When I was age 16 I couldn't cook a lick. All I knew how to do was heat up a can of soup and sort of make a grilled cheese sandwich in a skillet.

When I was age 16 I couldn't cook a lick. All I knew how to do was heat up a can of
soup and sort of make a grilled cheese sandwich in a skillet.
After leaving home at 16 years and 4 months old I was projected into the
world of poverty. Lived with my dad and stepmother from hell in the ghetto then to
my mom's apartment in northeast kansas city, missouri, the true epitome of
poor. Pregnant with my first child when I reached the ripe old age of 16 years and
8 months, I was living with people who lived on welfare food stamps and
what they called adc aid to dependent children at that time.
I learned slowly very slowly how to feed myself by cooking real food
something other than a honey bun, processed food made with flour, sugar and
preservatives.
Grandma, my mother's mother always cooked daily but didn't teach me how to
cook anything. She obviously didn't teach my mother, her daughter how to
cook, either. My mom could halfway fry lots of chicken, fry some eggs in bacon
grease and put together a few dishes made up of lots of government
cheese and processed foods, stuff out of a can or box but she wasn't
nearly as enthusiastic about cooking real good food as she was eating it.

mom used to be hot. used to be desired. used to be persued by males/men.

mom used to be hot. used to be desired. used to be persued by males/men.

I haven't made anything from affiliate links

I haven't made anything from affiliate links

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. Ben Stein

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. Ben Stein

if you are going to be be what you are straight up

if you are going to be
be what you are

straight up

seek yourself

seek yourself

are you happy now
john stillwell
happy ruining the lives of your family
filing frivolous lawsuits
because of your learned actions, behavior, lack
of depth of feelings,
from your mother
pride
avarice
wrath
lust
envy
greed
sloth
and a whole lot of prejudice

I met this
lovely
fascinating lady
at Sunfresh grocery store
last night.
We were looking at the
avocadoes and noticed
how soft they were.
Stacey L age 65 looks
39
shopping for her husband
and I was also shopping
for my husband.

some have told me i have a heart of gold but i don't

some have told me i have a heart of gold
but i don't... i have a heart that pumps the blood of life and the love of life rushing
through my veins in every cell of my body and soul

It appears, it seems like the only place true emotions and feelings are allowed are in the movies and any other media.

It appears, it seems like the only place true emotions and feelings are allowed are in the movies and
any other media.
Characters, people, actors, stars, rich, famous, politicians, news sources--tv, internet, radio, newspapers,
books, magazines
and news reporters, anyone being recorded and
publicized via the media are allowed to have feelings, show their emotions, be
accepted and rewarded for being a hero.
If you're not recorded and broadcast worldwide, if you haven't published a book then
you are a nothing, a nobody, a thing people avoid. Nobody listens to you, nobody wants
to look at you.
The not famous, not recorded are not listened to.

adhd add attention deficit disorder.is it actually too much to do -tmtd- forced upon me by society and the media

adhd add attention deficit disorder.is it actually too much to do -tmtd-
forced upon me by society and the media

inability to concentrate to focus on what
i need to do
due to being distracted by one or more
individuals telling me what to do,
what to think, how to feel
using the word "should" frequently

You missed your calling. You should have been an analyst.
Uncle Larry Wilson.

PSYCHOLOGIST PSYCHIATRIST SOCIAL WORKER PSYCHOLOGY PSYCH PSYCHE SHRINK

ignored hated not appreciated

I know I am living with a narcissist. I agree with what he says and he tells me I am arguing with him.

I know I am living with a narcissist. I agree with what he says and
he tells me I am arguing with him.

5 minutes with me lasts 6 months.

5 minutes with me lasts 6 months.
intense, concentrated. jerry pridemore a friend told me this back in 2007

recordings are the things that matter most

recordings are the things that matter most

And I hear the train.
The train keeps rollin all night long.
Like my son Clayton.
The train. 

You're a dreamer.

You're a dreamer.
You're dreamin.
words from my ex

Journals, diaries, now called blogs,
flat stomachs,
big tits,
big butts
computer programming,
computers,
feelings rule,
are what I know
and what I did.
I have over 20 years of hand written journals.
at age 9 nine and 10 i had hand written diaries
which were taken by an aries man joshua
walton
while i lived in grandview, missouri
in the year 1980
he told me he took them, confiscated my work,
my possessions
because he thought they were interesting
he mentioned living in sioux falls, south dakota
his friend was stanley stone
who had a brother michael mike stone that lived in
belton missouri

at my age of sixteen a brother of mine made fun of my
journal writings that i had written from age 11 to 16
kept in 3 ring binder hand written on notebook paper
i burned them burned up my life recordings my papers
in the fireplace at my grandparent;s  house because of
an idiot

recordings are the only things that matter
we relive them

The job, the corp,corporation, the business, the biz, the company, doesn't give a flying rats
hole about you, your feelings or your personal life.

