Monday, March 31, 2025
Abacus necklace drawn in my picture by jason
in 1980s jason my photographer drew a portrait of me using pen dots ink . i sold that picture in a garage sale out of my house in the 1990s. mike said he didnt like the picture.
2 men bought it. one had a feminine voice and told his partner i really like that picture its unique.
First heartburn summer 1987
I was 25.
Just ate fried chicken and cucumbers with onions in vinegar at a restaurant off 350 hwy in raytown missouri. Chest pain thought it was a heart attack . Norman rutherford was in the passenger in my car . He told me it was heartburn and to get some tums or rolaids antacids. I got some tums and ate them. The pain went away.
Sunday, March 30, 2025
Paid water bill yesterday
early like i do via internet. done. free to do
he prefers sending check in mail 2 days before due date. uses postage stamp
tonights attempt to make me angry march 30, 2025 sunday
he leaves early afternoon. back around 430 pm gone 4 hours or more
sd was going to ollies opks and aldis. back with same old bread he always gets at aldis and more junk cheetos who knows what else
says i want some pizza. how come you never make homemade pizza? its always same old thing with you. chicken hamburgers slow cooker.. you never make anything that takes any work like pizza chopping up vegetables for it....
the pick a fight routine so i left the living room.
his mother used to make chef boyardee pizza mix. and always made same boxed foods same old way . she also made a spam concoction he liked. hes been eating lots of spam lately drinking dr pepper squirt buying cranberry juice junk foods and drink
Grandma Sarah funeral December 2008 "Be Yourself"
I wanted to say something after grandpa gave his speech about her but I could not bring myself to go up to the stage and talk. I was afraid I would choke up with tears as I remembered the most important thing she said to me through all of the years.....
"Be yourself."
Just be you. You are natural. You are wonderful and great just the way you are, Sarah.....
I am so much like my black cat it is incredible, phenomenal
I wake slowly. I tread carefully. I sleep alot. I am finicky about my food. I am careful about my company of others.
I like things clean. I clean myself often.
Saturday, March 29, 2025
People blocked me from knowing and socializing gatherings
From my grandsons parties birthday celebrations, holiday get togethers mother's Day. Thanksgiving. Christmas.
I am and have been uninvited left out not told about gatherings and parties and events.
Mike. Ed. Heather. Dottie Dorothy Wilson, Tammy niece and sister-in-law,
November of 2014 Ed banned me from his mother's patty Patricia Holiday get togethers. I only went to one event since which was a mother's Day thing my son drove took me there about 5 or 6 years ago.
Job at insurance company. woman failed to tell me about free mexican buffet lunch. vindictive person.
Friday, March 28, 2025
New BACK is coming soon... surgery at either St Lukes or NKC hospital... WOW
will take a year or so for the new bones in my spine to fuse. Watched videos on Youtube from doctors about this procedure.
Hopefully I might be in a whole lot LESS pain than I have been for over 50 years.
Computer programming school and first computer: 1984 and 1999 FOR work
I began my studies in this field so I could learn, work and earn money.
People have adopted this very useful item in technology to horse around and play games.
1999 October 31 I was the proud owner of my first computer and got online for the first time at home. Dial up aol and then road runner internet in Kansas City, Missouri.
So excited and absorbed into it.....
If i had a dog like that that barked all the time...
I'd get rid of it" he said yesterday, March 27, 2025. He was referring to the beagle mix dog who belongs to the neighbors on the east side of our backyard.
We were outside in our backyard when he said it. Neighbors were not outside so they couldn't hear what he said. He was on his knees cutting up tree limbs in the garden spot and I was walking around the yard.
I responded "Why dont you tell them the neighbors that instead of telling me? You say the most hurtful things about others to me and not to them. Imagine how they would feel if they heard you say that...
"I dont want them to have bad feelings so I dont say it to them", he said.
"But you say bad things to me about others and about me a lot. How am I supposed to feel?"
He has the "get rid of attitude" about me, people and animals. He has had it ever since I have known him.
