Thursday, July 31, 2025
Coupons and the incidents at United Super grocery store in early 1990s 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99
early 90s around 1993 or 94
I was in the checkout line at the U.S. located at Bannister and James A. Reed Rd. This was a very nice grocery store at the time by the way.
I had a cart full of carefully shopped for grocery items. Meat, vegetables, fruit, dairy products, bread.. you know, STAPLES.. the food you need to eat to be healthy.
The woman in front of me had a six pack of bottled expensive beer and a couple of junk food pieces she probably picked up at the checkout stand display. She had shoulder length permed looking bleached blonde hair, wore too much makeup and was dressed in tight blue jeans and some kind of leather or faux leather jacket. She had a couple of big rocks (rings) on her fingers, fake or real I don't know. She appeared to be about 20 or 30 years older than me. I was around 33 or so at the time. I never saw her again, thank God, so I can't confirm her age but I am guessing she was younger than she looked. She was just hard, crass, trashy acting, a well worn out old looking young woman.
I told the cashier I had some coupons and the blonde woman in front of me haugthtily turned around and said to me, "Oh. I never use coupons. It's just a waste of my time." She looked at the cashier as if seeking approval from her for her proud display of negligence.
1998 or 1999 I was in the same United Super, coupon holder in my hand standing in the meat department when this man came up to me and said, "This one is on sale and I have coupons for that. You know you can save a lot of money. You should be using coupons and buying things on sale."
I said, "I already do that. Here is my coupon holder." I showed it to him. It was about half full and had dividers in it to organize categories of items.
That man was Chuck Strand. Charles. A few years later I found him living next door to the man I ended up working with at Super Flea. Mr. John William Layson. I had stopped at John's house and this Chuck man was in the front yard.
Amazing I ever trusted anyone...
but I did. I trusted lots of people, most people. Now I am realizing it was probably one of the worst mistakes I have ever made.
Monday, July 28, 2025
Trash and trashy things in this house
he needs trashy looking junk stuff mismatched hodgepodge piles of stuff
things that dont show dirt and look like worn out rags
garbage piles up.
dirty hands touching everything
body wallowing in filth and bugs and toxic chemicals daily
things that dont work right properly
everything is a hassle and a fight
life is hard. its a bitch bastard hell like hotel california. trapped in the sewer cant get out
he became accustomed to rags worn out beat up looking goods possessions and people as a child
half assed unfinished projects not well planned
excuses are abundant.
unprofessional
i have turned into an ugly bitch. i was once a beautiful young well mannered little lady and no longer am thanks to living with and working with bastards and assholes all of my life
he focuses on appearances to the public more than his own and inside the house
if the neighbors or strangers can see it he is concerned. if they cant see the shit he doesn't care
and he acts confused as to why i am not happy and he is not happy
cant figure out why he is miserable all the time and makes me miserable
I Understand Why
people do what they do, are the way they are, what motivates them
I see and hear the what is going on in situations in my personal life and in the news
I am not confused
I quickly foresee the future by seeing small indicators that are the same signs showing what the neighborhood is like and headed towards
Predictive analysis of human behavior based upon patterns displayed by individuals
Saturday, July 26, 2025
I wanted to be a fashion model for clothing
not a nude model as i ended up being thanks to ed and modeling ads in newspapers in 1980s
fambrough associates in downtown kansas city missouri was first "agency" ad i went to and modelled. there were 4 or 5 photographers taking pictures of me at the same time that day during the shooting
gary. rc martin. william fambrough and another man i never got his name
who knows who got has seen and saw my photographs
Clothing design lawsuits
file suits for missing pockets
usesless faux
too small endangers life
misplaced
Mechanic not an engineer
he is a patts changer
not an engineer architect that contemplates creates whole designs of cars houses
Make model year miles mileage appearance
men want to know answers to these questions about cars and people; women or men depending on their preferences and situations
appearance is the first thing that catches their eye
if it looks good/appealing they want it
"is she married?" "is she available (for sex)" are the 2 questions rick coutts said/told me that go thru his head when he sees an attractive female girl woman
Friday, July 25, 2025
Boys males men had crush on some
1977
1989 pete k.
