Keep Me Off Disability: 2025

Sunday, October 5, 2025

Every man in my life is a real mess/ some I knew in the past were the same

impulsive, disorganized, can't plan anything

angry, self centered

work hard physically but not mentally

eat any kind of food laying around

spontaneous

unclean

doesn't want to clean his room, space, areas

will not listen to me or anyone else

immature. childish

wants cake and eat it too

will spend large amts of money on frivolous stuff for self and save up for large expense like a car or truck or big job on the house

does not seek help and advice much from anyone else

asks silly questions

have to repeat myself constantly

foolish

runs himself ragged working too hard for money

avoids going to the doctor

asks for help from me then turns it down not listening to what he needs

acts stupified over why his life is such a mess..cant keep a job, cant get along with people, cant get or keep a woman around

says i dont i cant understand often over the simplest of things

calls me a bitch and has zero understanding as to why i am frustrated which is directly due to his pig like and dog like animalistic neanderthal behaviors

will not work on himself, changes nothing about his words or behavior

thinks he knows how to fix others and gives silly advice often

lives in the dark in closed up house piles of stuff and junk all over the place

touches all kinds of things with dirty hands

one sneezes outward into the room does not cover face or sneeze into elbow

blows nose at the table while eating

picks nose when he thinks i am not looking does not wash hands

rewears stinky filthy clothes underwear socks shirts jeans pants

does not air out stinking shoes boots

currently alive in my life:

mike/michael

kirk, tony, william, darin

ricky, ed (2nd husband)

steve josey,

dead ones:

john layson former co worker friend 2000 to 2023

perry montgomery 1st husband

john wilson, jr brother

jack wilson brother

jerry /gerald wilson, brother

jerry/gerald stillwell, brother in law

john lee stillwell, brother in law

America's Sweetheart Female Idol and Male Idol

Saturday, October 4, 2025

Truths. Will it set me free?

History of my life reveals I have been the second choice, the last chosen , used for sex, convenience, as a roommate.

The ethical dependable one

Paid very little money at all jobs and I have had a lot, done many kinds of work.

Partner and previous spouses boyfriends, associates, encounters have paid me very few compliments, shown minimal appreciation and attention as a person. The attention given is solely based upon what they can use me for ...Do this. Do that.

Friday, October 3, 2025

Grandma said he needs to know other men find you attractive

one of the last words she had for me. she said it standing in my driveway that day she popped in unexpectedly. she was about 85 years old at the time driving a red pontiac fiero car she and grandpa had bought brand new.

she had really wanted a corvette. the fiero was similar and cheaper.

Thomas Wright Tom

born in december about 5 years older than me. sagittarius sun sign.

last time i heard from him was about 2014. he had ordered a nancy sinatra cd from me and never got back with me on it. a few years ago i called him numbers they were disconnected. i called the lawn mower repair shop he had worked at. the man said tom had gotten sick diabetes and had to quit.

he ordered lots of things from me so i could earn money

customer met at super flea until i left there in september 2008

had me clean his apt in independence and he was a minimalist..was not much to clean as he tossed most of the things he had

basics in his place; tv, two recliner chairs in living room, movies to watch, bed and dresser in his bedroom, clothes

grabbed me when i was in the bathroom cleaning and said you are beautiful look in the mirror always remember it!

worked at lawnmower repair shop

drank a 2 liter of coca cola daily straight from the bottle

drank whiskey out of the bottle also and i never saw or heard him drunk intoxicated

ate lots of pizza and junk food

very large fat belly

only made a physical pass one time but did not try to rape me

gave me money for gasoline and cigarettes

filled my gas tank

took me to dinner at nice restaurants like he took his mom mother to such as ruby tuesdays and red lobster

bought health care items for me like the time i had a really bad ear infection from swimming at longview lake

would call just to talk to me and see how i was doing

he told me when he was young man he worked at a place with a bunch of guys

and girls would come in there to service them he did it took advantage of them

and felt bad now as he got older about what he did.

he did not love or care for them just used them for sex

so being nice to women now is kind of a payback

asking for forgiveness of the way he treated females along time ago

he was single never married that i knew of had no children kids

all he knew how to do is go to work at a lawnmower repair shop, feed himself

a bunch of fast easy food from restaurants.

he did not cook and had no interest in doing so

he would drive all the way over here to my house and sit in the driveway

talking to my husband. once he said one of his old female friends called him

and she came over strictly for sex. his words did not phase my husband. my

husband did not care that i went over to tom's place and cleaned or that tom

bought me dinner many times and was giving me money, filling my gas task and buying me cartons of cigarettes and calling me on the telephone just to talk to me. he probably didn't care because tom had a hugh fat stomach like a santa claus

another guy who pursued me....and never got me

Vitamin d3 k and calcium everyday since i saw dr endocrinologist

hours in the kitchen again today

hours upon hours cooking washing about 4 sinks full of dishes 2 loads of laundry

still havent left the house

Died my hair dark brown last night oct 1 2025

revlon ammonia free. it looks almost black.

