layson, stillwell
told john once i had 200 items listd. he said he would be impressed if i had at least 3000 items listed. and that man never listed a thing on ebay or on the internet
still is only impressed by wild outlandish things not small accomplishments or things
the wolf is chasing the cat
the animal grabs the food
thief steals it
he sneaks around lurking hiding spying in the bushes peeping in the window
bangs the hole
flirts with the female
eyeballs her up and down
hits her on the butt
brushes against her
grabs her butt or boobs
steals glances looks stares
kisses stolen
hand in the cookie jar
stockpiling hoarding hiding things
snatching grabbing handling things
dolls. ones that look like little girls. all dolled up. pretty as a picture.
dressed up made up to look cute girlish
want to run the world
cant manage their own life
dont appreciate their wife or children or family
cant solve their own problems yet have all the answers to the worlds problems
what am I going to do?
I want flexibility. Most important of all. Movement.
Exercise. Improve my diet. Stretch.
they hate despise the way the ass hole is.
they themselves are arrogant, egotistical, belligerent, highly critical and unforgiving of others and as soon as they see this behavior in someone else they point it out and do not like that other person who is just like them.
they hate looking in the mirror or being watched by a camera
they dont want to be recorded and if you tried to play back an audio or video or them they would not listen to it or look at it, instead yell and say 'get that out of my face' 'i dont want to hear it' 'i dont want to see it'
and never tell anyone the truth about what goes on here at home with him or the last husband who was the same way insisting i never talk about us to anyone. this is a good way to try to keep me sheltered, under control and no one else will know what he says what he does the way he acts.
negative hateful mean selfish rude insulting
crude lasivious low class
perverted evil sneaky
distorted
controlling
disdainful
says i am not business like and never was.
says i talk to everybody get too personal bad for our relationship,
i have nothing going for me, cant go to school or get a job get up early
i used to look good and still can sometimes.
in my bedroom today. planning to sell it.
got rid of bedroom dressers on monday. sold on facebook.
chair huge uncomfortable . too much stuff in my room. could barely hardly move my body around.
i need floor space to walk stretch dance clean
excited journey of minimalization freedom of movement mind and body.
lots of empty space is good
rollaway folding flexible bed mats going to get
chair sitting is a rut.
heavy furniture is not necessary
sold on january 17th 2026 for 7 dollars to a young guy with new apartment needed a chair
told me he would take any or all 4 of the pretty girls who came into the gas station thet night.
layson john, rixner chris, stillwell mike
tv news, political, music obsession, deviant sexual behavior patterns
not good at housekeeping cleaning organizing, prefers hoarding saving anything they can get their hands on,
randomly eating all kinds of comfort foods and drinking things of many natures including sodas alcholic drinks mixers sweetened beverages.
craves frequent looking at videos, blasting music or anything over loud speakers,
needs large display screens on televisions, monitors,
belligerent about deep cleaning any area. freeks out over a drop of water seen on floor or countertop
seeks out female attention in various ways; some thru hidden watching some thru trying to get a woman they met or know come over to their house.
eating and drinking patterns are all day long and habitual without concern for content of food.
one example; insists upon dessert at end of meal, often pastries cookies candy sweets
ignores health do not like or want to go to doctors, dont trust physicians. thinks he can eat and drink whatever he wants and it wont bother him
has violent temper tantrums fits of rage at home often
doesn't care about dirt and rock chunks on floor unless they step on them which is rare, dont usually go barefoot anywhere. a mess has to get real bad before they do anything about it
loves chaos confusion arguing being defensive
turns sweet nice in an instant and suddenly back to ass hole full of bad language threats . appears like an innocent lamb one minute, the devil the next.
smirks ridicules me for my fastidious cleaning and sanitization
picks nose alot does not wash hands touches lots of things spreads germs often
early morning riser. prefers daytime activities rushing through traffic shopping fast get stuff quick in and out
1 calls people stupid (mike), 1 calls people leptons (chris) smallest particle accusing them of being idiots and cant understand things
chris has been dead since july 2023. he spent his last days in bed watching big screen tv of music videos, democratic biden political news and slammed trump constantly and eating lots of bread and junk food he knew the doctor said was bad for him. he had kidney and liver failure.
john died may 2023. he spent his last 2 years bedridden at hospitals then a nursing home. watched constant tv internet and used headphones most of the time just like he did at home in the final years. ate trays of hospital food and lots of pastries he ordered i bring into nursing home and had the hospice care women bring him junk like sonic food and sugary drinks and mcdonalds
kidney, liver failure, heart attacks
2 were never married. 1 had no known girlfriend in later life after 2000. 1 is married and berates wife daily.
how did this begin in childhood?
