Saturday, July 5, 2025
Clean, balanced, peace, simplicity, nice things I always liked.
Grandma Sarah used to tell me that me and my little brother Kenny (Kenneth/Ken) always liked nice things and places. She saw it in us when we were small children.
My youngest brother Ken was very neat, clean, orderly, quiet, well mannered, good natured and liked. So was I. Peaceful by nature we both kept to ourselves and did well in school and at home. I never remember getting a spanking and never got in trouble at school.
Our other brother, the third born of our mother and 9th from my father, also liked nice things when he got older. However he was destructive when he was an infant, toddler and youngster. He died at 33 due to being a drug addict and alcoholic.
Friday, July 4, 2025
Fortunate to try stuff got bored with
casino gambling
a little bit. had enough of that bull shit when the neighbor took me over 10 years ago. she would give me 5 dollars. i lost it in slot machines a few times.
she and i stuffed our guts at the buffet. tasted good. paid later with pain. no good.
ex mother in law also did ameristar and paid for my food buffet a few times. she also gambled heavily at the slots.
i got nothing good out of sitting on a chair on my fat ass and watching other fat women and men pouring their money into the cracks and losing it.
discovered i had more fun walking around getting exercise and watching fools and lights flashing
Escaping
various ways methods used
school work workaholic over exercise starving eating too much or not enough
reading anything signs books manuals literature magazines catalogs brochures instructions cookbooks
writing
drinking alcohol
attempting to smoke myself to death cigarettes cigars with tips..it didnt work
acetaminophen ibuprofen for pain they didnt work
3 pots of strong coffee a day
6 to 12 bottles of soda pop a day
a gallon of strong home brewed black tea no sugar or sweetener
fasting
gorging
cleanse parasite liver gallbladder enemas
roast in hot sun
strip clothes off in subzero weather
overdosing on pink pills. threw up
scratching gouging self with fingernails
bashing back of head bathtub cinder block wall
being silent or talking too much for long periods many hours 4 5 6 7 8 10 12 18 24 48
forcing too much in the kitty self
taking care of someone else ignoring myself. does not work. more i do the less they care about or value me. in fact their hatred of me increases
pinching pennies so bad i can hear abe lincoln scream
random splurging on useless things
hiding anywhere
leaving the scene of discontent
choosing solitude when company was no good
Rescuing
a young person i know lives in hell.
the outside world thinks it is heaven due to outside appearances and having all the things money can buy
i know what is going on in there
no one else listens
a miracle of fortune is needed to save this soul
so he can live his life in peace and harmony and grow up to be a wonderful mature man
it will probably take the rest of his life to heal and understand all of the things that have happened