- He wants to drive his beautiful car with his beautiful girl.
Wednesday, September 30, 2020
He wants to drive his beautiful car with his beautiful girl.
I have been told the shut up my entire life. Even when I was quiet and shy as a little girl. Just shut up, look cute, don't think and pretend like you don't have a brain.
I have been told the shut up my entire life. Even when I was quiet and shy as a little girl.
Just shut up, look cute, don't think and pretend like you don't have a brain.
Still today. Husband says I am eye candy, a barbie doll, a doll. A Stepford wife.
He talks to me in a condescending manner and nearly always assumes I
that I don't know what I am doing, can't figure anything out on my own,
unable to do much of anything for myself.
The only times I have his undivided attention is when I a nude, nearly nude,
wearing tight fitting and/or revealing clothes, wearing typical underwear or
lingerie, looking
Teenage girl face: timeless desire by men. Still holds true today as it always has and always will.
Classic.
It's worldwide.
I have hundreds of real life anecdotes/ true stories to tell that
have happened to me, that I have witnessed happening to other females.
It's all over the world in almost every book, movie, poem and song
about a male's desire for the young blood, teenaged girl. She has
just entered puberty, sweet, innocent, pretty, ripe for the taking and
that is exactly what he wants.
He doesn't care about what she wants, he cares about the one
thing he wants. When she looks good enough he will
try everything in the book to get that one thing he wants. Lines...
Lying (I love you. You're mine and nobody else's. You are
the only one for me. I want to marry you. ....
....
.....
....
....
The face that sailed a thousand ships. Helen of Troy.
Who needs money with a face like that.
She has a body that looks like she's 18 years old, that won't quit.
(words from my brother Darryl about Debbie back in the late 1990's)
"I have a crush on this 14 year old girl. I can't help myself", by
eldest brother, John, 12 years older than me, said a few years before he died at 52.
He had
a dreamy look on his face. He chased every kind of female his
entire life, had sex with countless females, has an unknown
number of illegitimate children, did drugs and drank only beer the last days of his life.
He didn't even want to eat food or drink water but he did want
that ONE thing: the young pussy girl.
The root chakra was still alive even though the rest of his body was dead.
I was there briefly with him and our eldest sister, Joyce, one year older
than John, on his death bed
at Independence Regional Hospital. He did not want to hear my voice.
My talking upset him so badly he raised up on the bed, turned his
demonic glowing green eyes at me and yelled "Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!!"
He was nice to our sister, Joyce. He never treated her terribly, as far as I know,
the way he treated me.
Pieces of flesh came off his groveling tongue and cheeks as he lay in the
bed with severe liver and bone cancer, skinny to the bone and shriveled up like a death
skeleton. I had given him some apple juice in a small carton through a straw
and he feebly tried to suck in the juice then spat it out along with the chunks
of flesh coming out of his mouth.
His demonic behavior frightened me so much I never went back
to see him at the hospital, Joyce took him into her home and
cared for him until his death.
You and the land are one: The secret of the holy grail.
You and the land are one: The secret of the holy grail.
Monday, September 28, 2020
All of the things I have done to be faithful to you for 30 years
All of the things I have done to be faithful to you for 30 years
all of the men and women who wanted me
I turned them all down
for you
and you
you
just
shit in
my face
You throw shit on all that I am, all that I do
2 hours a week on Friday or Saturday night is not enough fun and happy time.
Work 40, 50, 60, 80 hours a week so you can look forward to that 2 to 6 hours
a week of happy freedom on the weekend is out of balance. How about every
minute is joy in what you do so it is not thought of as work or duty.
It is want. It is a natural desire to be happy and want to see happiness in all life.
The end of Irene in my neighborhood. Could be beginning of the end of me here, too.
The end of Irene in my neighborhood. Could be beginning of the end of me
here, too.
Sharon, the neighbor across the street from us on Crestview Drive,
called my husband tonight to inform him that Irene, her
next door neighbor, has gone into a care facility permanently thanks to
her family telling her she couldn't go out during this plandemic
virus thing.
This is the last we will see Irene. She is 26 years older than me
and my husband. She was like a neighborhood matriarch.
She was friendly with many people in the neighborhood.
She was like a center safe ground area for a lot of people.
A Catholic woman with very close and a big family. Her son and other family
members mow her grass and maintain the lawn
frequently. They have an absolutely horrid sounding lawn mower
that has disrupted my sleep countless times.
I was never the one to chit chat on the phone with her. My husband
did frequently for years since I moved in here in 1991.
He is like the woman chit chatter gossip of the neighborhood.