I have the get rid of attitude towards methods, processes, material things that are outdated, worn, out, not useful, in the way, broken, don't work right, are ugly, don't match, don't make sense, are difficult, time consuming and plain done with. He wants to keep all of the difficult processes and material things and junk and get rid of living things like people and animals.
Thursday, March 27, 2025
He hates these things
when i have a hood pulled up over my head..even tho he wears men's hoodies jackets and pulls them over his head when it is cold
when i wear any baggy clothes.... even tho he wears baggiest of jeans shirts
my hair looking wet or slick or oiled down at any time. my hair changing color
he cant recognize me easily then if i wear any type of hat hood or change my hair color or my outfit
any person who appears to come from another country ..doesnt look similiar to his ethnic look or what he was used to seeing growing up
my freedom fluidity flexibility creativity of thought and movement and activities
food smells
anything not generated or discovered by him
any sign of me drinking alcohol or being inebriated drunk.. even tho he drinks beers wine rum whiskey vodka .he puts liquor in those individual serving size bottles and slams down some before bed and who knows when else.. probably when he is out during the day too and goes to that park he likes to go to often ..i see those little bottles tossed onto the ground there and at many other parks
my imitations of anyone or thing... even tho he does this often thru expressions face mannerisms and mocking me and others
any sign i am happy, successful, proud of anything, accomplished something easily
my work, writings, pictures i drew, pics of me he shows disdain disapproval of
anyone who compliments me loves or likes me and listens to me and wants to spend time with me, he hates it to the max and denies that anybody wants me around enjoys my company appreciates me
used to live on coffee
no wonder why. otherwise sleeping sll the tome
i font want to go to sleep snd i dont want to wake up
stay asleep or stay awake
Wednesday, March 26, 2025
Food in the fridge
chicken cooked with cream chicken soup milk peas carrots celery potatoes green beans i made today. do good
bbq chicken mike cooked outside in the charbroil grill . very good. he grilled 4 sausages for later
coleslaw i made today with carrots sweet pickle juice miracle whip poppy seeds
tuna salad i made 2 days ago. so tasty
one hamburger and fries mike grilled 2 dats ago
5 lbs hamburger roll thawing out for cooking in a couple if days
kimchi jar got from drive thru food pantry today. cant wait to try it
cheeses salami pickles 3 green peppers onion salad dressings bbq sauces vanilla yogurt cherries grapes applesauce horseradish , cottage cheese, baby carrots, green cabbage, red purple cabbage. canned diced tomatoes pinto beans sour cream dip eggs
If i can control light exposure
maybe i could become morning person
I used to like getting up in the dark 5 am when i had a job had to be there 530 am
it was all good until 7 am when it started getting busy
i love peace and solitude
Tuesday, March 25, 2025
Literally thinks everyone is and thinks like him
And should be the same as him. Any individual differences not allowed. Thinks people can read his mind
I eat when hungry and do all other things when I need to and feel like it
which is very frustrating to other people who eat, drink, do things when they don't feel like it and do stupid stuff like eat and drink when not hungry and just because someone offered it or the food or drink is lying around in front of them. they have zero self control over things in the environment whereas i can have something around in plain sight and totally ignore it because i don't want it and am not in the mood
i am this way regarding physical activities and innate instinctual feelings also. i don't take advantage of something just because it is there or lying around in plain sight
individual serving sizes he likes in beverages drinks food
the list is very long in what he buys in food and drink it basically covers every type of food and preferences for fast food in little containers
it is as if he cant figure out how to proportion the sizes of food and drink on his own
buying this shit for convenience is the most expensive way to pay for stuff
he can take one bite or two and quit then go on and take a drink or bite of something else
NOT ME.. one bite or drink of somehing that tastes good and i can't quit eating or drinking it until i am full. i like to satisfy myself completely with anything fulfilling my desire and appetite or long periods of time.. like feasting whereas he has a famine attitude perception of all things
Monday, March 24, 2025
Things that annoy him, drive him crazy OR I should say keep him crazy
listening to me eat food
watching me eat food, tries to monitor how much and what i eat in his presence
walking anywhere
seeing me eat drink smoke
making toast, popcorn, fish, most kinds of food
smelling my breath
looking at my face
seeing me move my body
watching me move anything around, period
hearing music i play and like
hearing me talk
talking about anything he is not interested in at the time
hearing anything that contradicts what he beieves
Finally figuring this out ..what these guys want and expect
cute pretty girls in adorable little outfits with fluffy clean hair. bouncing jiggling wiggling dancing and they imagine us doing things to their body that i don't need to discuss
JERK BUDDIES ASSOCIATES
interesting when discovered some guys share porn things and content with each other. is this something that makes them feel bonded connected together on the same wavelength or what? does it make them feel like a real man? why have such things lying around when the man is with a partner woman has a wife ??
