Now I know why people of similar upbringing and
backgrounds usually get together and the relationship seems to last longer than those who
get together from very different backgrounds.
Thursday, December 31, 2020
I am working alone, all by myself. Health, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health are my solo active duties in my life
I am working alone, all by myself. Health, physical, mental, emotional and
spiritual health are my solo active duties in my life.
Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
Sometimes written letters are better than spoken words. I can finish my thoughts when I write.
Sometimes written letters are better than spoken words. I can finish my thoughts when I write.
"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me."
"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me."
-- Carol Burnett
"The difference between failure and success in life is how you deal with problems."
"The difference between failure and success in life is how you deal with problems."
-- Anthony Robbins
"I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature."
"I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature."
-- John D. Rockefeller
"Concentration is the secret of strength in politics, in war, in trade, in short in all management of human affairs."
"Concentration is the secret of strength in politics, in war, in trade, in short in all management of human affairs."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Perserverance: Stick to it. Stay focused.
No one needs to be pushed and prodded.
No one needs to be pushed and prodded. I know what I want, I know what I like.
Children know what they need, want and like. They don't need to be forced or
coerced into choosing their dreams and desires.
Wednesday, December 30, 2020
Has automation gone too far?
Has automation gone too far?
Next thing you know we will all be hooked up to feeding tubes, unable
to chew and feed ourselves on our own.
First thought feeling is "God", second one s "Devil". The first impression is true, the second one is false.
First thought feeling is "God", second one s "Devil". The first impression is true,
the second one is false.
False beliefs cause misery, sadness, unhappiness and unnecessary strife.
True knowing and belief cause joy, happiness and a peaceful life.
Many years ago I met a woman while I helping clean a friend's house.
She told me this truism: the first thought is god, the second thought (doubt) is the devil.
God and Devil are figures of speech, interpretations of our feelings, our guts
we are all naturally born with and need to pay attention to constantly. Intuition,
instinct.
Fighting is resistance against nature and truth. Allowing is peace, cooperation, compliance. The fight and battle ends when I understand what is true.
Fighting is resistance against nature and truth. Allowing is peace, cooperation, compliance.
The fight and battle ends when I understand what is true.
Ridicule shows ignorance. It is a marked display of not knowing or understanding.
Ridicule shows ignorance. It is a marked display of not knowing or understanding.
First they ridicule me, mock me, make fun of me. They try to humiliate me with scorn and
skeptical faces. Those people do not understand, don't want to know and are
content in their ignorance and stupid ways.
I have done this and acted this way in the past. I was a child and simply
mimicking the tragic and hurtful behavior of adults around me who were
also taking on the erroneous beliefs and opinions of other misinformed people.
12-30-2020 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
Tuesday, December 29, 2020
"You can temporarily control my actions in your presence but you can't control my thoughts."
"You can temporarily control my actions in your presence but you can't control my thoughts."
This is a realization I had when I was a teenager living at home with my grandparents who
were very "loving" and also very very controlling by nature.
This knowing, realization, epiphany holds true today and for all time in my life.
The self will, the will of the self, is indestructible and uncontrollable.
12-29-2020 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
It's amazing what one can do when left alone to do it. Focus is the key. Allow no one to distract you from your thoughts.
It's amazing what one can do when left alone to do it. Focus is the key. Allow no one to distract you from your thoughts.
12-29-2020 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
Regression: remembering myself and who I am from my childhood, youth, teens, 20's and 30's and so on is keeping me young and unchanged.
Regression: remembering myself and who I am from my childhood, youth, teens, 20's and 30's
and so on is keeping me young and unchanged. Memories, pictures, tokens, talismans
help keep the regression going.
12-29-2020 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
Two weeks ago I taught my 6 year old grandson how to gargle and to quit using huge amounts of toothpaste and leaving globs in the bathroom sink.
Two weeks ago I taught my 6 year old grandson how to gargle and to quit using huge amounts of toothpaste and leaving globs in the bathroom sink. A couple of weeks before that I bought him
a kids cup with toothbrush because I wanted him to stop putting his mouth on the bathroom
faucet to get water when he is brushing his teeth. The mouth on a faucet is an
absolute no-no and is like someone drinking out of the main milk or beverage container
and leaving germs, bacteria and who knows what in it, contaminating the entire
contents of the container.
