I have never asked anyone is they love me nor demanded that they say it. That is rude, a no brainer, shows neediness

Love is desired by most

 love is wanted 

but not to be had by force

it's either there or it's not

i remember some who asked 

do you love me...

it's a question that should not be asked

some demanded i say it (I love you)

they needed to hear the words

i dont say it unless i mean it

it's a choice not a forced thing

are you loved because of what you do?

or simply because you exist, you are there?

because you are you, the thing is what it is

who you are

what you are

are you loved because you love something else?

are you loved because you love a person, a thing, place, activity?

are you loved because you love what you do, love yourself, love life, love a thing, 

are you loved because you dont care if anyone loves you 

you dont demand love from a person....

you're nonchalant, free spirited, self willed, focused on life/living and enjoying yourself

Oblivious

Unaware of anyone looking, listening, paying attention

14 Little Things That Look Like Love But Are Actually Manipulation

 https://www.bolde.com/14-little-things-look-like-love-actually-manipulation/

14 Little Things That Look Like Love But Are Actually Manipulation

When your boyfriend does something thoughtful and sweet, you might think, “Aww, he really loves me so much.” But are you sure you’re not mistaking love for manipulation? Here are 14 subtle signs that reveal your awesome boyfriend is really a jerk in disguise:

HE LIKES TO “CHECK IN” INCESSANTLY. 

He just missed you so much when you were out with your friends that he simply had to send you three texts in a row, each one more frantic/demanding than the last. Sweet, hey? Not really. It’s more likely that he’s really checking up on you, not checking in, if he does this all the time.

HE USES THE, “… BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” EXCUSE OFTEN. 

Does it seem like every time your boyfriend does something that pisses you off, like showing extreme jealousy, he quickly tells you that his bad behavior is only because he loves you so much? It could be a way for him to distract you from his BS and get back into your good books. But don’t ignore the behavior — that’s a true reflection of what he thinks.

HE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU. 

He tells you that you mean so much to him, he would die without you. Um, this isn’t romantic, it’s creepy AF. For some emotional abusers, this could end up with them threatening suicide as a way to control you when you don’t do what they want you to do.

HE SAYS YOU’RE HIS WHOLE WORLD. 

Again, not really romantic. No one should have the pressure of being someone’s everything. If he’s saying this, he’s really hinting at how he wants to be isolated with you, instead of integrated in the world in a healthy way. Don’t be surprised if he starts pulling you away from your loved ones so he can have you all to himself — and control you.

HE SPOILS YOU WITH GIFTS YOU DON’T NEED. 

It might be sweet, but not if he puts you down for the things you have. If he’s replacing your furniture, clothing or any other items with ones he prefers for you, he’s not giving you a surprise gift — he’s trying to turn you into something you’re not.

HE “WORRIES” ABOUT YOU. 

That’s why he called and texted you 30 times when you were out. If you don’t reply to him right away, he gets mad, or “worried” as he calls it. See how it’s a way for him to seem loving and guilt you into being more attentive to his ridiculous whims and “needs” when he’s the furthest thing from a loving boyfriend?

HE WANTS TO START A FAMILY. 

This is obviously a normal, lovely thing to want, but watch how it’s done. If his goal is to have a family so that you can quit working and stay at home with the baby, in a home far away from where your loved ones are, it could be part of his plan to isolate you and take control of your life: he’ll be controlling your whereabouts, your finances and everything else soon enough.

HE FLATTERS YOU CONSTANTLY. 

A bit of flattery is healthy and makes you feel good, but if your partner’s always charming you, it can be used as a disguise. He wants to throw you off guard and perhaps use the charm to manipulate you at a later stage.

HE TELLS YOU WHEN YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK.

You were at a party together and he told you to stop drinking so much after he saw you having fun with your friends. The reason? He cares about you and doesn’t want you to be badly hungover tomorrow. Thanks, Dad. You know what? Maybe he was pissed off that you were having such a good time because he’s a jealous, insecure jerk.

HE TELLS YOU HOW MUCH BETTER YOU ARE THAN OTHER WOMEN. 

You might see it as a compliment when he says all his exes were psychotic but you’re so much better than them. Hey, maybe you’re the best woman he’s ever met. These can be compliments, but not if he’s showing signs of being sexist and discriminatory. He might say, “Women are so [insert negative adjective here], but you’re not like them.” Um, hello? You’re a woman! It’s damn insulting.

HE LOVES TO JOKE AROUND. 

He’ll call you “crazy” or “dumb,” but only in a joking way. He says it’s his way of showing love. Um, no. It’s not. It’s his way of pretending to be joking but hoping that the comments lodge themselves in your mind so that you start to believe them.

HE SUGGESTS THINGS “FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.” 

He cares about you so much that he’ll show you a better way to do your job, speak to your best friend, make a cup of tea and even lose those extra pounds (that you didn’t even notice). It’s not for your own good at all — it’s his way of controlling you. But screw that, you’re a grown woman who can damn well decide what’s best for you.

HE NEEDED TO SEE YOU — THAT’S WHY HE FLIPPED. 

