and has been sucked down the rabbit holes
of following man god leaders
and heavily advertised trash food and products
and insane methods of living hypocrisy a hypocritical life
like the fictional character archie bunker
who treats his wife edith like an imbecile
and his daughter and her husband his son in law like dirt
and thinks this is the normal way to be, to think, to live
he believes he is a true man
and everyone else is lost and blind
i am the only close "family" he has and i am told the shut the fuck up
i dont want to hear you, you are stupid
i am the doormat who doesn't matter
when i know in my heart there is a normal male somewhere who would never treat me like that
i see strangers when i go out who treat their partners like a queen
that is the only way i know this
i dont expect good treatment from him anymore, he is incapable of doing it
i dont expect to find or meet some decent guy
and i dont believe in reincarnation or some afterlife
so while i am still alive i will probably life the rest of my life alone
and that is fine
at least i will feel somewhat safe
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