He likes to keep me away from as many people as possible
and keep himself informed of what is going on around here
at all times.
He is in to the business of what is going on around here.
No one except 2 neighbors around here have anything to do with me.
The next door neighbor, Wendy will talk to me and my husband,
separately, infrequently. I have no close associate neighbors that I have
contact with more than a few times a year.
My husband tells me "not to talk to them", like the neighbors on the
south side of me and anywhere else. When I visit Wendy a few times
a year for a few hours he says what are you doing over there? what
are you talking about? You were over there for an hour and a half...
what are you talking about?
We never had any neighbor over here at my (husbands) house for dinner.
Never got close like that with anyone at all. He wouldn't allow it.
Doesn't want people in the house.
here, too.
Sharon, the neighbor across the street from us on Crestview Drive,
called my husband tonight to inform him that Irene, her
next door neighbor, has gone into a care facility permanently thanks to
her family telling her she couldn't go out during this plandemic
virus thing.
This is the last we will see Irene. She is 26 years older than me
and my husband. She was like a neighborhood matriarch.
She was friendly with many people in the neighborhood.
She was like a center safe ground area for a lot of people.
A Catholic woman with very close and a big family. Her son and other family
members mow her grass and maintain the lawn
frequently. They have an absolutely horrid sounding lawn mower
that has disrupted my sleep countless times.
I was never the one to chit chat on the phone with her. My husband
did frequently for years since I moved in here in 1991.
He is like the woman chit chatter gossip of the neighborhood.
He likes to keep me away from as many people as possible
and keep himself informed of what is going on around here
at all times.
He is in to the business of what is going on around here.
No one except 2 neighbors around here have anything to do with me.
The next door neighbor, Wendy will talk to me and my husband,
separately, infrequently. I have no close associate neighbors that I have
contact with more than a few times a year.
My husband tells me "not to talk to them", like the neighbors on the
south side of me and anywhere else. When I visit Wendy a few times
a year for a few hours he says what are you doing over there? what
are you talking about? You were over there for an hour and a half...
what are you talking about?
We never had any neighbor over here at my (husbands) house for dinner.
Never got close like that with anyone at all. He wouldn't allow it.
Doesn't want people in the house.
Nursing homes and care facilities won't allow visitors; how
utterly ridiculous. Some kind of, or I should say just another kind of,
covert plan to kill off a large
number of people.
Other covert/overt plans like getting as many people as possible on prescription drugs,
lying and covering up basic information about how to be naturally
healthy. Pushing crazy ideas about stressing your body out,
pushing yourself beyond your limits ("No pain, no gain" myth)
ingesting boat loads of caffeine, energy drinks or other forms of speed then taking
downers so you can go to sleep.
Pump up with pain killers (prescription or over the counter like
acetaminophen, iboprofen and aspirin) after you have pushed
yourself beyond your body and mind's
limits that end up
destroying your digestive system like other scripts do.
Once your guts are damaged, it's all downhill.
Liver, kidneys, heart, lungs, stomach, gall bladder, intestines;
Liver, kidneys, heart, lungs, stomach, gall bladder, intestines;
basically every organ in your body. Damage shows up on
your skin. Your bones are weak. They break/fracture easily.
You can't even squat anymore much less get up off the floor.
It's like Go Ask Alice... when she's 10 feet tall.
May 30, 2020
September 28, 2020. New Lovely family moving in.
Ages 38, 33, 5 and 3.
Sold for
$128,900
I am going to have a Christmas tree this year, even if it is only 2" tall.
I am going to have a Christmas tree this year, even if it is only 2" tall.
I celebrated this holiday every year until I was 33 when the man I chose
to marry, raised by a Jehovah's Witness mother, decided that the tree
was nothing but trouble, nothing but a big mess of tree needles laying
around on the floor, the lights used up electricity which cost money, the
presents cost money and are a big waste and there are no such
things as celebrations. What is there to celebrate? He, the Grinch,
still says.
The Grinch and The Grim Reaper are two of his favorite characters
yet he refuesd to go see the movie, the grinch a few years ago when
offered the chance to see it for free when my son and daughter in law
paid for the tickets. He chose to sit home alone in misery and
not experience any joy in revealing the truth about life or himself.
Taking care of a person can be more exhausting than hard physical manual labor.
If the person is in a negative frame of mind, being hateful, cynical, skeptical,
confused, angry, stuck in a loop of doomsday thoughts and words and actions
this is a drain that can suck your positive energy right out of the pipe of hope
and down to the highway of hell (misery).
