know it all people like me are not liked or wanted

Fix only myself. Nobody else wants to be fixed

You talk too much means .. I hit the nail on the head with honesty

 been told this by some people 

all they say is "You talk too much"

without being specific about what I am saying or talking about

When I make an honest statement of fact about life

this is what they say to me

Movement is more important than stuff

Give a person some money or power and see how they act. Character test

Society is like this

 Don't do anything in public that people do on tv or media 

in videos, commercials, movies, 

don't talk like that

don't dress like that

don't be anywhere nude naked unclothed

or inappropriately dressed in revealing or sloppy clothes

female girl woman can't show her body to anyone except mate/boyfriend,

husband, partner only in private (home, car, wherever no one else

can see her)

women and children are to keep their mouth shut about any type of

activity going on at home regarding the man, male, father

womman is slave, sex toy, house keeper, maid, cook, cleaner

helper, errand runner, expected to be avaiable immediately without question

for any duty he demands at any moment any time anywhere 

and put up with any behavior from him without him facing any consequences for his 

words or actions

male can say and do anything he wants to do to anyone at home, even at work

woman and kids child children are/is to shut her fucking mouth (this is one reason bondage scenes and 

wraps around mouth, ropes tied around victims arms legs torso are so popular )

male man boy has right to look at and do anything

with any other person he wants anytime he feels like it such as 

yelling hititng punching slapping pushing shoving raping 

kicking 

he uses 

porn pornography use magazines books pictures videos

movies vhs dvd online any fashion of sex industry and this

is totally acceptable behavior

Unless you're a celebrity nothing about you matters: Looks, words, actions. What you (I) say means nothing, zilch zero

Silent child: Too talkative chatterbox talk too much adult

 I was quiet ..sooooo so quiet when I was little

Began talking a lot to avoid abuse, rape, disrespect

Too slow.... and think too much for too long

I hear about what other people want most of the time

Stay out of other people's business (I need to do this). They know what they want: I don't

Instant gratification. Immediate satisfaction. We want it NOW

The winners in life think constantly in terms of I can, I will, and I am. Losers, on the other hand, concentrate their waking thoughts on what they should have or would have done, or what they can't do. -- Denis Waitley

Never buy a magazine subscription. They haunt you forever.

I GAIN by throwing away things, emptying the TRASH

I am disposable like a tissue, kleenex or toilet paper

Cleaning is so much FUN ! Cinderella is at it again ................... (ME)

 Ridding myself of a lot of stuff

not needed

don't wear it

don't use it

don't need it

it was in my way

collects dust

not worth having

not worth any money

not valuable

We often want what we don't have

 https://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/if-you-are-what-you-eat-you-wont-believe-marilyn-monroes-diet/

How did anyone progress in a commune without freedom to think and do.?

Each individual has opportunity to live by themselves in their own home

 Domain 

Freedom 

I can't change for anyone except myself

Hydrate with water

Water puts out fire: I am the WATER

I look into the eys of the dragon and stand up straight with courage/bravery

 https://www.thefreedictionary.com/dragon

dragon 

Do it before it needs done

Preparation prevents impatience, anxiety. Experience from knowing what is going to happen

Another day i just wanted to die

 Quit wasting my time he said 

What jobs could I get lying on my back??

 Back pain is so bad and painful in any other position 

Don't expect anyone to listen or help. They won't

Armchair Idiot: That is me

 Finally discovered what I am today.

Single serve drinks: I do not buy these

 Money: Cost is high expensive

Loaded with sweeteners, artificial or natural, artificial colors, flavors and things I don't need or want

drinks, food, calories, additives

unknown substances 

flavor enhancers

unnatural

fake

Dress nice : Clothes that fit, color coordinated

 Do this

opposite of what jealous people want me to do

Don't look too pretty when leaving the house : HIs idea

 Don't look too pretty when leaving the house 

His idea

 12 Signs You’ve Met a Sociopath But Just Don’t Know It

12 they are extremely charming and magnetic

11 they don't have many, if any friends

10 they constantly crave or emit dominance

9 they're impulsive

8 they can work any occupatin but often have job instability

7 they play the victim

6 they lack empathy though they can fake it like a hollywood actor

5 they have a complete disregard for right and wrong

4 they are irresponsible and unreliabel

3 they are aggressive

2 you catch them lying all the time 1

1 they seek revenge

immature person male or female

immature person male or female

sees no consequence, has trouble foreseeing what will happen or is happening due their words or actions

