I can go back to 38 years ago when I met him.
He had the same personality and symptoms then as he does now. I didn't recognize or want to see any negative things about him. In this way I was delusional because I was in love with his physical appearance and his public persona.
Outside to neighbors and in public he appears presentable. Looks good, acts in acceptable ways.
Inside he is a ball of fear. Full of insecurity, worries, weakness of character.
He wants total control of others and lacks self control. He takes out all of his frustrations upon me and says I am to blame for his anger and abusive behavior.
I am not responsible for his thoughts or actions.
If he ever takes responsibility for himself it will be a miracle.
All I can do is stay away, hide and watch while he destroys himself and blames the world for all of his problems.
He sees the bad in all of life. Does not appreciate much of anything. Can't take any type of critical remark or a comment about anything can be done better. He deems it as a personal attack upon him and does not seek any other way to do something unless he is the one who generates the idea.
He focuses on news, bad news and criminal acitivies of government, main stream media, people in general, corrupt systems. He says most people will perform a crime if they don't think they will get caught.
He can't accept me or most people the way they are. He insists that I change myself to suit him. He will not look at himself and change anything about him.
He justifies his behaviors and says it is normal. EG: "it is not abnormal for men to look at pornography", "any red blooded male would have sex with that woman", "you made me do it..i wouldn't have said that, hit you or tried to strangle you if you hadn't have done that", "you are the reason i act this way", "it's not my fault", "you are to blame"
He destroys and detests any fun, happiness, smiles, parties, gatherings, get togethers.
When my dad paid for our riverboat cruise I had a glorious time enjoying the boat ride and wonderful food and all he did was complain about the cost of it. The same thing he does now and has done each and every time we had a nice dinner anywhere at any restaurant.
He is paranoid and suspicious of everyone and their motives. He thinks people and police are following him and is ware of all, constantly looking around in the environment. A curtain must always be closed in the evening when light is visible inside the house. I cannot leave a curtain or blind open for fear the neighbors or anyone can see inside the home. He is especially afraid that anyone could see my body, skin, flesh or movement.
He is Mr/Mister Misery.
All 7 deadly sins are displayed: PAWLEGS: Pride, Avarice, Wrath, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Sloth
Egotistical, greedy, angry, lustful, envious and jealous of others, overdoes several things, laziness of mind in that he has the inability to be really creative and imaginative and introspective.
Full blown schizophrenia, which I believe is untreatable and incurable.
His siblings were and are the same way, as if stuck in early childhood and or early teen phase of life.
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