Respect everyone. It begins and ends at home.

If someone bought if before they will buy it again.

Criminals make you feel like a prisoner until they go to prison

He can't figure out why these bugs are heavy outside and inside

 causes of  insect, bug and pests including rodents, racoons, rats, snakes include

piling up things alongside the house, 

piles of tree pieces for firewood piled up close to back of the house

throwing rotten tomatoes and any other organic food items into the garden instead of tossing it out far away from the house like the end of the driveway close to the street

He has problems with regulating his body temperature

 he wears heavy socks and boots, blue jeans, a fairly heavy short sleeved shirt

works hard on heavy things and begins sweating profusely

he will not wear shorts (due to the ridicule of his 'skinny legs' when he was young and his mother using a switch on his legs when he refused to go to jehovah's witness meetings with her. later on when he was old enough to climb a tree he would escape her when he knew she was going to a meeting so he did not have to go

he will not wear sandals

he will not wear open toe or open backed shoes of any kind

he constantly tries to regulate the temp in the house and when he feels hot he turns on fans, air conditioning units, opens and closes windows continually throughout the day

common sense says wear lighter weight or very little clothes, wear minimal shoes, get in the shade, cool down with water spray, cool wet towel on the neck, cool wet cloth to wipe off with

Good news today he sd i am only one he trusts

 remarkable feat i accomplished with a paranoid man who trusts no one

Jumbled information in his heas

 explains his constant state of confusion

he imagines stuff 

is paranoid

Abuse definition

Old cars and young girls women men want

Dinner is not over because you finished eating

in a hurry. Worried about being late. Pushy

 John layson

Mike Stillwell 

Clayton 

Leroy Mitchell 

Ed

Rushes through things, pushes others, impatient, says don't waste my time, you talk too much. Am not interested in what you need want have to say. Minimizes me, does not place high value on me 

Visual 

Videos movies tv obsessed.

Won't read books and literature 

Hates quotes 

Ass focused

Must have constant radio noise tv videos 

Girlie mags sturbates to many strangers in pictures 

Cute outfits irresistible 

Drives too fast 

Expects instant food

Money obsessed 

Calls people derogatory bad names like stupid slow crazy idiots 

Antagonizes wife and children 

Repeats phrases over and over

Focused on status neighbors public image

Ass hole rude unacceptable behavior at home

Immediate needs and wants satisfaction top priority 

Consequences of words not thought about 

Insulting critical 

Hates church spiritually introspection poetry art 

People follow celebrities like dogs

Plain simple boring ordinary and poor I am

A good man treats his woman like a queen

Steal anything of value. Some do this

 be it money material things

good looks conscience beauty ethics

its all up for grabs by thieves bullies cowards

When hes hornie he can use the pornie

Better to be quiet unless you are famous. No one listens to a common poor person

People follow celebrities not ordinary people

Wisdom spoken by a common person is ignored

He says I have flawed thinking

People are often roadblocks not windows

Second hand news gossip wrong

 inaccurate, incomplete, half baked. lies. leaves out details circumstances reasons 

People suck up gossip, contrive stories, assumptions. Jump to conclusions. Have attention span of about 3 seconds 

Advice to myself

Never get married

Never go in business with anyone but myself

Never have joint checking or any financial accounts

Be ice queen

Bullies are lowest low class people vermin snakes

 they hate your 

confidence intelligence. goodness 

innocence purity ethics 

cleanness. grace. kindness

thieves liars robbers burglars criminals by nature

My worth is determined by me not anyone else

If no good people are to be found go solo alone solitary by yourself

Choose your companions wisely. They determine your life

The company you keep says everything about you

Guard yourself at home first

First part of house keeping is clean up your friends associates

He argues about every single thing I bring up, mention, talk about

 and contradicts whatever I say. 

And says I argue with him when I explore answers and agree with some things he says; even when I agree he says I am arguing.

Everything about him stinks

I am through forgiving self chosen stupidity and meanness from others

The face shows experience

Victim blaming and shaming needs to stop

 But some people will never stop blaming the victim that is attacked by a perpetrator/predator/bully or a person who experiences loss, lack and bad times.

Their mindset is such that when a person gets hurt they twist it around and come up with a way to blame the person who is hurt or killed.

August 21, 2025 saw endocringologist about my osteoporosis

 She said she did not have my records from university health which I thought she had.