Thursday, October 2, 2025

Charles Manson traits characteristics he has

watched a video movie last night with lady named diana who described what manson did

striking similarities exist between charles and my husband michael

at first he appears very nice loving sweet kind and gentle

he has beliefs about how women should be, only speak when spoken to, dont do anything without his permission

paranoid the world is going to be taken over by those other than white caucasian people

obsession with fanatical beliefs, michaels is political and forces me to listen to it and watch it

control freak

tries to convert people with his beliefs thru force, putting bumper stickers on his car and truck, writing graffiti on park benches and in the picnic area shelter at cave springs park, making people watch videos online that he watches everyday all day long like x22 report frankspeech mike lindell tv ...he believes he is right wing republican and anyone who isnt and doesnt listen to these news sites is a dumb ass idiot and stupid

Repetition of behavior. History repeats itself.

common of creatures

Wednesday, October 1, 2025

Lies I believed

sex is love

man of my dreams exists..no it is just a dream

i am beautiful

i am intelligent, "gifted", "special", important, wanted, loved

hard work will get me love, i can earn it by deeds and looking good and agreeing with and going along with other people

people can change

people are good

people are honest

people love me or you for who you are not what you do or can do for them

people are out to help for no reason, no gain, no ulterior motive

people are out for the greater good for all (no, most humans are out for themselves and are self centered eogtistical creatures looking to get what they can from whoever and whatever is around be it attention, goods, gain, money, material things, food, sex, knowledge

iq determines desirability and procreation opportunities. no, it doesn't. it is based upon availability, attractiveness at the time of the encounter, the need for sex at the moment and wanting to get it regardless of the intelligence or material assets/money of the partner/person

if you love someone they will love you back

Nobody I know of wants me happy

except maybe one person, my grandson

the rest either ignore me,

ghost me

stay away

never invite me

do everything in their power to make sure that I am either crying or angry

sad or mad

Who is he to determine who deserves anything?

No person male man female woman meets all criteria I want

Maintaining my sanity living with a fanaticm I do it alone

My critical thinking skills, deep interest in human and animal behavior, curiosity, skepticism, practicality and upbringing have kept me alive

Psychologists, mental health pros and helpful people on youtube and facebook have helped tremendously.

Monday, September 29, 2025

Jacque went vegan. Downhill from there

she was born dec 7 1950

i was born july 1961

around 2007 or 8 she decided to quit eating meat. craved bacon. dementia mood swings weight gain massive intake if diet soda and sweets. st johns wort. antidepressants.

she has been at a nursing home since about 2018 or 19

How a person eats is their personality

Learning to be clean and neat

lifelong process .....

no food left out

counters cleaned off lean and easy to wipe up messes as i cook and prepare food

clean as you go esp with food

cleaning floors

dont put food outside. it attracts animals pests varmits bugs insects

vacuum often. daily is preferred

dont eat in front of people or animals

Sunday, September 28, 2025

Draw or drawn to? Magetism opposites and likenesses.

The things I want to do

and do anything else but

to go thru my old journals and pictures

my life i spend most of it with household tasks selling stuff and sitting in the bathroom

.....and writing about the crazy man i live with

what a waste of life

Saturday, September 27, 2025

Money cant

buy time

rewrite past

change history

erase words said actions done

repair broken bones or spirits

fix character

clean up your reputation

make people forget or forgive

give you empathy, social intelligence

give you self confidence

speed up nature. physics

defy natural laws

money cant pay for back surgery i vant have

cant have surgery

screws rods wont stay bone loss osteoporosis

dr neurosurgeon said if they can eventually operate the rods are so long they start at t10 vertebrae

wont have flexibility of spine if i ever get it

stiff

6000 work needed ok my 5000 van bought 6 uears ago

in may 2019

Catch 44

double hard situations cant get out of no escape

He is a mess

he leaves mess full of dirty dishes in the sink often. will wash them if i dont do it however doesnt want to use much soap stands there running water constantly just like when he is brushing teeth and combing hair in his bathroom

has trouble organizing and cleaning anything

bathroom is filthy mess

bedroom, garage, sheds filled with clutter

stairwell from basement to garage stuffed with clutter old rugs, containers

basement windows; one is boarded up the other one covered with metal grate so no one can get in or out

metal grate covered window has an ugly orange rug mate covering window completely