Enjoying time with pleasant, happy, fun loving people and animals can be
exhilarating, make one want to spend more time with them and have
something good to look forward to. A reason to live.
Recharge yourself with rest. Remember your youth. Relive your
innocence. Share the sweet spirit you were born with.
Enjoy the sweetness of nature.
Wearing 3 inch high heels at home at night. I feel the difference. Seems to help my back feel temporarily better.
Wearing 3 inch high heels at home at night. I feel the difference. Seems to help
my back feel temporarily better. Heels are almost 3" high. Walk slowly,
carefully, gracefully.
I stand taller than my husband. He seems a little scared and excited
at the same time.
I bought 2 pairs of high heels for me. It doesn't matter what anyone
thinks. I am following my feelings. Being myself, not trying to impress.
Waist trainer and vested slimmer bought at citi trends last week
Waist trainer and vested slimmer bought at citi trends last week.
Flo 360 and respin by Halle Berry. Both size Medium.
One has a zipper (easy to get on and tight), one has hooks and eyes and
takes longer to put on. Both have an open chest area. Wonderful
for allowing your choice of undergarments.
I got these to hopefully help straighten the 38 degree curve in my back, not to slim my
already skinny waist or to strengthen my already firm or hard core muscles,
not to flatten my already flat stomach.
126 pounds today. Weight varies from day to day by a few pounds.
So far, so good. They feel good and I can even sleep in them.
A good investment in myself. Thank you for designing these
and making them so affordable and comfortable.
Ten 10 words or less. Get to the point.
Ten 10 words or less. Get to the point.
Even better: grunt instead of talking. Smile and be silent.
Easier said than done.
What is the ONE point when the picture has more than one image
along with background scenery, noises, smells, temperature ranges,
precipitation levels......
Sunday, September 27, 2020
How To Communicate With Men ~ Get Him To HEAR You. Get to the point before telling the story.
How To Communicate With Men ~ Get Him To HEAR You.
Get to the point before telling the story. He has a track to follow
when you begin with the point.
This is so true. I tend to elaborate with details and desire to
lead UP to the point. (I like surprises).
The listener has lost interest before I
make it to the second sentence of the story.
Confused, they ask me questions often irrelevant to the
point I was leading up to which gets me off track then I
often forget where I started and what I was going to say.
Teaching an old cat new tricks these days.
How to talk to dogs.
Tuesday, September 22, 2020
He says quit talking and do something because he doesn't know how to communicate properly through language.
He says quit talking and do something because he doesn't know how to communicate properly through language.
His eyes are the dominant sense.
He can't comprehend abstract ideas or meanings. He must have concrete visual evidence before
he believes in something. He has to see it before he believes it. His vibration is at the physical
level not the spiritual.
All he knows is what he sees, interpreting the world in his own single minded way and unable to understand or allow differences between himself and others.
He likes to do hard physical manual labor, tear material things down and build them up.
He is very good at handling physical objects and poor at handling himself or other people
or animals.
He is attracted to movement. He is attracted to beauty in females and certain music but doesn't
know how to treat beautiful people.
He is not awed by the simple things or nature or by small things that make life so much better.
He is impressed by those in costumes, those wearing makeup and unusal attire,
those who perform outlandish stunts. He rarely expresses appreciation for what he has,
who he is with or by any simple miracle that makes life exist.
Something has to be really big and really odd to blow his mind.
He doesn't understand why he does what he does or why anyone
does anything and he doesn't want to know why.
He knows he has basic animal needs such as food, sex, sleep and exercise.
He doesn't know that emotion precedes the synchronicity of events.
He doesn't know that he doesn't know and wouldn't care if he knew that
he didn't know but ought to know.
His thoughts are shallow. He cannot understand depth of meaning, only the
surface of things at the moment. He frequently misinterprets other peoples
feelings and intentions. He tries to figure out other people's motives behind
each and every occurance in his life but he still can't figure it out.
He tries to put words in people's mouths, often talking over them, filling in
their sentences and interrupting. He is usually wrong when he thinks he
knows what someone is thinking or what they are about to say or why
they do what they do or did what they did.
First and foremost, it is his world only. No one else's. The whole world should
think and feel and do as he does, otherwise they are stupid, worthless, don't
deserve to eat ..he calls them eating machines that don't do a damn thing...
If you're different, you have no class, no taste.
If he doesn't see a person doing hard manual labor doing back breaking work
he says they don't work. They don't deserve to eat much less live. The world
is overpopulated. Global warming is a direct result of what humans have done
and are doing.
Birth control should be mandatory. He never wanted children.
