resourceful
grateful
aware
understanding
patient
kind
ethical
honest
trustworthy
loving
spiritually in tune
physically fine
respectful
fair
Monday, January 31, 2022
Saturday, January 29, 2022
Friday, January 28, 2022
He asks questions that show he is confused. Has no idea what is going on, what I am doing, feeling, thinking, anything most of the time.
all day long every day
continually asking me questions about every little thing
it's like a small child around 2-4 years old or so
or who is curious and has no clue about what goes on
or why or who is doing what they do and why
clueless
ignorant dumb stupid fearful
controlling
lost
Vexation definition. He is constantly annoyed, irritated, angry. AND confused
Vexation is both something that causes annoyance and the state of mind that results from being annoyed. The test-taker next to you tapping her pencil is a vexation. You breaking her pencil in half makes her feel vexation.
Vexation can also refer to something that causes anxiety and worry more than annoyance. When the parents of the kid you're babysitting are two hours late to return and aren’t answering their phones, that could be a vexation. You are less annoyed than worried. (Though, to be honest, you're still a little annoyed).
noun anger produced by some annoying irritation
synonyms:annoyance, chafe
see more
noun the psychological state of being irritated or annoyed
synonyms:annoyance, botheration, irritation
see more
noun something or someone that causes anxiety; a source of unhappiness
synonyms:concern, headache, worry
see more
noun the act of troubling or annoying someone
synonyms:annoyance, annoying, irritation
see more
Some individuals cannot stand to be alone. They don't know what solitude is. Do they not like themselves?
Do they have to have approval from some other person
before they do anything?
Amount of time spent with each person varies: for some it is Zero seconds. 30 minutes to an hour is the usual max.
some beings can be in my presence for no amount of time
some are more enjoyable
some are barely tolerable
up to one hour or so is about the limit for most
i am fine being with myself
Thursday, January 27, 2022
Philosophy
Essential Meaning of philosophy
1: the study of ideas about knowledge, truth, the nature and meaning of life, etc.
a professor of philosophy
Her degree is in philosophy and religion.
2: a particular set of ideas about knowledge, truth, the nature and meaning of life, etc.
The group eventually split over conflicting political philosophies.
3: a set of ideas about how to do something or how to live
Her main cooking philosophy is to use only fresh ingredients.
My philosophy is to live and let live. [=let other people live the way they want to]
His philosophy of life [=his way of living] is to treat people as he would like to be treated.
Full Definition of philosophy
1a(1): all learning exclusive of technical precepts and practical arts
(2): the sciences and liberal arts exclusive of medicine, law, and theology
a doctor of philosophy
(3): the 4-year college course of a major seminary
b(1)archaic : PHYSICAL SCIENCE
(2): ETHICS
c: a discipline comprising as its core logic, aesthetics, ethics, metaphysics, and epistemology
2a: pursuit of wisdom
b: a search for a general understanding of values and reality by chiefly speculative rather than observational means
c: an analysis of the grounds of and concepts expressing fundamental beliefs
3a: a system of philosophical concepts
b: a theory underlying or regarding a sphere of activity or thought
the philosophy of war
4a: the most basic beliefs, concepts, and attitudes of an individual or group
b: calmness of temper and judgment befitting a philosopher
Synonyms
Respectful people only are allowed into my life. Zero attention to the negative disrespectful.
I am polite, considerate, intelligent and aware.
I will give my attention to those who are respectful and
loving of all life and creatures.
Nice people are nice to everyone, not just to those they want to get
something out of or to some far and distant stranger seen in the media.
loving of all life and creatures.
Nice people are nice to everyone, not just to those they want to get
something out of or to some far and distant stranger seen in the media.
This marks the end of my association with disrespectful, nasty, egotistical
braggarts which up to the day have been
dominant in my life due to my lack of knowing that
braggarts which up to the day have been
dominant in my life due to my lack of knowing that
these people cannot change their core behavior because of me or
anyone else. ASS kissers are phony nice to strangers and treat
nice people like shit doormats like I have been treated by them.
anyone else. ASS kissers are phony nice to strangers and treat
nice people like shit doormats like I have been treated by them.