The boss man or woman with the title of your "superior", supervisor, manager
cares not, cares less about you and more about them.
It doesn't recognize illness,
sickness, death, accidents, any reason you are late, any reason you can't show up for
work, yours, your family, spouse or your children's well being-health
be it emotional physical spiritual or mental.
It-- the job, the boss, the corp, just wants you there available 24/7 on call immediately
for them, to
drop everything and anything else going on and run to them anytime night or day to
make them--the company/corp/corporation/business --their business, not yours-- money.
Big fat freeking money for them not you.
When you're down and out, worked yourself half to death in a frenzy to please the
never satisfied corp all the while ignoring your own family you are left dumped on the
side of the road like rotting road kill.
Doesn't bother the corp. Not part of their life. No food lost off their table. No trip lost for
them or their family. They still go to Disneyland.

Sore throat continues January 3, 2016 to now January 22, 2016.

Sore throat continues January 3, 2016 to now January 22, 2016.
Feels like something stomped on the left side of my throat today.
Lymph nodes under chin on throat swollen and sore on both sides.
The soreness alternates from one side to the other and sometimes feels
sore on both sides and the back of my throat at the same time.

Voice sounds scratchy,
congested, clogged at times with periods of sounding normal.
Dry cough alternating with productive mucous filled cough sometimes the
color is yellow, green, brown or reddish. The same colors of mucus form
in the sinuses at times. Sinuses/nasal cavities are currently not dripping clear
liquid or congested.
Two weeks ago I blew blood out of my nose along with yellow and green stuff.

A clot of mucus is stuck in my throat again now and is difficult to expel.
A couple of hours ago I squeezed my throat and tried to cough up the phelgm
and only some of it came out.
I have used a cotton swab several times over the last few weeks to scrape off the back of
my throat in an attempt to get rid of this parasitic organism, the name of which
I do not know but I am suspecting it is a bacterial infection because the mucus
is varying in color and also a viral infection because at times the mucus dripping
from my nose is clear, colorless and runny.

I had this sickness for about 3 weeks in December, 2015 and it seemed to go away
for about 1 week until it returned on January 3, 2016.

Today's Special Message of Inspiration & Thoughts on Life

It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.

Your Fortune!
Do not make extra work for yourself.

She's a nobody. She's a nothing. She was a wannabe model and writer and failed at both.
She gave up her life to love a man and to love her two children. The man, the third
martian husband, does not love her and never did, although he pretended to love her in
the beginning, just like all of the rest of the men did.

big tits ? no


natalie dormer

everyone is addicted to something

everyone is addicted to something

plain and simple
manual toothbrush, use baking soda to brush teeth
cut my own hair
wear no or very little makeup

don't use curling iron
don't use flat iron
rarely use hair dryer
don't go to beauty salon

when i color my hair i do it myself which is rare less than once a year
my goal is to never use hair coloring again.. if i get right nutrients in diet it doesn't grey
wear little or no jewelry: one cheap silver ring i "inherited" from my mother and
one pendant with the letter "s" i "inherited" from my grandmother, mom's mom

don't need to wear a bra, small boobs on top, wear only to cover nipples poking through
so people don't see them
real breasts no surgery no silicone
breasts worked/functioned fine, breast fed 2nd child/son starting in 1982 until
baby was 2 1/2 years old

feet were an asset, considered pretty and cute by some people due to even looking toes
and high arch in foot

legs powerful: fat, thick thighs, fat calves, muscular calves
small waist
skinny above hips
bony rib cage, those are ribs not abs

flat stomach
skinny arms

hairy arms
hairy legs
hairy feet
hairy back
hairy face
hairy head
thick full bushy eyebrows
long skinny bony fingers with fairly long fingernails

do it myself
cook own food
simple food whole food season it myself
cook for others, many dishes
wash own dishes
clean own house
do own laundry
shop by myself

think by myself
think for myself
12 to 16 hours a day in solitude, by myself
express feelings from the self

Heaven, hell, God, the Devil or Satan are figures of speech.
Heaven and hell aren't imaginary distant places one goes to after death
according to the way one lives their life.
God and Satan are not beings or creatures resembling human beings on
planet earth. 

Truth is most people don't listen. They may
hear the noise of my voice but don't listen to a thing I say.
They do not listen to reasons or reason.
My reasons are deemed excuses.
They only know their own
situation and freely offer advice, telling me what I need to do, need to think, what I should or could do to fix my problems, all of which usually does not apply to me but applies to them.

