Majority of my mental stress and emotional pain comes from people

 Some family familiar some strangers.

My face and body profile and backside is ugly. I see it in the mirrors and videos

 Face. Sagging chin and neck. Big nose. Cheeks down. Mouth down.

Severe hunch back on left side. Flabby flat butt.  Not well formed at all.

Small little tits boobs with sag.

Crinkly skin and massive cellulite on ass and thighs front and back.

Varicose veins on calves especially the right calf.

A woman I know who has things in common with him

 Hates smoking. Passive aggressive. Won't say stuff to the person's face unless it's her spouse mate partner or child.

Eats all day unconsciously. Buys prepared packaged food. Likes high pitches and music . Loves to watch movies and videos. Feels insecure about body. 

Early morning riser.  Wants people to eat same food he/she is eating.

Hard working worker.  Appearance in public very important. Doesn't like skinny mate. 

Doesn't want to go out at night or go to bars night clubs 

Likes mowing grass with riding mower.  Notices jewelry rings necklace right away. 

Won't tell people straight up that they don't want them around. Will be passive and walk out of room or area instead.

Eats any time including when upset stressed. Loves carrot cake.

Shops pretty quickly. Buys same stuff 

Quiet in groups and crowds 

Bluetooth devices he has or on network at home

 Lg355fl

He turns on certain times of day. Evening especially  lg355dl

Cmwifi-

Earphones not sure if brand 

Does not want to do anything fun with me or see me smile laugh or be happy

 So who does he have fun with???

Untold fantasies and real life experiences...

 nobody ever wanted to share me or tie me up in bondage. they want to own me, possess me and be sure i am not with any other guy man male. they said/say stuff like "you're mine and nobody elses" and "if another person was involved in sexual encounters like a threesome or more "it would cause hard feelings"

a couple of guys tried it for fun then looked at me and said i can't do this to you..i want you free

................................

the psychologist psychiatrist therapist woman on youtube said it is pretty easy to figure out what someone's fantasy is by their outside persona, personality 

she described in detail what my/your fantasies mean subconsciously

what is interesting is some fantasies i have now are the same ones i had when i was a virgin. i was 15 and a half when a scorpio trickster man took my virginity ...cold heartedly dumping me right after we had sex the second time

vigin fantasy; being loved by several men at once. this is something that i have never done. it hasn't happened (yet, i should say). not sure i could allow myself to be caressed and screwed by more than one man at a time. 

just pure fantasy because in real life i can't stand the idea of stranger guys men touching me. this is why i never got a job dancing as a stripper in a club or adult place.

the innate desire is that i just want to be wanted by many. which, in the past was very very true. countless 100s approached me and i have no idea how many men wanted me but never said or did anything about it. the ones who secretly desired by body..i will never know.

Recording. Did it really happen if it was not recorded?