some men i have known did not use this stuff such as my first husband and my father who both said why would i use that shit i already have a wife????
so far i have not met a woman who shares her sex objects things with me like some men do when they pass around videos magazines or other items with guys and buddies they know. girls females women i have known will discuss some issues regarding personal intimacy with their man but dont share devices and clothing items with me or their girlfriends. i do not need to read romance books or try to figure out how to be sexy. i have tried to cover my sexual attractiveness since i was 19 and found out i should not smile at a man otherwise he gets the wrong idea.
he told me he shared crap with old man chuck who is dead and chuck was single never married and when chuck was young he was actually a nice looking guy but turned into a fat hernia ridden disgusting mean old codger who insulted me and anyone around anytime he could do it.
CLEAN UP HAS REALLY BEGUN!!!
he had a person come over load up a trailer and truck full of junk metal crap sitting on the side of the house and other places.
i need to live and work and be in clean places.
my main things since i was a very little girl: be clean, neat, organized, smell and look good
stay away from filthy dirty disgusting stinking smelling things and people and animals and places
Sunday, March 23, 2025
Saturday, March 22, 2025
Basics
careful of company you keep. choice of partner spouse mate husband wife. they will consume your life
choose wisely the location of life where you live at home house neighborhood and work . these places are where you spend majority of your time
breathe fresh air. drink clean water. get sunshine. eat healthy natural food. moderate daily exercise appropriate for me and you
listen to yourself god intuition instincts body first and foremost
simplify. reduce all things and distractions. focus single mindedly on one thing activity person place at a time
feel joy in the all. it is all good and unfolds reveals itself as it should
love is endorphins. understanding is joyful enlightening creative open free easy relaxed productive
hate is torture destructive death pain misery gluttony greed envy vanity angry madness insanity
gravity is your only resistance designed to keep you healthy. the rest is trash.
clean up yourself and environment home area as you go every day without delay
help wholeheartedly without thought of expecting a return
modelling is teaching. telling yelling shooting orders is not
take your time deciding. be patient. rashness ruins your life and you ruin lives of others by being mean impatient rude hasty pushy
realize many things are choices
Speed reading is handy trait i learned many years ago
thanks to old man stan. william stanley mathes kcmo
2007 died age 87. 11205 palmer ave
he also introduced me to nlp
neuro linguistic programming
aquarius born. engineer at bendix gsa
met 1981 at my work walker oil co bannister and hillcrest rd
he cried one night about a week ago
saying he is losing me . rare very rare for him to cry. i dont know why or if it was for real or a show.
anymore i question the reality and genuineness of whatever emanates from him
topsy turby unpredictable roller coaster tsunami volcano tornado
how am i to be steady sure safe confident successful ..have any sanity, maintain. plan, look forward to a nice future when i dont know what he is going to say or do any day anytime?
its been love hate ambivalence hug rarely and discard often with him for many years like 33 or more.
good time bread crumbs and me hoping his best would be displayed and stay as i used to believe the best in people now i don't know what to believe about anyone
i wish i knew what to expect and i dont
Hiding things
he does this. alcohol. money. sex . porn. electronics. lots of things i have seen discovered ...who knows what he hides i haven't found out about.
forces me to hide even simplest of things due to his angry outbursts over utterly stupid shit and his delusions and hallucinations
Personalities. how many does he have?
dont know. only seen ones he has shown to me.
am i like this too? is everyone full of many personas?