She needs current blood work tests from within the last 30 days so I have to go back on August 28th at 2 pm and have blood drawn in the labs.  

4061 indian creek pkwy LABS 1st Floor 913-323-4747 st lukes mission endocrinology bone medicine. Brianna Kuster

IV Reclast once yearly infusion for 3 years.

Order placed August 21, 2025 for blood work in labs.

Alkaline Phosphatase

Celiac Screen

Ionized Calcium

Magnesium

Parathyroid Hormone Intact

Renal Panel

T4 Free

Thyroid Stimulating Hormone

---------------------------

August 21, 2025

Osteoporosis and fatigue, unspecified type

left side pelvis osteo worse than right. only a little bone less on right side

Blood pressure 106/64

BMI 20.76

Weight 120 lb

Height 5'3.75"

Pulse 84

---------------------

Instructions

Please take a picture of the back of your multivitamin and Vitamin D supplement.

Options:

1. 3 servings of dairy per day

2. Calcium carbonate supplement 600mg once daily and 1-2 dairy servings per day

I know what it's like to want something so bad and have fools stand in my way

 who demand explanations and regardless of how I answer they still don't get it. 

It is far easier to keep quiet and do what I need to do, get what I want and not have to put up with belligerent blockade fools.

True love exists is wishful thinking

 

Religion is wishful thinking

Karma is wishful thinking by humans

Hate it when

 the person giggles talks at the end or towards end of each sentence i speak while i am talking

cuts me off finishes my sentence and is wrong

its a fake act of pretending they understand and are listening. they are not listening at all. not hearing.

will not hear me out or read all of what i write

April 15, 2009

 stabbing pain right side ulcers gastritis duodenitis

worked too hard and long tried to live off coffee not eating

due to money pressure mammon worshipper husband

The death chair office desk went to the curb

The 1st airwolf in 2014

Forcing a person to go cold turkey is deadly torture

 that is exactly what he did to william today.

telling his roommate tony that beer costs too much. 

i said have you added up what you spend on snacks sweet tea sugary junk cookies cakes donuts beer wine rum at dollar tree grocery stores sams club? one day someone will cut you off of all your addictions and habits suddenly and we will see what happens to you.

he became irate immediately 

saying this is about william. why are you always trying to cause trouble!! take a look at yourself in the mirror! you use that vapor cigarette. that is the stupidest thing of all!!

back in december 2010 he forced me cold turkey off cigarettes. i began eating all kinds of trash junk in sight. about one month later january 2011 my legs swelled up tremendously. the pain was horrible.  edema in both my calves very bad. no doctor i saw. i barely lived thru it 

it was extremely cold outside. my bedroom 55 degrees. i cant take the cold. my fingers turn red purple and tips swell up.

Progress srunted by obtuse people

 millions of years to get 

here

He acts like he is single.Maybe he should be

 and has no male friends who are married

Half wit

 can't see patterns

has poor memory skills

can't predict things

can't foresee consequences

jumps to conclusions 

won't listen

too trusting of everyone

Being nice or looking good will get you things

 in a lot of cases. However some people despise good looking polite people and will cause them harm, distress and, in the case of psychotic killers like dahmer, bundy, gacy, manson, ramirez, btk, grissom, kc butcher,  will get you murdered because they want what they cant have and would like to be the beautiful naturally kind person who gets good attention.

these guys werent out for the money. it was ego and attention they wish they could have

acting mean haughty nasty jealous will get you in trouble, ignored, blackballed, fired. in jail.

in my case i get blackballed due to my looks. intelligence, empathy, ability to see thru peoples crap motives social cliques politics in the office or family or anywhere

Some appreciate nothing

 no little things. the more i do for them the less they value me 

He did not go to kindergarten. Neither did his youngest sister.

 Perhaps none of his siblings attended the first year of school most kids attend around the age of 5 or 6.

Kindergarten is a very important first step in learning basic life skills that continue on throughout adult life.

Quit trying to change another person's feelings at the moment.

Emotions must be experienced until feeling is over. Repressing is deadly to my soul

We think others ought to be like us

Autonomy drives the artist and inventor. The self expresses and competes with itself.

