I
am not good at multi tasking
do not like being distracted
am best at focusing on one thing at a time

am a hsp highly sensitive person
am too/overly sensitive thin skinned
do not react well to being bossed around
don't like taking orders shot at me

don't laugh at most jokes other people find funny or amusing

will not tolerate abusive critical mean
demanding cruel sarcastic hurtful cheating
cunning conniving insensitive hateful arrogant
thieves liars haters abusers

am not into most sports common to others
especially watching these i call combat but are
called contact sports
baseball basketball football hockey soccer

will occasionally watch auto car races nascar martial arts gymnastics skydiving swimming
will swim, used to do some gymnastics, some martial arts / karate

do not think i should look like someone else

do not want to be anyone else but me/myself

don't wear makeup about 99% of the time

got an eye infection last time i used mascara back in march 2016
have been told by many people i don't need to wear makeup

am not trying to make myself more beautiful to try to impress people
or attract others especially men because i have had thousands of
experiences in my life where they act like sex starved salivating dogs
and attempt to own me as if i were a piece of furniture or a car and
dominate dictate almost everything in my life
while minimizing my needs wants desires goals passion
denying restricting blocking putting up road blocks to my thoughts
feelings goals desires ...all in an attempt to erase me
and replace me with them with what they want desire feel need
and pushing all of their ideas thoughts feelings desires goals from
their past their upbringing ... from their mother, father, sister, brother,
friends, acquaintances, associates onto me

am alone most of the time typical day when not watching my
grandson i spend approximately 20 to 30 minutes max talking
with or doing things with husband

have no friends buddies admirers except my grandson

realize that one day my grandson won't listen to me anymore
and will be driven away from me to the world and worldly things
and will forget that i taught him what i did loved him as he is
and will ridicule make fun of me call me derogatory names because he will
hear this hate talk about me from other people and begin to judge me
criticize me and hate me as an outcast, a crazy old lady who doesn't know
what she is talking about

will still love my grandson anyway even though he hates me

have no groupies or anyone trying to model me or begging my company
or companionship

rarely participate in group gatherings such as family get-togethers
outings trips vacations sports sporting activities

The man you are with will have it his way not your way.

The man you are with will have it his way not your way.
He will do what he wants to do.
He will not do what you want to do, the things that please you.

He will expect and demand that you forego, do without things, people, places,
hobbies, work, activities, thoughts, wishes, wants, desires, dreams,
goals that he does not want, do not fit into his past life his upbringing his
mother father brother sister aunt uncle cousin friend
anything not familiar to him or his raising in his life.

He will expect you to give up yourself your identity your own upbringing
your family your life...... in order to serve him.

He will expect you to do what he wants and like what he likes.
He will expect you to accept and be accepted by his mother and model her.
He will expect you to accept and deal with his family.

No matter how much someone anyone or people try to beat it out of me, I remain myself.

No matter how much someone anyone or people
try to beat it out of me, I remain myself.

I know what I want, what I like, who I am,
what I want to do, the right and ethical thing to do.

I am not a groupie, not a mob joiner follower or
crowd pleaser.

I won't do it or believe it just because it is
common and everyone else does it.

I have no friends or buddies to talk to or
with, to do things with.

All I have are a few business associates,
acquaintances and a small amount of family members.

Hurry up and wait is the way it is with him regarding what I need or want.

Hurry up and wait is the way it is with him regarding what I need or want.

I wait for long, very long periods of time for what I need or want.

He does not wait for what he wants. 

Myths: Corporations, Government, Politicians, Physicians and Big Pharma care about you and me.

Lies we tell ourselves.
Bid Daddy cares about us and will take care of all of our needs.

