Walmart. 64.99. Will use it to put my microwave on top . Has 5 drawers and cabinet door on left. I can store pots pans books files office supplies.
Finally will be able to roll the microwave around easily in my bedroom.
Tired of old furniture especially wood that has no wheels and is hard to move so I can clean or just rearrange things at my will.
Next is a standing desk 40 inches wide that moves
Pneumonia vaccine left arm top and COVID-19 in my right arm.
My left arm is painfully sore still. It is June 21st. 201 am
You want to harm yourself or someone else.
I am the harm myself suicide type.
He is the harm someone else type. Especially me since I happen to live here and am an easy access target to vent his anger and rage upon the world or any particular person or things he's pissed off about.
I suppose he would be better suited with a woman just like him who will punch hit knock the shit out of him over any little thing.
He gets mad wants to hit punch strangle me or people or animals
I get mad want to burn something or toss it in the trash or destroy myself due to the meanness of other people. I want to cry. Have cried countless times.
He rarely cries. He cried one time when I drew blood on my left forearm digging my fingernails in so hard I have very visible scars. He said he cried when he looked at the little bear I found at Goodwill thrift a couple of years ago and put it in his bathroom next to the bear he gave me back in 1990 or so.
Rarely does he have tears in his eyes. He has blind rage in his eyes most of the time.
2012 August. I drove him and daughter in law in his white Escalade to celebrate his birthday, age 30. I was the designated driver.
I remember the young girls bartending that night. He made a comment to the blonde very pretty bartender about how white her teeth were. She was reticent, a quiet personality. The other woman tending was rough mean acting.
The guy Dave Cervantes gave me his phone number.
I danced by myself in the crowd of drunken people.
14 years ago this August.
I don't know when my son started drinking alcohol. Not sure how old he was .
Didn't realize when he was 30 that he was drinking so much probably daily.
I was 23 in 1984 when I began drinking beer. Some classmate in the school I was attending for computer programming showed me how to drink beer. Prior to that I was shy and reticent, insecure, scared afraid of people.
I quit drinking in 2003. October. No particular reason. No one else's decision but mine. No pressure no promises no deadline no real goal. I just quit. 19 years of it.
Life has still been a bitch without alcohol. Nothing got better at home or with jobs or relationships.
The good thing that happened when I drank was I learned to open up instead of holding everything inside. I began to stand up for myself.
The good thing that happened when I quit was saving my body from alcohol destruction.
I wonder when he started drinking and when he's going to quit, if ever.
He's almost 44 and still hitting the bottle, bottles
Like your tone of voice, the words you say, what you say, the way you say things
Your impulsiveness, unpredictable storms of anger
Your habits. Eating constantly nasty stuff without thought of what you are putting into your body. Drinking sugary drinks all day then rum at night sometimes beer wine whiskey vodka
Your touching everything with your fingers absorbing chemicals then touching things people animals spreading it all over
You firing up lawn mowers weed eaters blowers power tools and using toxic yard chemicals bug poisons petroleum products lacquer thinner paint fiberglass gasoline inside the house without proper ventilation or outside when I am cooking laying out in the sun sitting on the porch or patio
Your using the same dirty black filthy rag for everything spreading god knows what all over the house
Your taking over whatever I do and blocking me from cleaning and whatever else I need to do
Husband and two ex husbands.
Although their public personality and physical body are different their basic core is the same
He eats fast. Walks away sits in recliner and immediately goes on to something else. Leaves the room in beginning or middle of conversation.
Doesn't like to linger, browse, take plenty of time to look
Gets things wanted in stores same old things
Speaks Says his piece one thought exits room never says I am walking off
Sex is finished exits area fast
Doesn't cuddle
Once he gets what he wants he is gone quickly
Brief phone conversations with me
Brief talking to me. Gets away fast
Will listen to his sister Dorothy my son Ricky for long periods of time on my landline telephone and when he is in person with them. Does because he doesn't want to pay for cell phone minutes on his phone.
Uses my landline for outgoing calls to neighbors his family, stores, businesses, government, Mike Lindells crap political things he signed up for,
Uses his phone for craigslist ads and short personal calls
Will call Kenny Gill on my landline talk for an hour
Tells me to shut the fuck up quit wasting his time and says I don't want to hear it all you do is complain. All you do is talk you don't do anything around here.
