Realizations. My mother.

 Mother. Beautiful without makeup. Lived in bad part of town. Associated with low life people but she was the queen of the neighborhood: Clean, beautiful, intelligent, pure, nice to all people. 

She loved art, drawing, writing, crosswords, puzzles, reading, sewing, babysitting, working hard, painting, cooking simple things and eating cakes, pies, drinking iced tea ..instant lipton with sugar and drinking sodas especially pepsi. This is what caused her weight gain. I have pictures of her and me when I was about 1-3 years old and she was slim trim dressed very nice and, of course, strikingly beautiful. 

She believed in god and Jesus Christ. Religious and faithfully attended church weekly if not more often. She prayed for the evil, the lost and wicked people. 

She was gentle. Extremely soft and gently and easy going. She loved animals and babies, children and all people except the ones who were mean, rude, uncouth, drunkards yet she ended up with the mean, brash low lifes. Perhaps she thought she would influence them in good ways so they would become better and nicer people. It did not work. It never works. The crumbs will stay crummy unless they come to the realization that they need to change their ways..

These were her qualities and downfalls as are mine.

I cannot change a toad or a wolf into a beautiful swan or any other gorgeous being.

Alas, I am only as intelligent as my caregivers were.

 Besides the dna I was born with ....my upbringing by my family is the most important thing of all. They were my role models, teaching me the many things they knew and learned in their lives.

My father and mother promoted, encouraged and displayed independent thinking. Entrepreneur and being your own boss. Working for yourself.

My mom's mother grandma Sarah wanted the best for all of her children, grandchildren and family. She was very much into healthy food, nutrition, exercise, working, keeping the house and yard and cars clean. Dressing nicely professionally.  Using caution with the company you keep; choosing friends wisely. She said you will be lucky if you have one true friend in your entire life. 

Grandma had ethics and was all about saying and doing the right things. Being honest. She said,  "I call a spade a spade. I don't beat around the bush. I tell it like it is. "

 

 

 

I ate a bunch of chocolate exlax when I was 8 years old

 Found the chocolate flavored bar in the refrigerator. My mother had put it in there. I thought it was candy so I ate several squares of it. 

Soon afterwards I had to go poop really bad. I was outside playing when the urge hit. Someone locked the front door so I couldn't get in the house to use the bathroom. As a result I had diarrhea accident all over the front porch.

We lived on 45th Terrance in NKC MO. North Kansas City missouri

My mom was patient and understanding about it. She didn't get mad at me. She gave me dry oatmeal to eat and it worked to stop the runs. 

my mother strong woman women

queen

beautiful, smart, patient

kind

ethical

practical

frugal

wise

strong

resilient

hard working

quiet

organized

sensitive

family oriented loves her children parents brothers

wore makeup daily didnt need it at all beautiful without it or any adornments

baths hot bubble sudsy in evenings

clean

covers toilet seat with tissue paper when using public restrooom

doesnt touch end of toilet paper in public places

slow and slow to anger

handwriting beautiful lovely curves round 

hearts dream 

loves stuffed animals

loves children pets dogs cats any

cooking was simple like to bake cakes cookies candy apples sweets ...chicken eaten often however ate lots of bologna hot dogs the cheapest food available due to income being low

honest did not lie steal cheat hated thieves drug addicts alcoholics bad behaviors

stern when dealing with naughty bad acts from anyone kids or adults

loved words language english vocabulary ...taught me words 

vitamins herbs

astrology tarot occult 

christian religious faith faithful faith healing healers preachers church every week prayed prayers often told me she was praying for someone who was being evil bad nasty horrible money minded vicious greedy ones

liked warm weather swimming dancing 

matched colors in clothes outfits even painted shoe different colors she had 100s of pairs of shoes wanted to be sure it all went together so she had proper outfits for any and every occassion

ettiquette polite manners mannerly 

fastidious when eating doing anything

sewing embroidery patterns pillow cases

art drawing painting sketching loved to draw faces of people especially beautiful women females

painted fingernails hands always looked beautiful nice clean well taken care of even though did hard manual labor at some jobs like in a factory or doing maid work in hotel/motels, 

worked at day care cotton candy day care center for children

ethic background according to family information; german, english, scotch irish, pennsylvania dutch

LIKED hobbies activities

walking, art, drawing, painting, sketching, writing letters, lists, crossword puzzles, crafts, sewing, baking, music pop rock dance rhythm blues soul, dancing, soul train on tv, tv shows, religious christian ,faith believing, faith healing, 

may 14, 1939 to december 14, 2003

bright colors mom wore, mother my

 bright colors mom wore

purple

orange red

sewing things clothes pillowcases

art work

drawing, artist she drew faces extremely well

crafts

painting

had beautiful hand writing

gentle nature

beautiful person

queen 

patient 

kind

slow

loved kids great with children

loved to learn 

read magazines books all the time

puzzles crossword

wore makeup everyday

fixed her hair every day

religious

church went to every sunday

prayed for people

work jobs labor manual factory maintenance child care thrift store maid cleaning 

music 50's 60s 70 80 90 2000 to 2003 death december 14, 2003

model modeling

sexy

dancing

iced tea nestea instant with sugar

pepsi cola

cake chocolate ice cream

dayquil sinus congestion

nice pleasant easy going 

avoids negative people but has to live around them in the worst neighborhood in kansas city northeast where to dirt poor poverty people stay 

astrology

horoscope daily

taurus sun sign rising sign cancer she never knew this i didn't have a chart for her while she was alive

poetry

My mom used to talk about schizos often

 She would mention family members or others she knew and tell me how they would switch from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde suddently.

