Friday, May 27, 2022

Told I was a knockout heartbreaker beauty pretty cute sexy since I was little

Like lots of little girls I was told that I was cute pretty beautiful.. a

knockout beauty and

would be a real heart breaker when I grew up/got older.


When I got older (in my teens and throughout my adult life)
I have heard the opnion from many that I am a real looker

Today I look in the mirror and see that my face is close to what it was. I am easily
recognizable compared to what I looked like at age 16
and is now
showing some wrinkles creases lines pock marks from severe cystic acne I used to have
and sagging skin around the mouth jaws/jawline and neck.
Skin is drier.. used to be extremely oily.
This is called aging/ageing/getting older.

It is most devastating to endure harsh treatment 
(physical assaults: black eyes, punched, kicked, hit, smacked, raped,
knocked down to the floor: verbal abuse attacks and assaults
from the man /men I love 

so I realize that love does not exist, only the desire for USE, as if I am an
inanimate doll without life, without a soul 

My life is coming to an end and I don't know when I will die

I see many beautiful females in the world and know that many are treated the same way. This does not justify 

Sadness and tears and crying come upon me often due to the multitude of 
experiences of abuse because I feel ...

pushed around

knocked around like a rock em sock toy

ripped off 

unappreciated

taken for granted

treated like shit

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Emphatic, someone called me that