Cold turkey

he makes people go cold turkey a thing he would not tolerate well at all

in 2010 i was forced to stop smoking cigarettes by him and almost died because i began consuming massive amounts of junk food

he removed all beer from william, tonys roommate last month not thinking about the consequences doing this to this man who is 73 years old and used to "nipping" all day long

what will happen when he has to go completely without his usual daily addictions and habits such as

sugar

money

freedom

news political

porn

hard manual labor work

high sugar intake

freedom to move about at home and go wherever he wants on a whim

spending money on countless things many which are useless harmful not necessary

physical labor he is used to doing what if he cant move anymore and is strapped down

He suddenly takes off at noon today

supposedly to look at tony gomez's roof

yesterday he suddenly takes off around 1130 to noon is gone til 330 pm and supposedly just to go to menards and to cave springs park to walk

Tolerance levels

are different for each person, place, thing

Friday, September 26, 2025

Money can't remove the words you said

or punches slaps shoves you did

Things said mls

Makes me want to touch it grab it , when seeing females nude scantily clad dancing moving exercising

Now you know all you gotta do is put on maid outfits

Way she looks matters oh yes she can get anything she wants when she looks real good

She should understand screwing another when a woman throws herself at me you

Any red blooded male would have sex with....

Legs lead up to crotch is why they are sexy

You're wearing eye shadow makeup mascara..notices immediately

You're not wearing that out of the house, short shorts, anything showing butt cheeks cleavage , camisole fitted , clothes showing shapely curves, high heels sexy shoes, hose netted stockings , any netted see through lacy items,

You were flirting with him.. because you talked to him,

You are not to do yoga in front of anyone even fully clothed

You are not allowed to let anyone in the house when I am not here

You are not allowed to let anyone in a bedroom. Makes people think things

You will not mock me or I will hit you shove push knock you down onto the floor but I can mock you anytime I want

I don't want to listen to what you have to say

I don't care what you want

I pay bills around here I bought you several vehicles I can say and do whatever I want and you will respect me

Saw a pretty black girl and thought if I were black I would go for that

Watching porn is not cheating it's no different than you using a dildo

You haven't been doing your duty

You don't work, you do anything and make excuses to get out of work

You don't do anything around here except maybe the dishes and laundry

Accused me of using sex as leverage

Sure he she liked you because you have a vehicle. They can use you.

At age 31 you are too old to go to school. You owe a student loan, you drink beer and smoke cigarettes. I'm not supporting you if you go you need to work a job and pay bills around here

That's not going to last. Referring to any job or activities I have or had

I don't want you hanging around them, anyone, your going to end up like them. I don't want them coming around here. No visitors.

You're not babysitting in this house

You're not selling Mary Kay amway or anything where people come over here.

I don't want people in here. They use up utilities and snoop around here and will steal things

You dont know what angry is.

How much do you think that costs? Everytime he buys something.

Some kick smear crap on you throw mud in your face

and expect you me to smile be nice pleasant perform work well and

act happy they didnt kill you

Baggy clothes

to cover my curves femininity

and now to not make my twisted back so visible..the prominent camel hump curve....looks like a huge stegosaurus stalagmite

uglier than sin

over 10 years ago i wore baggy black shorts and an oversize shirt going for walks here in the neighborhood up the hills...parkwood to the trail on 98th terrace...into the woods and i walked most days ..i took food and water and paper little noteboook and pen

and i wrote and ate peanut butter sandwiches apples and i smoked

only way i got some exercise and maintained a little sanity

i had to dress in baggy unattractive clothes or he got pissed off angry mad

i wore hiking boots or tennis shoes

used to take walkie talkies until they quit working

Birds feather flock

to remain same reinforce beliefs

maintain status quo

his buddies associates listen to each other

most of them are not married single , spend most of their time working for money, not the kinds of guys or men that women seek or want

immature adult males not savvy without a clue

Effects of poverty upbringing and mentality

hoarding disorder

causing home and storage units to be filled with junk that collects dirt, dust, mold, mildew, bugs, pests, insects and makes cleaning a very difficult chore

nothing is ever enough

family problems, communication issues with anyone especially those close to them like spouse, wife, husband, children, siblings, mother, father..all

social ineptitude

health destruction, mentally, emotionally and physically

difficulty with decision making. indecisiveness. procrastination..fear of making a mistake couple with impulsive behavior like gambling spending large amounts of money on frivolous stuff

addictions..any kind of like working too much or not enough, sex, accumulating things, alcoholism, perfectionism, smoking, drugs, memorizing useless trivia, political, religious,

critical behavior of others and avoiding self reflection

paranoia paranoid thoughts about people stealing your stuff, lying, cheating, destroying

avoidance behavior

game playing

obsessions

Wednesday, September 24, 2025

Possible provocations provoking looks or behavior to some people

the way you look

how you are dressed

your face facial expressions

your smell scent

shape of body

hair

laughter laughing

smiling or not

avoidance behavior

too outgoing talkative

shy quiet demure acting innocent

activity movement

flesh shown skin seen especially chest rearend butt ass legs waist

IQ stress test of the century..