After sex he leaves the room within a few minutes goes to his bedroom or sleeping area in the garage
Then returns to bastard state the next day and stays that way until he is horny again
Desiring sex with me instead of solo I mean because I know he gets horny in between our episodes and masturbates like lots of people probably do.
"Nothing like the real thing, it's not same" , he says when I say you and I can just jack off. You don't need me for that or anything.
With clear intent about what he thinks is important then he leaves
He detests conversation about variety of subjects unless those are subjects he is interested in and he brought up
Nice stay nice around nice ones and remain nice
Mean mingle with the mean and they recognize each other fast
Nice becomes mean after associating experiencing meanness . If they don't learn to be mean around the mean they don't survive. Some commit suicide.
Mean rarely become genuinely nice all the time.
.
Qualities of the ladies and
qualities of the gentlemen
are similar as qualities of
their opposites are in the
Bitch vixen shrew females and
cad scoundrel rogue villain
Coughing this morning. Still exhausted. Left house at 208 pm. Back here at 852 pm
Hour at MO Medicaid office Raytown resource center. Paperwork and accurate information and instructions from lady there named Orel. Made appt for this Thursday 3 pm. Have decided to wait till after July 1st. She said is ok if I miss appointment. She knows I feel terrible. Orel got me a chair I am so tired and weak.
Drove myself to emergency room. Had nothing to eat only water and coffee. Fatigue sore throat. Weighed me at almost 115 lbs. Lost 5 lbs in 2 days.
98.4 temperature a fever for me. I am cold. Took my coat into the hospital.
Very nice staff helped me. Took blood swabbed throat. Checked for COVID-19 flu mono strep all negative.
Dr Bro summary is gerd acid coming up micros... Causing sore throat. Prescriptions for maalox and protonix. My grandma Sarah took maalox daily. She had ulcers like I do but had surgery for it
Sent colonoscopy order to my primary care physician Emily. My grandma Sarah had upper and lower GI tests regularly. I have never had either.
So I am so like my grandma. She had disc fusion back surgery when I was 5 or 6. Had slipped discs from falling down stairs.
I have not had back surgery. Can't due to osteoporosis bad. Probably needed surgery many years ago. Maybe the scoliosis curve would not have progressed to 53 degrees it shows on last scan .
Finally ate food when I got home. 10 pm ate beef frozen fries cabbage cucumber radish potato salad.
Nice nurse Sarah a real lady at University Health gave me some snacks after Dr was done analyzing my results. I did eat the fig bar and Lorna dune cookies but not the apple juice or graham crackers.
They told me to wait for 2-4 hours after I eat before I go to bed because it's causing the acid reflux while I sleep.
I have been eating right before bed almost every night for years. Must stop doing that.
It's after 11 pm now so I will have my dessert banana and 2 fresh strawberries then wait two hours before going to sleep.
I will read more of book after dessert. Book is The minds of Billy Milligan by Daniel Keyes. Billy was first person to have criminal charges removed because psychiatrists diagnosed genuine multiple personality disorder.
It is probable that many more people have it or had it and we're not diagnosed. Psychiatric field is relatively new compared to the history of mankind which has an origin still unknown.
People study history and guess when humans began. Science and religion have different answers
And don't lift up your shirt. The personal trainer said recently. He's a religious christian.
Cover yourself up.
The husband says the same things along with don't spread your legs do squats kick your leg up in the air. Don't bend over with any low cut top.
Why?
They think about sex when they see the body parts. That's why.
Even when they see the face. Eyes looking certain ways, smiles, smiling, laughing, staring.,a long glance sideways or straight on.
They take it all the wrong way.
The really immature ones think just because a girl talks to him she wants to go to bed with him.
And can't do it
I wore myself out and hated to have to sleep
I need quite a bit of sleep and can't work long hours or days. I get sick and tired easily.
I did weird things like try to live on coffee and stay awake. It doesn't work. Worked at jobs heavy lifting automobile work painting houses hanging sheetrock carrying it and 4x8 sheets of plywood, carrying heavy firewood, doing ridiculous things for strong men not fit for me. Took long trips out of town with my ex husband working at festival all long days, doing electrical work out of town, mechanical work with him.
