Asthma, hay fever, scoliosis are chronic, lifelong disorders.
It is not something you "had" as a child and outgrew.
At age 58 years of age, I am no longer in denial that I have these health issues.
I have been denying their existence since I was 16 years old
although I have suffered the horrible consequences of them
for my entire life.
I can't take the cold weather and can't participate in strenuous sports.
A common cold or the flu makes me sick for weeks or months at a time
instead of for a few days like it does the average person.
This makes me a weak willed wimp pussy according to people
who don't have a clue.
When I was a child I began taking prescription medications/drugs,
actifed and tedral daily for my allergies,
(allergic rhinitis/hay fever) and asthma.
My grandmother, whom I lived with, took me to the allergist
every week for over 3 years and I received a shot in the arm
for my allergies. She took me to an orthopedic doctor when
I was 14 and he performed x-rays and determined that
I had a c curve at the bottom of my spine, in the lumbar region.
The doctor told us that I would need back surgery when I got
older. Grandma reminded me of this for years. Of course, I denied it
and thought I could do anything I set my mind to.
Codeine cough syrup, Triaminic, Robitussin and cough drops were
mainstays in my life. I could barely breathe and
was in the hospital at age 6 because
of asthma.
I used an inhaler for my asthma since age 6 when we lived
in California. I had a bronchoscopy performed under
sedation in the hospital at age 11.
The doctor forbade me to drink milk, said I was to
avoid allergens: dust, dust mites, animal dander, kapok, pollen,
stuffed animals (which I love). I had stuffed animals and
pets (dogs and cats) anyway, refusing to believe they could affect me.
I thought I could overcome these allergies by strength of will alone.
I did not excel at any sport but I was fond of swimming and
am fairly good at it and barely received a Senior Lifesaving
certificate when I was 15 years old.
I was not good at running, at track, sprints, the 50 yard dash
or running several lamps around the track at school.
I could never run as fast as any other kid much less beat them
by running faster.
I learned early on from the age of 10 that I did
not like contact sports like "touch" football or basketball.
Being pushed, shoved, hit in the face with a kick ball,
knocked to the ground and hurt was no fun.
The word "competition" is not in my vocabulary.
Physically, mentally or asthetically. I learned that I
could not "beat" anyone at spelling or math or any other
subject in school even though I earned good grades (A's and
B's until I reached junior high--from 8th grade at age 13 on
to high school). I was not the top of the class, I was not
the best athlete at anything, I was not the prettiest, the
most beautiful, the best at any particular thing. Someone
else was always better.
"Loser, quitter, lazy, hypochondriac, dreamer, worthless,
good for nothing, stupid, naive, gullible" are adjectives
many people have used to describe me.
My own behavior makes me question my intelligence, if
it exists and wonder if I really am stupid.
November 18, 2019
It is not something you "had" as a child and outgrew.
At age 58 years of age, I am no longer in denial that I have these health issues.
I have been denying their existence since I was 16 years old
although I have suffered the horrible consequences of them
for my entire life.
I can't take the cold weather and can't participate in strenuous sports.
A common cold or the flu makes me sick for weeks or months at a time
instead of for a few days like it does the average person.
This makes me a weak willed wimp pussy according to people
who don't have a clue.
When I was a child I began taking prescription medications/drugs,
actifed and tedral daily for my allergies,
(allergic rhinitis/hay fever) and asthma.
My grandmother, whom I lived with, took me to the allergist
every week for over 3 years and I received a shot in the arm
for my allergies. She took me to an orthopedic doctor when
I was 14 and he performed x-rays and determined that
I had a c curve at the bottom of my spine, in the lumbar region.
The doctor told us that I would need back surgery when I got
older. Grandma reminded me of this for years. Of course, I denied it
and thought I could do anything I set my mind to.
Codeine cough syrup, Triaminic, Robitussin and cough drops were
mainstays in my life. I could barely breathe and
was in the hospital at age 6 because
of asthma.
I used an inhaler for my asthma since age 6 when we lived
in California. I had a bronchoscopy performed under
sedation in the hospital at age 11.
The doctor forbade me to drink milk, said I was to
avoid allergens: dust, dust mites, animal dander, kapok, pollen,
stuffed animals (which I love). I had stuffed animals and
pets (dogs and cats) anyway, refusing to believe they could affect me.
I thought I could overcome these allergies by strength of will alone.
I did not excel at any sport but I was fond of swimming and
am fairly good at it and barely received a Senior Lifesaving
certificate when I was 15 years old.
I was not good at running, at track, sprints, the 50 yard dash
or running several lamps around the track at school.
I could never run as fast as any other kid much less beat them
by running faster.
I learned early on from the age of 10 that I did
not like contact sports like "touch" football or basketball.
Being pushed, shoved, hit in the face with a kick ball,
knocked to the ground and hurt was no fun.
The word "competition" is not in my vocabulary.
Physically, mentally or asthetically. I learned that I
could not "beat" anyone at spelling or math or any other
subject in school even though I earned good grades (A's and
B's until I reached junior high--from 8th grade at age 13 on
to high school). I was not the top of the class, I was not
the best athlete at anything, I was not the prettiest, the
most beautiful, the best at any particular thing. Someone
else was always better.
"Loser, quitter, lazy, hypochondriac, dreamer, worthless,
good for nothing, stupid, naive, gullible" are adjectives
many people have used to describe me.
My own behavior makes me question my intelligence, if
it exists and wonder if I really am stupid.
November 18, 2019
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