I am not your shadow.

I am not your shadow.

Close your eyes so you can hear me.
You can't listen when your eyes are open. 

http://www.scoliosis.org/resources/medicalupdates/degenerative.php

http://www.schrothmethod.com/about-schroth-method

http://drkhayami.com/clients/1960/images/.resized/.resized_300x254_Scoliosis.jpg


http://belviderechiropractic.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/What-are-the-Symptoms-of-Scoliosis.jpg

Your food is the first thing the poor take control over when you live with them.

Your food is the first thing the poor take control over when you live with them.

Eclectic

Eclectic

Eclectic

e·clec·tic

  (ĭ-klĕk′tĭk)

adj.

1. Selecting or employing individual elements from a variety of sources,systems, or styles: an eclectic taste in music; an eclectic approach tomanaging the economy.

2. Made up of or combining elements from a variety of sources: "a popularbar patronized by an eclectic collection of artists, writers, secretaries andaging soldiers on reserve duty" (Curtis Wilkie).

n.

One that follows an eclectic method.

---

[Greek eklektikos, selective, from eklektos, selected, from eklegein, to select: ek-, out; see ecto- + legein, to gather; see leg- in Indo-European roots.]

---

e·clec′ti·cal·ly adv.

American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. Copyright © 2011 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

eclectic

 (ɪˈklɛktɪk; ɛˈklɛk-)

adj

1. (Art Terms) (in art, philosophy, etc) selecting what seems best fromvarious styles, doctrines, ideas, methods, etc

2. composed of elements drawn from a variety of sources, styles, etc

n

a person who favours an eclectic approach, esp in art or philosophy

[C17: from Greek eklektikos, from eklegein to select, from legein to gather]

ecˈlectically adv

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged, 12th Edition 2014 © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2011, 2014

ec•lec•tic

 (ɪˈklɛk tɪk) 

adj.

1. selecting or choosing from various systems, methodologies, etc.; notfollowing any one system.

2. made up of elements selected from various sources: an eclecticphilosophy.

n.

3. Also, ec•lec•ti•cist (ɪˈklɛk tə sɪst) a person who follows an eclecticmethod or mode.

[1675–85; < Greek eklektikós selective =eklekt(ós) chosen (v. adj. of eklégein tosingle out =ek- ec- + légein to choose) + -ikos -ic]

ec•lec′ti•cal•ly, adv.

Truth doesn't hurt. Lies hurt.

Truth doesn't hurt. Lies hurt.

Fake, phony, false pretenses, trickery, deceit, twisting words, ideas
and meanings around, causing confusion, misery, hatred, anger,
frustration. Subtle, sneaky, undercover covert theft of spirit and
material things induces pain and anguish. That is what hurts.

Real, true, genuine, overt giving, up front, openness, good intentions, clearly stated,
sometimes loud, natural, free flowing, easily understood and
digested causes happiness, pleasure, love, warmth, understanding
and acceptance of what is.

It is not normal or natural to seek pain or to endure pain for extended periods of time.

It is not normal or natural to seek pain or to endure pain for extended periods of time.
Avoiding pain is natural.
Seeking pleasure is natural. Feeling good and finding the easiest way to get
what you need is natural.

Pharma Death Clock

Pharma Death Clock


Pharma Death Clock

the world is about
driving yourself into the ground
working yourself into a frenzy
pumping yourself up into the phony fake wordly goals of
acquiring the newest latest trends of fake and shiny things
to make your face and body look "better"
acquire lots of material things to make others
think you are doing well and better than them

ignore your own feelings and feelings of others:
tired, ill, sad or sick?
take a pill or two or three to cancel out your feelings
pump yourself up with caffeine, drugs, pain killers,
--so you can keep going--
antihistamines, hormones, artificial vitamins, steroids,
sugar, tobacco, nicotine, sweets, salty snacks,

fake, phony and false foods lacking in nutrition that taste
good due to flavor enhancers and fake phony false artificial
sweeteners and other fake flavors made in labs
that leave you unsatisfied due to lack of
nutritronal content
so you want and eat more and more

Don't make fun of people.. You're next.

ascetic

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ascetic

Fantasy: people are interested in.
Fake: people are fans of, interested in, focused upon.
Phony: people eat it up.
Superheroes: people love them but never act like one.

Affiliate links : no one signs up.
Answering surveys: no one is interested.
Earning points by searching, clicking, answering surveys, singing up: no one is interested in.
Earning cash back for purchases: no one is interested in.
Saving money: no one is interested in.

