Wednesday, April 22, 2026
The Big Cover up
That is what we are all about
Concealing our nasty natural nature to the public.
Status. Wanting to look good.
Displaying our most evil parts at home.
Guilt and shame, feeling bad are things taught to us
I think we are born without a conscience. Without remorse.
I was programmed like many to feel wrong for lots of things . I was taught to feel guilty bad responsible. Like "don't lie cheat, steal, destroy, covet, lust , be proud, get angry, break things, take more than what I need, hoard, leave a mess, be tired and lazy slothful, arrogant, cocky, bully and tease and mock others" yet I have done all those things and so has everyone else
The natural animal state is to be all these "bad" things. Corruption is in all and everywhere.
Committing murder is the only thing I haven't done yet I wanted to. The idea of jail and incarceration stopped me.
Shame blame feeling responsible for things I am not the cause of is stupid.
What good is it to feel bad ? What good is empathy or sympathy? Why should I feel bad for someone who did not stand up for themselves?
I should never feel bad or apologize for anything i thought said or did.
If i recognize I made a mistake, an error just correct myself don't do it again and go on about my life.
People dont forget anything I or you did wrong. They do not forgive.
They hold it against me all my life.
Forgiving someone once is ok and fine but when they deliberately keep hurting me or anyone else that is when forgiveness ends.
Fool me once shame on you.
Fool me twice shame on me.
That is the message from him. Whatever bad happened to me was my own fault. He takes no responsibility and never protects me in any situation. If I were ever attacked. ever raped and killed he would blame me
Mother: I am like his mother which he hates/hated/rebelled against
He treats me like his mother. Like I am to prepare his food, clean up his messes, wash his clothes, clean house, run errands, pay bills, due all things as if they are a duty to him and do all of his bidding and put up with all of his random messes all over the house and the yard AND endure his temper tantrums fits when he does not get his way.
He called her stupid and calls me stupid bitch Always assumes I do not know what I am doing. Has no faith no confidence in almost anything I do
In his eyes am NOT the lovely girl woman that I am to others. OTHER people quickly see my beauty and that I am fit in my body even though I have a severe curve in my back. They do not notice until I point it out and show it to them. He concentrates on how bad my back looks and constantly tells me that I am a nasty and mean person when in fact he is the big bastard to me daily.
He hates my guts. Despises me.
He has threatened to get rid of me and find another woman for many years.
He criticizes me to death.
However these days he is saying no woman wants an old man his age 65. He pretends like he has given up searching for another but i do not believe him. I dont trust him as far as king kong could throw him.
I am like a hideous beast he has to fight with every single day the way he fought his mom and his sister karen while growing up. The entire family fought with and controlled/controls each other.
There is no joy, no fun, no laughter in our marriage relationship
It is all about business, sternness, discipline, control battles where he thinks he is always right and I am wrong
He lusts after lots of pretty girls and beautiful women all over the world but he does not lust after me until the last second after he gets sick of jacking off to pictures and videos and will say "it's not the same"
He points out flaws and mistakes with each and every thing I say and do and the way I look, the way I dress, act and talk and what I like and talk about. He has zero respect for me in any area.
He thinks he has to make all of the decisions in each area of his life and mine without my input EVER.
Tells me to shut the fuck up and fuck off like he did again last night after I offered to talk to his sister about the old washing machine he wants to give her so she doesnt have to buy a new one. He does not want me to talk to her. Says I will fuck it up like I do everything else.
He says I dont care what you want frequently. When I say the same things to him he says to me he gets pissed.
I am still the biggest piece of shit in his life. Doormat Daisy Duke Dummy.
Dumping ground for all his hatred and hostility.
He talks normally and sweet to everyone but me. Yells raises his voice constantly and i ask him to lower his voice. He wont do it.
He listens to political garbage people fighting and acts like they do to me.
I want no part of that trash.
Solution: feed him sugar syrup fast food donuts cookies alcohol cake pie candy soda fast food. That is what he wants just like so many others I have known. ...Layson, harlow jundy. chris rixner, ... mike wall, tom wright, larry wilson. ed m.
These guys were are news focused. political. music movie obsessed. Cars trucks sports guns stupid videos any kind of obsession.
Their brains are everywhere but on their own wife and life.
They end up staying home making messes out of all things blasting loud shit thtu huge speakers faces in the tv headphones on blocking out reality of daily life. No fun. No play.
dirty housekeepers.
. fat bellied old men who likely couldnt get it up in the end of their lives. Several of them i know couldnt due to them or their wife telling me or medical records.
What is the connection of old men eating and drinking trash getting fat guts using porn running after teens and little girls treating their wives like dirt???
Fat gut is the sign their mind is gone to the birds trash bin
Many years ago like in 1988 89 Pete Svejda came in the gas station I was working at. Bea his accountant bookkeeper was with him. He talked to her like trash then turned to me in dr jekyll voice saying sweetie . She was thr one doing all the work holding his heating and air conditioning business together while he screwed teenage girls in the back room of his business. My father told me what Pete and his comrades did. Pete another old fat gut disgusting male . So was another of my dads associates Joe Sprofera. Fat gut bald ugly married nasty he tried to get me to go to a motel with him. I was 16.
I Need Professional Help from a psychiatrist for him asap
and a nutritionist, a medical doctor, government employees like fire fighters, policemen
basically, any help from professionals that I can get
He has so many disorders and anger and personalities I cannot help him
namely
schizophrenia, paranoia, npd narcisstic personality disorder, explosive anger tantrums fits, hoarding disorder, fear of missing out, control issues over all things, micromanaging
possible causes besides upbringing: chemical imbalances, exposure to toxic substances inhaled, eaten, ingested, drank, fixed behavior learned since infancy
On April 21, 2026 it started in the morning at home. It is usually at home when we are alone and also happens when we are out somewhere alone together.
thanks to an old cell phone I use as a camera most of the audio is recorded.
It lasted about 4 long hours earlier in the day then continued on after I got back home around 8:30 ish so most of it is voice recordings
Monday, April 20, 2026
A person cant have anything someone else wants to steal
like the homeless woman i met at QuikTrip
all she had was clothes on her back a pair of shoes a small backpack and a cell phone.
she said she fell asleep on one of the many buses she rides daily and when she woke up someone stole her phone. the only form of communication she had
how terrible