Yesterday was 7 minutes ago

 June 16 

Tired All day.

Managed to stay awake from 11 am to 530 pm then napped a little over an hour til 630ish.

An hour ago I filled  an entire brown paper grocery bag  with expired vitamins, herbs, food and tea bag items that were in my bedroom. I will sneak them out to take to public trash can soon and make sure he doesn't see me do it. I finally learned anything he sees he takes control over and will even concoct stories sometimes of his ownership of the items saying he bought that when I know in fact he didn't.

I've been keeping food in my bedroom for many years due to me never knowing whether or not I can eat in peace at home at the kitchen table like normal people do. Guess why? He blows up frequently, randomly, unpredictably or predictably. I have had to modify my eating to abnormal irregular times and take my food out of the house and into my vehicle van when I leave so I can eat in peace.

The strangest thing is the amnesia he seems to have the majority of the time when I tell him what he has done and said to me and often acts like he never said or did it or he will always minimize, rationalize and make excuses for his words and actions when he admits what he did.

He cannot accurately recount what he said or what I say. His tone of voice changes to nasty and mean often when he talks to me then he denies his nasty sounding voice and says I am talking nasty to him. His tone changes to nice or neutral instantly when he speaks to someone else. He says he told me things he never told me and accuses me of not listening to him when he is the one not listening to me. He can't answer a simple yes or no question. 

I am wondering what he says and does when I am not with him and how many personalities he has. Maybe he says and does stuff he can't remember?

I can't prove most of what he has done as I don't have recordings of it all. I only have a few audio recordings. Those are nothing compared to the unrecorded things he has done.

My muscles are getting weaker due to the fatigue and the inability to freely do any tasks at home when I see it needs to be done . Fatigue I am figuring is likely caused by bleeding ulcers, the half black stool poop came out again today like almost every day which is old blood from the upper GI tract, then later in the evening pencil thin poop. Exhaustion from that and the chronic eggshells I have been walking on for many years living with him. I can never get enough sleep and when I do I am still tired.

If I could do house work every day like I used to do (with no one in my way questioning everything thing I do and frequently stopping me from doing common chores like vacuuming mopping or the like and no one taking over my chores like sweeping the house or outside areas) I would get a lot more exercise and be in better shape. As it is I am flabby but not fat overweight. Serious toning is needed.

This person is a control freak. And some times acts like if he does what I can do for myself is helping me but it's not and I tell him often to quit taking over what I want to do it's hurting me not helping one bit. He can't follow a simple request such as not turning the light on when he asks me if I want it on and I say no. He turns it on anyway. Every single time. He won't unlock or open the car door for me when we go somewhere like standard normal males or females do yet will offer to unlock the passenger side truck door when I tell him I don't need it unlocked that I will climb over the driver's seat.

Another crazy thing is he does things without telling me, with out asking or warning me, when I am asleep or gone or not in the room then says I don't do anything around here, am lazy, don't want to do anything, have never worked, never help him out, can't do anything and don't do anything the right way which is his way. 

He says I don't know anything then expects me to know everything. When I tell him something I know he says "you think you know it all don't you."

It is the most confusing situation where nothing makes sense dealing with him and I feel hopeless a lot of the time because he seems to lack critical reasoning skills. He continually imagines and fabricates reasons for why he thinks anything happens. 

He makes up shit as he goes along. Constantly thinking somebody is always up to something no good.