Traits he has. More of them. The same

Incapable of deep conversation

Shallow

zero introspection

zero social skills

zero fun

negative

physical more than thoughtful

not spiritual

He gets up August 15, 2025 Friday complaining frustrated snafu

He gets up August 15, 2025 Friday

10 am eats cereal watches conspiracy news on laptop.looks at cell phone.

complains that ricky's truck engine making rattling sounds wont be long it will quit running

complains says is aggravated with neighbor sharon calling her 

a penny pincher only gave him 25 dollars for things he did working 

on her mowers and he spent 12.05 on parts only got 25 but 

he wont say anything to her about it because he has a truck 

hood and misc parts junk he has been storing 

in her shed for years. i ask why he doesnt have room here. no answer.

up to 130 pm

eats cookies, snacks junk food

makes tea concoction of sugary drink

grabs handful of grapes i bought eats them

i want to cut up chicken to cook 

he says we have all these cucumbers what are we 

going to do with them do you have any ideas?

he interrupts whatever i am doing and acts like 

i should be doing something else that is on his mind

he runs upstairs phone in hand

says is texting the neighbor to see if they want some cucumbers

grabs a vhs movie i left on ledge 2 days ago because 

he came in my room saw me watching it the other night.

sd he it looked interesting he wanted to watch it name is "dreams" 

about a chinese boy. takes vhs into his bedroom says 

i think i will watch this while i am sitting on the bed

(what is really going on??? ..I suspect he was doing something

 else in addition to looking at that tape...somethings he does not want me to see or hear...)

----------------------

Dumb as a rock. My girlfriend Marilyn said this many years ago.. back in 1991 92 93

 when describing some guy

she hit the nail on the head in describing lots of men I know and have known

First time is the last time disrespect. You get one chance.

 my friend jay has this rule

i like it

i love it

wish i would have known it and been able to apply it since birth

disrespect is never acceptable 

Quit talking about him to other people

 they dont believe me 

they blame me

they say you picked him

it makes me look bad and stupid

and it was one of the dumbest choices i made not knowing that i should have only been with a man that pursued me respected me obsessed with me and never peemitted myself to be in the company of any other

He needs someone to beat up

 and i am the target 

he takes all shit out on me

he sees me as weak stupid defenseless worthless

He bitches complains about everything I need, am, like, say and do

 from food I eat to

things i say

how much i talk

when i talk to anyone anywhere including him complaining that i talk too much

accuses me of flirting with a man just because the guy came up to and i talked to him like at oak park mall when the salesman approached me insisting i try this skin cream and he did a sample demo on my face

what i am wearing clothes shoes coats jackets sweaters 

electricity i use

water i use to drink, shower, bathe, take a bath, do the dishes

soap i use. dish soap, laundry soap, conditioner, shampoo

says my breath stinks

movies and music and books i watch read listen to

poems i like

things i write .. he says it is stupid

any person that wants to me my friend he cuts me off from them immediately

any person i introduce him to he makes it a point to know them and bond with them by the work he does and god knows what else

every new person i met anywhere even at work he accused me of having a relationship or sex with

complains fiercely about my driving and makes me stop the vehicle get out so he can drive the van my minivan

refuses to allow me to drive his car or truck yet he takes all 3 of the vehicles anytime he wants

Ice emotions cut the invisible string now

 i dont care anymore

apathy set in regarding him for the rest of my life

same happened with several others

once my feelings of care are cut off i am done for good

no turning back to the living hell nightmare satanic dirty devil male that thinks he is a man but is a bully dictator weasel who should never touch any female and doesnt have the balls to fight a male and protect his woman wife child or any other person. he is a worm snake 

Ice Queen Fire Woman

I dont like the water. I love it!

same beliefs and values common amongst friends

birds feather flock tigether.

 his buddies associates are idiots when it comes to treating women respectfully. most of them are single some never married some divorced without a woman for years

gill, layson, strand,gomez,bottomley, hupp,wise, wilson/mitchell, mertz

misogynists, imbeciles, refuse to dress up in nice clothes, live like a pig. yell at me. impatient treat me like a maid doormat, hate housework, wont clean their room. poor social skills. think working money cars material things make them important .

paramoid. bpd, narcissist. wallow in dirt, filth.

privates and round body parts and pretty face is first thing they notice and they stare. glare. lust. 

some into battle sports. involved in political news crap. keeps up with news. voyeur. watches others judges constantly. p o rn addiction. 

throw major fit if misplace something or if i act like i will throw it away in trash or if i move things to clean. some throw tantrum or bawl their eyes out.

call people stupid suckers gullible naive idiots if the person is kind loving giving

act like they are master and me and others are slave. bossy.

incorrigible.