All I have to do is listen, not think and not speak and
everything is provided for me without much effort.
Just obey, be obedient, subservient and don't ever question anything
and I'll be alright.

what you cannot do living with a person who has npd narc narcissist personality disorder

what you cannot do living with a person who has npd narc narcissist personality disorder

no dancing
no laughing
no partying parties get togethers
no having fun

no friends
no buddies
no work companions
no career
no ability to go to school college further my education

no relaxing
no bouncing
no spilling water on a floor counter by or
behind kitchen or bathroom sink faucet or
anywhere

no conversation between two people where
both listen to each other

no crying
no empathy

no accidents allowed such as breaking a
drinking glass chipping a plate or bowl
dropping something tripping on something car accident even
when it's not my fault

no health issues allowed that prevent keep me from
being able to do everything he does

no true feelings or emotions of love joy sadness content happiness from myself
are allowed
no self expression
no wants desires likes generated from me

no thinking things that he wouldn't think
no doing a thing he wouldn't do
no compassion
no individuality

no telling anyone anything about him such as the
things he says and does to me or other life forms

no ability to make decisions about:
decor dishes silverware flatware
furniture car auto automobile van transportation
repairs appliances kitchen bathroom bedroom garage
washer dryer dishwasher stove countertops faucets mirrors vanities
toilets floors walls windows drapes curtains blinds miniblinds
window coverings
table tables refrigerator freezer deep freeze
chair recliner sofa end table coffee table lamp
entertainment center tv television music player speakers
locks security system alarm cameras
insurance auto automobile car house health
lawn yard garden tree snow removal
driveway roof flooring carpet carpeting hardwood tile
bedding bed
cooking when and what i want or can any day of the year
air conditioning fans heating whether or not to get an ac/furnace
unit for central air
ceiling fan or any fans
coffee maker pot choice
bread maker machine
knife knives holder wood wooden block or other
toaster or toaster oven
where to live home house apartment duplex land area city
state region country climate
when to move
when to get rid of or buy any thing listed in this article

no personal choice choices preferences accepted tolerated understood
allowed

no conflict resolution

no decision making from myself
no thinking thought logic allowed
no acceptance of other's opinions feelings differences situations
problems ailments likes dislikes emotions circumstances

no warmth
no comfort when you are ill sick bad failed failing health
no hugs that are real genuine if you get a hug it is rare
no sleeping together or sleeping on separate ends of the bed

no kiss kisses or if you get one it is fake phony false performed
in a robotic fashion as if it is a duty expected
and not and never naturally given spontaneously out of genuine love

no congratulations
no appreciation
no gratitude

no word is said
no thing is done
without a premeditated predefined calculated plan of attack on an
innocent sweet loving natural energetic giving soul so that the
npd can gain extract steal take the life energy from source god
in order to get something for themselves that they cannot naturally express
give or receive for themselves or to any other life form

Babies and children don't wear makeup. They are beautiful. Why? Why do teens and adults wear makeup?

Babies and children don't wear makeup. They are beautiful. Why?
Why do teens and adults wear makeup?

Nature wins every time over the human will.

Nature wins every time over the human will.

Will brand loyaty bankrupt you?

Will brand loyaty bankrupt you?

Children, child, in adult bodies.

Children, child, in adult bodies.

Watch it, whine about it or work on it. Your 3 options.

Watch it, whine about it or work on it. Your 3 options.
I posted this on grandpa's refrigerator back in January, 2009.

Yesterdays attack was about cutting food on a plate could scratch the plate.

Yesterdays attack was about cutting food on a plate could scratch the plate. 

30 Signs You Need to Get Out of Your Relationship ASAP

30 Signs You Need to Get Out of Your Relationship ASAP

30 Signs You Need to Get Out of Your Relationship ASAP

http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/family-relationships/30-signs-you-need-to-get-out-of-your-relationship-asap/ss-BBvJIV8#image=1

If you like yourself you can never be alone.

If you like yourself you can never be alone.

Curse of the racing brain

Curse of the racing brain

I sought to find the reason for insanity at 10 or 11.

I sought to find the reason for insanity at  10 or 11.

I was 11 years old and grandpa asked me what did I want to be when I grew up. A psychologist. Later on I decided that being a psychiatrist would be better because I would also be an M.D. and could prescribe medicine.

At age 45 years due to my life and of  living experiences
I realized/discovered the source of insanity
is believing in lies.

I am 55 years old.of age now and this truth seers my conscious/unconscious soul.

He did and does very little to please her. He does what he does to please himself. He does what he likes, what is comfortable for him.

