Unexplained fatigue bouts since January or February of 2023

My desire has been flushed away

 Burned out

Destroyed by destroyers

You look okay but you don't look that good

 He , Mike, said before some years ago

"You're not that good looking" also said by the ex Ed. Said back when every other guy was after me for one thing

All the while other men are still trying to get into my pants. Not nearly as often as they used to but still sometimes even today

He's got a boulder on his shoulder

 recording in my closet bedroom

floors clean obsession

outward creativity from me cannot happen when i focus on what others are doing and imitate reflect copy them

self propelled focus only way to really get things done 

eliminate outside distractions

he is easily distracted by the outside 

i am aware of it and ignore it

watch observed not absorb

i dont have to watch a video to get into the feeling such as dancing i hear it i dance do not need to watch another dance eat have sex in order to do it i just do as i feel it

as

i dont have to watch someone else eat to get hungry

he does

monkey see monkey do as grandma said

Days filled with repetitive mundane tasks

 majority of the time it seems like the same stuff 

I need to clock my time and hours days weeks months years spent doing these things which are deemed worthless by him

cleaning, sweeping, dusting, vacuuming, cooking, dishes, laundry, shopping

It is better to have not loved and lost

 You can't miss what you never had