1967 california i was in first grade. david
belton missouri
1971 david cornell age 10 5th grade
1975 mark cochran
1977 lonnie curtis
world is a stage we are actors
https://www.bing.com/search?q=the%20world%20is%20a%20stage%20and%20we%20are%20all%20actors&cc=us&PC=SANSAAND&form=LWS001&ssp=1&safesearch=moderate&setlang=en
Games
I dont games in a cut throat way like chess cards checkers. I know people who play for competition and get mad mean upset violent if they lose at any of these or even chance games like dice rolling.
What stops someone from committing murder?
What releases them from guilty conscience or fear of punishment from killing someone or anything?
I wish I knew the answers to these questions.
july 22 2025 appt physicians assistant surgery discussion
on july 22 up at 8 am dr appt arrived 11 am. 1145 appt time.
had ride pick me up to appt saw pa physicians assistant kevin watson st lukes neuorological & spine surgery. neorosurgery. he said not recommending surgery. due to osteoporosis low bone density . and if done the rod in my back 13 14 inches long at t10 level begin due to severe curvature scoliosis of my spine.
said feels like getting hit by a truck in your back after operation. would help with leg pains not back pain. stiffness rigidity afterwards.
jan 27 2026 1 pm follow up appointment with watson.
he wants past records mris xrays. asked when i had last mri was may 2019. and why didnt they do another one?
waiting for endocrinologist to call schedule appt within 2 weeks they will prescribe medicine to replace bone loss.
husband drive his car to st likes we left in his toyota corolla went to cvs 350 hwy raytown i picked up my clobetasol prescription from dr emily gray for my female issue she diagnosed december 2023 i think it was.
lichen sclerosus diagnoses
Thursday, July 24, 2025
Breakfast at 1030 pm july 24
finally ate. up until 530 am july 24. slept til 1245 pm
on july 22 up at 8 am dr appt arrived 11 am . had ride pick me up to appt saw pa physicians assistant neorosurgery. he said not recommending surgery. osteoporosis bone density low. and if done the rod in my back 13 14 inches long at t10 level begin due to severe curvature scoliosis of my spine.
waiting for endocrinologist to call schedule appt within 2 weeks they will prescribe medicine to replace bone loss.
People I know have these characteristic traits
has places for cats and or other animals all over the house and outside. does not clean the spaces the animals sleep in.
his face in the screen be it tv television cell phone computer when i am talking to him ..mls plays computer chess often or looks at multitudes of websites while having a "conversation" which is no real talking at all
won't look me in the eye very often..looks at anything else but my face
clutters up spaces makes piles of stuff anywhere they live or have access to such as other people's storage spaces like sheds or houses
eats stuff that is convenient and tastes good not thinking about how healthy it is
loses temper fast over any little thing
drives too fast, cusses out other drivers, likes to take the highway.
always in a hurry to get there wherever it is or may be
gets upset pissed off over any item being moved around
throws temper tantrums over any item being tossed into the garbage
hangs onto old and useless things thinking he might use it later
watches me with close eye when i am cleaning which requires moving things around then gets pissed off if any piece of furniture or any item is moved or tossed into the trash
calls me bad names like naive gullible stupid worthless "you dont know what you are talking about" "i dont understand you" "why dont you just shut the fuck up and leave me alone!"
paces around the room when i am eating to see what i have and grabs something i have or off my plate thinking this is normal behavior. usually does not do this to other people just me. why?
leaves their plate of food open uncovered while eating then jumps up answer the phone or runs off doing something else leaving the meal unattended while flies land on it or maybe the dog or cat or other animal jumps up onto the counter and gets into the food
loses temper when loses at board games like monopoly chess etc
Wednesday, July 23, 2025
Good enough for
a free roll in the hay
cleaning up other peoples messes
paying bills
running errands
grocery shopping
buying groceries and household items
cleaning house
washing dishes
hit kicked slapped punched
sarcastic comments about what i love, the way i look, how i feel. what i say
writing letters
doing taxes
selling on the internet
writing in my journal, diary
working low paying jobs
Should have
been with, around, married...a clean mature man perhaps in the medical field. One who studies and practices medicine, science, health care, psychology, sociology..something..anything other than the men who do hard manual labor like mechanics, lawn care, construction, plumbing, electrical, manual labor trade jobs as these jobs are filthy and often these guys are dirty about themselves and have unclean habits.
Spreading their germs, dirt and filth randomly about. Touching anything and everything and not properly washing their hands.