Aww, he just couldn’t wait to see you and when you told him that you had to cancel your date, he lost his temper. He quickly apologized, saying that he just missed you so much, and maybe you felt flattered. But warning bells should’ve sounded. Beware of a man who can’t handle being told “no.”

HE BECOMES SUPER SWEET AFTER ARGUMENTS. 

You had a big fight after which he became loving and sweet. It’s a way to guilt you for confronting him on something that caused the fight. He’s the guy who’ll say, “You misunderstood me,” “I don’t like drama,” or “Is that what you think of me, even though I show you I love you every day?” as a way to make him seem like the sweet, reasonable guy and you like the crazy girlfriend. It’s messed up and you need to get out ASAP.

Why Men Want Sex and Women Want Love

Why Men Want Sex and Women Want Love

by Elena Solomon

Men are frustrated with women because they never want sex.

Women are frustrated with men because they always want sex.

Women blame men that they don't know how to love.

Men blame women that they only talk about love but don't want to make it.

Whether you are a man or a woman, reading this article can change your life - finally, you will be able to get rid of your frustrations about the opposite gender.

The reason humans want sex is due to the hormone testosterone, which is predominantly male hormone. A normal male's body produces 20 times more of this hormone than a female's.

In other words, a male feels the same way after one day without sex as a female after 20 days without sex. A male that has not had sex in 20 days feels the same way as a female after more than a year without sex.

Knowing this simple difference, you can already understand the pain of the opposite gender. It's NOT their fault: they are made this way! It's in our genes! This is the reason why men are men and women are women.

Men and women are DIFFERENT.

Not better or worse, just different.

A man can father a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only mother a child every two years or so. This means, a woman HAS TO be picky about who she allows to have sex with her.

For generations women were paying too high a price for making a wrong choice. Women that have chosen men with bad genes had a weaker offspring and their children struggled to survive. Women that have chosen men with good genes had a stronger offspring and their children survived disproportionably. Those children were carrying their picky mother's genes and this is why those female genes were passed to us.

On the other hand, men never had adverse consequences of making a wrong choice. The more children they produced, the higher was their chance to pass their genes to future generations, as some of them would certainly survive. While men were determined to seek better genes too, they had to grab all chances to procreate coming their way to ensure their genes would be passed forward. The men that ONLY stuck with one woman (even a high quality woman) were losing genetically to the men that used all of their opportunities and had many more children that survived. Those children were carrying their father's promiscuous genes, and this is why those male genes were passed to us.

By Nature men are made to seek as much sex as they can get, so they can spread their seed wider.

By Nature women are made to seek as many admirers as they can get, so they can make a better choice and get the best seed.

Men seek quantity - women seek quality.

This is why men seek sex and women seek love.

Love is the proof that a woman needs to have some assurance that the man will stick around and help her with the upbringing of the offspring. For a woman, sex is the culmination of her emotional commitment to a man.

For a man, sex is a physical act that eases the testosterone pressure he experiences constantly. Only after this tension has gone, can a man feel love towards a woman. This is why it often happens that men disappear after they got what they wanted: it wasn't love; it was the testosterone pressure. Sex for men is the reality check of their passion.

This is why having sex early in the relationship is hazardous for women: the man has not had the time to develop any romantic feelings for her. He needs time to develop those feelings, and the only way to do it is through keeping the sexual tension going for as long as practicable. Sex must be attainable, nearly possible - but not quite. When the sexual tension is at its peak, its release is mind-blowing - and once is never enough, which lays a proper foundation for a future relationship - and love.

Men fall in love through sex; women fall in sex through love.

All of this happens on the unconscious level - we do NOT realize what's going on.

But the reason why you are here today and alive is because each and every of your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their instincts and managed to attract at least one sexual partner and produce an offspring.

So, there is no need to be bitter about men wanting sex and women wanting love. Those two are the necessary pieces of the puzzle called Survival Of The Species.

And you'll be better off understanding what the other gender is going through and giving them exactly what they want: a mind-blowing sex or exhilarating love.

Go get 'em! :-)

---

 Elena Solomon is a dating coach.

Her latest book "12 Simple Rules" became #1 'Love & Romance' bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK after the release. It shows you EXACTLY how you can utilize the natural laws of attraction and our in-built sexual strategies to win in the game of love.

Get the UNFAIR ADVANTAGE in the battle of sexes!
http://www.12SimpleRules.com/

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I am a very strong person who has survived living with narcissists all of my life.

 I am a very strong person who has survived living with narcissists all of my life.

At 59 years of biological age I have maintained my own sense of self. 

I am me, I remain what I am. I am what I am regardless of their control tactics attempting to change me into someone else, someone I am not.

Even though I have severe levoscoliosis I have kept my hourglass figure and look younger than I am.  

My true height was 5' 6 1/2" before my spine twisted and my weighttoday is 125 lbs.  My height shrunk to 5' 3 and 3/4" due to the curve in my back. 

Today I am in much better shape and condition than I was a few years ago when I couldn't even squat without falling down.

