Wednesday, October 30, 2024

I fell in love with the false image of him

says one things then says and does the opposite

negative, mean, selfish, hateful, accusatory, guilty, hypocritical,

says things like "i want you to be happy" then says and does everything he can to be sure I am not happy then gets pissed off because i am not happy with being yelled and screamed at, called terrible names, blocked, slapped, 

 not knowing his real self of shame .the dark side at home,the light side in public

appears one way in public (light, positive, helpful) and the opposite to me at home


i suspect i still dont know and havent seen all the sides

the personalities that pop up around different people in different situations

names of disorders include bipolar paranoid schizophrenic antisocial sociopath psychopath neurotic 

i suspect that he is the only one that experiences all the sides of him and may not be aware consciously of all of these aspects of his personalities . it appears he gets amnesia at times, either real or feigned/faked, seeming to forget his own words, tone of voice, gestures and actions

he has said "i may have said that" or "i meant that' when i repeated his exact words to another person in front of him

admitting what he said or even what he wrote is nearly impossible

he had another meltdown tonight after i opened his dorm size fridge and pulled out various drink containers of his and noted that this is all his stuff in the refrigerator. he yelled "all youre doing is letting hot air in there". i said "i just wanted to see what is in there. I was looking to see if there was a soda I might like that might go good with ice cream". 

final ending is he ate his heath breyers ice cream and i ate nothing until 3 am a couple of hours after he went to bed

 

 

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