Sneezing. Coughing and hacking uncovered.
Bug infested house
this house is infested with many bugs.
One day it might burn down and it will be cleansed. I try to clean properly and get resistance constantly. Same story throughout my life with many different people ...except my grandma Sarah and my sister Joyce.
Tuesday, July 22, 2025
Bullies don't impress me. Cracking skulls is destructive not creative
bashing brains, breaking bones
contact combat sports are zero interest to me
this is NOT self improvement to me
Monday, July 21, 2025
Radio in his car is the first thing he showed me
i was 25. he was 26
as a child i was addicted to the radio and tv television. escape methods from insanity at home.
is this common?
Sunday, July 20, 2025
intense dreams during baos. usually nightmares
had a very bad one recently . slept in my recliner thot it was that chair. now i know it isnt the chair . still have bad dreams sleeping in the floor. i eake up crying in the morning also.
dream interpretatiion driving van up staircase
540 to 7 pm july 20 2025 sunday. crying eyes out before falling asleep. up at 9 am asleep around 230 to 3 am
tjust woke up from nap. intense dream. mike driving old brown chevy xab uup tight stair spiral against my will wishes.
damon was with us. he needed his diaper changed full of pee.
his destination a place building full of rooms halls childrens bathrooms
i couldnt find my big purse bag carry all. u thought it fell out the van diir because he was driving too fast tight curves .
swimming i wanted he blocked
i an dying if thiret need water
he needs to beat up his partner whoever it is
to feel superior better smarter than her/him
girlfriend wife co worker relative sister mother brother
Bug infested rat hole house. Front looks fine. Inside filthy
I live in this bug infested nest . I am tired and sick and sneezing all the time. Feel like shit most of the time in here. Suicidal.
ants all over in master bath
spiders everywhere inside and outside
dust mites june bugs stink bugs millipedes centipedes roly pollies mosquitoes flies housefly fruitfly gnats ticks body mites fleas chiggers
sometimes roaches
thorough deep cleaning impossible because he is in the way at all times
shit junk piled up around the outside of house and piles and boxes of tons of useless crap cardboard papers newspapers inside the house.
Wifey Me: NO MORE. The other woman has all the benefits
other one not owned is treated like gold.
she is adored wanted desired respected sought after
she never begs or pleads for anything
she is showered glorified given everything
she is never a people pleaser
Don't like
crowds, earling mornings 7 am to 10 am
being rushed, pushed, forced
being forced to deal with alot of people esp grumpy complaiining bithcing whiners
clutter, filth, piles of anything and many piles of mixed up stuff things
stinking smelly anything includes people, animals, dirty laundry clothes, rooms,
people pushing me or themselves to be first
impatience, rudeness,
being interrupted in anything; thoughts, work, cooking, talking, moving, walking,
being stopped
being questioned
Nervous habits throughout my life
thru the years..
fingernail biting
alcohol ingestion
smoking
fearing unfaithfulness of partner
seeking company due to loneliness
overworking
oversleeping
not sleeping enough
excess coffee tea food
reading too much
movie tv show watching binges
sex overdoing hours
telephone talking for hours on end
over talking to people strangers or familiars
no talking silent treatment
hibernating
excess self criticism
perfectionism
fantasizing
He works hard physically
And I noticed today his hands shaking uncontrollably while working on my van.
His movements in work is slowing down and thought processes are slowing, showing some forgetfulness and confusion.
He works and tries very hard especially in mechanical things. I dont think he is aware of his shaking, slowing down and aging functions and appearance.
I dont think he is as aware of himself as he is of external things.
Saturday, July 19, 2025
Thursday, July 17, 2025
Dad July 17, 1927 would have been 98 today
We used to celebrate our birthdays together in July. 2002 summer must have been the last time. He passed January 28, 2003.
He took me to many places to eat. Golden Corral in Independence, Missouri..it was on Noland Road. Outback Steakhouse. Mr. Steak in Independence had all you can eat crab legs. I took my time eating that crab. Loved to break apart the claws and fish out the meat.
Arthur Bryant's barbecue downtown Kansas City, Missouri. Gates bbq.
We also had many family get togethers, picnics, outings, lunches and dinners.
Wednesday, July 16, 2025
Don't dwell on what went wrong.
Don't dwell on what went wrong.