Double standards all the way (he is/practices/believes).
i do not know all of his standards and ways when he is not with me. only know around me he is double standard all the way. what is for the gander man is not for the goose woman
expects to know what is going on...tells me at last minute or after the fact. won't let me know about things like family get togethers in advance.
messages and visits neighbors spontaneously and often i do not know until after the fact.
does not tell me stuff yet expects me to tell him things
last minute notifications. spur of the moment activities. rarely makes plans. changes from one day to the next
resistant to most things i want and want to do and if he does them insists on doing them when he wants to do it on his time schedule
i am to dress conservatively yet he views strange nude women often on tapes videos and magazines he hides in various places in this house
expects total freedom for self regarding speech and actions yet restricts mine
INTIMATE March 20. 2025. he was nice. turned nasty mean again march 21 next day
during act saying pretty p+++y, not pretty face . completion didnt happen. tired. considerate as usual saying if he did and i didnt i would be mad at him.
i asked a long time ago why he waits for me to do it first. he said so you will want to do it again. not a rapist to me anyway. have no idea how he is or was with anyone else
Wednesday, March 19, 2025
Inspiration. Ryan told me I am today
i called a dental clinic to inquire about insurance. ryan answered.
Monday, March 17, 2025
NEW
attitude, mind, thoughts
OUT with the OLD, in with the NEW
bedroom furniture: 2 nightstands, dresser, desk
bed: mattress a foam folding one easy to move clean and store
computer
cell phone
kitchen accessories
clothes
people
places
exercise bands, stretching cords
food
playground
playmates
friends
associates
Sunday, March 16, 2025
Uroboros Ouroboros All Infinity IT ALL goes around in circles/spirals
https://www.bing.com/search?q=what%20is%20ouroboros&cc=US&PC=SANSAAND&form=LWS001&ssp=1&safesearch=moderate&setlang=en
all is good. the all is uroboros ouroboros snake on trail of spiral circle returning eating its own tail never dying.
infinity. always. unity. connected. connection. changing. remaining the same.
I need to stop bringing up past words and actions...
By doing so it doesn't give opportunity for change
Saturday, March 15, 2025
People lots of them dont want me to be happy
obvious evident words actions avoidance not invited not called left out pushed away
10 am up 7 pm down
housework cooking dishes cleaning vacuuming today
computer cell apps washed hair dressed in black trousers
ate breakfast 6 pm back pain tremendous increased tired laying down soon
First thing upon waking up I am NOT wanting to run and be physically active.
I am slow to waken and usually slow to fall asleep. Still pretty much brain asleep for a few hours after getting up. Quite the opposite of most people I know, have known and heard about.
I am thinking of the future in the morning, what to do for the day and about the past.
Physical activities like work, walking, house work, dancing, vacuuming are things I usually want to do much later in the day.
This is a lifelong thing about the way I am. I remember at age 5 telling my grandparents I didn't want to eat breakfast in the morning, I would rather eat it at night right before bed so I didn't have to do it upon awakening.
Friday, March 14, 2025
Hooker wore slt cnt btch slve he treats women like this
pops in a nasty "movie" video when the urge hits. also watches girls doing aerobics, dancing, stripping on stage, porn .
tells me i am disgusting to watch when i dance and i am to keep my body covered up and never move in any "provocative" way ..even doing squats, never show any skin even on my legs
Maintaining chaos and ARGUMENTS some people do
saying i don't understand, i can't believe, i can't understand
asking same old questions over and over hearing answers never listening or comprehending
habits they do constantly, unable to change behaviors that are destructive, annoying to others, unhealthy, definitely creatures of habit
convictions beliefs are fixed, unchangeable to them
dense obtuse thick skull, stubborn
memorize bits of info and trivia like an encyclopedia yet have serious trouble with simple things like cleaning up after self, organization, future consequences of words and actions..the long term effects of their thoughts and behaviors
Wednesday, March 12, 2025
Late ?
often late yet manage to live and succeed
was so sleepy in class in a.m. mornings at school as a teenager . sitting in chair hand holding my head. teacher asked question and i knew answer. asleep while learning remembering.