Low value men who do not value a woman surround me all over..everywhere

 I shall limit my presence and speech around them from now on

His stupidity has ceased to amaze me. My ephiphany realization understanding.

 His stupidity has ceased to amaze me. My ephiphany realization understanding.

I now understand these things

He maintains fixed opinions false beliefs

Is incorrigible, unteachable

Fixed in all habits, addictions, behaviors, personality: eating, activities, working, social activities

Resistant to change of any kind

He is reactive, impulsive, irrational, impatient

Lacks understanding 

 Is controlling, domineering, dominating, manipulative

seeks power over people animals all things

Is selfish, mean

Drawn to filth and corruption

Disorganized in many ways

Accountability: will not take responsiblity for his behavior, thoughts, beliefs, actions

Blames others for "provoking" him because he cannot control himself

A fool and his car or truck or motorcle

 never get far

have miserable marriages and relationships

never realize they are the problem

I dont know smart men

Headphones, TV, movies, radio can distract me from REAL life

 and not take care of business and do the important things that need to be done

like constant cleaning, organizing, tossing out the trash

shit he says to me

 i dont need your input

i dont care what you want. think or how you feel

go away leave me alone.

get the fuck out of my face

you dont know what youre talking about

youve had it easy

you will never convince me diet determines the way someone looks

youre a dimwit idiot stupid troublemaker worthless 

you walk too slow

you think you know it all

you dont drink milk thats why you have the problems (osteoporosis)

its not my fault

i cant do anything about it

i am not going out of my way to make you happy

youre careless

youre too old said even when i was 30

Hit and run

 chris called it a hit an run when the guy goes after and gets the girl then takes off often never to be seen again

Turd is a turd. Frog is, shit is, sows ear is ..they can't be changed into something else.

 can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear

He does not understand words. He goes by what he sees and material things he has

 zero listening skills. he cannot understand simple things like "clean" your room or any item cleaned properly. he thinks money and material things rule 

Conversations are not books. I talk too much give info like a speech book

 most people are not interested in what i have to say and if they were they dont have time and wont make time

cold slaps in the face

 9 yrs watching grandson. no holiday visits .2014 last christmas. 2 years old was the last birthday party i attended.

no visits here do they make.

never have they brought him over dropped him off. he is 11 years old.

 i am chewed up spit out used up kicked in the teeth ass back slapped in the face figuratively 

literally blocked out shoved away out the door. closed off. 

no friends. no activities. husband hates my guts.

i am only here to be a hole,

 pay a some utilities electric water phone cook laundry clean

no fixing this mess situation. he will never change anything about him. no one cares gives a shit. they wont and cant do anything about it. no solution anyone comes up with works because he will not do a damn thing good to have a nice happy life.

no birthdays mothers day thanksgiving easter nothing at all. not even a picnic. no invitations period 

hardest times

 cold winters stuck in here snows cant go anywhere not even a walk. freezing cold to me i freeze half to death fingers swell tips turn red and purple even tho i wear gloves hats 3 or 4 layers of clothes.

being awake is hard. sleep is only true escape.

drudgery all day unless i leave the house

hot summers he is miserable like every other day but worse

he constantly monitors windows doors due to weather outdoor temperature conditions. opening closing windows. air conditioning window units , one in garage. one in my master bedroom, one in living room downstairs. the one in his bedroom upstairs hasnt been used in a few years. he sleeps in the garage on floor under window unit ac instead of his bedroom.

baseboard heaters watch carefully monitor usage. he doesnt want electric bill to go up be high too expensive cost too much

 he cuts firewood burns wood hauling it in the yard in and out of the house all day and night. dragging shit dirt crumbs sticks bugs leaves wood chips into the house from back door thru living room and throughout the house. up and down 3 flights of stairs. tracking crap off shoes and boots daily hourly.

back door opens shuts slams alot. noisy.

anyone everyone attracts someone or more than one

 females males women girls boys men

all have attractions to and are attractive to someone

war of the roses movie my life

 beginning the 2 met. she free spirited dancer gymnast flexible loves rain artistic chef . shes a kind hearted lover and truth teller.

he square fixed rigid money and sex is his master. he hates getting rained on. he is phony fake nice to business associates ass kissing brown noser. rude crude obnoxious. works long hours thinks all he has to do is that work for money buy things and come home have sex sleep and she has done all things to create and keep the home nice clean and beautiful

he is a beast

she is the beauty. fed up with his shit. disgusted. contemptuous of him.

