Learning to Avoid Stressful People:
Learning to Avoid Stressful People:
Learning to Avoid Stressful People:
It can be difficult to know how to handle being in the presence
of someone who transmits stress-inducing vibes. Too often, in the desire
to be polite and helpful, we might stay and listen to their rant, or
try to help them solve their obvious problems by making helpful
suggestions.
While it is commendable to try to help someone else, what often happens is that you will get dragged down by the stress of the other person because they are not interested in making any positive changes.
All too often, a kind-hearted person will feel that since they know how to be more optimistic about life, they have the duty to share that knowledge with everyone they meet. You can do this without being caught up in all the details of someone else's stress, by rehearsing a few supportive phrases to say, and then detach from the situation by removing yourself.
For instance, you might say, "I have every faith in you that you will be able to handle this problem. I've got to get back to work myself, but it was nice chatting with you." And then you get away from them. It takes practice if you are a lifelong people-pleaser, but you can do this.
If you realize their biggest problem is something that you have experience with, you may find it helpful for your own sense of self-worth to briefly share suggestions to them, but don't expect them to follow your advice, or even to welcome it. Many times, people who are stressful to be near are so full of negativity that they cannot recognize positive solutions even when they are clearly presented to them in a personalized manner.
Instead of feeling that you must fix people who have resisted any ideas you've given them in the past that would help resolve their problems, learn how to avoid these stressful people. Here's how:
• Develop a healthier radar system, so that you can steer clear of negative people. You can still remain cheerful, but don't get drawn into their long rants about how awful life is.
• If someone does engage you in a conversation that quickly turns to complaints and predictions of failure and unhappiness, realize that your stressed feeling in their company is a signal to get away. Disentangle yourself from them, and decline any invitations to spend more time together. Politely turn down any suggestions by stating firmly that you are busy, and you hope they have a good time. Then leave or say goodbye and hang up the phone. Don't linger, hoping they will agree with you and suddenly realize how stressful they are. It won't happen.
• Avoid the feelings of guilt that might pop up when you refuse to maintain a relationship with someone who is stressful. Realize that you have the right to surround yourself with healthy and happy people. It is not up to you to try to change anyone but yourself, so let go of the concept that you must help this other person see how much better off they'd be if they'd only switch their thinking around.
• Take a moment to understand that feeling sorry for someone else does not mean that you are responsible for them. You can wish them well, but stay out of their orbit or else their negativity will pull you down. In addition, their stressed-out reaction to life will rub off on you, and you will soon find yourself overwhelmed.
While it is commendable to try to help someone else, what often happens is that you will get dragged down by the stress of the other person because they are not interested in making any positive changes.
All too often, a kind-hearted person will feel that since they know how to be more optimistic about life, they have the duty to share that knowledge with everyone they meet. You can do this without being caught up in all the details of someone else's stress, by rehearsing a few supportive phrases to say, and then detach from the situation by removing yourself.
For instance, you might say, "I have every faith in you that you will be able to handle this problem. I've got to get back to work myself, but it was nice chatting with you." And then you get away from them. It takes practice if you are a lifelong people-pleaser, but you can do this.
If you realize their biggest problem is something that you have experience with, you may find it helpful for your own sense of self-worth to briefly share suggestions to them, but don't expect them to follow your advice, or even to welcome it. Many times, people who are stressful to be near are so full of negativity that they cannot recognize positive solutions even when they are clearly presented to them in a personalized manner.
Instead of feeling that you must fix people who have resisted any ideas you've given them in the past that would help resolve their problems, learn how to avoid these stressful people. Here's how:
• Develop a healthier radar system, so that you can steer clear of negative people. You can still remain cheerful, but don't get drawn into their long rants about how awful life is.
• If someone does engage you in a conversation that quickly turns to complaints and predictions of failure and unhappiness, realize that your stressed feeling in their company is a signal to get away. Disentangle yourself from them, and decline any invitations to spend more time together. Politely turn down any suggestions by stating firmly that you are busy, and you hope they have a good time. Then leave or say goodbye and hang up the phone. Don't linger, hoping they will agree with you and suddenly realize how stressful they are. It won't happen.
• Avoid the feelings of guilt that might pop up when you refuse to maintain a relationship with someone who is stressful. Realize that you have the right to surround yourself with healthy and happy people. It is not up to you to try to change anyone but yourself, so let go of the concept that you must help this other person see how much better off they'd be if they'd only switch their thinking around.
• Take a moment to understand that feeling sorry for someone else does not mean that you are responsible for them. You can wish them well, but stay out of their orbit or else their negativity will pull you down. In addition, their stressed-out reaction to life will rub off on you, and you will soon find yourself overwhelmed.
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Evelyn Roberts Brooks is an Amazon bestselling author of personal growth books. She's also a motivational speaker, novelist and screenwriter. Visit her blog on stress reduction, happiness and healthy relationships at http://evelynbrooks.com
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Evelyn Roberts Brooks is an Amazon bestselling author of personal growth books. She's also a motivational speaker, novelist and screenwriter. Visit her blog on stress reduction, happiness and healthy relationships at http://evelynbrooks.com
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