Childish acting mean tyrants, spoiled rotten brats get no attention.
Negative ones DEMAND attention in bad ways. They act they they
are smarter and entitled to all regardless of who they walk on and
mistreat.
are smarter and entitled to all regardless of who they walk on and
mistreat.
Wednesday, January 26, 2022
song; 3 more cups of coffee
3 more cups of coffee
couple more cigarettes
another shot of brandy
then maybe baby
maybe i'll forget
got used to your love
now its gone for good
a song i wrote over 30 years ago
sarah wilson mertz stillwell
Tuesday, January 25, 2022
excruciating back pain right now after eating first time, once today
experiencing horrible pain now
just ate these foods
canned split pea with ham soup chunky brand
added half can green beans and cabbage raw then cooked in microwave
rye bread 2 slices toasted
2 slices ham
1 slice swiss cheese
plain mustard
guacamole dip premade store bought from hyvee a few days ago
wavy plain potato chips : brand ?
zesty pickles bread and butter
fresh cucumber slices
hard cheese extra sharp about 2 ounces or so
hyvee salad mix iceberg purple cabbage carrots
-----------------
too many different foods
won't be able to identify culprit, which one or ones causing pain
Watched constantly skin ass boobs legs face
are you commando?
i don't know what you mean
are you wearing anything under that dress
oh, you will never know. why do you ask?
you never know .. I might see something.. said by
former neighbor donald r ogers september 2020
Monday, January 24, 2022
3 day experiment no flour products. Asian style food only meat veg fruit rice
today january 24, 2022
had a whole bunch of homemade
stir fry chicken with broccoli carrots onion cabbage
white rice
pineapple mango tropical fruit dried cranberries
----
pecans mixed nuts peanuts cashews ice cream banana
january 25, 2022 tuesday
Some think they can say or do anything to you
Because they paid you money for work or services you did for them
Because of their real or imagined position
Sunday, January 23, 2022
Saturday, January 22, 2022
Tuesday, January 18, 2022
Monday, January 17, 2022
Sunday, January 16, 2022
What causes these unwanted unhealthy physical symptoms
sunken face jowls
dark circles under eyes
weight loss unexplained
loss of muscle firmness
joint pain
arthritis
vision loss and damage
Blurred blurry eyes sight
obesity
weight gain .. fat cells become larger
puffy eyes
swollen face
mood changes, dramatic
sudden shifts froms good to bad feelings emotions
grey gray hair early earlier than expected
cravings for certain foods/things
sags sagging creepy skin
Friday, January 14, 2022
Clayton's gifts to me
clayton's gifts to me
he always remembers what people like and gives them something accordingly
his birth august 13, 1982 Friday the 13th, the lucky number and day
flowers he picked from outside when he was 2
shamrock finder easily finds 4 leaf clover
recording my wedding to mike february 21 1998
spice holder, plastic holds various variety
shells
clothes, sweat/workout suit Black with magenta pink pants and zip top
red lobster 100 gift card
ice cream at andy's custard lee's summit, mo for my birthday
leggings, first pair of yoga pants
plaque/sign "Patience" from him & Heather long before Damon was created, a
mother's day gift
back massager mat pad for back of chair
mattress , queen size will last "forever" for my birthday
phone telephone cordless system
instant pot, christmas a few years ago
slow cooker
pots and pans set emeril best you can get
---------
his 30th birthday at ugly joes with heather.. what a blast
Wednesday, January 12, 2022
Monday, January 10, 2022
John does not meditate
John must have constant outside stimulus in order to feel
alive and in pseudo control
He told me other people meditate and he does not
He believes he is superior and intelligent...and he is intelligent in his own ways
by memorizing trivia and news and information he receives from
outside sources
He does not allow himself to be silent quiet still
He does not listen to inner self guidance direction
He is not creative. Instead he chooses to admire the output and creations of others
He believes the answer is OUT there somewhere
He prefers to use the touchpad on computer NOT the mouse
He does not see anything special in people he knows personally
He admires strangers and the news and media : movies, actors, musicians
He is a control freak
Materialistic, money focused, mammon is his god
Only understands physical needs and wants and desires
Food/eating, hunger, bodily functions, movement
Says "I want, I need, What I need from you is..,
I want you to... I want this and that" constantly
He said "Don't take me literally" the other day when I visited him at the
nursing care home facility in Independence, Missouri
Awareness from less
awareness results from
less
stimuli/stimulus
focus on one thing or
nothing at all
allow emptiness or an empty feeling of thought mind
like a drain clearing out
when eyes are closed
no outside sounds
smells
or when very few sights sounds smells feelings tastes
are there
Sunday, January 9, 2022
Beauty and grace. Charisma
1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.