Innocence is being unaware, curious, natural, cute, playful

He is all these things

 hoarder, pack rat, scrapper, junkyard dog

resourceful, rude, impulsive, impatient

controlling to the max maximum 

misogynist. thinks women are stupid incompetent

believes women ask to be raped

has not raped me and says often we dont have enough sex

keeps locked file cabinet porn magazines i saw one day this or  last year when he was looking for paperwork

faux strangled me several times. i can recount each incident and cause. 

nov 13 2005 first time pushed me to ground floor i was at my desk sun eve just got home from working at super flea. he barged in my bedroom looked at curtain got pissed sd you always tear things up. he got back from tim nolan next door neighbors funeral or wake before funeral. i still dont know what he was actually mad about that day. i did nothing as usual to cause his physical assault 

no fun period. acts old stern grouchy bitchy nearly all the time. no joy in hardly anything. 

refuses to do or participate in any good feeling activities like festivals concerts fairs dancing movies playing ball or any game except solo chess on his laptop computer.

each time dining out eats same stuff too fast has to have dessert eg ice cream at burger king or dairy queen immediately after the burger fries chicken etc.

each meal at home when i eat he gets pissed about something has to be critical of food or how much i eat monitors my food yet eats any random trash he wants all day long. thoroughly upsetting my digestive system. has to get up see what i am eating every time. paces floor gets behind me grabs food if he thinks it looks good eats not because he is hungry. picks fight during meal. cannot sit still stay put during any meal breakfast lunch dinner. gets up opens fridge for individual things. he cant get several items out at once. puts one type of food on plate then gets up to get additional different foods sauces spreads .

watchful, watching things constantly people neighbors places things news weather.. eyes darting constantly wherever  he is

addict .. junk food sweets sauces cookies fast food, porn, conspiracy news online or in newspapers things promoting paranoia and one sided viewpoints black and white thinking,  

opinionated 

redneck

fear based

reactive

lacks empathy

vengeful

impulsive impatient 

fixed resistant to any changes of anything 

language deficient lacks understanding of word meanings 

sarcastic arrogant haughty mean hateful passionate one track minded at times

cluttered disorganized piles of everything he saves anything he comes across even a used condom

incorrigle unteachable

maintains false beliefs lies and argues with the dictionary definitions and people that are professionals in their field of work hobbies or anything 

will not listen to anything that contradicts what he believes

argumentative provokes instigates fights and problems 

picks at all people criticizing their looks beliefs habits appearance clothing cars trucks what they drive where they go and pastimes they have. when the pastimes hobbies beliefs ideas differ from his he becomes irate and often out of control going off like an atom or hydrogen bomb

does not want to let go of any material thing

hides things, money, activities 

closes up windows house fearing someone will see in especially when lights are on at night and closes blocks windows thinking it lets air in. mls put metal bars in wall over one basement window and boarded up the other window which does not allow escape in case of fire or emergency. totally against the law and building codes anywhere 

adamant about locking house doors and keeping garage door shut

jealous insanely 

hypocritical

righteous indignant full of haughty pride

yells often daily. 

frequently says why do you bring up the past which includes the last few minutes and anything before that.

says i dont want to hear it. talk about it.. go away get out of here/my face before i hit you. 

 denies treating me bad. feigns amnesia refuses responsibility for anything bad negative he says or does. 

physically active. deems his actions as the only important ones.

believes in master slave idea

can't have a real mature relationship or marriage with any women due to the deep level of childish emotional maturity level 

treats me like a mindless empty headed plastic wooden doll who has no brain or feelings because he doesnt care cannot comprehend that i am a live human being 

will leave piles of junk, trash, any item stored at any property or other people's houses storage areas

jwl had 3 large storage units at super flea full of old junk household and stuff used to sell at the music store

keeps shit from anyone he has had contact with as "memoirs" 

follows me around freaking out anytime i move things or clean or cook or eat or do anything

shoots orders at me to do what he thinks ought to be done in any area i am thinking about talking about or am visually doing

socially inept

bossy authoritarian dictatorial

jwl and ecm addicted to sports like football

mls addicted to news that he thinks is real regarding world issues politics trash

all addicted to sugary drinks; soda, sweet tea, gatorade, fruit juices

will leave plate of food unattended and run off do something else and answer the phone while eating then go back later eat stuff that flies have landed on ..will not cover the plate 

History teaches us if we pay attention

History teaches us if we pay attention

the same old things happen over and over again.

