To my mother-in-law goddess patricia ann williams haynie mertz williams

To my mother-in-law goddess patricia ann williams haynie mertz williams

i am 55 you are 73
7-7-61 / 10-4-43
at age 21 i looked up to you
an idol, you were to me

i tried to do what you do, to keep up with you
i failed
i finally realized the biggest mistake i made
is trying to be like someone else

i am not you
you are not me and never will be
and i would bet that you never wanted to be like me
you never looked up to or idolized me like i did you

my mom's mom (my maternal grandmother)
always told me to just be yourself
when i asked her what i should be
i didn't know what that was
so throughout my entire life i tried to be as good as
someone else but i never was

i often made the mistake of comparing myself to others
competing when i was a child and a teenager, a young adult
and an adult,  but i always failed
there were always people better at any thing i did
no matter how hard i tried

i wanted to have your strength, your energy and vitality
i wanted to have your beauty, grace, eloquence, flamboyance and friends
but i don't

i thank you for being your bright, shining self
i thank you for inspiring me in my search for understanding and spirituality
by telling me about books such as The Key To Yourself by Venice J. Bloodwort
when i was 21 years of age

i thank you for giving me a car when i was 21, buying a baby crib and baby clothes for my son, the many
Christmas gifts for me, my sons, your son and many other people

i thank you for the many beautiful and enjoyable holiday celebrations of lunch and dinner
you provided

you are an inspiration for life


sarah wilson montgomery mertz stillwell

november 4, 2016