My life is real. It is not a movie. It has no script. There are no directors, producers or
anyone in charge.
It it not recorded. It can't be played over again. No one is interested in it. Nobody reads
about it. It's not popular or trendy. No one cares to hear about it.

Do you suppose that golden pussy will be warm, wet, soft -- the best you've ever had -- when
you finally get it?
Or will it be like the gold you seek, cold, hard, dry and lifeless.
Will it be the perfect match for the motor oil running through your veins pumped by the steel heart
in your chest?

Annivesary will not be celebrated again Februry 21, 2016

1998. February 21 married,.. a wedding at home.

No celebration, no party, no acknoldegement has been made
of this event.

Husband never remembers the day or event.

Day 9 sore throat still here. Started Sunday 1-3-2016

Day 9 sore throat still here. Started Sunday 1-3-2016
Dark red spots on throat, mucus collects on back of throat. Hard to cough up.
Used cotton swab to get some of the phlegm off because I couldn't cough it up.
January 7, 2016 woke up severe headache nauseated
then proceeded to throw up no visible food particles noon to 1 pm.
January 11, 2016 monday woke up blowing nose yellow green mucus
and blood on tissue.
Dry hacking cough and mild in and out fever throughout this sore throat cold/flu.
Must be a bacteria. Mucus yellow, green and darker almost brown.
Did not go to doctor here. Can't go to doctor.
Married. Husband still has not filled out paperwork received in May, 2015
for health care benefits.


This is the second bought of flu this winter. The last one lasted 3 weeks in
December 2015, with one week of recovery before the next bout hit.

Talk love. Talk hate. It is your choice.

Talk love. Talk hate. It is your choice.

Suzy told me
The human reptile amphibian male in an adult body
that I reside/live with
disregards invalidates denigrates undermines impedes
my statements, comments, feelings, insights, opinions, wants,
needs, desires, likes, dislikes, preferences, intelligence, abilities, interests,
hobbies, work, education, experience, knowledge, wisdom,

After I speak for one to two minutes he turns on outside media
with the volume turned up loud shutting me out completely
ignoring everything I say. He rarely remembers what I say in
any situation.

The being is seemingly trying to understand
feelings emotions empathy compassion sorrow happiness
by listening to other psychics and visionaries preach
and by occasionally reading books on the subject
but is having extreme difficulty accomplishing the goal
of acceptance, love and understanding.

This reptilian blood being who appears to be homo homo sapien
on the outside is one of ten children raised by a mother snake.
Mother was a cold blooded half human half reptilian creature
who viewed her children as eggs laid that were nothing but
a nuisance to her selfish self.
Mother's ego was consumed with trying to project a picture
of perfection of the self derived from the ideas based upon
the jehovah's witness religion.
Mother projected the ideals of unattainable perfection
onto all of her 10 children she gave birth to.

Mother did not accept any of her children as they were.
No child was loved and accepted as they are at any time.
She focused instead on what she perceived as faults.
"You need to live your life right".
"Too bad you never got your life together"
"You're never going to amount to anything."

Surface skimmers are abundant in this world

Surface skimmers are abundant in this world.
Going deep into the core of yourself requires shutting off the outside, the
distractions of the media and anyone who tells you what you need to be,
what you should or should not be, should do, should own, should do.
You must find those should things on your own.
You will have the desire and
want to do what you need to do from your inner self.
You choose when not distracted by outside influences that push you.
You have choices when not forced.

I am your piece of worthless shit as you have told me many times
Condemnations and criticisms starting about a year after your condemning,
criticizing, hypocritical mother left this house.

Should I fear the knife or the hands who hold it?

Should I fear the knife or the hands who hold it?

Does experience and education equal understanding? Does it overcomes fear of the unknown?

Does experience and education equal understanding?
Does it overcomes fear of the unknown?

Stay home. cook clean...

stay home
cook clean
don't drive far
let him take over vehicle
don't have any friends
don't go to school
only associate with those
he approves of
turn down many advances of men
have no girlfriends
don't go anywhere to have fun
have no decent good paying job
loved focused gave up life for
man who doesn't love me or anyone
gives fake hugs 2 or 3 times a year
sleep together not
massage not
understanding not
empathy not
appreciates me not
appreciates anyone not
fake phony false personality to the public yes
mean yes
hateful yes
jealous yes
angry yes yes yes daily outbursts of
rage, temper tantrums
vengeful yes yes
greedy yes yes
pride, full of, egotistical egomaniac yes
nothing i am, say, feel or have done meets his approval or respect
only strangers he does not know and will never meet via the media, tv, television.
radio, internet, books, gain his respect
yet he hears them speak and understands not
what they say
he sees no value in current real everyday events of people animals plants life in this world
he has no feelings for other life forms
he has feelings for things that have no
feelings: money, material things

Not one cares if I exist.

