I cry and cry and cry

 truths

pain suffering of people animals

intentional cruelty by humans

missing my grandson

Watched another good movie last night. Same underlying story line.

 "Karla" true story of young 18 yr old sweet acting and beautiful woman who fell for a rapist abuser but she didn't know it.

She loved him with all her heart treated him and called him king. Said she was there to please him and as time went on he had zero respect for her, abused her mentally emotionally physically punching beating raping her. He was out raping numerous girls women in different areas always seeking victims who were young sweet innocent and he enjoyed corrupting them raping tying the up beating them hitting punchig slapping and killing a lot of them. He called them all stupid bitch, slut, whore. Treated them like they were worthless. All he wanted was sex and to have a feeling of power over them. Demanded they say to him "I love you" and "you are my master, i am your slave"

He was an insecure weak minded narcissist 

feeling weak..each time he feels weak lacking power he has to find a victim to dominate

SAME story of life: the male seeking the virgin he can corrupt and make dirty.

The more the female adores him, admires him and acts like it is her duty to be his slave the less he respects her.  She should never give in to his desires especially upon first meeting. If the woman has sex immediately it sets the stage for complete total disrespect which can never be earned again.

King Queen princess prince

machivellian power control struggles dominance submission

other movies and real life events have the same theme 

what's love got to do with it

straight on til morning

burning bed

stranger beside me

Anger I learned from family since birth

 things i get angry mad about same things my family did

my father my grandmother yelled got mad about leaving messes, dirty dishes, putting nasty stinky things in trash where dogs and animals smell it rip the bag open scattering garbage all over yard and street, 

my mom, aunts. grandmothers mad about sloppy drunks drug addicts bums,  fighting those who pick fights for no valid reason, her man husband gawking at women flirting unfaithfulness cheating porn viewers, uncooth rude mean impolite dirty stinking people and places

my grandfather dad grma mother mad about bad language mispronunciation mispellings of words , incorrectness, lack of education. slacking. laziness. being late. 

aunt ruth and her sisters my grandma and aunt jeanne especially picky about having clean floors. food sanitation, clean spotless clothes. doing laundry.

I read somewhere men are less choosey when it comes to women

 I read they will take whatever is available much more so than a female will do. 

she is usually much more choosy about selecting a male to mate with.

in a room with 100 men it is rare i see one i would choose.

so i walk away leave the scene empty handed 

doubtful there is even one in ten thousand i would want or choose.

its slim pickins in this world.

if there is a suitable partner he is likely taken and he wont let go of her his mate and she has a stronghold on him.

and single or married males want women 27 years old or younger. the younger the better.

the more naive the better. he can lie all the time and she will believe it.

less experience means she has less ability to compare him to anyone else. he is god in her eyes. so he has to work less. he can fool her more. he can be an insecure scrawny wimp and she thinks he is he man hulk hunk.

he doesnt like older wiser women who can smell his shit fast.

I read alot. Think too much.

Freedom does not exist

 Cells are trapped. Bodies are trapped. 

All moving trying to escape to nowhere somewhere that doesnt exist. A place a land called freedom. A fantasy world of nonexistence.

One thing

 They only want one thing. They (men) are only after one thing from you a female girl woman. Grandma Sarah repeated this to me for many years 10 15 50 years and I was in denial of her words refusing to believe what she said was true. Defiant, I tried to prove her wrong and I failed completely. 

And if they dont want your sex they are there for the money. The goodies. The food. Something they can get out of you, something they can get you to do like jobs and tasks they dont want to do so they can spend their time doing what they want and getting more money for themselves.

They will take it all. Sex and the money material things and work. They will take what you give whatever they can get.

If I say that took me 2 hours or 6 hours to do he they will say its no big deal its nothing.

And the more things I you do for him or them the more worthless I become in his eyes and in his mind. His opinion of me lowers with each thing I do for free. As if I should be charging him money for every task I perform and each gesture which shows I was prepared and thinking ahead. 

A real man wants to do and buy for the woman he loves. He doesnt keep track of every penny he spends every gift he gives and remind her of all of it forcing her to state the many things she does and how much money it would cost if he had to pay for her services.

A person man or woman who doesnt love is resentful of doing anything and views the other person as a pain in their ass obligation and duty.