If anything goes wrong, it is never his fault. It's someone elses fault.
They should have known that what they did was wrong even in things
like being in anyplace at the wrong time, as if every person knows in
advance what is going to happen before they get there.
The only important thing is what is on his mind at the moment. To hell
with anyone else.
He is skeptical of everything. He is frustrated daily. He is easily angered.
He rarely apologizes because he feels justified in being judgmental,
critical, hostile, arrogant, mean, selfish, superior and an ass hole Mr. Hyde
in general.
He secretly and overtly views himself as all knowing thus calls others know it alls.
Deep inside he is actually fearful, afraid, scared to death. He says fear is a good thing.
He likes to keep the one closest to him in a constant state of fear where they are
walking on eggshells because if they don't he will blow up in a fit of rage,
throwing a temper tantrum that can last for hours and a stewing rage of the
silent treatment that can last for weeks.
His stated goal is to find a woman that will do everything that he wants. She
has no will of her own. No sense of self. She is an android stepford wife.
She is definitely not a free spirit... that is the biggest threat of all to him.
She ought to be tied to a tree if she tries to be herself, just as anyone should.
He sees any form of independence of others as a threat to his existence and he
lashes out in anger, most often at the one closest to him because he wants to appear
good and nice and respectable in public and to strangers and neighbors. He wants
them to think he is the nice guy.
He minimizes the efforts of others and maximizes his own efforts as being superior.
No one else really matters. He believes he has done all good things by himself
without the help of others. He thinks of himself as an island.
He says the serenity prayer is stupid because he doesn't understand it.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
He says the desiradata poem is stupid because he doesn't understand it.
He says the desiradata poem is stupid because he doesn't understand it.
My face and body have been admired and appreciated by men. My brains and intelligence have not. Ever.
My face and body have been admired and appreciated by men. My brains and
intelligence have not. Ever.
Memorizing trivia, knowing things like calculus, algebra or any specific subject does not mean you have common sense. IQ tests cannot determine your wisdom or success at achieving happiness in life.
Memorizing trivia, knowing things like calculus, algebra or any specific subject does not mean you have common sense. IQ tests cannot determine your wisdom or success at achieving happiness in life.
nature and nurture in psychology some is your nature some is learned behavior
nature and nurture in psychology
some is your nature some is learned behavior
psychology sociology philosophy smoking
Pushing and driving your body beyond its capacity, its limits is like driving a car at full speed with no oil in the engine or gasoline in the gas tank and expecting it to perform at its peak without breaking down.
Pushing and driving your body beyond its capacity,
its limits is like driving a car at full speed with no
oil in the engine or gasoline in the gas tank and
expecting it to perform at its peak without breaking down.
Following the advice of any idiot who tells you to do so
is foolish and lead to your path of self destruction.
Wisdom sometimes, but not always, comes with age
Wisdom sometimes, but not always, comes with age. I
know people in their early 20s who have the wisdom it
took me all of my life to learn. I know people 20, 30, 40
or 50 years younger than me who are wise beyond
their years.
I remember many things I have experienced in the past
that went wrong due to my sheer lack of wisdom.
I was book smart, intelligent, could memorize things,
knew lots of details but did not know why things are
the way they are.
Lacking the wisdom of animal nature and instincts
caused me much distress, unhappiness, sadness and misery.
School and formal education taught me nothing about wisdom.
Thursday, September 17, 2020
My body is the only thing I will always own until its death.
My body is the only thing I will always own until its death.
9-17-2020 Sarah Wilson Stillwell
Tuesday, September 15, 2020
Got some high heel shoes last month. Seems to help legs and back. Wear them at home only.
Got some high heel shoes last month. Seems to help legs and back. Wear them at home only. If I wore them when I go out, he'd have a fit because they are so sexy looking. I am taller than him when I wear them. Is that a threat....?
Yes, it is. He said it is intimidating last night. But it didn't stop him.
I am a very strong person who has survived living with narcissists all of my life.
I am a very strong person who has survived living with narcissists all of my life.
At 59 years of biological age I have maintained my own sense of self.
I am me, I remain what I am. I am what I am regardless of their control tactics attempting to change me into someone else, someone I am not.
Even though I have severe levoscoliosis I have kept my hourglass figure and look younger than I am.
My true height was 5' 6 1/2" before my spine twisted and my weighttoday is 125 lbs. My height shrunk to 5' 3 and 3/4" due to the curve in my back.
Today I am in much better shape and condition than I was a few years ago when I couldn't even squat without falling down.
I walk alot, stretch, dance when I can and will go swimming any chance I get. I love to swim in the water.
