Crying at price chopper grocery store last night

 Started crying again . Shopping solo . Last hour in the store, still crying in self checkout lane. Then a bouncy ball appeared under the counter while my receipt was printing. I bent down picked up the pretty multi colored little ball on the floor put it in my waist fanny pack purse along with 3 pennies in the change tray. 

Say it, a woman kept saying to the little girl in checkout across from me. The girl then came over and said can i have my bouncy ball? I said sure i didnt know it was yours i thought it came from heaven. Reminds me of my grandson i havent seen him in 6 months. I took the ball out of my purse and handed it to her. .. and my crying was evident then. The woman said give it back i said no keep it. I couldnt talk thru my choked up throat as i quickly put my bags in my cart and got out of the store before they could try to follow me.

I saw a mom with her little son when i first came into the store. She was pushing him in the kids grocery cart, yellow and red plastic with toy steering wheel. So cute. He was around 3 or 4 years old. I smiled at mom when she looked up and she smiled back. Beautiful dark haired lady and boy also had dark hair. 

I noticed the kids carts as i entered the store as i always do and know i no longer have my grandson to shop with and put him into the cart. I think these kids are so cute and grow up and go away so fast and i wonder if the parents realize this yet. If they know how lucky they are to have their precious cargo for such a short while. 

I suppose they dont know. Its likely to hit them hard when they get older and they are alone and dont have their babies around anymore. Or maybe its just me, people like me in my situation and have experienced so much loss of lives especially in the last few years. And i dont have an outside job or other planned activities to occupy my time. No social life, nothing better to do than think and remember and live with a person who acts like he hates me.

Those who are responsible take no responsibility and may not be aware of how devastating it is to me to take away the one person who truly loves me. Or they might be aware and deliberately do it because they enjoy their sheer torture tactics.