insecurity not secure about own attractiveness. are intellectually smart and act goofy
possibly were rejected during youth adolsence teens by a certain woman or many women who turned them down
back catalogue women
Pauline Swain, Julia Ashbury, Jackie St. Clair, Mandy Lomax, Jo Caine, and Kimberly Cowell
most attractive/ hourglass shape, muscle density is the 4th woman with reddish long hair
according to the husband
slim trim hourglass figure
flat stomach
tight muscles
firm ass butt legs stomach arms neck face
in living room
he uses cell phone in his bedroom alot. carries it in hand looking at it walking up and down the stairs
says going by auto place grandview rd by old bargain factory car inspection
and getting milk maybe celery
probably aldis
put on phony public face
turn into mr hyde when no one else is around
go with flow keep up with traffic jones do what is common popular majority
mean to me nice to others
and picked up term most likely from my youngest son
who also abuses then says people act like victims
single males men
he works on their stuff; cars, trucks, electronics, mowers,
he acts like he himself is single as if I am not even there and will
take off running to help them at any opportunity
and go places with them without asking me to go
they keep old expired food medicine supplies paint chemicals prescription drugs drinks very old paperwork that should have been tossed in the trash years ago....virtually anything and everything piled up and they keep stocking up on this stuff
they throw terrible twos temper tantrums if anything is tossed or see anything moved around in their mind out of place, if they see a clean empty spot that used to be filled with something they get angry violent screaming yelling have a fit
they watch every move i make
it is like someone cut their arm or leg off if an item is moved missing or tossed in the garbage where it belongs
they love to get free stuff and buy buy buy more and more keep cramming it into spaces. if they don't have enough room at their house they use someone else's place or rent storage units
they have trouble deep cleaning any area, sorting and organizing things
feng shui room appeal is out of their ability. they will either load up rooms with decor decorations or have haphazard mismatched items out of place and it doesn't bother them to have many different patterns, colors, textures anywhere around.
people; john layson, marielle holman, mike
clean i loved as a child
grandma showed me how to deep clean
in my teens cleaning up other peoples houses dishes babysitting
in my 20s started painting home remodelling
each place i work at i have cleaned organized spiffied up the place
streamlined efficient minimalist organization
everyone calls contacts me to get a hold if him
no one calls me
only businesses or scams call me
all neighbors call text him..sharon, alex. traci, mark pollock. ellen.
both my sons contact him not me
all people we know ..
tony darin kirk kenny gill
dorothy sherry his 2 living sisters
Clean smoothe tight skin. Skinny. Shiny hair.
Firm muscles. Flexible body. Fluid movements. Limber
Taut hard tits boobs breasts butt buttocks ass legs arms body
Act innocent
Be curious enthusiastic
be willing to help and move and try almost anything
crawl on your hands and knees
climb a tree
bounce up and down
run in short bursts
look cute. cock your head sideways
giggle laugh smile
be active lots of movement
do gymnastics
takes things others gave to me doesn't tell me about it like eating food tony gave him because i like popcorn and cheese puffs
bad milk. standard cheap adulterated homogenized pasteurized.
processed foods wheat rye barley oats tainted with wheat gluten. breads cakes pie crust pasta noodles . sugar excess soda pop, fruit juices. alcohol beer vodka whiskey rum gin tequila all alcohol makes. me sick. flour. gravy. canned soup ravioli. cornbread mix.
fake butter margarine oleo parkay imperial . manmade vegetable oils processed
i am allergic to all these things
childhood asthma skin boils rashes. teen years same and intense allergic reactions. severe acne scarring scars all over my face neck shoulders back arms . sick with colds flu virus bacteria infections often. missed school work due to being getting sick easily.
eczema knees severe. hives were unexplained. wheezing coughing sneezing.
swollen wrist joints top felt like hammer hit them
digestive system large small intestine gastritis duodenitis ulcers. cant digest food properly. vitamin mineral deficiency resulted
arthritis. degenerative disc disease. osteoarthritis.
vision impairment astigmatism farsighted presbyopia.
mood disorders suicide attempts bipolar manic depressive
sleep disorders insomnia or over sleeping
fatigue exhaustion
worsening of scoliosis. severe curvature of spine. feels like getting kicked by horse in middle of my back.
dizziness. confusion.
headaches severe migraines from any artificial sweeteners.
headaches from msg
get cold easily.
