Daily crying each and every day for a year
Haven't seen my grandson for a year as of may 14 2023 last mother's day
All the places we use to go, I see them every time I go out
Frequently I cry while I am driving as I go by or to the places . Frequently I cry wherever I am.
Fortunately I am home now while I cry. It's less dangerous to cry alone and to be in bed especially at night when no one is around or awake to see me
I think of the KC zoo I never got to take him to. Last year in April his birthday month I went alone. I go to parks alone where we used to go. I went to c Lee kenagy park in April 2023 and again in March and April 2024. Took pictures of the flowers that always bloom right before his birthday. We used to go to that park often.
The last time I saw him I told him I imagined he was a little bird in my hand and I gently blew on him as he flew away as he grows up and away from me.
I told him to always remember that even though he can't see me I am always there and will be there for the rest of his life. He will never forget me nor will I forget him. I said I know I didn't say it often but I love you very much.
Nothing I do can stop my feelings and my memories. No one can help me.
Now I hear the owls outside by my house and I remember making the owl hoot sound for Damon starting when he was a baby. I always said what's that noise what's that sound about anything when I heard something. That's how I taught him many sounds.
I hear the train now outside my bedroom window. Reminds me of my son, Damons dad, every time it goes by which is several times a day. We would stop to watch and listen to the train when he was a little boy. He loved trains.
I am so tired most of the time and in pain all of the time. And when I wake up most mornings I wish I hadn't.
I don't want to end up living in a nursing home pumped up with prescription drugs locked up like a zoo animal creature with zero freedom or ability to do anything, zombified until death.
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