Why people call

1. some call to talk. 

2. some only call when they want something from you like work or material things or physical body rub

3. some will call for both reasons

#2 types only give me full atttention during the work or "rub" process. they do not like to carry on conversations on the phone or in person unless the entire conversation is about them. once they complete the job or subject they are done. they get to point.cut me off when i am talking, interrupt snd change subject often  figuratively throw me out of bed when finished with me. they dislike exploring many subjects and having discussions

#1 and 2 types are rare

in my life i primarily experience type 2s

they are in a rush to get what they want =³³³³

 

Murder by insanity gaslighting. Is it 3rd degree?

 what is it called when a person undergoes long periods of suffering at the hands of s crazy person and their health suffers so bad they end up dying but the tortuter murderer did not use physical means but used mental cruelty to kill the victim

he

 is hyde

must have constant noise

many things 

multiple projects

constant activity

control of area people animals things weather

visual stimulus often

is jekyll in public

is unsecure. fear based

conjures fallacies and reasons

has many faces personalities

hates his own reflection

intolerant of mistakes of self and others

hides lots of things

tells me things and people he hates wont tell them to their face

predicts negative outcomes often

sees the dark side

doesnt want strangers public to think bad about him the way he thinks bad of others

ultra sensitive to any stimuli

believes in ufos aliens 

seems unaware of effect he has on me not taking responsibility for his words and actions then blaming me for it saying i did something when i didnt

views world as battleground of war

impulsive anxious shaky jumpy nervous

cant stand silence or meditation self reflection

trouble remembering dreams

awakens wakes up quickly

fmo fear of missing out

sympathetic at times zero empathy other times

feeling sorry for something like the weather was bad but not for what he said or did

cant sit still when eating at the table

eats meals and snacks in recliner often

uses single serving alcohol bottles rum whiskey any kind

saves little packets of condiments

makes sure none of my stuff is left in his car truck bedroom any room but mine

likely has sides and life i dont know about

has never forced sex upon me

allows me to sleep as long as i am in a bedroom

i dont think he snoops thru my stuff

doesnt want strange men or males in the house females are okay 

doesnt want me to tour the house

doesnt want me alone with anyone in house

insists he be in house if anyone else is here

misinterprets my face mood words motives actions often

denies i have intelligence am smart am nice people like me that i have talents can go to school 

Tvs all over in every room..dream I had many years ago

 before I began working at super flea in the music shop back in 2000

Why are women females girl expected to

 look good at all times

be pleasant and nice at all times

go along with other people comply with their wishes

give up their own interests and take on other peoples like and dislikes

be a chameleon

endure pain and misery and never complain

put up with verbal and physical abuse and not say a word

forgive continually 

forget and not bring up the past

be 100% obedient

be tolerant of anything

pretend like they like things they don't

be agreeable, patient, kind

be the little maid, slave, cook, laundress, errand runner, shit cleaner, caretake, child raiser and act like they like it

endure put up with chaos at home and at work and try to be efficient in these messes disasters and unruly messy disorganized rude situations and people

give up their education and careers for the marriage husband family life

be a sex slave doormat and drop their panties at any time he wants it

put up with wild animals and people and never complain

put up with the boyfriend husband betraying cheating on them and NOT go out and have sex or a relationship with anyone else

be virginal appearing in public and a whore at home in private in bed

maintain calmness and sanity dealing with insane crazy people

be accountant bookkeeper financial planner nurse maid all for free without recognition of hard work and efforts

maintain a balance in chaotic home and work environment

look cute at all times

feign pretend to like the interests of husband and children and friends relatives anyone anywhere

give 1000% and get back 1% in return

put forth all their effort and time into relationships and their partner does not do the same

expected to smile at all times

Shape of food i crave

 sometimes shape of phallus like that in male. cucumber. banana. gourd. squash zucchini. asparagus

sometimes shape of round which might be feminine. apple peach pear canaloupe melon. lemon . orange. eggs.

sometimes creamy or soupy, like that of mothers milk or broth or colostrum similar to chicken broth

sometimes crunchy hard celery carrots chips popcorn

sometimes meat cuts either whole or ground

Why did I contemplate being lesbian when I was 22

 husband and previous males were jerks

i quit thinking of lesbian because the thought of putting my mouth between another womans legs made me sick knowing the blood and mucus coming out of me

and the icky smells of myself

and i would rather have the rod thrust in me like its supposed to be so i can enjoy sex

and i prefer a male bigger than me and with solid muscles not soft padded flesh like women have

and i love bass..deep voice and sounds not high pitched

and i want meat not fruit when i am really hungry

i desire that which i am not