I do not know where he learned to put his mouth on the faucet or why or who
but that behavior has to stop for the safety of himself and everyone else.
12-29-2020 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
Do the right thing even when no one is looking. One lesson taught to my grandson last week.
Do the right thing even when no one is looking. One lesson taught to my grandson last week.
12-29-2020 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
I talk to myself more than anyone else I know. I am learning to listen to that self more and more.
I talk to myself more than anyone else I know. I am learning to listen to that self more and more.
12-29-2020 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
Childhood is permanent throughout adulthood.
Childhood is permanent throughout adulthood.
Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
Now I know why people of similar upbringing and backgrounds usually get together
Now I know why people of similar upbringing and
backgrounds usually get together and the relationship seems to last longer than those who
get together from very different backgrounds.
Childhood is permanent throughout adulthood.
12-292020 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
I am working alone, all by myself. Health, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health are my solo active duties in my life.
I am working alone, all by myself. Health, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health are my solo active duties in my life.
12-29-2020 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
Sunday, December 27, 2020
Saturday, December 26, 2020
You can take the man or woman child out of poverty but you can't take the poverty out of that child.
You can take the man or woman child out of poverty but you can't take the poverty out of that child.
Childhood is forever. Teachings, upbringing, parenting, learning is formed from
conception throughout the teen years and stays there forever. Solid memories
formed in the base of the brain, all of the cells in the body. Permanent. Stamped.
Engraved into the soul.
Personalities remain the same. People's personas don't change much throughout their life. Animal personalities are the same.
Personalities remain the same. People's personas don't change much throughout their life.
Animal personalities are the same.
I have observed this phenonemenon during my 59 years of life.
Friday, December 25, 2020
One phone call, one person can change your life quickly.
One phone call, one person can change your life quickly.
12 Signs You’ve Experienced Narcissistic Abuse (Plus How to Get Help)
https://www.healthline.com/health/narcissistic-victim-syndrome#restlessness
Wednesday, December 23, 2020
Me March 14, 2014 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
Me March 14, 2014 Sarah Wilson Montgomery Mertz Stillwell
LeRoy Mitchell obituary March 21, 2018 My step grandfather married my grandma Sarah Spainhour Dringman in 1951
Just found this obituary today!
LeRoy Mitchell obituary March 21, 2018 My step grandfather married my grandma Sarah Spainhour Dringman in 1951
https://parklawnfunerals.com/obituaries/mitchell-leroy/
Mitchell, LeRoy
November 8, 1926 — March 21, 2018
LeRoy Mitchell, 92, made the final table on March 21, 2018 at Research Medical Center in Kansas City Missouri. Celebration of his life will be on Tuesday, March 27th at 7:00 pm, St. Paul’s Methodist Church in Raymore Missouri. Officiated by the Reverend Pastor Monty Stratton. No flowers please, donations in his name, to the Veterans Administration or American Heart Association, would be a great way to honor him.
LeRoy was born November 8, 1926 in Kansas City Missouri. At age 18, he enlisted in the Coast Guard and served in World War II on the USS Knoxville Frigate #64 in the Atlantic. He was very proud of his service and told many stories. He graduated from Missouri Valley College in Marshall Missouri in 1950 with his Masters in Education. He met and married his lifelong love Sarah Spainhour-Dringman in 1951.
Leroy had a distinguished career in teaching and coaching for 57 years in the state of California and in the Hickman Mills and Ruskin school districts in Kansas City. He retired from teaching in 2007.
Pops loved to play poker and enjoyed his poker league and many wonderful friends he played with. He loved to travel and collect rocks. He was an avid gardener too. He was a brilliant man who loved math and science. He was a master of the Fibonacci Code and the golden spiral. He loved to do crossword puzzle‘s with his buddies at McDonald’s. Leroy loved to read and spend time with his “library ladies”. Poppy was an avid Chiefs and Royals fan and loved to watch tennis and his boy Rafa Nadal. LeRoy was quite the outdoorsman, he loved to fish and hunt. He also loved to coach, referee, and ump any sport. He also enjoyed “working out” with his buddies at the Belton wellness center.
