days
It is 12,077 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date.
Or 33 years, 23 days excluding the end date.
Or 396 months, 23 days excluding the end date.
It has consumed massive amounts of my time that I could have spent and doing things I want to do. I could have been much more productive and enjoyed my life much more had I not spent everyday for years in a chronic state of anxiety and hypervigilance due to him.
I thought he was erratic because of what he eats. So I focus on food and read ingredients on labels to him. He has now become more aware of that and reads labels.
He made a few small changes but nothing serious and still eats and drinks lots of junk. Sweets, breads, cookies, cakes, pies, dried fruit (cranberries), candy, cranberry juice, sweetened tea (premade lipton green tea and arizona tea (he used to drink aldis brand sweet green tea for years then they changed the formula so he quit drinking it and switched), alcohol like flavored rum (a shot before he goes to bed). Not sure exactly when he developed the alcohol habit at night, however I remember him bringing home those travel size bottles of liquer a few years ago. Once he said he found them alot at the park he goes to walk. People throw the bottles on the ground.
He likes to try different types and flavors of whiskey, vodka, rum, etc so he buys these little bottles at the front checkout of the grocery store. Price chopper is one of the stores I know about because he bought some there when I was with him one time.
He brought home a white fancy bottle of flavored rum, RumChata Rum Cream, 750 ml for $18.68, from Sams Club a couple of weeks ago. He told me he believes this alcoholic drink makes his fingernails grow because it has cream in it. (Probably wishful thinking bullshit like lots of other things he believes.) He bought lots of other items, all processed food: rotisserie chicken, french silk pie, carrot cake, individual cans of pineapple juice and other things. He loves those sweets and will consume the entire cake and pie, one piece at a time. If I don't eat any he eats it all. I don't like that stuff, anyway.
The woman neighbor across the street, Sharon, may have been the one who introduced him to this funky habit of buying little bottles of wine and liquor. She has given him christmas gifts of bottles of individual serving wine and liquor. She gives him those bite size and small candy bars and various types of sweets.
The neighbor, Chris, who used to live next door, drank beer, liquor and smoked pot. So one day many years ago Mike asked Chris where is a good place to get Miller lite in the bottles because Mike likes it. Chris told him that store off of wornall close to 84th street has the best price so mike began going there to buy that beer. Chris died in July 2023 at St Joseph medical center. Mike drove my van and I was in the front seat with Chris and ellen in the back seats. That is the last time we saw him.
I thought more sex would calm him down. That didn't work.
I thought less sex would calm and straighten him out. That didn't work.
I thought discussing each thing about life and why anyone does what they do would help. That doesn't seem to have even made a dent in his understanding of anything about human nature much less himself.
He refuses to look at himself in the mirror or at his behavior.
He projects his behavior onto me. Today was another incident where he said I was being mean and a bitch, raising my voice. Yesterday he started this shit of telling me that I need to speak in a soft voice when he was the one yelling and whining and being nasty, as usual.
He had asked me what hamburger I used to make the goulash today. I didn't answer correctly. Then he said I was being a bitch.
however I have to listen closely for the footsteps
so it is still like a chronic state of hypervigilance
If I am writing or reading I can't have any noise such as radio, tv or internet playing otherwise I wouldnt be able to hear when he comes down the stairs and often opens my door. If he sees a light on in my bedroom he almost always opens my bedroom door.
Blocking the gaps around the door somehow is an idea I came up with many months ago when I finally realized that it's when he sees a light coming out from around my door he opens it to see what I am doing.
He does get up during the night alot and I never know what time he will be up. No regular "pop-in" schedule.
he likes
groundhog day
cast away
cape fear
vin diesel
pitch black
james bond
westerns
short tragedy skits flixxy
somewhere in time
anne of green gables
fools gold
comedies 3 stooges
new age
pandora free version
black sanbath
kansas
he thinks he knows what another person thinks
he assumes everyone thinks and feels and experiences what he senses