He has always pushed me, thinks he has to tell me what to do in regards to almost everything. HE NEVER needs to push me, EVER
what i drive, the way i drive
how i dress, how i look, talk, move, where i should work, what i should say or not say, who i talk to, activities i "should' be doing
food, what i eat and drink
interests,
it simply boils down to this: he thinks i should think and do exactly as he does and/or exactly what he wants and likes therefore stripping my individuality, my freedom in all ways
Spirit Pills: cinnamon candy in the bottle
I remember john giving me one of these plastic bottles at work one day. I was feeling down and he thought it would cheer me up.
Tuesday, March 11, 2025
It is only a matter of time before
he gets injured or killed by somebody when he forces his politics upon them
He has to be politically correct
and push it open each person he knows even though i and most of these people are not interested dont want to hear it and told him many times
He writes political graffiti on park benches roofs wood enclosures
i found more if his graffiti the other day and i took pictures. i know his handwriting which is print letters mixing lower and upper case not cursive.
I walk away and leave him in is mess, just the way he left it and likes it.
trash piled up everywhere. inside each room in the house and in the yard. around the house. he piles up stuff and crams things into spaces making it difficult if not impossible to find things and to clean. cardboard boxes are one of his favorite containers. any type of containers that are solid and unmatched. unmarked. can't see what is in them. stashing sh**t all over the house in each room, in the shed in the backyard, in the storage area he built next to the house, in the neighbors shed across the street.
dirt, filth, bugs, cobwebs, mold, mildew, must, creatures living in areas because they have covered up spaces they can hide in.
no amount of me talking has done any good.
Body odor is worse when you consume lots of sugar and processed foods and drinks.
He smells horrible. It gets worse each day. My ex smelled so bad also. I would scrub him with Irish Spring soap in the shower, washing his arm pits several times and he STILL stunk bad, to the high heavens of that stinking underarm smell worse than butt smell.
I Quit
I resign. I am on strike forever from wasting my breath, words, time on resistant people who fight every single intelligent and logical thing.
Wrestling with a greased pig is impossible. I will never win the fight. The pig slips around and will squash and kill you.
Some pigs kill quickly, some do it a little bit at a time taking many years to kill their victims. Torturing them relentlessly with the ultimate of stupidity, all the while acting they are KING DICK or QUEEN CUNT.
Monday, March 10, 2025
Suppressing me
is his attempt to control. it failed. hindering. stopping. insulting. threatening. saying all negative things the reasons why something wont work or i cant do it. telling me to cover myself up hide my face dont talk to people. i remember trip in april 1998 i made to texas. i bought ugly cover up coats and clothes for the trip. kept my face to myself according to his instructions directions.
Sunday, March 9, 2025
Ignorant can be taught. Stupid cannot.
Ignorant willing to learn can be taught. Stupid cannot be taught or learn.
he follows same patterns. so do i. different patterns
his would be more square. straight line. short. immediate.
mine. round wavy spiral squiggly. long. connected all over. breaks gaps in places. silences meditations quiet focus within
From age 6 interested in certain boys
types. very good looking. intelligent. reserved.
there have been many i wanted to attract. the percentage is about 1 percent or less of male population i have seen since i have been alive.
Hard lessons
i will never satisfy a stupid person. arguing with a stupid man wasted my time for many years..most of my life.
loving a fool will never make him love me because he is an ungrateful idiot and appreciates no one especially me
i was a fool for ever thinking i could help a man gain self confidence
only one who seeks self awareness and improvement will gain those things
similar males group together and hide each others secrets
the critic of others lacks same criticism of self
what a fool cant understand he laughs at, mocking. humiliating
people want others to feel what they feel
narcs hate free spirits because they cant be like them
narcissists are fake, dont know who they are. what they want to be, are easily fooled brainwashed hypnotized, controllable, lack self control, say rotten things to those who are kind and love them the most then deny doing it.