Leroy was preceded in death by his beloved wife Sarah Mitchell. Leroy had no children and is survived by a very loving, blended and adopted family. Kenneth Mitchell, Shana Mitchell, Kody Mitchell, Paul Dringman and Myrna Lowe, as well as step grandchildren and step great grandchildren and many other beloved family and friends.
Leroy was a wonderful husband, stepfather, grandfather, coach, and a loyal friend to many. Poppy was a good man and will be missed terribly.
Tuesday, December 22, 2020
https://www.truepeoplesearch.com/details?name=william%20schraps&rid=0xl
William Richard Schraps Deceased Dec 2006 (age 64)
Current Address
1032 N Lincoln St
Stockton, CA 95203
Previous Addresses
1032 N Lincoln St
Stockton, CA 95203
(May 2006)
PO Box
Taos, NM 87571
(Aug 1993 - Aug 2005)
623 Paseo Del Pueblo Sur #A
Taos, NM 87571
(Aug 2005)
Possible Relatives
Jeanne L Schraps, Paul Kurt Schraps Sr, Apollo P Schraps, Paul K Schraps Jr
Possible Associates
Antonio R Lopez
Victor Springhower of Raytown,MO was one of Walt & Alice's dozen children .My grandmother was Sarah Elizabeth Spainhour born December 22, 1916 died Dec. 2, 2008.
Her siblings: Walter Spainhour (who changed his last name to Springhower), Jeanne in CA (Jeanne L Schraps), Ken Spainhour in CA, Ruth Spainhour of Kansas City, MO
Vic Springhower was my mom's 1st cousin. My mom, deceased 12-14-2003 is Ruth Louise Dringman/Wilson/Foust. Her mom Sarah Elizabeth Spainhour was my grandmother, who I was named after
Bannister Auto Parts Kansas City, Missouri
Bannister Auto Parts Kansas City, Missouri
1107 E Bannister Rd 64131
(NOW is the new business Cabinets by King LLC
https://cabinetsbyking.com/contact-us/)
1995 1996 job
This was my first job as an auto parts delivery driver. I drove an
average of 150 to 250 miles per day delivering parts all over
Kansas City, Overland Park, Olathe, Lenexa, the greater KC area
I took a notepad with me and jotted down every place I went for
months so I could see how many miles I drove.
owner, John Hetherington
He also owened Top Buy Auto Parts, where I also
worked for awhile after John re hired me when I walked out
one day due to Randy screaming his head off at me and Bobby
--randy's face turned so bright red I thought his head would explode
and blow right off of his rotund body--
and due to Aaron's disrespectful disgusting revolting comments on a daily basis
Aaron Hetherington, delivery driver, hobby as a musician played drums/guitar
I think; a Sagittarius with the absolute filthiest mouth
I have ever heard from a man or a woman, John's grandson https://www.truepeoplesearch.com/details?name=Aaron%20Hetherington&citystatezip=olathe%2Cks&rid=0x0
Current Address
15209 S Alcan St
Olathe, KS 66062
Phone Numbers
(913) 707-5154 - Wireless
(913) 440-9113 - Landline
(913) 894-2327 - Landline
Email Addresses
jahdrum@hotmail.com
jahdrum@yahoo.com
jahdrum@iwon.com
Associated Names
John Aaron Hetherington, John M Hetherington, John T Hetherington, Jo Hetherington, John T Hetheringto, John A Heggherington, Aaron Heterington
Previous Addresses
13120 W 96th St
Shawnee Mission, KS 66215
(Jul 1994 - Oct 2020)
12730 S Cardiff St
Olathe, KS 66062
(Apr 2018 - Mar 2019)
13120 W 96th St
Shawnee Msn, KS 66215
(Oct 2005 - May 2018)
Alan Hetherington, Aaron's uncle, a super nice guy who ran the office,
did paperwork, was in charge of payroll
John, parts counter
Brad, parts
Randy, parts
Bobby, delivery driver
Angel, delivery driver
Monday, December 21, 2020
Car Quest Auto Parts 8900 Troost, Kansas City, Missouri
Car Quest Auto Parts
8900 Troost, Kansas City, Missouri
I worked here back in 1995/1996/1997
I was a delivery driver
Tom had promised me I would be working in the office when he
hired me as a driver but it never happened so I ended up leaving this
job and going to work in the office at Troost Muffler by 63rd or 64th
and Troost in Kansas City, MO
Knowing what I have learned about people especially in the last few years,
I can assume he is the same as he was then around 25 years ago.