I have been doing many things to take care of myself and my appearance much to the disliking and hatred and jealousy, anger and fits of temper tantrums of the narcissist. Intermittent displays of love have happened in between the demon displays of hate. I live with paranoid schizophrenic symptoms in the man I have been with for 29 years. Mother is the basis of this. Mother and the family dynamics of the whole spectrum of schizophrenia. It is learned behavior, it is not genetic.
Realizing I am totally female releases me from attempting to do man things and end up competing with -them. I am peaceful, joyful, loving, sensitive and most of all natural. I am not competitive; never have been. I am cooperative and flexible. Understanding, insightful, helpful, nice and polite. That is my nature. My instinctual nature.
Strangers, friends, neighbors and other family neighbors frequently tell me I am beautiful, unlike narcissist types who view me and my happiness as a threat. Narcs are on or off, love one minute and hate the next. Steady, consistent love, compassion and caring do not exist with them. Hot one minute and cold the next. Suffer from the 7 deadly sins.
All of this stuff was learned in the womb and in their childhood, permanently forming the structure of their personality. Fear based, they are unable to separate themselves from things or their environment and attempt to control the entire spectrum of all living and unliving things. Yet, they cannot see that all things are connected, naturally. Force is their choice instead of allowance and fluidity. Differences are immediately noticed and not accepted, instead differences are hated which fuels the fire for their anger and intolerance, hate, judgment, criticism, threats, egotistical superiority complex where they think they know it all and no one else close to them knows anything.
9-16-2020
Sarah Wilson Stillwell
narcissism
narcissism
[ˈnärsəˌsizəm]
NOUN
excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance.
synonyms:
conceit · conceitedness · self-conceit · self-love · self-admiration · self-regard · self-absorption · self-obsession · self-centeredness · egotism · egoism · egocentrism · [more]
psychology
selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
psychoanalysis
self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.
He said, "I don't need to hear your analogies"
He said, "I don't need to hear your analogies" when we were standing in line
at Dollar Tree in Grandview, Missouri a few days ago.
He said "I don't want to hear your philosophical comments."
He said "I don't want to hear your philosophical comments."
Saturday, September 12, 2020
Squat. Like you're outside. Like no one's watching.
Squat. Like you're outside. Like no one's watching.
Spread your legs wide open.
Squat whenever you can. It helps align the spine.
I have severe levoscoliosis and started doing this again like I
used to do. Still have pain. I can move and stretch better.
2020: The year of 5 five letter words instead of 4 letter words.
2020: The year of 5 five letter words instead of 4 letter words.
Sarah Wilson Stillwell
I thought of this several months ago and just now posting it.
Saturday, September 5, 2020
An invisible pipeline exists between me and grandma
"An invisible pipeline exists between me and grandma",
Damon, age 6, told me
this last week when I said, "How is it that I know what you want and need at
the time you need it?"
I think this pipeline exists between all of us.
Awareness is the key.
New neighbors at 3502 Kings Hwy, 64137
New neighbors at 3502 Kings Hwy, 64137
September 25, 2020 house sale is closing.
Former owner's son, Don Rogers, Jr
told me today the new tenants have two sons, 3 and 5 years old
and their last name is Lovely.
Yesterday around noon I was outside talking to Don
and he and my next door neighbor, Wendy, said "You look lovely"
Don said "It's nice to see a pretty woman in a dress. Did you go
commando? Can I look?"
I said, "Thank you" as Don and I walked from
my next door neighbor, Wendy's house past my
mailbox to my house.
I was barefoot and wearing a purple shirt about mid thigh
with a white belt around my small waist.
I said "Absolutely not" to his "commando" request which means
he wants to see what I am wearing under my dress/clothes.
I asked Don to repeat what he said to me in front of my
husband who was shoveling gravel in the driveway.
Don said, "Are you trying to get me in trouble?" jokingly
and proceeded to converse with my husband in man talk
as if he didn't say anything out of the ordinary.
For every bad thing that happens, a good thing comes out of it.
For every bad thing that happens, a good thing comes out of it.
Quote from my neighbor, Mark Pollock's dad.
"One of the great lessons I've learned in athletics is that you've got to discipline your life. No matter how good you may be, you've got to be willing to cut out of your life those things that keep you from going to the top."
Your Daily Quotation:
"One of the great lessons I've learned in athletics is that you've got to discipline your life. No matter how good you may be, you've got to be willing to cut out of your life those things that keep you from going to the top."
-- Bob Richards
"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing."
Your Daily Quotation:
"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing."
-- Dale Carnegie
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