Nothing new exists

email draft I was going to send to Jacque in 2013

 Topics

prisons
desire more important than experience
pick your poison
addictive world
everyone is a writer these days
one minute one day of fame makes up for years of being common unknown

They look for the reaction. Be calm and still

Caring too much and desperation opens the door for predators thieves and destruction

Never act desperate for anything. Never beg

 Dont show I/you want something or someone real bad

 

Be nonchalant and patient. Watch, listen and wait

Born autonomous

"I'm NOT going to go out of my way to make you happy!" he yelled a few minutes ago

Seeds planted

Tip of iceberg reveals The berg

Don't look back yet remember history

 It repeats itself 

Learning to dump trash immediately. Recognize it quickly and stay away from it

He only pays attn to appearance and actions. Is fooled by what he sees

 and conjures up imaginings of what he thinks it is or what happened

Scuzz bucket males

 i know plenty of them

they allow sordid men over at the house/home

they suck up material that is called "adult only' and share it with their buddies

treat their partner woman spouse like a dirty dog slave maid doormat 

top priorities are satisfying their wants needs desires disregarding what she or the children want and need

do not understand words and language only physical appearance and actions

Pattern is new houses built to ghetto neighborhood

 dad told me about how along paseo troost ward parkway the new houses built long time ago eventuallly the houses got old the responsible people moved out to another new house and low class povertry stricken often trashy ghetto people moved in

the projects downtown and around kansas city were built to house poor people and the real dirt poor with their typical lifestyle of not working a job and doing or selling drugs in house or on the street and prostitution theft burglary 

the poor tore up wayne minor housing ripping out plumbing fixtures and tearing wire out of the walls to resell for drug money

He confiscates stuff all over the place anywhere he goes

 dragged all kinds of stuff home and there must be a ton of hidden things around here., buried in cardboard boxes and any kind of container piled up in places so i cant see it or get to it

he throws fits gets mad angry anytime i clean and want to expose all this junk

gets paranoid when i go into the garage basement his bedroom upstairs sheds car truck 

He hears the music not the words lyrics

 he is much more interested in watching a video

god only knows all of the things he watches and has seen

i only know what he has shown me

certainly there is a dark side i do not know about

hidden movies secret chats things on the internet printed materials magazines books ..a whole world of hidden stuff he looks at watches and hides from me

he listens to loud broadcasts of cult leaders like mike lindell a loudmouth loser nevér made it with the ladies. donald trump arrogant like him.

he identifies with men who project false superiority power control wealth money

misogynists like him

Do we like to watch movies videos we dont understand?

Horror movies

 he does not like . days they are too easy to figure out..

bad guy wants control

i watch these movies to try to figure out and understand this behavoir

predators criminals thieves murderers

The only battle I need to fight is to be myself

 the only battle he needs to fight is to be himself

the only battle she needs to fight is to be herself

2000 or so I began suspecting something was wrong with him

 I am a slow person to realize things about people. 

Met him in 1987. Moved in December 1991. Took me 9 years until 2000
before I began thinking something was wrong with this picture.

Loudmouth Lunatic Losers

 Mike Lindell

Man who came into Sambos restaurant 1981 always talking real loud and insulting people, rude to the waitresses

Cult leaders and killers

A loser

 as a child. teen and now as an adult he is still a loser

puberty hits then

boy loser doesn't get the girl

girl loser does not get guy she wants

physical attraction there. social ineptitude exists.

inability to understand a relationship get along respect give and take. love is not understood or comprehended. only desire for power control ownership as if the person is an object 

transactional conditional attitude towards people

feeling like a failure some losers not only torment some kill victims then blame victim as cause for their bad abusive behavior

explains cult leaders 

teens who shoot or use other killing methods at schools

those with black and white thinking

political religious zealots desiring control 

domestic violence abusers

Assassinators

torturers often begin in childhood

Things he wants me to do and be. And the way he s

he is opposite of what he expects me to be.