I live with a schizophrenic individual and have experienced many others in his family with the same mental and emotional state of mind.

My mother passed away in December of 2003, 19 years ago...going on 20 years. 

She was a calm, stable, very nice person. 

I remember suffering from fecal impaction/constipation alot when I was a child. The food I ate was mostly processed, easy to heat up like fast food.

I remember suffering from fecal impaction/constipation alot when I was a child.
The food I ate was mostly processed, easy to heat up like fast food.

When I ran I got terrible side "stitches", very painful in my side. It was so
bad I had to lay down for a long time. I remember one time my grandma told me to lay on
my stomach it would help relieve the pain faster that I couldn't get rid of
when laying on my back.

I remember going poop, number 2 when I was 6 years old and very hard
stool finally came out with bright red blood in it.

Mom had to give me Fletcher's Castoria to relieve the constipation.

She also gave us kids cod liver oil, a nasty tasting thing. That's what
mom's did back then. It was good for us.

I remember what us 4 kids ate: mostly "kid food", stuff that was processed,
premade, small bits, sweet and tasted good.

We ate lots of the cheapest white bread we could get.
I would tear off the crust and flatten my piece of bread
roll it into a ball
and eat it like that.

I hated onions so I wouldn' eat meatloaf.
Wouldn't eat steak.

We did not eat fresh salads. She didn't get carrots and celery
and cut them up for snacks like grandma did.
She never ate beets like grandma did.

We did have some fruit but not much: apples,
oranges, bananas, watermelon in the summer.

Mom fixed us more processed, easy to make food she didn't have to cook.

Pot pies, fish sticks, cereal, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,
lipton's noodle soup in the box, canned soup,
boxed macaroni and cheese.

We ate lots of tv dinners
while sitting in front of the television.

We always had milk especially for the cereal.

She bought the velveeta blocks of cheese.  It was cheap.

We had tons of that
fake cheese. We loved mac'n'cheese.
We were kids and didn't know any better.

Cold hot dogs, the cheapest ones you could get, along with
the cheapest bologna available. Cheap lunchmeat like salami
or whatever was on sale.

Hamburger, the greasiest and cheapest.
The cheapest bacon you could get.

Pickles, dill and sweet.

Mom was cheap, tight with the money so she wouldn't buy
barbecue sauce. She told me if you mix ketchup and mustard
that made bbq sauce. I was a child. I believed her.

Canned spaghetti o's and canned macaroni and "beef" aka "beefaroni".
Potato chips, cheese curls and pops, pretzels, corn chips.

Mom made tuna salad from a premade kit and used the cheapest
salad dressing you could get -spin blend- to put it together.

She just didn't like or didn't know how
to make things from scratch.

She never made pie crust, homemade
pies, cakes or cookies. She never made a pot roast with potatoes,
carrots and onions.

She never made ham and beans in a crock pot,
slow cooking all day after soaking them first like grandma did.

She never baked a turkey
and did not know how to make home made stuffing.

I had my mom over for a visit on Thanksgiving Day
about 2 years before she died.

I had cooked all of the traditional food.
She was very quiet, as she usually was.

Then she said, "That was very good stuffing. It tasted great."
I said, "Mom, it was stove top stuffing mix. I just added some
celery, onions, turkey broth and spices. I really didn't make it
from scratch. It's so easy to make."

Candy apples. Caramel apples. Doughnuts. Donuts. Mom bought cake mixes
and would make a cake now and then. We had lots of ice cream
and store bought cookies. I remember getting into the refrigerator
and eating the leftover bits of "cinnamon" flavored sugary stuff
used to make the candy apples.  So sweet and tasty.

My teeth were rotten by the time I made it to grandma's
at age 6.

Grandma took me to the dentist to fix my rotten teeth due
to the sugar consumption and my not knowing how to
wash off the ick off my teeth.

I was infected with pinworms so bad. Grandma was angry
about the whole situation.

We ate lots of candy. Lots of candy bars. Drank kool-aid
and soda pop instead
of lots of water or fruit juice.

Later on I began sneaking soda pop when I lived with grandma.
She had a limit: one can a day.
Grandma said sugar is bad for your teeth,
kool-aid is belly wash with no nutrients.
I didn't listen to her, defiant as a child will be.
I hoarded Jolly Rancher's candy in my clothes dresser drawers.
I hoarded all kinds of candy during my life.

I stashed chocolate bars in there, too in case I needed
a sweet sugar fix because if I left them out laying around
someone else might eat them.

Mom drank instant Lipton Tea and Pepsi cola daily. She added quite a
bit of sugar to the tea. I guess she didn't want to go to effort to
heat up water and make tea using a bag or tea leaves.
Whatever was easiest, she did it.
Premade store bought stuff is the way to go, Joe.

Mom never made cole slaw. My little brother, Darryl showed me
how to make it when I was 21. He probably learned how to make
it from our dad.

Mom never made potato salad.

I don't know for sure but I wonder if mom thought because
she was so strikingly beautiful when she was young
that she didn't have to do
anything like cooking from scratch.

Grandma did not show me how to cook. She just took
me to to grocery store and made food every day at home.

She made a lot of home cooked meals and we had lots
of canned goods available like soup, which I love
and as I have progressed I learned on my own how
to make soup.

I couldn't cook anything but a grilled cheese sandwich
and heat up a can of soup when I was 15.
A crying shame.

I have learned how to cook many things since then
because I had the desire to do so
and now it's probably too late

Mother: her approval or disapproval rules your life

Mother: her approval or disapproval rules your life