He had just gotten married and said his wife wasn't the prettiest but she
was a virgin, I think he said. Important to him, I suppose. If I remember
correctly he was catholic. One of those religious ideas and beliefs about
virgins (and whores).
He was cunning, shrewd, lied (other people told me about this when I
was hired and I did not believe it until I realized he lied to me then found
out he lied to co workers at the auto parts store, withholding important
information about money being automatically taken out of people's paychecks.
I went into work one day and my co workers were very upset that they had
no check that week. The machine shop guy had tears in his eyes and said
"I have a family to feed". It hurt me so much to see them upset and crying so
I did something about it. I faxe a one page letter from Tom's office to the main office
in Virginia that said "What kind of a company is this?"
Tom wrote me up for insubordination for
defending my co workers and said if I do anything out of line again he
would fire me. I had enough and got another job working at a repair shop.
Tom WAS a smooth talker, indeed, having the graceful voice of a Libra.
A hard worker, a good salesman, very dependable and insisted that no one
should miss a day's work for any reason (probably due to his upbringing).
I wonder what he has been doing all of these years and what is he doing now.
Suppose I can find out through social media......
found it ! https://www.facebook.com/tom.callahan0
He is married to Denise Ann Callahan Watts, 25 years now.
wow!! My memory is good. That pic of their wedding day is exactly how
I remember him looking.
Tom Callahan, (Thomas) the store manager, a Libra.
probably this guy Thomas Patrick Callahan born October 1963
https://www.truepeoplesearch.com/details?name=Thomas%20Callahan&citystatezip=Mission%2C%20KS&rid=0x0
Current Address
14671 W 141st St
Olathe, KS 66062
Phone Numbers
(913) 829-1762 - Landline
(913) 486-5062 - Wireless
(548) 274-3228 - Landline
(816) 274-3228 - Wireless
(913) 831-2078 - Landline
Associated Names
Tom Patrick Callahan, Thomas D Callahan, Thomas P Ralston
Previous Addresses
1045 Rockdale Rd
Dubuque, IA 52003
(Jul 2001 - May 2020)
6616 Lowell Dr
Shawnee Mission, KS 66202
(Jun 1995 - Sep 2002)
5300 SW Topeka Blvd
Topeka, KS 66609
(Apr 1998)
email Addresses
tcallahan1137@rediffmail.com
tcallahan1137@bellsouth.net
tcallahan1137@comcast.net
I was 34 in 1995 and he was close to my age,
maybe a couple of years older. He had a bald head on top and dark hair on the sides
Dave Powers, delivery driver, Sagittarius. In his 60's at the time. Very nice and
excellent driver
Glen ? In his 60s at the time.
Roy ?
Donnell or Donell Smith, parts counter, Capricorn. About 10 years older than me.
Ran into Donnell at HyVee in Raytown, MO on 350 Hwy about a year ago back
in 2019. Super nice guy.
I sell FREE dreams. Free to all. Just grab them. They are yours.
I sell FREE dreams. Free to all. Just grab them. They are yours.
He thinks he IS the creator, the source of all things. He thinks he is GOD. He
believes he is in control of all things yet he cannot control himself.
He wants to believe he is the controller, the dictator, the one who has the last
word on everything.
He thinks he is in control. He is afraid.
He is scared. He is fearful, worried, tense and anxious.
He expects instant results with everything.
He lacks understanding and patience.
He is forceful, mean and hateful.
He lacks appreciation of the tiniest things in life.
He takes upon the responsibility and the credit for all things that happen
naturally.
He fails to understand the source energy that is ALL.
He is part of this universal force, flowing with it like a tiny creature
in this ocean of life and death.
He believes material things and money are the most important things in life.
He always asks How much did that cost (money wise) about any and every thing
instead of How does that make you feel?
He is frequently miserable, upset, pissed off, ticked off, aggravated, unhappy,
resentful, vengeful.
He won't allow himself the feeling of pure joy in the little things like
breath, sunshine, scenery, nature.