He did and does very little to please her. He does what he does to please himself.
He does what he likes, what is comfortable for him. 

First signs a man likes a woman

First signs a man likes a woman
he wants to feed her, he wants to give her things
He looks at her for more than a few seconds
He makes eye contact with her
He smiles
He laughs
He jokes

If he thinks he "owns" her,
(she loves, admires and adores him,
she would do "anything" for him to please him)
The abuse begins
He takes her for granted
Orders her around
Accuses her of insensitivity and not understanding
(traits he has: projection of himself onto her)
Takes advantage of any opportunity to force his desires,
wants, needs, wishes upon her
expecting full compliance no resistance no delay
immediate response and satisfaction for him
She has to and must wait long periods of time for anything
she needs, wants, desires, hopes for, likes, loves, desires

Doormat or the shoe: which one is stronger?

Doormat or the shoe: which one is stronger?

Narc narcissist test: Spill some water by accident or have any kind of accident and notice/watch their reaction

Narc narcissist test: Spill some water by accident or have any kind of accident and notice/watch
their reaction.
Do they blow up, get mad, become angry? Yes, they are a narc/narcissist.
Do they call you derogatory, bad names and shame you? Yes, it is a narc.

Do they say things like:
"You always do that?"
"You tear everything up!"
"You're a mess!"
"You're worthless!"
"You're stupid"
"You good-for-nothing so and so!"
"Why do you always break, spill, mess everything up?"
"You are really a stupid idiot fool"
"No wonder why you're life is such a mess, you can't do anything right. You're a
total fuckhead fuck-up ass hole "
"You'll never amount to anything"
"You never could do or get anything right"
"You're always fucking things up"
"You can't get anything straight"
"You can't get or do anything right"
"You are a fucking idiot"
"You don't understand a gd goddamned thing"
"You never listen (to me)"
"If you would have listened to me this wouldn't have happened"
"I can't believe you did such a thing. Don't you think? Do you have a brain?
"Why don't you use your brain?"

It's not going to be all in a day's work or get it all done at once, it is most likely going to be a lot of little
things done every day to accomplish small and large goals, accomplishments, success/successes.

Being tired, needed sleep and sleeping does not mean you are lazy.

Being tired, needed sleep and sleeping does not mean you are lazy.
You need sleep when tired. You don't need caffeine or any other drug to keep you awake.
The Martian reptilian-nature narcissistic mammon material
money worshipping people get plenty of sleep for themselves and
accuse, call others lazy if they see someone sleeping or being tired.

I am aware of and conscious of my gender ( female)

I am aware of and conscious of my gender ( female)
I am not confused about which gender I am.
Good to know what I am and I am not trying to be a man.
I am a woman. I am female. I am a little girl and a big girl.

All of this, just to survive?

All of this, just to survive?

I woke up today. I accomplished this. I am still alive.

I woke up today. I accomplished this. I am still alive.

Crazy like a fox.

Crazy like a fox.

I am weird because I don't follow the crowd. The crowds.
I think and feel based on my experience not what I am told to think and feel.
I wear no makeup and show my ugly beauty barefaced.

health issues 8-15-2016

doctor prescribed:
yogurt twice a day, two times a day or 3 if I ate 3 meals a day which I don't
ulcer diet: no or limited high acid causing foods, grease, greasy, oily, salt, salty,
citrus, hot spicey foods peppers, use low fat cottage cheese, beware of pizza,
sauces: tomato, barbecue, hot sauce. avoid caffeeine, black pepper.
make sure i have some food in stomach if i have caffeine.
all of the above irritate stomach lining


jojoba oil
hydrocortisone ointment
protonix
difulcan
heat, heating pad 1 hour then use
tens electronic
massage
physical therapy, recommended elite physical therapy, said they might be using a monthly
plan cost $25.00 per month can go unlimited times


swollen eyes, eyelids, bags under eyes
red eyes, bloodshot
lumps in inside corners of eyes, yellowish-white in color
blurry vision
burning sensation in eyes
yellow, darker in under and upper side of eyeball
june 2016 doctor said have dry eye and dry mouth could be
sjorgen's syndrome
blood tests done
came back negative sjorgen's so
prescribed antifungal diflucan