Instead focus on what to do next. Spend your
energies on moving forward toward finding the answer. Denis Waitley
Monday, July 14, 2025
he threw a fit again today
this one generated because i told him i am throwing away a broken cheap food processor crofton xb9018 i bought for 3 dollars at a thrift store
he doubled up raised right fist. said shut the fuck up. told me i was stupid . said maybe youre the trash
accused me of slamming my bedroom door
Rage begins in the self, in the home
extending from the self
first existing in individual
ending up in home. work. job. neighborhood. family
the killers rage
criminals rage
is driven from within himself or herself
I wish the nights were longer
the days and years were longer
I wish I was 21 again for 40 years and had knowledge then it took me 64 years to learn
Sunday, July 13, 2025
Saturday, July 12, 2025
Hygiene. Cleanliness. Self awareness
Aware of where I am/where you are.
All body movements. Touching anything with hands, feet, fingers, body.
Friday, July 11, 2025
Work tail off all day to live in a nice safe neighborhood
work most of the day and spend time sleeping safely at home.
the cost for safety in a neighborhood so one can get a good nights rest is very high
Wednesday, July 9, 2025
If you are like the 5 or more people closest to you then
I need to do some serious friend changing
current and former associates are a mess
Tuesday, July 8, 2025
Horse back riding grandpa took me when I was 10, 11, 12 or 13
I was a little girl
He took me to benjamin stables in kansas city, missouri. Ironically enough, it was located not far from this house I have lived in since December 15, 1991.
I cried when he kicked the horse because he wanted it to go faster. That was grandpa LeRoy's personality. Push, shove, have no empathy. Strong drive for strenuous physical activity daily. Early riser.
I cried when he rammed the old horse's side and yelled at it cussing "go faster goddammit". He was paying for our ride. I felt so sorry for the old horse and upset with his yelling as he often did.
He took me to see Bambi when I was 5. I cried. Bambi's mother was killed by deer hunters in the woods.
He and I were watching some western movie about cowboys and indians. Wagons were getting robbed, looted and people were assaulted, shot stabbed, killed. Women were abducted and raped in the movie. I was only about 12 or 13 years old. Immediately I asked "What if she was on her period and wearing tampon and he tried to rape her?"
Grandpa shirked, smirked as if it was no big deal and said something like "Well I guess she would have to take it out, wouldn't she?"
Monday, July 7, 2025
Ps of engineering. Planning prevents poor performance
learned back in 1984 early 80s from engineer step father in law
One of the most difficult, time consuming things to do: Plan ahead on anything.
Unpredictable people and things that happen out of "nowhere" sometimes alter my or anyone's plans.
Being flexible, free flowing, adaptable and going to plan "b", c, d, e, etcetera is possibly the most important quality of a person's character they can have. Mutating, changing, learning to go with changes.
Found out it is also a military saying. Previous prior planning prevents piss poor performance.
Days I have lived. July 7, 1961 to July 7, 2025 Correction: Days I have been alive but not LIVED
From and including: Friday, July 7, 1961
To and including: Monday, July 7, 2025
Result: 23,377 days
It is 23,377 days from the start date to the end date, end date included.
Or 64 years, 1 day including the end date.
Or 768 months, 1 day including the end date
Correction: Days I have been alive but not LIVED
Sunday, July 6, 2025
He called me
before trip to branson sunday night june 29 2025
trip to kc chiefs stadium party. someone gave him free tickets most expensive seats in house. took his girlfriend
trip to overland park festival october 2024 her birthday
all trips involved common denominator kayla going
Dad. Born July 27, 1927. Died January 28, 2003
From and including: Wednesday, July 27, 1927
To and including: Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Result: 27,580 days
It is 27,580 days from the start date to the end date, end date included.
Or 75 years, 6 months, 2 days including the end date.
Or 906 months, 2 days including the end date.
Mom. Born May 14, 1939. Died December 14, 2003
https://www.timeanddate.com/date/durationresult.html?m1=05&d1=14&y1=1939&m2=12&d2=14&y2=2003&ti=on
From and including: Sunday, May 14, 1939
To and including: Sunday, December 14, 2003
Result: 23,591 days
It is 23,591 days from the start date to the end date, end date included.
Or 64 years, 7 months, 1 day including the end date.
Or 775 months, 1 day including the end date.