doesn't care if they hurt people

hits on or takes advantage of  any opportunity for sex 

has little or no self control

loses temper quickly

judges and criticizes often

can't take any criticism or judgment from another person

finds fault with most others

is not introspective , not reflective

inconsiderate

selfish mean hateful rude pushy 

jealous of accomplishments of other people

wants it all for themselves

refuses to look at themselves

blames someone or something else for wrong or mistakes mishaps

can't take responsibility for self behavior

sees and grabs things/stuff uncontrollably

(can't keep hands to themself, themselves)

calls self or a person terrible instead of naming the ACTION as terrible or bad or wrong or a mistake

dad said and did and was/is

 lookin for love in all the wrong places, he told me i was doing this when i was 19 years old. he was 33 when i was born so he was 54 years old back in 1981

Knew all the best places to eat. Great restaurants

he doesnt want you to go to school then you wont need him anymore, referring to my husband

all i know is what i read in the papers (and laughed as he said it jokingly)

you're so much like your mother you look like her, walk, talk, even smoke like her

i still love your mother, said several time once at a dance shriners 

get a haircut and shave and some good food to eat and feel better right away (that is what i do)

matter of fact

honest truth teller

mason 

32nd degree mason, shriner

helped without lectures blaming hurting 

unselfish generous giving

never knew a stranger

taught countless people many practical useful things including electrical trade; his brother larry, sons gilbert john wilson jr, darryl wayne wilson

supported supportive encouraging each person and children/kids and family friends anyone in their endeavors

bold

daring

adventurous

Risk taker

gambler horse dog races lottery tickets

took me to saint louis missouri drove all the way there when the mo lottery began

read kansas city star newspaper daily two editions morning and evening and would joke around saying 'all i know is what i read in the papers'

fun loving 

good natured

did have quick temper at times yelling saying what are you stupid , youre just like darryl ..when i got something in my eye working on a car from underneath

Clean neat organized:
no dirty dishes left in the sink would break the dish if left dirty saying you dont need them if you cant wash them

hogs are fed corn to fatten them up he said

grew up on a farm in kansas had smokehouse chickens his grandfather had an orchard fruit trees would tell me the time his grandfather cried when drought no rain hit and crop orchard didnt grow failed

shook hands with everyone

Brotherhood and sisterhood understood completely

Loved children kids animals

Recreation

Hard work

Precise, to the point

Focused

My father: A real MAN, grandfather to many

My father: A real MAN, grandfather to many

brother to countless men and women 

 He was good He IS Good 

He didn't brag and talk about being good or doing good things or being a good person, doing the right thing

He DID good and WAS Good

Helping any one he could helpful thoughtful kind considerate

he didn't preach and scold ; he wasn't a hypocrite

he UNDERSTOOD and helped when I made mistakes 

he was humble admited making mistakes being human being alive

he accepted me and us for what we are

he was generous kind giving time energy things without thought of receiving

He loved kids and grandchildren; had 10 kids of his own and cared for all of us deeply

He loved holidays

He celebrated life often and daily

Hub, center of the family

Sorely missed by countless people: any family member and an unknown amount of

friends associates business clients 

Luaghed and cried easily and often

Expressive emotional sensittive

A born business man entrepreneur

Mature/maturity learned as he grew out of boyhood into manhood

"Always a square deal" was his business motto for Wilson Electric Company

lightning bolt on the business card

Dads last christmas December 2002

Dads last christmas 

December 2002

I gave him a box of cigars

that is what he wanted , one of the things he loved

January 28, 2003 he passed away

July 17, 1927 date of birth

Which requires more energy? Happy or sad ?

 Positive or negative energy?

Make your own way appreciated by strangers no family nor friends nor husband

 I am admired and appreciated by strangers 

husband and family slam me criticize at any opportunity, attempt to control

except for one person my grandson

Maturity is the ability to express one's own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others. -- Hrand Saxenian

 true

this is one thing the immature narcissist can't do

I like to complete a thought and action: I don't like being interrupted

 this irritates me and also bugs other people who like to interrupt me when i am talking or doing something and get me off track

bikini on the beach

bikini on the beach 

warm weather

no shoes one pair of shoes: sandals

skirt hulu halter top

fresh fruit vegetables spices plain old meat boar hog 

i want to live on an island 

https://www.worldatlas.com/geography/island-countries-of-the-world.html

nice people 

minimal effort maximum results efficiency

 minimal effort maximum results  efficiency

best  easiest method way

I laughed

I laughed so hard when the steak sauce flew around the room and some of it landed on my grandpa.