since march 2016 have had 3 blood tests done/ran

pain in right side upper quadrant april 15, 2009 pain began
left side back burning pain worse after eating
march 2016 doctor said is duedenitis and gastritis
prescribed prontonix
may 2016 doctor prescribed more prontonix

january 2011 began
swollen calves in both legs
varicose veins in legs
brown spots on skin on legs, face, back
pain in calves of both legs

brown spots on top of both hands
red, reddened palms of both hands

brown spots on face
hirsutism, excess, excessive hairiness on face: beard, mustache, sideburns cheeks
arms, legs, back, lower back

skin rash, itchy, crusty spot on back, center right area of spine feels
like nodule lump bump growth under skin, there for many years will not go away


skin rash behind right knee, red, reddened 2016 dr doctor said exczema
skin rash on front of right knee 2008-2009 appeared

black tongue greenish green colored tongue december 2015 first noticed
in mirror, june 2016 doctor said is black hairy tongue
dry mouth dry eye
prescribed antifungal difulcan

scalp on head, left side back of skull itchy, when scratched feels wet, top right back side
lump of something crusty, can feel hair pushed up above it, will not go away
used dandruff shampoos, vo5, suave, clairol herbal essence, john frieda
doctor said is exczema use hydrocortisone or prescription shampoo cannot afford
said make sure there is no alcohol or sulfur in shampoo it is drying


insomnia, irregular, erratic sleep schedules, no schedule at all
eating causes pain in right front side and left back side, burning pain
diarrhea chronic almost daily for many years
bloating, excessive gas
bad breath

thirst, constantly thirsty

march 31, 2016 since then have had only 2 cups of coffee
began 1 to 2 cups of lipton tea bag when i get up late late morning or early afternoon

diet alterations

10 Signs You May Have A Parasite

10 Signs You May Have A Parasite

male, man, masculine, boy

male, man, masculine, boy
loud, bold, big, heavy, immovable, stationary,
fixed, stubborn, forceful, expensive, grandiose, large,
excessive, massive, uncooperative, competitive,
one track minded,
single minded,
demanding, selfish, self-centered, hard, muscular,
repetitive, monotonous, predictable, inflexible, stiff

it isn't only about why and how others have hurt me it is in recognizing why and how have i hurt others

it isn't only about
why and how others have hurt me
it is in recognizing
why and how have i hurt others

Having plenty of money feels nice.

Having plenty of money feels nice.
Being beautiful feels good.
Having men flirt with me, make passes, ask me out, ask me if I
am married and want me anyway is an ego boost.
Growing up feels great.
Being alone, solo 90% of the time is inspiring.
Socializing a little is fun.

We get along best when we see each other less

We get along best when we see each other less

What is there more of? I asked him.
Space, he (Mike)  answered.
He knows but does not realize.
Can you see the air?
No.
Does it exist if you can't see it?

Questions
If I can't see it does it exist
If I see it, is it real does it really exist

He sees end result of physical manifestation
Not the source of energy

Is it true only a woman can cry when she is happy?

Is it true only a woman can cry when she is happy?
No. Some men do, too. Like my father.
Interesting to note: I do not remember seeing my mother cry.. ever.

Slow down

Slow down

Dependent on him. I don't like it.

Dependent on him. I don't like it.

He remembers very little of what I say. He remembers all of what his mom, mother, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, father said.

He remembers very little of what I say. He remembers all of what his mom, mother, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, father said.

Teach a baby, learn who you are, where you are at

Teach a baby, learn who you are, where you are at
We are here to learn, to teach, to experience, to feel, to understand

Accurate information and clear communication are essential to happiness and productivity.

Accurate information and clear communication are essential to happiness and productivity.

Does it feel nice, feel good and make you happy to have plenty of money?

Does it feel nice, feel good and make you happy to have plenty of money?
Current human conditions on this planet we call Earth say yes.
Having plenty of money means you can:
1. Do what you want
2. Have what you want
3. Help others get what they want

The time and day will come when money is not required for these 3 things.

Let it go...

Let it go...