dealing with this life this person

dont always know what to expect

chameleon

no test at school is a match for this

psychology of insanity

Similar behavior

of mike and marielle

she and he laying there acting weak and innocent

suddenly into a violent rage

putting on sweet voice

hates smoking cigarettes marijuana pot anything

proud of own youthful appearance and beauty

into pictures

food mixing many different ones and gloating with milk and cookies

domineering master attitude

political she demo him republic

not wanting to properly clean house

hoarding

obsessed with sex. she says sex is pain relief. she thinks her privates are worth auctioning for a million dollars. he says its good exercise and a duty of wife. she tries to get it from anybody she can. she propositioned him the day we met her..him i dont know yet.

argues dominates doesnt listen

she plays the victim when she is the predator with many victims .

he plays victim saying people want to take advantage of him

obsessed with money expensive material things clothes her; makeup hair looks appearance

he hated her the day they met said i dont want anything to do with her. was it because he sensed she was so like him?

Strategies i use for survival.....

avoiding angry people at all costs

wasting my time explaining myself to fools ass holes narcissists idiots morons selfish people ..they ask me the dumbest questions and expect me to do stuff i am not capable of doing

starving myself. i started doing it when i was about 11 years old ..at that time it was because i was worried about getting fat due to the constant yelling from my grandpa and grandma about how i needed to exercise, push myself away from the table and if i didnt do these things i would be a fat lazy slob just like my mother... later on when i moved into my dads when i was 16 i really learned to starve myself due to yelling screaming about money and food then i got pregnant in march 1978 and was half starved and did not see a doctor obstetrician or gynecologist or any until i was 7 months pregant and by that time i was so anemic had dark circles under my eyes, pale as a ghost, weak as hell and dr prescribed 4 iron pills vitamins a day they were green square mineral tablets.

then the starving continued again when i was married at 17 to a man who would not provide enough food for me or our baby and he did not want me to work ..we were getting welfare food stamps until may of 1979 when we got married. then i had the government stop sending food stamps because i wrongly figured we did not need them. i got down to 104 pounds. i rarely had enough food to eat but my grandma would bring baby food for our son so i could feed him.

i left that man in 1980 july and moved in with a 20 year old male who insisted we live off hot dogs and macaroni and cheese processed food out of a box so in october 1980 when divorce was final i packed all my stuff in my car and left him. i was working at a restaurant and was still skinny as a rail. serving food made me lose my appetite so i would wait until end of my shift to eat my free meal that came with the job at sambos restaurant in lees summit missouri... during oct november until december 31 i lived in my car and would sometimes stay with different people who felt sorry for me. they did not want me to eat their food so i was still malnourished and looking scrawny pretty bad. 2 different people i stayed with fed me potatoes because they were cheap.

starvation began again in early 1990s when my brother and sister in law moved in and had food stamps and they ran out of food and began eating our food so i quit eating one time for 3 days because we couldnt afford to feed all of us with what they were doing. they lived with us more than a year.

eating alone so i can have peace

walking

writing journal diary entries about things that have happened and the words people said straight out of their mouth to me and about others

sleeping at odd times. up late at night. oversleeping and under sleeping.

i used to dance but not much anymore..he destroyed that by stopping me from using the living room for dance floor and blocking me from playing music i like and insulting me for the way i look, how i talk, clean, the way my breath smells ridiculing just about everything about me ... the last few times i danced in the living room a few years ago it ended up in a sex session which i did not want to do. when i exercise dancing swimming or any other way or if i have a massage which is very rare the last thing on my mind is sex

Princess , fragile, beautiful, intelligent, sensitive

words people used to describe me many years ago...