He questions the validity of all things and requires "Proof", "evidence"
that any particular thing is real and that it is going to Pay off, that is is
"worth the effort", that it is "valuable"
He often views time, people and things as a "waste of his time"
He watches movies and doesn't understand the meaning, the moral,
the story, the truth, the point. He really doesn't understand what is going on.
He frequently says "I don't understand", "I can't understand", "I don't believe it"
"That's crazy", "We are in BIG trouble", "That's a bunch of crap"
He is worried about things completely OUT OF HIS CONTROL like the weather,
for instance and does not concern himself about things he CAN control
regarding his behavior. He LOOKS at others constantly judging them
and doesn't look at himself and judge his own feelings, thoughts, actions, words.
He thinks he knows what other people, literally everybody, SHOULD BE DOING
and often feels like he really doesn't know what to DO with himself.
He is lost. He doesn't want to be found or found out.
He is a skeptic/sceptic.
He searches for perfection in others, always looking for that perfert girl,
the perfect woman yet does not attempt to work on himself and
his attitude. He shows his
nastiest and most hateful self to the very woman he is married to and
supposed to love. He shows his best and better and nice personality to
the outer world, to strangers, to neighbors, co workers, acquaintances
and anyone and everyone except to the one he lives with.
He falsely believes he is better than everyone else, smarter, more
intelligent and capable. His ego is out of this world yet down deep
inside he feels incapable, lacking, inferior, worthless and stupid.
Yes, he really feels like a total stupid idiot most of the time and that is
why he attempts to make his wife woman feels just as stupid as he feels.
God forbid that he praise his wife, worship her and truly love her and
appreciate anything about her or put her on a pedastal. No, he must try to
shove her down under his cloddy feet dressed in heavy boots that sound
like Frankenstein when he tramps through the house stomping up and
down the stairs noisily.
I am self driven. I am self propelled. Nature gave me the guts I was born with.
I am self driven. I am self propelled. Nature gave me the guts I was born with.
I know what I need. I know what I want.
I don't need anyone to tell me how I feel, what I need and what I want.
I find this to be true of all of the life forms I have witnessed during my life.
We know what we need. We know what we like. Simple as that.
The flea in the jar story.
The flea in the jar story.
Now I know I am out of the jar.
I am free to jump around anywhere I want, mentally, emotionally and
physically.
Human beings put tight lids onto jars and try to keep people, pets
and other life forms into containers, restricting their freedom and growth.
Now I know I am out of the jar.
I am free to jump around anywhere I want, mentally, emotionally and
physically.
A flea put into a jar with a lid eventually quits trying to jump out of the jar
after it keeps experiencing hitting its head on the lid of the jar.
after it keeps experiencing hitting its head on the lid of the jar.
Human beings put tight lids onto jars and try to keep people, pets
and other life forms into containers, restricting their freedom and growth.
This has to be one of the worst crimes of nature inflicted by humans upon
other humans and creatures.
other humans and creatures.
I've been operating at a small fraction of my potential.
I've been operating at a small fraction of my potential.
Restrictions, limiting belief systems of others, false beliefs I had taken
upon myself have blocked me like a cork in a bottle, containing
and holding my desires until they are ready to explode.
Now that I am aware of this fact, I fully realize this truth
there is no stopping my spirit from achieving all that I want to experience.
Sunday, December 20, 2020
The best defense is not to be offensive in the first place.
The best defense is not to be offensive in the first place.
When I use the common sense I was born with I am as smart as a goose.
When I use the common sense I was born with I am as smart as a goose.
Saturday, December 19, 2020
Why do people change so much in their looks as they get older? Why do I still look the same?
Why do people change so much in their looks as they get older? Why do I still look the same?
Friday, December 18, 2020
Thank you my friend, John, for explaining this thing about porn
and how butts are a real turn on. He was talking about thongs he
has seen and how they show the whole butt. I told him I have a
bikini thong and he nearly melted and collapsed on the floor, shaking.
At 74 years old he is.
He said a guy watches this stuff because maybe there are things
his woman/wife doesn't want to do and it fulfills his fantasies.
He still loves his wife even though he watches this stuff.