I was 15; he was 50.

He was soooo so angry, irritated, red faced and mean when it happened. 

Someone forgot to secure the lid on the bottle so when I shook it it went flying around the kitchen while we were eating dinner.

My personality is fun and light: His was agitated and heavy. (Reminds me of my agitated husband)

You will never find time for anything. You must make it. -- Charles Buxton

A lady

 Marilyn Monroe

woman/women who knew how to be a lady

Interesting because I call all women a lady when making a reference to them

regardless of their actions or appearance

Sex sells

 worldwide

universally

at home

work

business

any where

anytime

It's the same old thing worldwide

 Dogs chasing cats

I've never had a manicure or pedicure : I do my own nails

Split desires, the virgin and the whore

Disrepected unappreciated beings and people leave

 leave presence of these beings

leave the job

the home

the marriage

the relationship

the place

the experience 

IF they can't leave, can't get away they die

either slowly or quickly

LIES the Narcissist Tells

LIES the Narcissist Tells

you can be vulnerable with me
(asks questions to gain information then uses it against you)

you can rely on me

 ( I'm your best friend, the best friend you'll ever have, I am your only friend)
I know you better than anyone else
I know exactly what you need

it's not my fault

it will get better

false promises

i'm the most honest person you'll ever meet

(narcs always have secrets narcs always need supply

the omit large chunks of information

"lies of omission")

i am going to change, going to be nicer, do things you want me to do, etc

i love you  (cannot LOVE they are deficient in empathy, they hurt people without remorse)

 you're worthless

Who are you to tell someone what has value ?

The apple

 My grandma often told me the story about what I did when I was a little girl (2-5 years old)
She took me shopping, I was in the grocery cart and I grabbed an apple off the produce area and took a big bite out of it before she knew it. Then she took me to the checkout counter and paid for the apple before I finished eating it.

Something new is nice

 according to one's preferences....

i like new places to visit, restaurants, 
clothes, books, music, stores, variety stores, shopping the entire store or mall 

blank paper
new pens and pencils

Whiners focus on the problem, not the solution

 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202206/4-common-patterns-coercive-control-seen-in-relationships

I GET IT YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPEAT DEMONSTRATE , ELABORATE OR ILLUSTRATE. SHE SAID HE SAID

Food TOP of the list

 Meat fresh

Vegetables fresh

Fruit fresh

Dairy fresh

ALL are attracted to CUTE

CROTCH Brain instantly connected to the SKULL brain

Survivor of repeated abuse trauma from narcs throughout my entire life

 I am strong 

Very strong

Eggs are very delicate. Handle with care.

Fat is where it's at: Eat real fat food

90% of population plan goal is to be gone

Each one has their own clock, biological metabolic cycle rhythm

 Clocks are unique to each individual life form organism. 

Compelled to ? What are you drawn to do uncontrollably?

 I am compelled to write. 

Different brains located in the body: One is in the skull, another down below, another in the middle

Food names can be opposite of what they say

Perfect as you are: exactly where you are now is IT

Classic simple class standards rule world wide

 genuine

unique

is 

beautiful

and original

... babies, children, teens, adults 

purely as they are

born perfect

Uncontrollable is the unique spirit. It can't be captured or contained

Owning that item does not make you that person

Emotional connections created can cause motivation to do/experience

 Food "choices"

Activities

Experiences desired

Objects, material things, items, goods

I accept appreciate admire respect each person and form for what it is

Lone ranger. Lone wolf. Self directed. Not a groupie. This is me

Me

 alone

group groups groupie NO

AND

I accept appreciate admire respect each person and form for what it is

Self propelled. Living things are born that way. Independence does not need to be taught

 Life

Independence

Self direction

Autonomy

Quit telling people animals plansts and any other living things what to do

Many things i wish i had learned as a child

many things i wish i had learned as a child

12-30-18  December 30, 2018

health: food diet nutrition
  how to cook


wealth: money management and attaining money and property

wisdom

happiness
  stress management and elimination of unnecessary stress
  appreciation what is and what has been and what will be

socializing
  how to know and understand myself,
relate to different kinds of people
 friends
family
neighbors
co-workers
bosses
employees at businesses I do business with
strangers I meet when I am out walking, shopping
psychology
 how to read people,  accept myself as i am and
others as they are
practice self control instead of thinking i can control everyone and everything around me

freedom



drives of life... what motivates people
the reasons why we think, feel and do what we do
purpose: procreation, replication, sex, self expression, control
recognition, appreciation

necessities :
air first
water second
food third
shelter housing
 clothing
transportation

I repeat this to myself daily:
I am healthy, wealthy, wise, happy, free and have lots of friends and family.