 things he wants me to have and be... pretty, beautiful. cute. smoothe skin. silky feeling legs. smell good clean fresh perfume cologned up. have fresh breath at all times. look young. be cooperative, agreeable compliant. look sexy. wear stockings. talk speak softly. be humble show humility. work like he does. fix all food. clean up messes house yard. wash clothes do laundry. pay at least half the bills and make much less than half the money he makes. act happy with whatever is . tolerate his shit and never confront him with what he says or does or imitate his words and tone of voice

while 

he rages yells throws tantrums, is loud. stinks. is dirty, filthy. is stubborn, inflexible. rigid, fixed, resistant to change. is impatient, rude. in a hurry. obnoxious self centered. looks and acts ugly. forceful pushy mean. vengeful. accusatory. suspicious. paranoid. skeptical . negative.  noncompliant, disagreeable, miserable, complaining, stupid, plays loud tv speakers of hateful warmongers then high pitched music or other music that is elevator or church sounding or same techno disco beat in every song ..plays any type of music i hate. refuses to do participate in any fun activities. laughs at redneck things and jokes that make fun of people. pushes politics , opinions on others.  

Redneck he is

Top priorities

 Get money

Feed your face

Look good

Only do what you want

leave all the shit jobs like cooking cleaning shopping washing dishes laundry organizing scheduling errand running to someone else

Focus on doing whatever it takes to get money, look important and appear powerful

Traps

 marriage

children

jobs

Tell certain people what I want and they will do everything to stop me from getting it

We find a way to get what we want. Secrecy is often necessary to get it

 We find a way to get what we want. Secrecy is often necessary to get it

Because other people stand in the way become a roadblock, a door,

stopping me or anyone from getting what they want

Dressing for safety and warmth not appearances is mandatory

 deep pockets to hold everything

no purse carrying

fat pants, coats, jackets and sweaters

long shorts capris with big pockets

combat boots, hiking boots, steel toe shoes

baggy shirts tops 

overalls

carpenters pants

below the knee dresses with deep pockets

no skimpy revealing clothes regardless of how hot it is

baseball cap when driving or walking so I look like a man boy

carry a heavy stick cane bat club weapon screwdriver

tshirts sweatshirts 

straight point club collar button down spread band camp cutaway tab  shirts

His response is mostly " I figured.." as if he is a mind reader

 whatever happens he will say i figured that would happen

or i didnt figure you did

that figures

i figured you would say that figured you would do that

acting as if he knew the thing would happen that way

when in reality he usually figures and predicts wrong wrongly with errors

his assumptions are usually wrong

he fills in my sentences with errors in attempting to predict what i am going to say

Hurting or helping

 we know how to hurt or help the people/person closest to us

vengence or charity

Sometimes I wish...

 some evil people would vanish, disintegrate never to be seen again

I can live on a planet with nice people

Books, studying, solitude, writing, cleaning, caring

 I have not used enough time reading the dictionary, one of my favorite pastimes. I have been unable to write as much as I would like/love to do. 

I have experienced countless things in my life. 

A wide variety of things have happened to me: Things outside of my control stemming from other people's choices and events of nature. 

Things that (I think) came from me: The things I (probably) chose to do.  

Choice is a delicate thing. Some things may be innate forces of nature in my being, others may be from programming by others during my development since conception. 

These experiences have been in many shades of what people call good and bad.

When I was young, (a child and teenager growing up) I spent my time in public schools and at home in that school. I did the responsible things I was supposed to do and my time was spent studying, reading, learning, doing my school workm yard work and house work, cleaning, organizing things and caring for other people and pets. My nose was to the grindstone and I stayed out of trouble. 

I got good grades and never got into trouble at school or written up on the bus. 

While I was practicing my handwriting and typing on an old manual typewriter since I was 7 years old some other kids were doing lots of things I would never dream of, imagine or consider doing. 

They were picking fights, hurting other people and animals, doing drugs, smoking and drinking things, tearing things up, destroying, stealing, lying, cheating and just plain causing and being trouble with a capital T. 

I was alone most of the time. Just like now. Except now I am alone more than I ever was in my life because I do not attend school, have no job outside the home, am not a member of any group or club, have no social life and no friends I see or talk to regularly like every week the way most people do.

For every disaster there is a new beginning

Each person has an opposite match: Messmakers and Cleaner Uppers