(Funny,, I don't watch porn and have felt totally unloved
and hated and unappreciated by men in my life who watch this stuff)
I told him my husband has instructed me I can't wear this thong
bikini out of the house. He gets angry, upset, even violent
if I wear anything exposing my bottom. He has become angry
many many times when I go outside and he thinks anyone can
see my ass. If the neighbors see that, they will want it.
You will have every dog in the neighborhood chasing you.
Back in the summer of 2007 or 8 I came home
wearing cut off jean shorts after painting a house and he
blew up at me.. I didn't know why
because he said "You can see your butt cheeks hanging
out of those shorts when you bend over". and the man who owned the house
who was a friend of Tom Tacy was begging me to marry him
standing out in the yard in front of his house.
I didn't understand. I am still trying to figure this out.
And my whole life I was told that being smart with brains matters most
I have never been appreciated for having brains in my head.
Getting a job has always been a joke.
They don't care about brains in the head in the skull.
They only care about ass cheeks.
And how round they are.
Tuesday, December 15, 2020
Monday, December 14, 2020
If you could be anyone who would you want to be? Myself. I only want to be me. That's all I can be.
If you could be anyone who would you want to be? Myself. I only want to
be me. That's all I can be.
A question my son asked me several years ago. He said, "Hey, Mom. If
you could be anyone, who would you want to be?"
Saturday, December 12, 2020
Positive thinking is good. However, it won't be possible to have a positive attitude if your microbiome, biology, your body is not fed with the proper nutrients. Positive thinking will not overcome malnutrition.
Positive thinking is good. However, it won't be possible to have a positive attitude
if your microbiome, biology,
your body is not fed with the proper nutrients. Positive thinking will not overcome malnutrition.
Positive thinking will not overcome the negativity from other people who
suffer from malnutrition and poor upbringing.
Food and drink is mood. What are you eating? What is eating you?
Food and drink is mood. What are you eating? What is eating you?
You're beautiful when you are in your element.
You're beautiful when you are in your element, he said.
Everyone is, I said.
Friday, December 11, 2020
Cats and dogs are carnivores.
Cats and dogs are carnivores.
Why do people feed them cereal and grains and rice and vegetables?
What (common) sense does this make?
Who started this trend of feeding carnivores food they wouldn't
eat in the wild?
Someone out to make a lot (a ton) of money using cheap stuff to feed the animals.
Sleeping Beauty woke up today and was her usual Snow White Cinderella.
Sleeping Beauty woke up today and was her usual Snow White Cinderella.
She (I) got down on my hands and knees and cleaned the kitchen floor and stairs
after I swept them with a broom sprayed with a mix of water and tide laundry soap.
She put all of her pillows and huge white Valentine Teddy Bear in the clothes dryer
to kill whatever parasites are lurking in the fibers and stuffing/material.
She is washing her sheets, pillow cases and her husband's dirty blue jeans.
He works very hard on many things and gets real dirty/filthy. The last few days
he has been working on the brakes on a friend of ours car. Our friends
Mike and Debbie/Debra.
She vacuumed the oriental rug in the living room, the master bedroom,
middle bedroom and hallway.
She is going to wipe down the kitchen cabinets and wood work with some
furniture polish and lemon oil.
She has been fasting, drinking only water and hot tea,
since last night's nice and wonderful dinner she cooked.
She was up at 10 am, went to the bathroom and went back to sleep until 1:00 pm.
She woke up because she had to go (use the rest room) and soon became
active cleaning up this house.
There are many different things to eat in the refrigerator that she made
and the pantry and freezers are well stocked because she has spent much
time planning grocery lists and shopping so we have plenty of variety.
She is not hungry yet and will wait until the pangs hit so her system
has time to activate hunger and tell her what she is hungry for.
She doesn't know what her husband will be hungry for and it is okay
because she knows that we have whatever he wants... unless it is fast food
like Taco Bell, one of his favorites, or Subway, Arby's, Church's Chicken,
Pizza at Minsky's or Domino's, Big T's Barbecue BBQ (he like beef and ham;
I like beef and pork)
A dead horse stays dead no matter how many times you kick it.
A dead horse stays dead no matter how many times you kick it.
What is the difference between stupidity and ignorance?
What is the difference between stupidity and ignorance?