an arrogant man or woman is the most insecure weak fearful scared stupid and mean
Saturday, March 8, 2025
Deliberately plays music I hate loud in living room
And said it's my house I bought it paid for it and you should put up with it and whatever I do
He is intolerant of any activity if he doesn't prefer or like it and I am supposed to tolerate everything about him without questions comments reactions
The things I hate and won't tolerate he continues to do vehemently
Treadmill
out of blue he said i need to get a treadmill. i never mentioned that to him. yesterday i was at gym using one and desiring one to use at home
Friday, March 7, 2025
Spaghetti ate done breakfast 4 to 430 pm. worse back pain. naptime
woke up 730 am. computer coffee pee bm .
moved my bedroom furniture. shook sheets rugs. vacuumed master bedroom. made spaghetti frozen precooked meatballs.
dishes now scraped rinsed in kitchen sink. staying home. plan to dump more paperwork tonight and go for a walk.
tired as heck and back pain worse after eating.
U Can't Touch this song danced to at flea summer 2000
not long after I had surgery, tubal ligation and uterine ablation
john layson danced, too. only time i saw him dance. he tried but didnt have good rhythm
Same thoughts, behaviors, attitudes JOHN and MIKE
political obsession (one is a politic major democrat, the other republican)
female sex slaves and master slave behavior beliefs
smirks when i want to buy something for myself
watch me closely when i eat food
eats lots of sweets candy bakery bread products, ice cream, cinnamon rolls
cant resist foods seen, grab a piece no control
snacks all day long
impulsive
hot temper
money material things focused
dont want to sell anything
buyer of things more than a seller
hangs onto each and every piece of anything including trash
likes to buy me something to eat
eats out at restaurants prefers standard fast food
eats dessert immediately after a meal
sweet sugary and soda drinks loved
drinks sodas other sweet drinks and or milk during a meal
clutter monger stuffing things into closets shelves racks storage sheds and around the house in the yard
girls women he stared at and became quiet when he was around them thru the years
levetta amos
betsy wilson, betsy dotties daughter, holly the girlfriend of my oldest son, sarah who used to work at the bargain factory currently working hobby lobby in raymore missouri, christina krissy debra walls granddaughter and her 2 teen girlfriends at the celebration of life for timothy phillips, angie/angela the girl who used to live next door here,
unknown woman who was singing at jerrys steak house years ago dad bought our dinner there. he was very quiet and staring at her
Thursday, March 6, 2025
He covered his ears, stuck his fingers in them to block me out so he couldn't hear me
a couple of months ago. just like a small child would do.
Early in morning and daytime. He believes all things must be done
as if life does not exist after 5 or 6 pm ..as if the evening hours don't count as being productive or useful
Bully, weak insecure afraid does not support the mate/spouse/wife/husband
instead bullies are believers in tying people down, keeping them under their thumb. pointing out flaws of partner rarely saying anything complimentary. they are not supportive. gloom and doom and negative flows out of their mouth
saying things like you can't do that. how are you going to do such and such without the money to do it? faithless creatures. they believe if they have more money they have power to control the mind of their mate and are much more important
Pseudonym. Alias. A different name I need for public publishing to keep personal life private and separate
for protection and self preservation. peace. harmony. no chance of being robbed, blackmailed, mugged
different name and image of plain and ordinary when i am out and about
iT WORKS OUT PERFECT. hE NEVER READS WHAT i WRITE
so i freely write whatever i want. i think independently.
he recognizes nothing special about me. he praises no one he knows personally.
Wednesday, March 5, 2025
Tuesday, March 4, 2025
Sly
Anything i need to do must be done on the sly around him otherwise i would starve to death
Shopping, gasoline, food, writing, reading, dancing, walking at parks or anywhere, malls, grocery, walmart, cvs, thrift, ebay, walgreens, doctor visits, phone talking
things that make me beautiful
freedom of mind and movement of my body
flexibility
creativity
basking in the sun
dancing anytime i feel like it
moving things around
walking shopping parks
photography
writing drawing sketching
interacting with nice people
eating great good food in peace
balance harmony
acceptance of the all
Saw people today while out shopping
A couple in love at best buy. man and woman employees. Dark haired male blonde female obvious he adored her. He wouldnt take his eyes off her. Showed her something on his phone. She watched it. Then they hugged embraced. How beautiful. A thing I wish I had.