I tell my younger self I was a fool for even thinking I can and should do all that stuff.
I could not keep up with the guys men in any hard labor job. Lawn care is another I did.
I spent most of my life in the wrong jobs not designed for me.
My fragile body is why I can't hold down a wide variety of jobs or careers
I believed in the if there's a will there's a way and you can do anything you want if you try hard enough. Total crap thinking.
Scattered. Ill placed. The men just made fun of me and some sexually harassed me. They are trying to work and I was a distraction...a little female in the area all they could think about was sex.
This is why they don't want me around when they are working.
Penis brain takes over. It's nature. Any semi attractive female in the vicinity is a distraction. Especially if they see some leg butt boobs tit or mouth looking young shiny glossy lips pink or red even purple.
Bacterial infection is what pharmacist at 9000 Walmart Metcalf overland park ks said the other day June 12, 2026 Friday
The st Luke's clinic woman in Hy-Vee raytown mo said I had a virus and it turned into bronchitis. I went there after being sick for 3 weeks. It began May 9th
Pharmacist at Walmart in Kansas said I can get services there once I am on Medicare but can't now on medicaid because I live in Missouri
July 1st Medicare is effective
Not the woman or women who take care of him
Take care of yourself first.
He admires women who take care of themselves
Lots of processed food since I was born.
Lots of natural nutritious food. If it hadn't been for the healthy food I probably would have been dead already.
Vitamins minerals herbs supplements.
Last night a video on YouTube concerning varicose veins told the truth about the cause. Processed food manmade seed oils lots of sweeteners eaten by millions of people causes horrible health problems.
Stop eating bread, crackers, pizza dough, cake, cookies, anything with white flour, baked goods, fried anything from restaurants or in a package, snack foods, chips. Don't eat any of the fake stuff.
Zero soybean oil. No store bought salad dressing, sauces, gravy,
Eat plain meat, fish, seafood, eggs, fresh vegetables and fruits.
Eating wrong food caused me to have bad skin, rashes, excema, acne cystic, gastritis, duodenitis, heartburn, constipation, diarrhea, eye problems, bronchitis asthma, vomiting, headaches migraines, severe mood changes, insomnia, daytime sleepiness and more.
Sodas sugar chemicals rancid grease dough salty snacks , culprits of swelling inflammation edema. My body fighting back trying to heal itself and recover from the poisons.
Bad food may have been the cause of my scoliosis and osteoporosis and arthritis.
My mom ate lots of processed food and drank sugar tea and Pepsi and Kool aid and soda. Her diet when she was pregnant with me may have formed my problems.
When the person allows themselves to be distracted while in presence of people close by
It shows they are not interested in the person at hand. They'd rather chat on the phone or computer, play games or stick their face in a screen monitor or give all their attention to the radio television or some crap playing on the tablet, laptop, notebook or computer.
They ignore and shut out the person with them
They can't pay attention to more than one person at a time
https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+identify+a+crazy+person&oq=how+to+identify+a+crazy+person+&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyCggAEEUYFhgeGDkyCAgBEAAYFhgeMggIAhAAGBYYHjIICAMQABgWGB4yCAgEEAAYFhgeMggIBRAAGBYYHjIICAYQABgWGB4yCAgHEAAYFhgeMggICBAAGBYYHjIICAkQABgWGB4yCAgKEAAYFhgeMggICxAAGBYYHjIICAwQABgWGB4yCAgNEAAYFhgeMggIDhAAGBYYHtIBCTE2Njk0ajBqN6gCELACAfEFkjyz4VMbD4o&client=ms-android-walmart-terr1-rso1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#lfId=ChxjMe
We are not born that way.
We learned through observation and experience to get wrapped up in some kind of something in the media that distracts us from real personal life.
Sports. News. Books. Magazines. Movies. Music.
Tv shows.
Balanced face. Smooth skin. Tight blemish free skin. No wrinkles sags scars or missing pieces.
A certain song starts usually when I wake up then a small chorus part of it goes around in my brain all day long.
The cure is usually playing that song a few times off YouTube then it releases and the next day or hour another song pops into my head
Today it's "the old man is down the road" John Fogerty
Since I began a diary when I was a little girl. 9 or 10
Advice to my younger self and to anyone anywhere regardless of age.