adjectives

cute sexy attractive

fun smart

better

asked me to write letters notes for them because i have good handwriting and can spell

asked me to clean wash organize

for advice, to listen

go along for the ride and fun companion

call me to talk in the phone for hours

My father my dad, a chain smoker

a business man wheeler dealer

always making and spending lots of money

memory like an elephant..photographic

excellent remembering people history dates road maps streets routes technical electrical codes

a 32nd degree mason shriner

a master electrician

heavy coffee drinker early morning riser coffee until after dinner then alcohol beer whiskey wine

lover of people and animals

didnt know a stranger

family man

lots of friends business associates acquantances

avid reader

poor at spelling and handwriting

great at math

voracious eater

lover of life

fun loving

adored his children grandchildren kids brothers sisters mother father grandparents nieces nephews cousins .all his family

talked alot to anybody

neat freak

broke dirty dishes if you left them in the sink said if you cant wash them you dont need them

minimalist

hard worker

planner organizer

pillar center hub of wheel family and electrical business

into celebrating and loved holidays

old spice mens cologne

clean shaven

bald headed early

left me no inheritance of money or material things gave me his spirit heart and lots of things money and experiences knowlege love wisdom while he was alive

encouraging helpful confident kind

dad is still with me in my heart and soul

Tuesday, September 23, 2025

How whoring drugs bad food criminal activity go hand in hand

starved malnourished abused intoxicated drugged up people cant think or feel straight or right

overworked under rested pepped up on speed poppers then put out with downers and alcohol and pain pills, only having barely enough rest expected to leap out of bed quickly daily running speeding to work in a frenzy to get money

exhausted in the middle of the day no naps or resting allowed. no peace meditation praying solitude stillness allowed. expected to rush about push themselves into the early grave ground.....

for what? lining fat pockets of elite rich they dont even know .,the elite who take their time never rush rest play and have leisure fun time all they want while they drive the majority around and cause them illness pain misery and often early death as the result of their medications prescriptions necessary to numb their pain physical and emotional , treat their metabolic disorder which was caused by someone else pushing them around to work harder, "do their best" keep up with the Joneses neighbors society and the world

they are taught multitasking is what you have to do when elite would never be caught dead multi tasking

their surgical operations on organs skin and beauty

surgery , facelifts. tummy tucks breast enlargement butt enhancers, dermabrasion. nose jobs. butt lifts stomach stapling

His political obsession is fear based control

and destroyed relationships

with rick moore (guy he worked with carpenter had jobs with ihg international hotel group)

sister sherry(sharon) dorothy ann

neighbors sharon

possibly many i dont know about

He has fear of uncertainty, loss. death, lack of control, making mistakes (causing indecisive behavior and the opposite impulsiveness) , abandonment. being broke. missing out ....

full of anxiety anger impatience greed miserliness coldness cruelty with words to me and about others yet cant take any criticism correction direction tips advice from anyone

Hate the people and things

hate people you cant have or control

hate the ones you want and desire because they reject you

hate those who disagree differ from you or are different from the stereotype you expect

expect everyone to agree with you

expect all people and things to conform to your desires expectations demands needs wishes

expect people to read your mind

hate, fear, kill, abuse, hurt, harm, destroy, threaten, steal from, torture different ones, the opposers, and who and what you dont understand

kill the different ones. the opposing ones

the enemies

Give him her them what they want and they go away

have sex with him he is done leaves the room goes to his room to sleep

feed the cat it .. then it is quiet calm and takes off to go nap

Monday, September 22, 2025

Searching for answers. Lifelong procees

He would rather watch others and own stuff

he would rather watch movies and look at pictures of strange women in magazines instead of being a mature grown up man male partner who is respectful and loving to his woman

personal relationships with wife girlfriend spouse at work business are difficult impossible

he thinks he is the boss master in charge superior to the woman . he believes he is smarter and more important than her.

he will dole out material things and money to her sometimes and talk down to her like she is a doormat slave and cant figure out why she is not happy.

he refuses to do things with her she likes

he sits in the chair or on the sofa

he gets in the way while she vacuums and cleans house

he doesn't want furniture moved around

his life is self gratification and satisfying himself as fast as he can often at the expense of others and disregarding others including and especially me

he spends large amounts of money on himself wont give me the time of day

Sunday, September 21, 2025

Living crippled back disability is unbearable

when living with a person with zero empathy who hates my guts

Rather be dead than injured

More slamming from the "devil" tonight before my dinner

Him " i see scratches on the cutting board mats that came with the kitchen counter. i wonder who did that? theres only one person who could have done that. you!

i told you i dont want those used as cutting boards. see that? i see 2 scratches on there. when did that happen?

you have a no care attitude and i dont like it. i spent alot of money on these cabinets and countertops (installed back in 2002) and i dont want them ruined. "

and the crap went on and on back and forth about a half an hour. i came back with his no care attitude about what comes out of his mouth. about him leaving his personal belongings shoes boots coats shirts clothes gloves in the living room..

