Tired, old, ugly, falling apart
worn out, used up, wrung out, ran over
not good for much of anything anymore
not much joy, nothing to look forward to
home is a war zone
to realize the one i loved, the one i set my sights on
and waited 4 years to be with then spent
24 years with doesn't love me at all
and never did
i am viewed as a piece of dead meat
a lifeless object without feelings, without a heart
useless, worthless, stupid
a female not good for much of anything
except laundry, cooking, light cleaning and
an occasional romp in the hay
which he calls a duty
all of the things i am and all of the things i have
done are minimized, negated, devalued
love has not been in the cards for me
it's been jumping from one frying pan into another fire
each and every time
the worst lies i ever believed i told to myself
most of which i got directly from the media
movies, books, stories, fairy tales, people i know
the worst lie is that a toad can be changed into a prince
a toad is a toad and always will be a toad
like a dog is a dog. he barks and he always will
nothing you do and nothing about you will ever change that
his mother made him and that is what he is
your beauty, love, grace, intelligence, understanding, hard work, efforts to
do and be whatever he likes or wants will not turn that
toad into a prince
i am tired of toads, frauds, liars, thieves
and hit and run horndogs
i am tired of the pain, physically, emotionally and spritually
i am old and have lived beyond the life expectancy of
women in the "old days"
if i didn't wake up tomorrow it might be said
that i lived a long life
and my vanishing would be a blessing not a mourning