Man who loves you chases you and listens

Marry an educated rich man

 which of course i didnt do. did not listen to grandma sarah

aas a result all these things happened in my life

 

Not listening or following instructions

 guilty of.

it is human nature or is it?

mine for sure

Invisible rules. Is source energy of the all

Seeds

 thought form tiny microcosm

feed water 

it grows

whatever seed is planted in any manner

Dad: True bad things he did.

 yelled, talked loud, boisterous. called attention to himself wherever he was

pissed on my toilet seat and his dog crapped in my house one time i called him out on it

dropped in once expecting dinner unannounced i said give me advance notice next time

i told him off when i was 19 and i said no wonder why my mother left you only for me to return and he had fixed my car

spat anywhere he was in the yard or street

scratched his nuts in front of people. this is rude impolite and obnoxious behavior

blew his nose at the kitchen table using a handkercheif. totally nasty

shot orders at people all of us including my mom, brothers and anyone working for him

humiliated my brother darryl at a job site and i let him know how rude that was

complained about looking at washer and dryer while we were going into the persons house and i got in his face and yelled back at him eye to eye then he shut up

 

we were all walking on eggshells around him while growing up as children, kids due to his demands orders 

demanded my mother fix him dinner late at night after he got home and she had already fixed food for all of us so she refused and he got pissed off at her

he punched my mom in the face and blacked her eye when i was 9 . he hit her because he wanted her to give him some money to give to his oldest drug addict alcoholic bum son and she lied said she didnt have any but dad bumped a picture on the wall and some money fell out on the floor so he went ballistic and tore the house apart and threw furniture and broke stuff. following the black eye incident and holy terror rage my mom filed for a divorce

my mom poured his whiskey down the drain of the kitchen sink and he got mad about that

would yell at me and the grandkids saying what are you stupid???

forced, tried to force his work love the electrical business upon me and all of my brothers

openly discussed anything including sex any private personal matters

gossiped about people nonstop. was privately prejudiced but had friends of all ethnic backgrounds due to having to do business with them

broke dirty dishes left in the sink. couldnt stand clutter disorder laziness

 

 

 

What do these women have in common

 Tina Turner, Cher

married to jealous husbands with no talent

 

I have yet to be with a man who listens to me

Mom grandma aunt are with me

 in spirit. all strong loving women 

I have no other support from anyone alive

2003 december mom passed at home apartment found face down kitchen floor early morning by roommate chris heart attack

2008 december grandma gone at research belton hospital

1999 november aunt ruth died plaza manor nursing home

Side piece vs The Wife

 the side piece looks better, tastes better and is worth more than precious metals like gold or platinum.

she is fun. she is peace, sunshine, joy, happiness.
he delights in seeing her. his eyes light up when she enters the room or even when he just thinks, dreams, imagines, fantasizes about her

she:
has no strings
doesn't give advice
she is the showpiece, the trophy ("see what i got" as he shows her off)
gets the best treatment out of him and
doesn't work
prize possession is her face, her body and between her legs
she is the treat, the cherry on top
gets the gifts, the money and does nothing but
smiles, laughs and giggles alot
she is fun and playful
stress free, no worries
she doesn't clean house, cook, shop, run errands, do the laundry, raise his children, play nursemaid, psychologist, counselor or mommy
he is the daddy. she is the little girl he takes care of and he loves it when she calls him daddy
she does not take care of business
she does not do his taxes
she does not fix his breakfast, lunch dinner or snacks
he buys her all the food she wants
he takes her where she wants to go
she makes herself happy and never goes out of her way to try to please him by doing anything for him except maybe letting him have her body to use until he is done with it

like the call girl she looks real good and is always taking care of herself
she doesn't need him at all because plenty of other guys are after her all the time

---------------------------------------

THE WIFE

works hard. often does mens works with him
runs errands
takes care of business
raises his children and others
caretaker
nursemaid, psychologist, counselor, dietician for free
says i told you so...
gives advice like mother mommy did
shops, watches budget, financially savvy
cooks, cleans, does laundry, mops, sweeps, vacuums, does windows
reliable, stable, always there, taken for granted
often talks too much
serious, committed, loyal, faithful
pays bills
as years go by stops wearing makeup, doing her hair and stops
dressing cute, sexy, nice and provocative
plans events
organized
same old intimate reliable routine, guaranteed in the hay/sack
he only does the minimum for her tossing little bits of crumbs once in awhile
because he doesn't have to work hard, be nice, adore her like he did in the beginning ..after all she does most of the work in the relationship so he has to do alot of nothing but sit around on the couch or in the recliner every night watching his tv internet shows movies news and listening to music he likes and music she hates
she puts up with all of his sh***t crap nastiness and tries to keep him happy at all times to no avail
she does the taxes or hires a pro to do it
she is a list maker and almost always prepared for anything
she puts up with his stupidity and lack or foresight

Hypocrite. Hypocritical man

 Pretends and professes to be moral in public.

 

Leave them alone. Let them eat and drink themselves to death

Disruption at the workplace

 almost every job I remember having I caused upset in the workplace or was target of ridicule or disruption. 