I walk alot, stretch, dance when I can and will go swimming any chance I get. I love to swim in the water.

I have been doing many things to take care of myself and my appearance much to the disliking and hatred and jealousy, anger and fits of temper tantrums of the narcissist. Intermittent displays of love have happened in between the demon displays of hate. I live with paranoid schizophrenic symptoms in the man I have been with for 29 years. Mother is the basis of this. Mother and the family dynamics of the whole spectrum of schizophrenia. It is learned behavior, it is not genetic. 

Realizing I am totally female releases me from attempting to do man things and end up competing with -them. I am peaceful, joyful, loving, sensitive and most of all natural. I am not competitive; never have been.  I am cooperative and flexible. Understanding, insightful, helpful, nice and polite.  That is my nature. My instinctual nature.

Strangers, friends, neighbors and other family neighbors frequently tell me I am beautiful, unlike narcissist types who view me and my happiness as a threat. Narcs are on or off, love one minute and hate the next. Steady, consistent love, compassion and caring do not exist with them. Hot one minute and cold the next. Suffer from the 7 deadly sins. 

All of this stuff was learned in the womb and in their childhood, permanently forming the structure of their personality. Fear based, they are unable to separate themselves from things or their environment and attempt to control the entire spectrum of all living and unliving things. Yet, they cannot see that all things are connected, naturally.  Force is their choice instead of allowance and fluidity. Differences are immediately noticed and not accepted, instead differences are hated which fuels the fire for their anger and intolerance, hate, judgment, criticism, threats, egotistical superiority complex where they think they know it all and no one else close to them knows anything.

9-16-2020

Sarah Wilson Stillwell

Grandma's words.

Grandma's words.

A man only wants one thing.
Don't become hard, hardened, tough acting or hard hearted.
Stay sweet and innocent.
Be yourself.

Don't tell him everything.
Keep yourself looking good.
Take care of yourself.
I am your best friend. One day you will realize that.

You can be anything you want.
You can have any man you want.
Just ignore them and take care of your business.
Don't ever let anyone put you down.

A good fight clears the air.
Jealousy is dominant in most people.
They're just jealous. That is why they are nasty to you.

Women don't want an attractive woman around their man
and attractive beautiful pretty women have very few girlfriends
and (because) all the guys are chasing them (the pretty ones)
and want a pretty woman.

dont tell him everything
dont let him see everything
dont tell him your secrets
keep a mystery about you

be quiet
don't talk about your past
don't talk about other men in your past or present
fight fire with fire

tell it like it is
don't sell yourself short
birds of a feather flock together
be careful and choosy/picky about who your friends are


She was born December 22, 1916 and raised me for ten years
from the time I was 6 until I was 16.

Wisdom from the Capricorn lady.

108 pounds at 92 years old when she died.
Used to be five foot five inches tall but shrunk due to age.

She was delicate and frail as she aged but had the strength
of 100 mules in her determination.

Always clean, neat, organized, dressed for success.

Drove the best of vehicles.

Ate the best food (she thought was the best at the time)
Moved into a brand new house in 1971 in Belton, Missouri

(the house lived in with my grandparents for 10 years).

She was very sensitive, emotional, devoted to family.

Full of good advice.
She was strong willed and kind hearted however had

narcissistic tendencies in her desire to control others due

to her love for them. She wanted to best for herself and everyone
and didn't quite realize that a person needs to figure things out
for themselves.

In her youth she talked about being happy, carefree, fun loving

and loved to dance.  Her marriage of 57 years to my step grandpa

caused her to become not so happy by being hyper critical,

judgmental, intolerant of differences in others, cynical and

mean and hateful at times.

 Grandpa was attracted to her beauty
and fine spirit in her youth and due to his upbringing and
beliefs he was prejudiced, opinionated, sarcastic and pushy.

He was a very hard worker; stable, steady, an excellent provider

of material things. He was very physical but not spiritual.

He loved my grandma with all of his heart and she told me

he loved me with all of his heart as well. 

I  believe if he would have taken the time to take her out
and have a good time periodically (take her dancing, for

example, one of her favorite things to do for fun)
that she would have been an extremely happy woman.

He would have been a real man who worked, not only at

his jobs, but spent fun time with his beautiful wife to

show her that he loved her... but he didn't take her out to

have fun.  It was all about work, work, work.  He was scared

another man would snatch her up if he did that.

He didn't want to lose her.

I was a child and didn't understand why they were like they were,

why they treated me the way they did. 

Now I understand the protective nature they had over me.

They both wanted the best for me and all of the family members
but didn't know how to express things in a nice and sweet way.

They didn't know how to teach me with kindness. 

They used cliches and phrases out of the bible without 

explaining what they meant. I was so naive, shy
and quiet.  I didn't have a clue what they were talking about.

They were so old and knew things I didn't know so they were pushy,

yelling, screaming, often cussing at the world, at me and didn't

know how to allow me to find out things for myself. 

They acted like I should know all of the stuff they knew when
I was just a child. 

3-7-2020

10-3-2020 addendum