he said this is my house and i am not trying to please anyone else.

i said that is the absolute truth with both statements. its your house and you are not trying to please anyone else. you dont care what anyone else wants or how they feel about anything

(i didnt mention the and piles of things boxes large paper grocery sack of his receipts , mail. papers. stacks of misc junk piled on the table next to his recliner chair. tools on living room floor. unused humidifier vhs tapes old holiday cards on wood ledge by the phone he inconveniently put in the middle of the living room

... and piles of junk and junkfood on the kitchen table. he likes to stack up and clutter the kitchen table with bottles of sauce, bags of chips, bars, huge container of taco bell sauce. used tea bag in small condiment sauce cup, fly swatter, dirty napkins, unclean placemat under his plate, jar of peanut butter. etcetera)

Earlier today we were talking in the garage about him thinking about getting a different car and how much money it costs to have a good running dependable car.

I said why dont we have much money? I never had a high paying job. Bosses expect you to go to work regardless of the weather. They dont care if your car rusts to pieces. Here you are fixing major rust issues by doing fiberglass repair on your car and youre the one who has complained about driving in the salt and how it rusts cars since U met you in 1987..."

He had enough of me and exclaimed

"You need to go away! All you do is talk! What good are you doing me?!"

So the notches in his bedpost are less and getting fewer with me. each time he opens his mouth his foot is right in it along with his ass.

And a few hours before dinner he was looking at some homemade vhs tapes i put on the table for him to look at to decide what to view keep or toss. I said i dont trust homemade tapes from other people. I trust the tapes we made many years ago. We recorded 2 or 3 movies off tv on each tape.

He says why dont you trust tapes made by other people! Maybe they put a sex movie on it?

I said it was 2 things i am concerned about. Quality and content. I never thought about somebody recording a sex movie in the middle of something marked otherwise.

I told him i remembered one of those people who helped sell stuff at john laysons estate sale told me she worked in houses of other people who would play sex movies in the living room while she and others were working on getting the sale ready.

he said if someone did that i would think they are trying to provoke me (into having sex)

He asked me what i would do if someone played sex movies while i was working at their house. i said i would tell them i dont like it and i am leaving the premises if you keep playing it. Then i would leave and never go back.

"What if you were attracted to a guy who did that?" he asked.

"I would leave and never go back. Sex tapes are a turn off to me and i wouldnt do anything with the guy even if i were attracted to him. If he played movies like that I am gone forever."

i said what would you do in that situation. he said i wouldnt say anything and keep working.

i said i find that unbelievable with you. if you were attracted to a woman who played sex tapes youd probably take advantage of the situation have sex with her and come back for more .

the day was filled with nasty comments mockery sarcasm hateful atttitude loud voice antagonism from him AGAIN. as usual.

Saturday, September 20, 2025

Am I an armchair idiot imbecile moron? Or am I a silly studying student wannabe savant?

So far I haven't been aware of a person who did not want to feel important. Even the most hardened criminal wants to look good.

No cure for the following:

No cure for the following: Insanity, paranoia, low self-esteem, arrogance, impatience, impoverished damaged childhood, stupidity, foolishness, curiosity, broken bones or spirit, childish acting adults.

You just know how to talk dont you. just go away. What good are you doing me?

words straight out of his mouth a few minutes ago.

Thursday, September 18, 2025

My dad would laugh and jokingly say "All I know is what I read in the papers!"

I see better when I am further away from the object /scene/situation

he does not want to

do things for others.

will do things for money. self satisfaction gratification, physical pleasures like eating, sex

clean his room

do laundry, deep clean house

cook or make prepare own food or cook for others

raise children

relate to others

empathize

(will work hard or long hours for material gain, to boost ego, own material things)

seek spirituality understanding

do something for someone else for free

self analyze, reflect

respect, appreciate his mother

enjoy simple things

admit his mistakes. shortcomings

follow rules. laws guidelines

go to the doctor

Wednesday, September 17, 2025

Why media books movies music electronic stereo equipment ?

why have I been loaded with all of these things?