I cooked the dinner last night.
He said he was going to take me out to a "nice place"
yesterday and the day before. He didn't.
I knew he wasn't going to take me to a real nice place with elegant dining
so I did it myself.
Broiled steak, crab legs, shrimp in the shell, baked breaded fish for him,
baked potato, corn on the cob, salad and a dinner roll
When I was a child I only had to walk a few blocks to school regardless of where I lived. Thanks to my parents and grandparents. Maybe I should follow suit and walk a few blocks to work from where I live now.
When I was a child I only had to walk a few blocks to school regardless of
where I lived. Thanks to my parents and grandparents. Maybe I should follow
suit and walk a few blocks to work from where I live now.
Where would that be?
At home is the closest
Oakwood Country Club
Worldsmart LED (on Thanksgiving day my friend Tony
said he was friends with the owner, from India)
Home Depot
Cabinets to go Kansas City
Firestone Complete Auto Care
Manila Bay Thaw Thaw
Cornerstones of Care Spofford Campus
Hardees
Wendys
Nob Hill Apartments
South Patrol Station Kansas City
Shadow Creek Apartments
Pipefitters Training Center
Wednesday, December 9, 2020
It's not that I am not convincing enough, it is that he has a preconceived notion
that women are stupid. People are stupid, people are idiots.
This is a belief system he grew up with in his family.
If I say it, buck it. Trash it. He has to hear the same thing from someone
else before he will take action.
Yesterday he finally said he is getting rid of this old rotten carpet in this house.
I said, "Thank God or whatever it is. Thank the energy of the universes for
finally getting rid of nasty carpet."
In the meantime it is still here. Over 50 years old. Full of who knows what
mold, fungus, mildew, bacteria, bugs, fleas. I have been trying to get rid of
this old rotten carpet for many years, at least 20. I think it is the source
of illness here.
Tuesday, December 8, 2020
Monday, December 7, 2020
Just read some letters from my mom from the 1980's and 90's. Heart wrenching
tears.
We used to hand write letters to each other. I wrote letters to a lot of people.
These few letters are all I have left.
I have a Christmas card from 1996 from my grandma Sarah
and a letter she hand wrote to me.
Tears to my eyes and joy to my heart from memories.
I can cry and be happy at the same time
Stuff is nice to have. People make you happy. People make your life. Pet animals make your life.
Stuff is nice to have. People make you happy. People make your life. Pet animals make your life.
Saturday, December 5, 2020
Cedarcide. Pest control naturally.
Cedarcide. Pest control naturally. A nice lady at Walmart 117th & Metcalf in
Overland Park, Kansas told me
about this last night. She works for Spectrum and had a display in the aisle at Walmart.
I showed her a flea comb I was buying and she told me about this wonderful product
line. She said she uses this to control fleas and bugs and she said she has
marigolds surrounding her garden. Marigolds are a natural bug repellent.
Told her I managed to have 2 marigold plants around my garden this year.
Wish I would have asked her name.
I have the same interests since I was a child, a teenager and young adult. I see that this is true for many other people I know.
I have the same interests since I was a child, a teenager and young adult.
I see that this is true for many other people I know.
I know what I prefer, what I like and don't like.
What happens when you push yourself beyond your limits?
What happens when you push yourself beyond your limits?
Friday, December 4, 2020
Goal. Get rid of my stuff. He hates everything about me. He has
constantly complained, been irritated about so many things.
I remember over 20 years ago when I got a coffee maker
and put it in the kitchen. I paid ten dollars for it.
He badgered me relentlessly until I took it back
in order to make him happy.
He couldn't stand the sound of it or the smell of it.
so I will get rid of my things taking up his space.
He wants the whole house to himself.
She, daughter in law, said addictions happen because of pain. Any kind of pain.
So true. I understand why.
Emotional, physical, mental. Total body and soul feeling of pain. Pain is something we
avoid.
Simple explanation for any kind of addict, addiction, aholic.
Reminds me of what my brother Darryl said "Everyone is addicted to something".
To this day I see this truth in anyone I know and anyone I don't know personally.
Darryl died on May 13, 1998. Born on May 16, 1964. He was 33 years old.