Slow down. Take your time. Get to really know the person. Listen to what they say about other people and how they treat strangers. How do they get along with their family? How does he treat his mother? His sisters, brothers, cousins, uncles, aunts. Does he talk about and treat women differently than he treats men?
What do they say about these people behind their backs?
What kinds of associates, friends, buddies, companions does he have? What do they share in common?
This reveals their true feelings about life in general and what kind of a person they are.
The males I ended up with brag, are egotistical, not very clean about their body. They have disgusting habits like nose picking, picking at nose, toenails, petting animals, touching virtually anything and transferring the germs all over the place. Greasy handprints all over doors, doorknobs, cabinets, refrigerator, appliances, handles, furniture. Picking up the nastiest stuff on the road or anywhere and bringing it home and not cleaning things properly. Buying or getting used clothing and not washing it first. Not scrubbing their bodies properly. Some didn't even brush their teeth.
Sucking up pornography on paper and videos on tapes or dvds or on screen thru paid tv services.
Reusing old towels, paper towels, napkins. Sleeping in dirty linens bedding sheets blankets comforters sleeping bags. Throwing trash out in the yard. Leaving tools, equipment, anything laying around in the yard, the house, the driveway, anywhere.
Leaving and making dirty messes of dishes in the kitchen sink. Griming up the countertops, the bathroom sink, toilet and shower or bath tub and not caring that it looks black and stinks of rotten mold bacteria.
Ignoring whatever I say about hygiene, cleanliness. Causing bug problems and telling me it is no big deal to have flies, mosquitoes, stink bugs, roaches, june bugs, moths, spiders virtually any type of insect crawling or flying around the premises and inside the house. Feeding animals anywhere like tossing food on the patio, the middle of the yard and leaving bones where I walk so I could step on them. Tossing old cans of food in the middle of the backyard.
Not cleaning out trash/garbage cans. When the smell gets bad he cannot figure out where it is coming from so this one I am with actually sprayed furniture polish on the kitchen counters and expected me to prepare food on it.
They hate the smell of cleaners and disinfectants like bleach clorox lysol vinegar.
They/he sneak off to do dirty deeds like viewing hardcore porn when he thinks I am asleep or not around.
Last month in May this guy named Alex at the gym said I was every man's dream. He was very helpful and gentemanly to me, never making a pass or asking me for sex. It is one of the unwritten "rules" of the fitness centers and gymnasiums to not make passes at people.
Alex said my core was in great shape. solid.. he showed me how to use the bosu ball and several exercises
In April 2026 I took a walk north on crestview drive in my neighborhood. The neighbor, Mark hollered at me to come over up to the front porch and talk. His roommate named John said I was in great condition, beautiful and asked me what my secret was/secrets are. He asked "Does your husband tell you how great you look?"
I said "No. He hardly ever tells me I look good."
At another gym in April I went in and sat on the rowing machine. The man next to me on a machine said jokingly "Don't make me look bad" I said "What do you mean?" He said, "You look fit to me and I am afraid you will outdo me and make me look bad."
Morning people/persons. Him. Grandpa Leroy.
Both intensely angry frustrated people. Drive too fast. Cuss out other drivers.
Think daytime is only time to do everything.
Never really relax.
When sitting in recliner or on sofa or in bed they are watching disturbing, challenging, tension causing thing like sports, news, politics, fighting, weather forecasts.
Pick fights all the time.
Can't too thorough deep cleaning of anything.
Focused on teeth brushing too hard and using lots of mouthwash keeping it in mouth not rinsing it out.
Clutters up any and all surfaces and countertops.
Expects everything they want RIGHT NOW.
Have no patience for anything.
Makes big messes out of practically everything.
Stuffs face all day long. First thing in morning cookies junk food then cereal with milk.
Snacks of candy bars, potato chips or other bags of crap, donuts, pastries,
GPA drinks pepsi cola, sweet drinks lemonade sugary, soda pops, fruit punch drinks, juices, an expensive beer, a hard liquor drink. Smokes a cigar once in awhile swisher sweets or a cuban fat one that stinks really bad. Eats snicker bars alot.