I think he means well sometimes and other times directly opposite

he does many things right. pays bills on time. changes oil in vehicles regularly. maintains house car his truck my van. sometimes buys something for me for my birthday or christmas or randomly like new sheets pillows cases or another thing i mention if i said i like it such as the red plastic bucket he got for me at menards. he typically takes a shower in the morning because he is worried about his hair looking a mess and cant figure out how to wet it with a comb to make it straight, showers after doing hard manual labor in the yard or mechanic work or other dirty jobs.

i believe many years ago when he was a child and teen and in his 20s he was really trying to learn how to do the right things and look good and keep up appearances. over the years and all the accumulation of tons of stuff it has been getting more difficult to keep everything and maintain it all correctly.

he does not seem to understand that bugs insects pests dust accumulate more and more and hide it all places making it very difficult to live in a clean home. once in awhile he will wipe down things and discover just how dirty things are.

he does not seem to understand basic hygiene practices for cleaning and preventing spread of germs and illnesses. he cant understand easily that all things have a shelf life and freezer life and will go bad and not last forever. he always says oh that will be good for a long time, it is sealed, it is in a can or other sealed container.

he has no filter on his mouth and does not understand that he cannot take his words back, that i and people remember and dont forget what he said.

Clean My House First

especially before trying to clean someone else's home or place or business

Tuesday, September 16, 2025

Does not always follow instructions safety rules or reaearch how to do

fiberglass auto body work safety rules not followed

used lacquer thinner instead of water and soap to clean paint sprayer with latex paint

gets used clothes and things from thrift stores garage sales does not wash launder says it smells good

reuses black filthy rags for many things without washing

leaves piles of dirty damp rags in his shower causing black mold any color or type

puts his finger around neck of sauce bottles to clean thinks it is ok sanitary

picks digs nose pets cat handles lots of things does not always wash hands before eating or handling food

sneezes face uncovered into any room spreading germs

piles of miscellaneous any and everything into rooms bathroom bedroom garage sheds cars trucks stacking boxes crates shelves into closets does not wipe down move clean remove dirt dust residues

picks up trash scrap anywhere

loads trash scrap junk into vehicles sets piles up against the house

throws tosses food and catfood cans in middle of backyard

tosses garbage food scraps into garden causing more bugs and pests raccoons oppossum rodents snakes

rewears several times and piles up filthy clothes on his bedroom floor due to cost of using water, soap, electricity, washing machine

does not always flush toilet

piles of bottles rags in his shower does not scrub clean walks or shelves in the shower

bathroom not clean. dirty toilet floor walls sink vanity. shower filthy soap scum mold mildew dirt

not using clean sheets in his bed in garage or his bedroom. same old dirty sheets linens for months

tosses dirty and filthy clothes downstairs onto laundry room floor it will stay there until i wash the clothes

tore out old windows installed new in the house. did not read instructions or research info. used flat wood boards on base and expanding foam. not sealed properly. no insulation in bedroom wall south side.

tiles on floors in 2 bathrooms hallway living room kitchen not laid according to professional instructions

master bath trim not finished or installed no baseboard

electric switches baseboard heaters

used old railroad ties south and east side backyard they rotted did it to hold dirt to fill in level yard

trees not trimmed front and back yard

garage stuffed with lots of old useless stuff

many years ago pipe broke in crawl space water leaked burst into wall in back of master bathroom sink when he turned on faucet in front of house. he failed to drain water hose and remove from faucet before winter

chimney fire april 3, 2025 due to him not cleaning chimney and burning firewood daily for 6 months

boarded up one of 2 basement windows, put metal bars over other window so cannot exit house thru either window in event of fire or other hazard

dug out hole east side house installed sump pump the room still fills with water it didnt work right because he didnt research water drainage for this house how to do it properly

he spent 18k at foundation company . they dug deep hole in crawl space under master bedroom floor for draining water during heavy rains

https://fiberglasswarehouse.com/blogs/news/safety-first

Fiberglass auto repair he is doing in the enclosed garage here at home. Not using proper safety precautions at all

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AI Overview

For automotive repair, working with fiberglass requires serious safety precautions to

protect yourself from airborne particles, chemical fumes, and skin irritation. Proper personal protective equipment (PPE) and a well-ventilated workspace are essential to prevent both short-term discomfort and long-term health risks.

Personal protective equipment (PPE)

Respirators: A simple paper dust mask is not sufficient for fiberglass dust and hazardous resin fumes. Use a dual-cartridge respirator with filters for both organic vapors and fine particulates (P100 or N95). A full-face respirator offers the best protection, covering your eyes and face as well.
Eye protection: Wear chemical-resistant goggles that provide a tight seal around your eyes to protect against dust, fibers, and liquid splashes. Side-shield safety glasses are not enough.
Gloves: Standard latex gloves do not offer adequate protection against harsh resins and solvents. Use heavy-duty, chemical-resistant gloves, such as nitrile, especially when handling epoxy resins.
Protective clothing: Wear disposable coveralls or loose-fitting, long-sleeved clothing and pants to prevent fiberglass fibers and resin from irritating your skin. Coveralls with hoods and booties provide maximum protection. After working, remove and wash these clothes separately from other laundry.