Thursday, December 3, 2020
Yesterday went to where used to live 525 stacey drive
Yesterday went to where used to live 525 stacey drive
belton, missouri
It is vacant. Up for sale.
Memories are abundant.
The Oak Park Mall incident. A bad experience.
We visited Oak Park Mall in Kansas.
Went to several shops viewing things and enjoyed the scented
candles and perfumes and other things.
The carousel. How much does that cost? We are NOT going on
that. I am not going to pay for that. 3 dollars.
The massage chair. Oh, I put a dollar in, it hurt my back so
he sat on it and said he liked it. So maybe he will come back
one day and spend five dollars and get a beating back massage
in one of those chairs.
End of evening we are walking. I hear upbeat music and follow it
because I want to hear it. It's dancing music and I want to know
that song. A man was at the booth that was playing the music.
I said I love that music what is it? And I started to move my body a little.
A man operating the booth said I want to show you something
and asked me to sit in a chair.
HE stood outside of this watching. Didn't say much to the man.
Blasted his vile insults and threats to me after we are out of
the public eye.
The man put something on my face, my hands and said this
cleans your skin. How does it feel? It is soft. Coconut oil
and sea salt. Yes, that made my skin feel so good.
End: this product costs 300 dollars.
He becomes irate: why did you go there.
You were flirting with that guy.
You can't afford that.
I am not buying that. You don't need that.
I followed my natural instincts. He is angry.
end of evening: he says I will buy you something to eat
(but I won't buy anything else for you)
yet I am not hungry. I already ate at home before we
left because I know how this food/ hunger thing works.
The pickle jar incident. Came home from grocery store with many bags of food.
One plastic bag had a tear and a jar of pickles hit the floor.
He went into a tyrant's rage for several hours.
I said I would clean it up. Calmly.
He proceeds to character assasinate me and clean the floor, telling
me I can't clean the right way.
He said that I knew that it was going to happen. I wasn't paying attention.
I should have known.
He ruined Thanksgiving. I made a big dinner. Started on Wednesday.
He ruined Thanksgiving. I made a big dinner. Started on Wednesday.
I threw away all of the old checkbooks and registers yesterday. Threw away
the wage earnings statements. 29 years of
accounting showing what I put in the bank, the bills I paid, the groceries, gas
and all that I bought.
I haven't made much especially in the last 12 years due to chronic
physical health problems, a direct result of stress induced by him.
None of it matters because all he has ever said to me is that I don't work,
I don't do anything,
don't pay the bills, and used to say "You spend ALL of your money on
beer and cigarettes".
He won't look at any record of anything I have.
Doesn't recognize that I do anything.
In his mind he does everything. He is the most important.
He takes over all and does whatever he wants and I have no
right to my personal preferences
Love is what I wanted to share. Lust is what I ended up getting.
Love is what I wanted to share. Lust is what I ended up getting.
It's about the desire to control, not about how much money I make.
It's about the desire to control, not about how much money I make.
Many rich and famous women have endured suffering: verbal, emotional
and physical abuse from their malignant narcissist partner. Tina Turner,
married to Ike, is just one example.
She is natural, beautiful, sweet, innocent, talented, loving, giving
and courageous.
Ignore your wife and she will go away. The same rule applies to your teeth or anything else.
Ignore your wife and she will go away. The same rule applies to your teeth or anything else.
Some people only want and appreciate what they don't have.
Some people only want and appreciate what they don't have.
Wednesday, December 2, 2020
What does "at my wits end" mean? I am there. Wits and patience have met.
at (one's) wits' end
In a state of distress because one has no more patience or mental stamina, often after having dealt with some kind of problem or difficult situation.
The baby's been crying for hours, and I'm at my wits' end!
I'm already at my wits' end, so if this train gets delayed too, I'm going to scream.
Getting rid of trash and nonselling items
Spent a few hours today getting trash and nonselling items ready to take away tomorrow.
Books, vhs tapes, cds, vinyl records.
Last week I took clothing and other miscellaneous things to the thrift store.
Last week I took clothing and other miscellaneous things to the thrift store.
Feeling a little better every day.
it's a miracle I'm still alive
it's a miracle I'm still alive
Still thin, have okay skin, look fair, have most of my mind left, can walk, talk, function, think, remember and comprehend
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