I grew up in a well meaning family who did the best they could with what
they had.
However I didn't know anyone who wondered why they thought and
did what they did or how they arrived at where they were.

Dysfunction at its best. Nobody explained to me what was going on.
Nobody knew what was really happening or why
and they didn't want to know why.

I questioned the behavior of myself, my family and other people I knew.
I asked many people why, why, why.?
Often I was told to shut up, not question anyone and not to
disagree with anyone.
Agreeing with everyone is impossible. I resolved to agree to disagree and
not force my opinions upon others but let them know what I think and
they are free to think any way they want to think. That is okay with me.
I have been told I think too much, am crazy, don't understand
I have been humiliated, criticized, laughed at, minimized, shut out,
ridiculed

Why are narcissists so mean ............to you and those personal life

 https://www.understandingmind.com/why-are-narcissists-so-mean/

Eye right and hair me june 2022

 

What you cry about losing shows what you are attached to

 I cry about people pets feelings emotions 

my ex cried long and hard huge tears when he lost his porn magazine collection after i destroyed it

i dont think he cried when i left

the loss of me is not going to make my husband cry one tear

he would cry throw a fit yell and scream with tantrums if his truck car house or any material object was lost destroyed or stolen

i don't feel important to either of them

not nearly as valuable as money, things objects they own

and are attached to 

TRUTH 

Experience temporary ownership of material things: Cost of brand new versus used

Two 2 hours a day to do what I want : friend John recommended this

 I think it ought to be at least 8 to 12 hours a day to do what I need and want to do

Horse hockey definition

 C r a p

Ss h it

Whiners attracted to me. Run far and wide away when i see them

How to end nagging tantrums and whining by chiildren

 https://www.kidsbusket.com/how-to-end-nagging-tantrums-and-whining-by-children/  

https://www.lifehack.org/315185/7-clever-responses-stop-negative-people-from-whining

Sovereignty

 https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sovereignty

Sovereignty

 https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sovereignty

Definition of sovereignty

1a: supreme power especially over a body politic

b: freedom from external control : AUTONOMY

c: controlling influence

2: one that is sovereign

especially : an autonomous state

3obsolete : supreme excellence or an example of it

Autonomy rules

Fooled by love but it is not love at all
It is a primal instinct 

Me, once a woman in love (and thought I was also loved but now know I was not and am not loved at all, ever.. )  did/would will refuse advances of another male

A woman who feels loved admired cherished respected by him will be loyal 
UNTIL..... she discovers the truth

woman who has learned about the evil cheating side of men gives up on the idea of a man being faithful and decides to be on her own she doesn't need the crap
she might decide to avoid any intimate contact with anyone OR
she might decide to be with whomever she wants

scorned woman finds out he is a lying cheater and cuts the cord of invisible "love" now she is on the loose and has no care in the world about what he wants or thinks or says because she found out his core is rotten ; a wolf in sheep's clothing

MALE

can be in love with a woman and will still look lust after and jump at any

opportunity for sex from a desirable person or any other thing
(in his mind: some men are picky some are not at all choosey about entanglements) female if he is hetero, male if he is bi or is not hetero

fakes it out tells stories sometimes gives objects material things to get what he wants then runs off dumping her off to the side of the road like a dead animal 

Quickly recognize/know sexy clothing and classy classic items worth the most

I sit on my best asset

Where is Planet Peace? I want to stay there.

I remember you are a lot of fun, said by several people

 some were those I knew when I was a teen/teenager

some are associates I have now

Good health condiitons

 Blood pressure

Blood

no drugs, prescription or otc

skin is improving much better, the rashes, etc are almost gone

Health, work, jobs, employment/career

Health, work, jobs, employment/career

 Inconsistent sleep patterns, eating/hunger and

fluctuating energy levels daily

Cannot stand on my feet in one place for hours due to excruciating back pain if I stand for very long

Vision problems /eyes : cannot see very small fine lettering print