Ventilation and workspace safety

Well-ventilated area: Work in a garage with open doors and windows or use fans to circulate fresh air. The fumes from polyester resins contain flammable and toxic styrene, and even less-fuming epoxy resins require good airflow for safe curing.
Dust control: Sanding fiberglass releases fine glass fibers and resin dust into the air, which can cause respiratory issues.
- For heavy sanding, use a vacuum attached to your power tools to collect dust at the source.
- Use a wet sanding method for a finer finish and to minimize airborne dust.
- Use a HEPA-filtered vacuum for cleaning up dust, as sweeping can kick up fine particles.
Fire safety: Many fiberglass components are flammable.
- Work away from sparks and open flames.
- Keep a fire extinguisher and sand nearby.
- Never put out a plastic fire with water.
Chemical handling: Always read the Material Safety Data Sheet (SDS) for any resins, catalysts, or solvents you are using. This document details the specific hazards, PPE requirements, and first-aid measures.

Good hygiene and waste disposal

Cleanliness: Keep your workspace clean and tidy. Avoid eating, drinking, or smoking in the work area.
Personal hygiene: Wash your hands and face thoroughly with soap and warm water after handling fiberglass materials. Do not rub irritated skin, as this can embed fibers deeper.
Waste disposal: Double-bag fiberglass waste in heavy-duty contractor bags to prevent fibers from escaping. Check with your local waste management or hazardous waste disposal facility for proper procedures, as fiberglass is not regular household trash.

Safety First! | Working with Fiberglass and Resin Products
Jan 29, 2025 — Safety First! Working with Fiberglass and Resin Products. As a hobbyist, “do-it-yourselfer” or professional, it is important to take the necessary precautions w...
Fiberglass Warehouse
Fiberglassing Instructions - Harvey Mudd College
In addition, there are several safety items you must pay attention to: * Inhalation hazard: Fiberglass dust and short glass fibers can cause serious respiratory...
Harvey Mudd College
Safety in Composites | Fibre Glast
Sep 23, 2024 — The small fibers will travel through the air, so care must be taken to avoid breathing these fibers. Often a dust mask is satisfactory, but a respirator offers ...
Fibre Glast

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Safety First! | Working with Fiberglass and Resin Products

Fiberglass Warehouse

https://fiberglasswarehouse.com › blogs › news › safety-f...

Jan 29, 2025 — You should wear a respirator mask when cutting fiberglass, spraying gel coat or resin, working with solvents, or sanding the finished laminate.

Discussions and forums

Safety when working with resin and fibreglass

FOIL.zone ·

5 years ago

Evaluate my fiberglass repair - safety sensitive location

Corvette Forum ·

4 years ago

Is fiberglass easy to work with? Is it dangerous?

Any tips for working with fiberglass? : r/Autobody

Reddit · r/Autobody

20+ comments · 2 years ago

Rub it over your skin before doing anything with fibreglass and it will block your skin pores so the fibres can't get in there and prevents you ...

26 answers · Top answer: I coat the insides of my nitrile gloves in baby powder, as well as my arms and inside of ...

Missing: ~~precautions~~ ‎| Show results with: precautions

Fibreglass Repairs: Best Practices and Guidelines

Resin Library

https://www.resinlibrary.com › fibreglass-repair-tips

A general procedure for making repairs to a damaged surface using a fibreglass repair kit is listed below. 1. Allow the site to dry out: avoid all sources ...

Mastering Fiberglass Auto Body Repair

Blue Star Brothers

https://www.bluestarbrothers.com › mastering-fiberglass...

Wear appropriate safety gear to protect yourself from harmful fumes and particles. Practice on small test pieces before tackling larger repairs. Keep your work ...

Glasswork: Fiberglass Bodywork Tips | Articles

classicmotorsports.com

https://classicmotorsports.com › articles › glasswork-fib...

You will need to wear rubber gloves, protect your work area with a drop cloth or old newspaper, and keep the stuff out of your eyes. Grinding fiberglass will ...

Repairing Fiberglass : 7 Steps (with Pictures)

Instructables

https://www.instructables.com › Workshop › Repair

When working with these materials it is important to wear a respirator, gloves, and safety glasses. It is advised that you wear a paint suit to cover all skin ...

How to Use Fiberglass Cloth for Automobile Repairs

DoItYourself.com

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Feb 7, 2010 — Start by using coarse-grain sandpaper on the entire area on and around the repair. The surface has to be scuffed until it's smooth to the touch ...

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