Do I have to become a wolf to not be eaten by a wolf?

I picture him laughing with joy after collecting money from a life insurance policy after I am dead. 

cold weather always made me more prone to getting sick.
the cold, below 70 degrees fahrenheit makes me sick

54 year old white caucasian female
with a broken back lumbar scoliosis
gallstones gallbladder problems
can't see very well with reader eyeglasses
"hypochondriac" mother can't get a job
can't go to doctor due to narcissist
husband needs to earn money before being
thrown out onto the street

If it is confusing, makes you angry or feel bad then ask yourself if it's the right thing to do.

If it is confusing, makes you angry or feel bad then ask yourself if it's the right thing to do.

Upbringing and home life, not your heritage, determines your actions.

Upbringing and home life, not your heritage, determines your actions.

mainstream media tries to make me think everything about me is wrong.

mainstream media tries to make me think everything about me is wrong.

be yourself. never let anyone put you down.
you are natural.
insane jealousy exists everywhere.
you don't have to have a man but if you do choose one
that treats you right and has money.

grandma's words live on
born / died
december 22, 1916 to december 2, 2008

What we see depends mainly on what we look for. John Lubbock

What we see depends mainly on what we look for. John Lubbock

Have reverence for the dead. Worship life.

Have reverence for the dead. Worship life.

reverence

noun
1.
a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration.
2.
the outward manifestation of this feeling:
to pay reverence.
3.
a gesture indicative of deep respect; an obeisance, bow, or curtsy.
4.
the state of being revered, or treated with respect tinged with awe.
5.
(initial capital letter) a title used in addressing or mentioning a member of the clergy (usually preceded by your or his).
verb (used with object), reverenced, reverencing.
6.
to regard or treat with reverence; venerate:
One should reverence God and His laws.

worship


noun
1.
reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred.
2.
formal or ceremonious rendering of such honor and homage:
They attended worship this morning.
3.
adoring reverence or regard:
excessive worship of business success.
4.
the object of adoring reverence or regard.
5.
(initial capital letter) British. a title of honor used in addressing or mentioning certain magistrates and others of high rank or station (usually preceded by Your, His, or Her).
verb (used with object), worshiped, worshiping or (especially British) worshipped, worshipping.
6.
to render religious reverence and homage to.
7.
to feel an adoring reverence or regard for (any person or thing).
verb (used without object), worshiped, worshiping or (especially British) worshipped, worshipping.
8.
to render religious reverence and homage, as to a deity.
9.
to attend services of divine worship.
10.
to feel an adoring reverence or regard.

I'd rather be outside

I'd rather be outside

Martians and Venusians live on this planet Earth.

Martians and Venusians live on this planet Earth.

Goal must be to maximize benefits to the self. Have no empathy for other life.
Do the bare minimum for others, expect maximum payment for your efforts.
Watch suffering and do nothing to help.
Tell others they just seek pity and sympathy.
Make them wait and wait til the last minute, til you are damn good and ready
to do something to help then bitch whine moan complain you had to do anything.
Blame the victim for congenital health problems.
Tell them it's their own damn fault.
Always assume the victim did something to cause a perpetrator to harm them.
Make sure your own body is fed adequately with food and drink you want,
that you have a warm and comfortable bed to sleep in, live in your
preferred climate, have all of the tools you need to perform your jobs,
have transportation for yourself, get physical exercise appropriate for your
body, stimulate your mind with things you are interested in
and at the same time
restrict food and drink of those closest to you
do nothing to aid a person like me with a broken back to have a
decent bed to sleep in
say i am not moving just because of your health problems
when i told you i was told by doctors when i was a child
i should live in a hot desert climate to control asthma and allergies
do bare minimum of providing transportation i have demanding full
control of what i drive and the car insurance i have
have zero interest in things that stimulate my mind
shut me out tell me to shut the fuck up go away before i hit you
tell me i think i know it all
that i haven't evolved
that i am stupid
that i am not pretty
that i am worthless

Yes he squeezes the last bit of life out of all that he encounters,
using it all up until the last drop of life is sucked up from his ego
Not appreciating a single moment of things given to him or things
done for him
Feels entitled. Never feels like he has enough. Poverty drives his mind.

Too bad you can't make money from talking because that's all you do.

Too bad you can't make money from talking because that's all you do.
statement from husband for many years. .. 2015, 2014, 2013 all the way back to 1991