Thursday, April 3, 2025

Things I did raising children and grandchildren

 food preparation, prep, cooking and kitchen cleanup
daily walk at first in the stroller then on foot then running

riding bicycle bike biking
dancing to the music

cleaning house, vacuuming, dusting, mopping, sweeping with the broom
cleaning up after yourself
picking up your toys
making your bed
putting your clothes and shoes away neatly

dressing yourself properly in clothes shoes jackets sweaters coats boots

being nice friendly polite respectful considerate kind to all people animals and things

manners in all ways
eating at the table on your own tray
never sharing your food, combs, drinks with others

washing your hands after using the restroom and before food prep and eating

encouraging independent thought discovery creativity and learning to do it yourself first
waiting until you ask for help then i will help you


reflecting on the day
"what did we do today?"

answering questions, why, what is that, what's that sound/noise, who is that, how did that happen? when are we going to ..be there, where is it?

explaining things i know, finding out answers to the questions
looking up information on internet

reading books
watching tv. cartoon and kid shows at first then music, tv sitcoms, movies, documentaries where you learn about morals to the story and life

telling true life stories about things that really happened

faith, hope, wisdom, patience, moderation, humility

the difference between truth and lies

play lotto only spend 1 or 2 dollars once in awhile..you can't win if you don't play but play responsibly

love respect your parents mother father family and grandparents

wait your turn don't cut in line


discovering the world around us
finding cool things anywhere incuding the side of the road

shopping frugally at the grocery stores, drug stores, thrift stores

eating at restaurants wisely occassionally

going to many parks and recreation

walking and talking

exploring everything

 

CLEANING UP after others is not my job

 my history has been cleaning up after other people (adults I am referring to)

all 3 husbands. restaurant jobs, factory, storage property jobs, auto repair, auto parts delivery, hoarder people john and marielle, 2 adult sons 

last straw here

chimney fire

 almost finished eating my soup 130 am he starts a chimney fire while i am brushing my teeth smoke billowed into my bedroom and bath

i am exhausted in middle bedroom door shut not so smoky . going to sleep 

he is still at it on the roof with one gallon of water. used 2 fire extinguishers

almost 4 am now



Slipping back into his teenage and early 20's years

 eating easy things. wanting to feel like in his twenties. listens to same music he did at that age. does the same things. has the same interests. 

he has not changed. i have not changed. 


He is self destructing

 imploding. self incinerating. igniting. killing himself in all attempts to kill me mentally emotionally physically. 

is it the hatred for his mother and sisters projected onto me? onto women?

the intense desire for beautiful pretty women and the coexisting hatred for the uncontrollable desire he has which he does not understand. does he feel shameful, ashamed, guilty, like he is a bad person for what he thinks says and does? 

what are his fantasies? he hasn't told me. who was his dream girls or girls when he was a teenager when he was going through puberty pubescence?

 he mentioned he had a crush on a few females when he was young. one was his brothers wife, another one supposedly named polly anna who moved to texas. he said he wouldn't help her move because he didn't want her to leave. i had mentioned the pollyanna syndrome to him and he claimed he knew a girl with that name. he said polly worked at a massage parlor. which parlor i do not know. 

what is going on in the whirlwind of his mind ..with the way he acts i really don't know. 

it is a love hate ambivalent relationship in his mind with me. maybe it is that way with other women he has known and currently knows.  

the i love you i hate you go away and leave me alone. don't go. i want you to stay. be quiet shut up then when i am quiet it drives him crazy. he apparently does not know what he wants. he has everything a normal man could want and doesn't want it. 

he does the same thing with cats. saying i like cats but i don't want any more cats. too much trouble to take care of. 

a boy child mind in an adult male body. 

sex is wanted and welcome. intimacy is not. seeing me work is wanted. seeing me do menial low paying work is encouraged. any thought of me making or having as much or more money than him is not wanted. 

control over me is desired. control of me is impossible. domination of my spirit will never happen. 


 

Wednesday, April 2, 2025

What do these women have in common

 Judy Bettie betty lauren christie farrah mae marilyn madonna susan jaclyn kate sharon dolly Priscilla elizabeth jackie Olivia Tina Liza Barbra Jane 

taylor darryl demi stevie bobbie

self unique image  character grace 


Things I did raising children and grandchildren

 food preparation, prep, cooking and kitchen cleanup daily walk at first in the stroller then on foot then running riding bicycle bike bikin...