lack energy lethargic
yet he watches other women in movies tapes dvds music videos sing dance run walk bike screw exercise have fun and wear sexy clothes
and blocks me from doing these things around him or in public view
bans me from singing biking dancing playing dance music i like wearing any sexy clothes where anyone else can see
not allowed to wear thong bikini no bra under shirt where my nipples are seen no clothes showing my butt cheeks like short shorts ...wear very little or no makeup .. dont do my hair fancy ..dont do flashy fingernails or wear any nice expensive jewelry.. no shiny clothes no glitter. no tatoos. yet he drools over looking. at other females girls women wearing cute revealing outfits lingerie
negative bad forecasts . sees bad side of most people and things.
dirty old rotten stuff and people
news disasters porn vhs magazines
filth messes clutter
nasty food people places things
junk junkyards
probably sluts whores prostitutes like in videos
arguments fights wars politics
puts controversial bumper stickers on car and truck
wears hoodies with political messages alcatraz or other imprints printed material is offensive
ways to get as much money as possible
impulsively takes off to exercise shop park walks where else i dont know he used a nontrackable gpd unit in car and truck...and leaves messes behind all over house kitchen yard garage
Men I dont want. Those are the ones who pursue me.
Men I want who dont want me.
Men who are bad males, make me feel bad about myself, bring out the worst in me. That is what I got my whole life.
Wrong inappropriate unsuitable males.
Criminals liars thieves perverts druggies alcoholics addicted ones. Psychos. Crazies.
Fools idiots morons dictators authoritarian males. Undesirables.. Losers. Failures. Dimwits.
Crazy insane men. Bad nasty dirty uncouth impolite rude ones.
Old men young men middle aged any age
Including co workers managers bosses family friends associates neighbors.
Creeps fools idiots morons. Derelicts.
Slavery and sex is all they want.
None brought out the best in me. No man wanted the best for me.
Selfish greedy prideful angry hateful vengeful lustful gluttonous lazy sloths slobs. Envious covetous ones. Neighbors and strangers, married husbands trying to get in my pants sometimes right in their wifes face. Some guys were fat, some obese some were skinny, some were muscle bound athletic . They are all over the place in many shapes sizes and colors. Many job categories. Anywhere and everywhere. My sister in laws husband. My neighbors man. My girlfriend neighbors son a teenager at the time. My uncles cousins brothers. Customers at my jobs. Strange men at stores where I shop. Men driving down the road stopping to get me when I am taking a walk.
Men approaching me at restaurants thrift stores grocery stores sams club parks.
Narrow minded black and white thinking
Loud mouth egotistical arrogant petty insidious imbeciles.
Two timing 2 faced vengeful haters
This does not mean all men are bad. Only the ones I have encountered.
If there is a good mature man for me I have not met him yet and have no knowledge of him on planet earth or in the universe.
It is a fantasy. A delusion that that man exists.
Is it right to make men, women or children fight? To compete and draw blood.
Politics is about fighting.
Advertising, news, entertainment (movies, games), health industry focuses on the fight, the battle, the war on anything.
Some people like me don't want to fight but we are forced into it by people who think everything is a battle.
People who believe anything worth having requires hard work and is hard to get. Life is not a big beach for war mongers. It's an obstacle course in any direction.
It is a struggle everyday just to live and breathe. Tension is their diet of adrenaline in overdrive.
They may work hard yet don't enjoy much of anything. It is a push push rush of a world.
Meditation and contemplation is out of the question. Peace is not possible.
If they observe a peaceful pleasant person they have to say and do something to disrupt them.
They want to pick a fight about anything and everything.
They want to argue constantly. Chaos, insults. rudeness, selfishness, impatience are them.
They are a walking disaster. A breeding time bomb of destruction.
Were they born this way or were they created?
As they age they rarely smile and laugh. Their face is mean and angry.
They are in a big hurry heading nowhere.
What would life be like if I did not do things I dont want to do and I had not tried things I cant do?
What if I only did what I want to do like so many men I know?
of my beauty. I didnt think I looked that good. Never as beautiful as my mother.
angel gomez married roofer
guy at thrift independence
guy at cave springs park
don rogers jr
3 guys at troost muffler
surgery discussed
rods and screws to be put into my back
t10 down
will be stiff board straight back
i want mobility
if i cant walk or move suicide is the answer
why live if i am dead in a bed or wheelchair?
tired of being told and treated like i am worthless now. been going on over 30 years
Mentally in the mind. Emotionally in the feelings I am a child teen. Wishes dreams desires hobbies interests the same.
However I was a little adult praised for my composure being well adjusted intelligent studious efficient neat clean organized.
I was never really the childish little girl who did silly things. had imaginary friends or did wrong things.
Fantasy worlds were not for me. I could always tell the difference between truth and fiction.
I knew Santa Claus and the easter bunny were lies.
Write what I know to be true.
journal diary blog
except one person my sister in law dorothy . we dont talk very often
essentially she is a nobody like me
we wont be missed when dead
