How to Raise Kind Children in a Bullying World (3406)
How to Raise Kind Children in a Bullying World (3406)
Bully Protection 101
...If your child is in a peer group, it’s only a matter of time before he gets bullied. It’s important for parents to recognize the signs because a child who has been browbeaten won’t always confide in his parents. Joseph White, author of the pamphlet Catholic Parent Know-How: Bullying, What Parents Can Do, says parents should be on the lookout for bullying when they observe their child wanting to avoid school or an activity enjoyed formerly....
Both experts advise instructing children on how to avoid provoking a bully. Parents can teach bully-resistance skills such as ignoring teasing or deflecting it by using humor, White says. If your child is being mocked, "Tell your child to blow him off," advocates Guarendi. "You have to give them that advice even though they may not be able to follow it out; you have to start them on that path. Because if you don’t, then they’re just going to be harassed any time, any place." To help make their child less of a target, White recommends that parents practice effective eye contact, confident posture and problem-solving skills. If the problem is happening on the bus, then they can instruct him or her where to sit in order to avoid the bully.
The majority of bullying behavior consists of being mocked and excluded. While this kind of bullying is not usually life-threatening, it can make a child’s life miserable. As Guarendi says, "Girls are much more prone to form social alliances and cliques. They exclude a girl for their own peculiar reasons — ‘I don’t like the fact that she’s tall.’" Parents need to help their daughters realize that they don’t have to have the approval of every kid, he notes. Having just a few good friends is all any child needs.
How to Stop the Bully
Should you advise your child to fight back physically? "Yes, you have to defend yourself. But if the kid is a lot bigger than you, then you have to think twice," Guarendi advises. He thinks there is a misconception perpetuated that all bullies are weak. "Some bullies will beat the heck out of you. It’s a judgment call."
White agrees that it is okay for a child to protect himself, but in most cases, there’s an adult close by who can help intervene. He says fighting back sometimes confuses the situation and the innocent child gets wrongly accused of being the bully. "A general rule might be that if someone is hurting you, do what you need to do to get away and then get help from an adult." If the situation gets too aggressive for the adolescent to deal with alone, a parent can usually stop a bully by quietly going to the authorities.
Instilling Kindness
At the heart of bullying behavior is a lack of empathy. Laraine Bennett, who co-authored a book with her husband, Art Bennett, called The Temperament God Gave Your Kids: Motivate, Discipline and Love Your Children (recently reviewed in the Register), advises parents to begin helping their children attain the virtue of empathy when they’re little. "Even toddlers can learn to use ‘gentle touching’ when holding a baby or touching a flower. When they’re older, you can ask questions like: ‘How do you think he feels when you said that he was stupid?’ or ‘Why do you think that old man is so grumpy?’"
White recommends parents instill kindness in their children through their own actions: "Take the time necessary to establish a quality relationship with your child. Do kind things for others together, and show your children that you understand and respect their feelings as well."
Never Allow Mistreatment
Guarendi counsels parents to take a strong stand on not mistreating others. Learning to treat others kindly begins in the home with one’s parents and siblings. A hard line needs to be taken when it comes to the mistreatment of siblings. This means doling out punishment, such as loss of privileges, for name-calling, antagonizing behavior and hitting. "The experts have convinced parents that [mean behavior] is sibling rivalry and children do that because that is just the way they are. Well, that’s irrelevant," he says. "The way children are may not be good. No: That’s like saying guys get into pornography — that’s the way they are. It doesn’t mean it’s good."
Children need to be taught that mistreating others outside the home is equally unacceptable and will have consequences. As White suggests, "Plan with your child how to make sure he or she has a reputation for kind behavior towards others."
The Child Most Likely to Be Bullied
Experts on the theory of four classical Greek temperaments, Art and Laraine Bennett believe that it’s the child with the melancholic temperament (cautious, sensitive, artistic, introverted and prone to be dreamy) who’s most likely to "come under the sway of bullies or be bullied themselves."
The introverted melancholic is more apt to be a sideline observer until she feels comfortable enough to participate; she gravitates towards peaceful environments away from the rambunctious playground, and she may be less athletically inclined or somewhat awkward. "This child can be an easy target for the playground bully or the ‘mean girls’ who are looking for a scapegoat," say the Bennetts. "Compounding the problem is that the sensitive introvert (whether melancholic or phlegmatic) is more likely to give in to the bully’s demands, thus further perpetuating the bullying behavior."
Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/how-to-raise-kind-children-in-a-bullying-world#ixzz3MEJjLGgh
How to Raise Kind Children in a Bullying World (3406)
Bully Protection 101
...If your child is in a peer group, it’s only a matter of time before he gets bullied. It’s important for parents to recognize the signs because a child who has been browbeaten won’t always confide in his parents. Joseph White, author of the pamphlet Catholic Parent Know-How: Bullying, What Parents Can Do, says parents should be on the lookout for bullying when they observe their child wanting to avoid school or an activity enjoyed formerly....
Both experts advise instructing children on how to avoid provoking a bully. Parents can teach bully-resistance skills such as ignoring teasing or deflecting it by using humor, White says. If your child is being mocked, "Tell your child to blow him off," advocates Guarendi. "You have to give them that advice even though they may not be able to follow it out; you have to start them on that path. Because if you don’t, then they’re just going to be harassed any time, any place." To help make their child less of a target, White recommends that parents practice effective eye contact, confident posture and problem-solving skills. If the problem is happening on the bus, then they can instruct him or her where to sit in order to avoid the bully.
The majority of bullying behavior consists of being mocked and excluded. While this kind of bullying is not usually life-threatening, it can make a child’s life miserable. As Guarendi says, "Girls are much more prone to form social alliances and cliques. They exclude a girl for their own peculiar reasons — ‘I don’t like the fact that she’s tall.’" Parents need to help their daughters realize that they don’t have to have the approval of every kid, he notes. Having just a few good friends is all any child needs.
How to Stop the Bully
Should you advise your child to fight back physically? "Yes, you have to defend yourself. But if the kid is a lot bigger than you, then you have to think twice," Guarendi advises. He thinks there is a misconception perpetuated that all bullies are weak. "Some bullies will beat the heck out of you. It’s a judgment call."
White agrees that it is okay for a child to protect himself, but in most cases, there’s an adult close by who can help intervene. He says fighting back sometimes confuses the situation and the innocent child gets wrongly accused of being the bully. "A general rule might be that if someone is hurting you, do what you need to do to get away and then get help from an adult." If the situation gets too aggressive for the adolescent to deal with alone, a parent can usually stop a bully by quietly going to the authorities.
Instilling Kindness
At the heart of bullying behavior is a lack of empathy. Laraine Bennett, who co-authored a book with her husband, Art Bennett, called The Temperament God Gave Your Kids: Motivate, Discipline and Love Your Children (recently reviewed in the Register), advises parents to begin helping their children attain the virtue of empathy when they’re little. "Even toddlers can learn to use ‘gentle touching’ when holding a baby or touching a flower. When they’re older, you can ask questions like: ‘How do you think he feels when you said that he was stupid?’ or ‘Why do you think that old man is so grumpy?’"
White recommends parents instill kindness in their children through their own actions: "Take the time necessary to establish a quality relationship with your child. Do kind things for others together, and show your children that you understand and respect their feelings as well."
Never Allow Mistreatment
Guarendi counsels parents to take a strong stand on not mistreating others. Learning to treat others kindly begins in the home with one’s parents and siblings. A hard line needs to be taken when it comes to the mistreatment of siblings. This means doling out punishment, such as loss of privileges, for name-calling, antagonizing behavior and hitting. "The experts have convinced parents that [mean behavior] is sibling rivalry and children do that because that is just the way they are. Well, that’s irrelevant," he says. "The way children are may not be good. No: That’s like saying guys get into pornography — that’s the way they are. It doesn’t mean it’s good."
Children need to be taught that mistreating others outside the home is equally unacceptable and will have consequences. As White suggests, "Plan with your child how to make sure he or she has a reputation for kind behavior towards others."
The Child Most Likely to Be Bullied
Experts on the theory of four classical Greek temperaments, Art and Laraine Bennett believe that it’s the child with the melancholic temperament (cautious, sensitive, artistic, introverted and prone to be dreamy) who’s most likely to "come under the sway of bullies or be bullied themselves."
The introverted melancholic is more apt to be a sideline observer until she feels comfortable enough to participate; she gravitates towards peaceful environments away from the rambunctious playground, and she may be less athletically inclined or somewhat awkward. "This child can be an easy target for the playground bully or the ‘mean girls’ who are looking for a scapegoat," say the Bennetts. "Compounding the problem is that the sensitive introvert (whether melancholic or phlegmatic) is more likely to give in to the bully’s demands, thus further perpetuating the bullying behavior."
Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/how-to-raise-kind-children-in-a-bullying-world#ixzz3MEJjLGgh
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