Adorable little girl stretching around on the floor at checkout lane at walmart. That is like me exercising and dancing.
Smiling man door greeter at walmart. Last time i saw him he said i like that color of nail polish. It was a rosy metallic pinkish red.
Lovely lady dressed in pink swirl pattern pullover top black pants pink tennis shoes.
Gorgeous young lady very long black hair wavy below ears at victorias secret lees summit missouri. Helpful kind. Petite little. Told me i could find hosiery leggings thigh highs at dillards independence center.
Angry faced cussing he said fuck
old grey haired man twisted face of hate well built thick muscular body on cycle at the gym. I wonder if he realized how ugly he was being and that a nice body wont cut it as the only attraction to women.
Very nice lady working at goodwill thrift store lees summit. She helped me dump a huge box of clothes. She said i like your fingernails. I like that color. I said thank you, you made my day. I told her i bought the polish wet n wild fast dry at cvs a few days ago.
Cvs pharmacist lady very nice.
Seems like i am not supposed to talk about anybody yet everyone else can do it
and that is what I have done since i started talking
Monday, March 3, 2025
Guise of health selling products on some conspiracy news sites
they push selling lots of products to make money and prey on the fear of people
Sunday, March 2, 2025
Fixed in thinking and habits
Food remains same. No changes
Types of videos watched same
Music preferences same
Furniture stays in one place
Has sex same way most of the time
Changes in scenery location not liked
Movement of objects in house or business not liked unless he she does it
Sees no need to change things
Dislikes deep cleaning house bathroom kitchen garage bedroom basement because requires moving everything in room
Surface spot cleans isolated small areas
Upset easily if i change my hair
Upset if i change clothes esp when out not at home
Watches people closely esp those not living in house
Yes, Sarah" said in tone "I already know that" and "I don't need to hear it" condescending...have heard it many times from certain people
Mike says it often. John Layson said it in response to many things I said. They already "know" but really don't realize exactly what I am saying. In regards to any little thing I point out.
John has been dead almost 2 years now since May 9, 2023.
others I knew reacted the same way. Rick, a person I worked with at the flea market also reacted by throwing his business credit card at me when I told him he was racking up charges on it and expected me to pay it. along with all 3 of them running me ragged and ruining my credit back in 2008, 9, and 2010 is when I couldn't keep up anymore with paying bills they created
all of these people are obsessed with politics. zealots, in fact.
insignificant unimportant in real life and identifying themselves with "higher up" high status government and rulership
disregarding input from me and other females around them .. yet desiring the most perfect of women, the dream girl and not being attractive to women per se
hoarders, making messes often and some not cleaning up after themselves expecting me or someone else to do it
they believe having lots of material things and money is the way to be. stockpiling as much stuff as they can get. electronics stereo amplifiers speakers boom boxes, televisions, radios, the bigger and louder the better. this causes hearing damage and who knows what to their vision.
they eat any food they can get if it is fast and tastes good, disregarding how healthy it is. baked goods, pastries, candy, cookies, cake. artificially flavored and colored food and drinks coffee tea sweet drinks. fried.
constantly watching videos, tv shows, movies
filling their brains with world news and what everyone else is doing instead of paying strict attention what they are thinking and doing at each moment
Saturday, March 1, 2025
He was always there
and I did not realize it until now.
I found his handwritten letter from september 22, 1986.
I had left, gone somewhere don't remember where I was that day. I had left him because of his ways and I thought he didn't love me. I was wrong. Oh, so very wrong.
HE IS STILL THERE... watching. listening. waiting. and probably longing..
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Doctor said I have no cataracts, no glaucoma and no macular degeneration which is good. He said my pupils were well dilated so he did not ha... -
am i really a failure? am i doing what i am able to do? OR am i unable to fit into other people's boxes, unable to keep up with dem...
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Any person I am talking to immediately diverts their attention to someone else or some animal or some other things in the area. They drop t...