I never did anyhing illegal or criminal. Only got written up once for insubordination once at Carquest Auto Parts due to me revealing incompentency and negliglence of the store manger.  Not fired but laid off at some jobs.  Laid off at Midwest Import Auto due to me again revealing incompetency and sloppiness of the accouting conroller. 

I can name off many places I worked throughout my life.

All the same corp crap and some humans trying to run the show by running the hard workers at the bottom of the totem pole by trying to make it look like they are doing something important so they can keep their high paying job position. 

I don't cause trouble. I see it recogize it and do something about it. Lots of people don't like that. The ones who are lying cheating criminal thieves. 

I walked out of a few jobs due to being told I must do something dangerous and unsuitable for me. Micromanaged by authoritarion dictators who told me to do stupid things like forcing myself upon customers who want to shop alone.

Things I did raising children and grandchildren

 food preparation, prep, cooking and kitchen cleanup
daily walk at first in the stroller then on foot then running

riding bicycle bike biking
dancing to the music

water always take bottle of water with you wherever you go. you are going to get thirsty

snacks. always have healthy snacks on hand like nuts

day of week month and year calendar daily

associating things on certain days of week like trash day holidays 

cleaning house, vacuuming, dusting, mopping, sweeping with the broom
cleaning up after yourself
picking up your toys
making your bed
putting your clothes and shoes away neatly

dressing yourself properly in clothes shoes jackets sweaters coats boots

being nice friendly polite respectful considerate kind to all people animals and things

manners in all ways
eating at the table on your own tray
never sharing your food, combs, drinks with others

washing your hands after using the restroom and before food prep and eating

encouraging independent thought discovery creativity and learning to do it yourself first
waiting until you ask for help then i will help you

reflecting on the day
"what did we do today?"

answering questions, why, what is that, what's that sound/noise, who is that, how did that happen? when are we going to ..be there, where is it?

explaining things i know, finding out answers to the questions
looking up information on internet

reading books
watching tv. cartoon and kid shows at first then music, tv sitcoms, movies, documentaries where you learn about morals to the story and life

telling true life stories about things that really happened

faith, hope, wisdom, patience, moderation, humility

the difference between truth and lies

play lotto only spend 1 or 2 dollars once in awhile..you can't win if you don't play but play responsibly

love respect your parents mother father family and grandparents

wait your turn don't cut in line

discovering the world around us
finding cool things anywhere incuding the side of the road

shopping frugally at the grocery stores, drug stores, thrift stores

eating at restaurants wisely occassionally

going to many parks and recreation

walking and talking

exploring everything

 

CLEANING UP after others is not my job

 my history has been cleaning up after other people (adults I am referring to)

all 3 husbands. restaurant jobs, factory, storage property jobs, auto repair, auto parts delivery, hoarder people john and marielle, 2 adult sons 

last straw here

chimney fire

 almost finished eating my soup 130 am he starts a chimney fire while i am brushing my teeth smoke billowed into my bedroom and bath

i am exhausted in middle bedroom door shut not so smoky . going to sleep 

he is still at it on the roof with one gallon of water. used 2 fire extinguishers

almost 4 am now

Slipping back into his teenage and early 20's years

 eating easy things. wanting to feel like in his twenties. listens to same music he did at that age. does the same things. has the same interests. 

he has not changed. i have not changed. 

He is self destructing

 imploding. self incinerating. igniting. killing himself in all attempts to kill me mentally emotionally physically. 

is it the hatred for his mother and sisters projected onto me? onto women?

the intense desire for beautiful pretty women and the coexisting hatred for the uncontrollable desire he has which he does not understand. does he feel shameful, ashamed, guilty, like he is a bad person for what he thinks says and does? 

what are his fantasies? he hasn't told me. who was his dream girls or girls when he was a teenager when he was going through puberty pubescence?

 he mentioned he had a crush on a few females when he was young. one was his brothers wife, another one supposedly named polly anna who moved to texas. he said he wouldn't help her move because he didn't want her to leave. i had mentioned the pollyanna syndrome to him and he claimed he knew a girl with that name. he said polly worked at a massage parlor. which parlor i do not know. 

what is going on in the whirlwind of his mind ..with the way he acts i really don't know. 

it is a love hate ambivalent relationship in his mind with me. maybe it is that way with other women he has known and currently knows.  

the i love you i hate you go away and leave me alone. don't go. i want you to stay. be quiet shut up then when i am quiet it drives him crazy. he apparently does not know what he wants. he has everything a normal man could want and doesn't want it. 

he does the same thing with cats. saying i like cats but i don't want any more cats. too much trouble to take care of. 

a boy child mind in an adult male body. 

sex is wanted and welcome. intimacy is not. seeing me work is wanted. seeing me do menial low paying work is encouraged. any thought of me making or having as much or more money than him is not wanted. 

control over me is desired. control of me is impossible. domination of my spirit will never happen. 

 

What do these women have in common

 Judy Bettie betty lauren christie farrah mae marilyn madonna susan jaclyn kate sharon dolly Priscilla elizabeth jackie Olivia Tina Liza Barbra Jane 

taylor darryl demi stevie bobbie

self unique image  character grace 

Oil slick face I had