Perfection desired when I was a child

 Wait til you see a few pictures of me when I was a little girl...

My desire was to be perfect.... now where did that idea come from? Who, whom... Many, many "whoms" people influenced me.

"The Most Beautiful", a story I wrote when I was around 11, 12 or 13 years old...the little girl turning into a woman who sought after being IT.

My clothes had to BE perfect, matching, fitting, spotless and clean. 
My fingernails and toenails perfectly flawless; I painted them a different color everyday for awhile..thought other people actually noticed this daily change... Looking back, I don't think anyone but me noticed.

My grades in school had to be straight A's. Never missing a question, never missing a beat, always on time...never ever late, perfect scores on all the tests. ACE it all is the plan/goal/desire/dream/objective.

Perfect grammar. Perfect punctuation. Perfect diction. Perfect spelling. Perfect speaking. 
Perfect walk. Perfect talk. Perfect appearance. 

Spotless. Clean. No germs. Sanitize body, clothes, bedding and entire house, yard and cars.

Know it all. Read every book ever written, every book to be written.

Memorize each detail of each scene, room, event, person, place, thing, plant, animal.

Cover all bases.

Do it all.

I live once and live every life ever lived.

Have to remember everything. Can't forget or am a failure.

Unlimited brain capacity.

Limitless learning.

If I can't achieve perfection then I must die.

(thoughtforms when going through this endless cycle that goes nowhere)

In the casket image: she/I look beautiful; perfect skin and hair and light makeup on eye lashes, face; fingernails painted perfectly ..which color..don't know yet...maybe all colors, a different one on each nail. And remember the toenails must look fabulous, also.  Hairless legs and underarms and face... maybe even hairless arms. What the heck, just shave the whole body !

Make a mistake; break your face, bust the bones, break your back, neck, legs, arms..just smash every bone in that little body because you are a big unforgivable mess if you mess up anything anywhere with or without anyone.