2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.
3. A sense of fitness or propriety.
4.
a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill.
b. Mercy; clemency.
5. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.
6. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve.
7. Graces Greek & Roman Mythology Three sister goddesses, known in Greek mythology as Aglaia, Euphrosyne, and Thalia, who dispense charm and beauty.
8. Christianity
a. Divine favor bestowed freely on people, as in granting redemption from sin.
b. The state of having received such favor.
c. An excellence or power granted by God.
9. A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or after a meal.
10. Grace Used with His, Her, or Your as a title and form of address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop.
11. Music An appoggiatura, trill, or other musical ornament in the music of 16th and 17th century England.
Safe neutral subjects in public or at home
weather current conditions , past or future
compliment and appreciate a persons
appearance, belongings, pet, hobbies, interests
a material object in the vicinity
observation and commenting on nature : land trees grass plants
animals landscape sky pools of water
food
Friday, January 7, 2022
Dating apps for rejects?
relationship coach states this
interesting
i dont consider such a thing
dont need it
in person is only way to know
Wednesday, January 5, 2022
Tuesday, January 4, 2022
Variety of sex partners : craved by men/ Male desires many conquests to spread his genes as far as possible
explains why
"love" their wife yet
make passes at other females often
Never satisfied with who he is with/the woman/women he has
already had (sex with)
HE Always wants more and different ones
women change their hair, their look,
their wardrobe/clothes often ..girls like to play dress up
anyway and try different looks and styles and
boys love to LOOK
at different females all of the time
THEY usually want the one woman they have (for regular
and guaranteeed sex)
yet will screw any other person any chance they get have or make
and/or have fantasies desires wants of doing it with as many
people they see anywhere anytime be it in person in the
media (print, video, communication devices such as telephone
cell phone ) or if
they hear about a possible sex partner from someone anyone whether
they know the person or not: personal associate or stranger
THEY crave fresh meat stranger sex
encounters of any kine be it surprise or not (familiar)
THEY do NOT want any type of commitment
obligation
monogomay being tied down
THEY like to think believe imagine they can procreate with
He will give material THINGS to me/you,the female/woman/girl
but will not give himself , his fidelity he will not ever really be faithful
to one woman
He will LIE cheat steal maniupulate coerce trick force others to get this sex desire
fulfilled
He will accumulate money material items and show off his prowess
with his physical body his mental intelligence ability
He will wrongly believe all he has to do is fork over an item or a
bit of money or perform a work function and this is all he has to do
to impress a female and make her falsely believe he loves her when in fact
he only really cares about himself/ # 1, numero uno
HE will pick fights with his partner prior to hunting for fresh meat conquests
He will start a fight argument over any little thing as excuse to get out of the house
or wherever he is around his regular mate to justify his inborn goal to go out
and get some strange new pussy
in order to avoid intimacy and having to spend real time with her
HE will give a gift (any item such as flowers, candy, whatever it may be)
or perform a service (do something nice for her which he rarely does
out of pure kindness)
to the regular sex supply female in his life when he has done his infidelity
with another woman either mentally or physically
This gift or service giving is done out of guilt not pure love so that he may
continue to keep his supply of maid, sex slave, bill payer, house cleaner,
partner for appearances to the public/neighbors,family, co-workers, anyone
outside of his home
He thinks there is always someone or something better OUT THERE
and he is MISSING OUT of some type of thing or activity he can't get at home
HE gets the things he wants
HE spends lots of and most of his money of what HE wants
He likes to keep in reserve a lot of money and material things
(he can use this to buy off any possible person for anything he desires to get