HIM drinks same sugar loaded stuff lots of different sodas dr pepper orange lemon lime and sweet arizona and lipton green tea all day long cranberry juice fruit punch hawaiian apple juice store bought lemonade. Drinks very little plain water then complains about phlegm build up in throat coughing hacking up. EATS sugary and salty snack trash all throughout the day. always buys pre flavored snack pack nuts that are covered with artificial flavors tons of salt and bull shit.
Both like to go out to eat especially fast food joints because they don't have to cook anything and they love the taste of overly salted and fake flavored stuff cooked in nasty unhealthy grease. EATs stuff without considering health benefits and what the food and drink does to them.
Belief is that hard physical labor and exercise and sex is a cure all for everything.
Opens mouth and says any rotten thing that comes to mind never considering consequences of what they say and never taking responsibility for what they say or do. Upsets me or others and says "It's not my fault". (It is never his fault..always someone else's). Calls people stupid dumb ass idiots all the time.
When going places that are supposed to be fun (the zoo, horseback riding, carvinal, festival, restaurant, walk in the park) it is a high intensity tension filled hurry up disaster with him/them being pushy forceful dominating and saying shit like "What do you want? Hurry up and make up your mind"
Hits me on the ass. Checks out butts and bodies and boobs of all females anywhere in person or not and makes snap judgments and comments on the condition of their bodies. "She needs to jog. She is a fat cow. That looks disgusting."
First it is the looks. Tighter firmer body. Young face. Firm boobs butt skin face Cute. Pretty. Clean not much makeup. She tilts her head sideways. Gives that shy glance revealing her neck.
Quieter. Young girls women usually listen more
They are easy to convince teach persuade and con.
Some are too easy to get into bed.
Easy to use. Convenient. Had cheap or for free. Some girls will give in have sex just because he complimented her said something nice. And he never did anything for her or worked or gave her any money or material things.
The one he desires most is the one he hasn't had. Then there's the fantasy girl a virgin and the other dream woman is the whore who has no boundaries will do anything. He wants both. But after he has had her he gets bored. He keeps searching for that virgin and the perfect slut prostitute that will give him the ultimate best orgasms he's never had.
Younger inexperienced are more willing to please. Shape themselves into what he wants. Do his bidding run errands cook clean work. Go along with whatever he wants and likes. They are quick in their response. Apologize a lot even for things not their fault. Accommodating. Sit on his lap.
Take on his hobbies and interests and jobs.
Flexible body and mind.
They work on their looks and smells. Smell good clean and fresh. Hair is maintained well. Clothes fit good look nice. Outfits color coordinated. Shoes cute. Or barefoot.
They run jump play and bounce. They dance.
They smile a lot giggling and laughing.
A lot of younger women haven't set their ways yet and don't have many boundaries. He can take advantage of her much easier and fool her and impress her without doing much at all. An older woman who has been around is wise to his and other men's tricks. She's heard all the lines and seen what happens to other girls. She is experienced.
He wants one with hardly any experience or past so she can't compare him to anyone.
She therefore will think he is God and can do no wrong because she doesn't know any better.
If he is a brute bully abuser she puts up with it thinking it's normal.
He wants the experienced whore in private and doesn't want to be seen in public with her so she is just hidden away tucked into a room or place where no one else sees what he does to her. He does not take her places. He desires to do all perverted things to her but doesn't want anyone else knowing what goes on behind closed doors. He's embarrassed about what an animal he is.
His pretty little virgin girl is different. He is proud to show her off.
I was calling someone a lady once my son said "she is no lady, mom"
these don't impress me much
rough gruff rude loud boisterous dirty dishevelled pushy forceful
bragging mouthy
overly built muscles, ugly mean looking face
forward try to get me and dont even know my name
flashing money cars things thinking they impress females
does dirty work and doesn't clean up
puts filthy hands on everything
stupid disorganized
stinky body and clothes
rotten teeth
eats nasty fast food unhealthy choices
eats without thinking and eats too fast like an animal
sticks fingers in everything
my grandma sarah would say there is no excuse to be dirty pig
you have access to soap and water anywhere
use it
clean up
Between Rick and Mike:
"Sometimes I get so horny after I haven't had sex in awhile I could fuck a farm animal", Rick said. "I know. Especially if it is sex with someone you know", said by Mike/Michael.
rick speaks openly about anything esp sex. revealing personal details of intimate relations with many women or any other sex activities in his life or his opinions.viewpoints.
