Soul persona

Underlying feelings i have had since i was a little girl. Why it is so, I don't know. Not sure if born that way or created due to experiences, environment, upbringing, parents, grandparents, family, teachers, life...

Soul message thoughts I had since very young...

as a preteen girl around boys males men... message i felt was 

"I am not a tease" so i ended up having sex with several I didnt want to due to absolute fear of the consequences ..fear of harm, death, being murdered if I didnt do what they wanted.  As I got older I found out I have a right to say no and stay away and stop them from touching me or getting near me.

"I am not after your money" "I won't do anything to get your money" 

"I am not a criminal. I am not a prostitute."

"I want to work. I want to go to school. I want to make and earn my own money."

I have worked for free and worked for cheap my whole life.

"I won't perform crimes, illegal activities. I won't go along with any type of thing a person tries to get me to do which is obviously wrong. Things that deliberately hurt others and take things from them."

"I dont want to get physical (any type of sex) just for the money or stuff they give me. Not with any person. Males are usually the ones who want body pleasure, physical touching or some kind of sex be it touching or talking like phone sex. This is something I have never done as the idea is revolting to me to share the deepest personal thing a person can do with someone I do not care for .

"I do not approach anyone and pick a phycical fight with them. I do not physically attack them."

I have ended up with many individuals, mostly males, that have done illegal, criminal things, have physically harmed me and threatened to hurt me. Men who have hit me, punched me, stole my things including vehicles. Some had stole my checks and wrote hot (bad) checks out of my bank account, some used credit in my name and racked up the charges never paying them. 

I want things cleaned up. I want myself, my body to be clean and fresh.  I want my home and work environment to be be nice and orderly. I want things to smell good and be really clean which can only happen with soap and water, elbow grease and deep cleaning. I want a legitimate business(s) making money and have all earnings reported. 

I want to be sure I and others around me are careful around food handling. Simple things like washing hands before preparing food or eating it. Sneeze into your elbow not blast sputum all over the room area. Don't stick your fingers into everything especially foodstuff.  Don't pick your nose then begin touching whatever is around without washing your hands. Don't grab doorways, knobs, trim, handles, anything with your dirty hands. Watch what you're doing and don't transfer your germs onto everything wherever you go. 

I have learned and am still learning much daily. If a person is not cautious with their hands, their sneezing, coughing, tossing things around anywhere like garbage they will most likely stay that way their entire life. Anything I say does no good to stop them from being unsanitary. They say I am complaining, bitching, stupid, don't know what I am talking about, exaggerating the importance of being cautious with spreading germs or any type of microbes. They say I am blowing things out of proportion, being ridiculous.