Saturday, July 5, 2025
Predator minds differ greatly from cooperative minds
As a cooperative person I find it difficult to think like, deal with and anticipate what the predator mind is thinking and likely to do.
I don't want to be a predator or think like one. I don't want to face the truth that predators do indeed exist. Denial of this fact is one of the facets of my personality, falsing believing that people are up to good and will be good if they are treated good. Truth is, the better I am to them, the worse they are.
Living in peace seems to require being aware that these different kinds of people exist and that they will take advantage of any opportunity to destroy peace because they hate it.
Does this mean one should build a wall around themselves literally and figurately, sprititually, emotionally and physically at all times in order to maintain the peace?
Clean, balanced, peace, simplicity, nice things I always liked.
Grandma Sarah used to tell me that me and my little brother Kenny (Kenneth/Ken) always liked nice things and places. She saw it in us when we were small children.
My youngest brother Ken was very neat, clean, orderly, quiet, well mannered, good natured and liked. So was I. Peaceful by nature we both kept to ourselves and did well in school and at home. I never remember getting a spanking and never got in trouble at school.
Our other brother, the third born of our mother and 9th from my father, also liked nice things when he got older. However he was destructive when he was an infant, toddler and youngster. He died at 33 due to being a drug addict and alcoholic.
Friday, July 4, 2025
Fortunate to try stuff got bored with
casino gambling
a little bit. had enough of that bull shit when the neighbor took me over 10 years ago. she would give me 5 dollars. i lost it in slot machines a few times.
she and i stuffed our guts at the buffet. tasted good. paid later with pain. no good.
ex mother in law also did ameristar and paid for my food buffet a few times. she also gambled heavily at the slots.
i got nothing good out of sitting on a chair on my fat ass and watching other fat women and men pouring their money into the cracks and losing it.
discovered i had more fun walking around getting exercise and watching fools and lights flashing
Escaping
various ways methods used
school work workaholic over exercise starving eating too much or not enough
reading anything signs books manuals literature magazines catalogs brochures instructions cookbooks
writing
drinking alcohol
attempting to smoke myself to death cigarettes cigars with tips..it didnt work
acetaminophen ibuprofen for pain they didnt work
3 pots of strong coffee a day
6 to 12 bottles of soda pop a day
a gallon of strong home brewed black tea no sugar or sweetener
fasting
gorging
cleanse parasite liver gallbladder enemas
roast in hot sun
strip clothes off in subzero weather
overdosing on pink pills. threw up
scratching gouging self with fingernails
bashing back of head bathtub cinder block wall
being silent or talking too much for long periods many hours 4 5 6 7 8 10 12 18 24 48
forcing too much in the kitty self
taking care of someone else ignoring myself. does not work. more i do the less they care about or value me. in fact their hatred of me increases
pinching pennies so bad i can hear abe lincoln scream
random splurging on useless things
hiding anywhere
leaving the scene of discontent
choosing solitude when company was no good
Rescuing
a young person i know lives in hell.
the outside world thinks it is heaven due to outside appearances and having all the things money can buy
i know what is going on in there
no one else listens
a miracle of fortune is needed to save this soul
so he can live his life in peace and harmony and grow up to be a wonderful mature man
it will probably take the rest of his life to heal and understand all of the things that have happened
Incognito. wear a mask. go to strange places. talk to strangers
that i will never see again
that someone else / me/ looks poor, plain, unadorned
the other side is rich beautiful and fancy and nobody knows it
Thursday, July 3, 2025
Tuesday, July 1, 2025
Daddys boy. Mans man
both my sons and all 3 husbands
desecrates denounces disrespects women me and mother
not Affectionate or empathetic
woman is for sex maid work doormat slavery
children are robots are punished for differences or disagreeing
New clothes yesterday. Dumped more trash. Donated
a bunch more stuff. My closet is looking better. Bedroom better
Kicked out of the nest or flew off independently
i flew off early. 16 and gone. didnt give a damn what anyone thought. chose my partners
he hung onto mama and family. 31 when we got together. slow to wean.
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Doctor said I have no cataracts, no glaucoma and no macular degeneration which is good. He said my pupils were well dilated so he did not ha... -
Any person I am talking to immediately diverts their attention to someone else or some animal or some other things in the area. They drop t...
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This is my house. I'll do as I darn please. A ceramic plaque quote on a plate that I have had for over 30 years. Explains me.