====================================================
Ken/Kenny and Mike: watching some movie with sexy women in it
"she should understand that i get turned on by other women and if i had sex with her.." Mike said.
====================================================
Clayton and Mike:
"it gets worse as you get older" said by Mike
"you're the only man i know who is married and has a girlfreind", Mike said.
clayton speaks very openly about anything esp sex and has girlfriend(s) and is married.
=====================================================
public conversations overheard when they think no one is listening reveal secrets and the things people think about. strangers like me can sometimes hear what they are saying.
Oh it's my skinniness my skinny arms my saggy skin on my arms
It's called sarcopenia old age at 64 . Muscle loss. Inescapable.
I go to the gym work out my arms legs back whole body. But since may 9 when I got sick I have not been able to exercise like was using weights and equipment and have not swam.
120 lbs to 124. 5 feet 3 3/4 inches. Shrunk from 5'6 1/2".
I reminded him again I weighed 118 lbs when I moved in here. Oh he says but you were younger then you've changed.
He doesn't like my change or any changes of any kind.
So I told him he doesn't like the way I look. I don't look like a porn star or like I did. I never had big tits like he wants and I never will
So why would he want to have sex with me. Oh it's because we are married and that's what I am supposed to do. We've done it hundreds of times for almost 35 years. That's one of the reasons I chose him. Sex. But it was his personality that won me over. I could have great sex with lots of guys. Well his true personality came out around the time his mother mom left this house in the summer of 1992. Gradually it has turned into full blown Marjorie the bitch on wheels. And his sister Karen even worse. And his hideous dead brother John and crazy brothers Jerry Bill and Larry.
I said it's not that good anyway. He said would it be better with someone else. I said I don't know. I don't want anybody. I take care of myself and that is fine. I certainly don't want another childish immature male. All they do is cause me problems and make me miserable.
October.
The 9th was a wedding date in 1981 to Ed my second husband. We were 20 years old.
The 4th is the mother in law's birthday 1944. Mother of my second husband I married on 10-9-81 in Miami Oklahoma. She is 18 years older than me and him.
Divorce was final from him on February 4, 1992. His birthday is Feb 4, 1961
The 15th was the due date of my pregnancies in 1998 and another in 1999. Both were aborted. First pregnancy was twins. Second was a single. He insisted on abortion both times and accused me of getting pregnant on purpose. He didn't want to have financial or physical responsibility of raising the children.
He reluctantly paid for abortions and insisted I get my tubes tied which I did in 2000. He has been screwing me since the summer of 1991. I moved into his house December 15, 1991.
My friend Harold Shaffer was born on October 9, 1917
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/110544334/harold_m-shaffer
It gets cold when October comes then is followed by months of very cold nasty weather. I hate it when October comes. I hate the cold, the snow, the ice and driving in it. I am stuck at home.
When we have snow due to living on a steep hill and neighborhood people get stuck on my street often, have wrecks and slide all over these streets here.
I get sick easily because the temperature drops. I freeze to death below 60 degrees.
October is a great time to be dead. No birthdays. Just death days
31st is Halloween hallows eve in remembrance of the dead.
It is before the holidays Thanksgiving and Christmas and new years eve and day which I never celebrate here with him or anyone. No one wants me around.
No family. No get togethers. No social gatherings. No life. Might as well be dead.
It's the gloomiest dreary time of year. Stuck at home with a man who hates my guts ruins every day especially holidays.
He hits punches me in the face jaw left side chin right before mother's day this year on May 7th. Never even mentioned mother's day.
He will get me a birthday card and put money in it but usually won't go anywhere. I go to restaurants by myself to eat my birthday coupon deals. If he goes he bitches about the cost and the food. Never plans anything. Never fun activities. Doesn't want to waste his money on experiences.
Same for Valentine's day. A card. Flowers this year he said he bought at price chopper a couple of miles from our house. I believe it was a last minute thought perhaps fueled by some guilt since he had bought himself a 15 thousand dollar car.
No dinner or any activity for Valentine's or the wedding anniversary February 21. 1998 was the year
February 24th he was on the phone or computer in his bedroom making a sex call to some woman which he flat out denies and doesn't know I have it recorded.
