avoiding angry people at all costs
wasting my time explaining myself to fools ass holes narcissists idiots morons selfish people ..they ask me the dumbest questions and expect me to do stuff i am not capable of doing
starving myself. i started doing it when i was about 11 years old ..at that time it was because i was worried about getting fat due to the constant yelling from my grandpa and grandma about how i needed to exercise, push myself away from the table and if i didnt do these things i would be a fat lazy slob just like my mother... later on when i moved into my dads when i was 16 i really learned to starve myself due to yelling screaming about money and food then i got pregnant in march 1978 and was half starved and did not see a doctor obstetrician or gynecologist or any until i was 7 months pregant and by that time i was so anemic had dark circles under my eyes, pale as a ghost, weak as hell and dr prescribed 4 iron pills vitamins a day they were green square mineral tablets.
then the starving continued again when i was married at 17 to a man who would not provide enough food for me or our baby and he did not want me to work ..we were getting welfare food stamps until may of 1979 when we got married. then i had the government stop sending food stamps because i wrongly figured we did not need them. i got down to 104 pounds. i rarely had enough food to eat but my grandma would bring baby food for our son so i could feed him.
i left that man in 1980 july and moved in with a 20 year old male who insisted we live off hot dogs and macaroni and cheese processed food out of a box so in october 1980 when divorce was final i packed all my stuff in my car and left him. i was working at a restaurant and was still skinny as a rail. serving food made me lose my appetite so i would wait until end of my shift to eat my free meal that came with the job at sambos restaurant in lees summit missouri... during oct november until december 31 i lived in my car and would sometimes stay with different people who felt sorry for me. they did not want me to eat their food so i was still malnourished and looking scrawny pretty bad. 2 different people i stayed with fed me potatoes because they were cheap.
starvation began again in early 1990s when my brother and sister in law moved in and had food stamps and they ran out of food and began eating our food so i quit eating one time for 3 days because we couldnt afford to feed all of us with what they were doing. they lived with us more than a year.
eating alone so i can have peace
walking
writing journal diary entries about things that have happened and the words people said straight out of their mouth to me and about others
sleeping at odd times. up late at night. oversleeping and under sleeping.
i used to dance but not much anymore..he destroyed that by stopping me from using the living room for dance floor and blocking me from playing music i like and insulting me for the way i look, how i talk, clean, the way my breath smells ridiculing just about everything about me ... the last few times i danced in the living room a few years ago it ended up in a sex session which i did not want to do. when i exercise dancing swimming or any other way or if i have a massage which is very rare the last thing on my mind is sex
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