out of them sex incuded)
He does what he wants to do
HE listens to what he wants to hear
He looks at what he wants
These things give him power
and yet he denies his steady regular woman and family the things they want
so he can continue to get what he wants and he
becomes angry irate fitful pissed off throws tantrums when he discovers his mate or
kids have any item he did not pick out or approve for them to use
Favorite targets are innocent sweet kind loving people; those who do not know
they are being used coerced manipulated
IF he thinks someone else wants you and he might lose you as his constant supply to
fulfill his basic desires to make the public think he is a normal nice guy
then he will want you more and will temporarily do nice things for you and
may even want to marry you: ONCE married you are
considere HAD, taken and now become the
doormat worthless treated piece of trash garbage that he does NOT
have to do much work for pay attention to or impress because you
already fell for him and love him
PEOPLE are PLAYTHINGS and PLay toys to him
they are not live beings with their own intuition and wants and needs and desires
HE hides stashes lots of things in various places (such as money,
communications, activities, possessions)
yet HE demands to know all of the things you (I) have such as how
much money or things I have and has to know every one i know
so he can interrogate them as to my whereabouts or state of mind
He cannot be close or open with anyone about his true feelings and spirit and
motivations
GIVING yourself completely to one man is the WORST mistake a
woman can make
Always has to know what I am doing, thinking, going yet does not want me to know
all he is thinking doing or where he is going
Will do last minute things with no advance notice and want to go somewhere
suddenly then get pissed if I am not instantly ready
Avoids making plans
Spontaneous appearing but not really: He has already made plans I didn't know about it
Focusing on one thing equals success: This is why multi tasking is pushed by some, to keep you in their control
Jumping around from one thing to the other without finishing a thing
equals no success, no progress, limited thought and choice of activities
Just because I believe something doesn't mean it is always or at any time true
For instance. I believed that all people are inherently good and nice
and if I am nice and cooperative they will be nice and loving and love me back.
NOT TRUE!!
So I save a man's life and he accuses me of wrong doing and
Husband accuses me of having planned it out.
What a farce from paranoid schizoid people,.
Makes me think I shouldn't have saved his life and worked so hard
Every day for months April 20th thru December 6th
And makes me think twice about helping someone again
Who probably wanted to die and be better off dead.
Appreciation is lacking by both parties
It's like having a dog bite your hand while you're feeding it then chew your hand off
And spit in your face
Burning back pain daily chronic worse after eating
For years. Do not know why it burns and don't know how to stop it,
No help from anyone.
Chronic daily pain.
I do not take any drugs to relieve pain. I just deal with it.
Monday, January 3, 2022
Peace harmony beauty ease love warmth
i love peace harmony
i am upset by loud noises
machinery animals in distress
i am perfect the way i am
there is nothing wrong with me because of what i like and love
i am a female/girl. i am a woman and always have been
Sunday, January 2, 2022
To my grandson Damon. I love you very much. I don't know how much longer I will live. Memories we will always have.
I am here even though you can't see me.
Only used useful like a toy or tool when he wants to take me out to play when he's in the mood
Other than that
Shut the eff up
Stay away
Stay out if sight
He only looks at me when he wants something physical
Or wants and expects me to listen and agree
With everything he says
It's much easier to manage life when i know what u am dealing with
It's much easier to manage life when i know what u am dealing with
He wants physical material things and activities and no emotional mental love bonding
An android dead machine set doll set
For satisfying physical fantasies desres only
Can't connect emotionally spiritually in any fashion of love
Or understanding
Saturday, January 1, 2022
Male knows if I the female woman have more money I don't need him
so he prevents blocks inhibits me
from having more money
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