Thursday, February 19, 2026

December 28, 1987

 he had a psychic reading and recorded it on cassette tape. following that enlightening experience he came across edgar cayce became obsessed. he follows people in trances psychics jane 


because he sd the 1st psychic knew things about him she could not know and it convinced him

what was her name? who was she? what is her birthday?

did he stay in contact with her after the reading?

i think his sister dorothy turned him onto her

the tape has a 4 number on it. wonder what that means 


I've always been obsessed

 with someone, something, some activity, work. business eating. fasting, smoking. drinking many things. observing behavior, mimicking. reading. thinking, 

Wednesday, February 18, 2026

I cry and cry and cry

 truths

pain suffering of people animals

intentional cruelty by humans

missing my grandson


Watched another good movie last night. Same underlying story line.

 "Karla" true story of young 18 yr old sweet acting and beautiful woman who fell for a rapist abuser but she didn't know it.

She loved him with all her heart treated him and called him king. Said she was there to please him and as time went on he had zero respect for her, abused her mentally emotionally physically punching beating raping her. He was out raping numerous girls women in different areas always seeking victims who were young sweet innocent and he enjoyed corrupting them raping tying the up beating them hitting punchig slapping and killing a lot of them. He called them all stupid bitch, slut, whore. Treated them like they were worthless. All he wanted was sex and to have a feeling of power over them. Demanded they say to him "I love you" and "you are my master, i am your slave"


He was an insecure weak minded narcissist 

feeling weak..each time he feels weak lacking power he has to find a victim to dominate


SAME story of life: the male seeking the virgin he can corrupt and make dirty.

The more the female adores him, admires him and acts like it is her duty to be his slave the less he respects her.  She should never give in to his desires especially upon first meeting. If the woman has sex immediately it sets the stage for complete total disrespect which can never be earned again.

King Queen princess prince

machivellian power control struggles dominance submission

other movies and real life events have the same theme 

what's love got to do with it

straight on til morning

burning bed

stranger beside me






Tuesday, February 17, 2026

Anger I learned from family since birth

 things i get angry mad about same things my family did

my father my grandmother yelled got mad about leaving messes, dirty dishes, putting nasty stinky things in trash where dogs and animals smell it rip the bag open scattering garbage all over yard and street, 

my mom, aunts. grandmothers mad about sloppy drunks drug addicts bums,  fighting those who pick fights for no valid reason, her man husband gawking at women flirting unfaithfulness cheating porn viewers, uncooth rude mean impolite dirty stinking people and places

my grandfather dad grma mother mad about bad language mispronunciation mispellings of words , incorrectness, lack of education. slacking. laziness. being late. 

aunt ruth and her sisters my grandma and aunt jeanne especially picky about having clean floors. food sanitation, clean spotless clothes. doing laundry.



I read somewhere men are less choosey when it comes to women

 I read they will take whatever is available much more so than a female will do. 

she is usually much more choosy about selecting a male to mate with.

in a room with 100 men it is rare i see one i would choose.

so i walk away leave the scene empty handed 

doubtful there is even one in ten thousand i would want or choose.

its slim pickins in this world.

if there is a suitable partner he is likely taken and he wont let go of her his mate and she has a stronghold on him.

and single or married males want women 27 years old or younger. the younger the better.

the more naive the better. he can lie all the time and she will believe it.

less experience means she has less ability to compare him to anyone else. he is god in her eyes. so he has to work less. he can fool her more. he can be an insecure scrawny wimp and she thinks he is he man hulk hunk.

he doesnt like older wiser women who can smell his shit fast.





I read alot. Think too much.

December 28, 1987

 he had a psychic reading and recorded it on cassette tape. following that enlightening experience he came across edgar cayce became obsesse...