Dreams quickly reveal knowledge and understanding. Had another very 
strong dream today revealing truth.

Relaxation, peace, calmness of the self.

Insights of a lifetime happen in an hour or so of deep sleep and rest.
Ephiphanies/realizations happen when the self is calm, open and aware.

Answers are within. I don't have to go chasing them.

I realize I have been with a man I met in May, 1987 and have lived
with since December 15, 1991 who is directly opposite of me. He
detests and has contempt for most of the things I like, love, stand for,
believe in and am.

There is malignant narcissism and schizophrenia at work.
He is self centered and all about money, physical things and sex,
viewed as a duty, as good exercise and an act that drains the body
when performed with a person (me).  If he viewed it as a drain
with others, I don't know.

 Constantly looking
at other people anywhere he is and making judgments.
At restaurants, shopping, walking anywhere, anywhere
he is I hear the snap judgment about what he thinks about
the way the person looks and if he feels uneasy at an
establishment. This has been going on with him since 
day one when I met him and I now realize it is part of his
paradigm thought process ritual learned as a child. 
I have tried and failed to make him feel differently and to
accept what is.  To feel comfortable with me (many times
he has felt comfortable with me, many times he is not) and
be comfortable in the company of anyone or anything.

He always knows what everyone else should be doing and deems
almost everyone as stupid and "can't do anything for themselves".

He is outward/outside oriented,
rarely being introspective.  Controlling, micro managing, critical of
all things outside of himself, judgmental, impulsive, rude, mean,
hateful, condemning, threatening, hostile, angry,
impatient 
in driving habits, waiting in line for something, getting food when
hungry or not hungry, waiting for receipt of anything, waiting for
someone to answer the phone. He thinks everyone should answer immediately
because I guess he thinks he is the only one who exists in their life
and they have nothing else to do but answer immediately to his
beck and call. 

Vengeful, secretive, prideful, arrogant, egotistical know it all,
greedy, lustful, envious, sloth like in awareness of self and the
impact his words have on me, especially, since I am the one
who gets to hear the daily bitchs, complaints, grunts, hostility
in words like "That just pisses me off!"  His family does the
same things. They and me are the only ones who really see
this behavior. Associates, acquaintances, neighbors or strangers
don't experience or witness this quite negative and bad behavior.
He wants to appear "perfect" and nice and helpful and intelligent
to them and treat me like I don't know anything, am helpless,
stupid, worthless.

"Get rid of" is one of his favorite threats. Get rid of people first.
Things last.

Ultra sensitive to smells, sights, "bad feelings" about other people.
Believes others are out to use him, to get him. "I know how people are.
Nice to your face then stab you in the back".  
Skeptical. Doubtful "I doubt it". Can't understand. "I can't understand".
I don't understand you. 

Lacks charisma. Lacks social skills. 
Does not appreciate beauty of nature: the sky, the moon, the stars,
flowers, water. Lakes, ponds, rivers, oceans, streams. 

Unable to have fun. To experience joy. 

He hates holidays.. except sometimes Valentine's Day and recognizes
Halloween, thinking he should give out candy. 

He does not want to celebrate anything. Jehovah's Witness mother,
Marjorie Mae Rutherford Stillwell caused this. 

I am directly opposite of all that.