Saturday, December 31, 2016

Recuperating from 4 days of being sick since December 27,2016

Recuperating from 4 days of being sick since December 27,2016

tuesday december 27, 2016
after 8 pm leaving son's house after babysitting grandson
age 2 years 8 months
daughter-in-law who is a registered nurse
sees me and asks
are you okay
no. i was throwing up this morning, i said.
then why did you come over then? she asked

i didn't answer, couldn't, was too sick.
got home, thought about it later
i came over because i said i would
and i don't get p.t.o. (paid time off)
i only get paid when i do something
i don't work for the government
i don't have a "regular job" so i don't have "sick leave",
time off, paid vacations, health insurance, perks, retirement
savings, investments, social security or any other benefits that
some people get when they work for the federal government or
large corporations that include such things as part of their employee
benefit program
i can only earn money when i am well enough to perform the job
if i can't work i get nothing

that day i managed to have one small can of ginger ale and
half a can of campbell's chicken noodle soup and
5 saltine crackers

got home from babysitting husband said i looked terrible
he said i looked green. he asked
is there anything i can do for you
suggesting aspirin i said no aspirin
for anyone who has stomach problems
he said you shouldn't sleep in a cold room
my room is cold like the house
he turns heater on very low in my room
not too high
don't want to run up the electric bill

he burns wood in wood stove to heat house to
comfy 55 maybe 60 degrees
with large drafty windows above my bed and on the
west side of the room

i said i can get in bed with heating pad under my broken back
wear a hat (a beret) and cover up my head with a blanket
wear 3 layers of clothes, 2 pairs of socks and slippers on my feet,
a sweater over my arms, shoulders and chest
then i might be warm enough

following the nausea and puking came constant runny dripping nose,
sneezing, sore throat, fever, slept most of the time during days
since tuesday,
4 days ago,
ate very little.
felt so bad thought death was imminent

Monday, December 19, 2016

You're the only person I know who focuses on what you want to do and ignores the outside world. You're weird.

You're the only person I know who focuses on what you want to do and ignores the outside world.
You're weird.
statement from husband circa 2008-2010


Sarah Wilson Stillwell

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Feelings rule and determine action.

Feelings rule and determine action.
Logic, intelligence, smartness are in the back seat.
Emotions rule, are top priority over all, override intelligent information, take precedence over everything, determine source of all actions.

Time and temperature rules all.

Time and temperature rules all.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

I don't like seedless fruit or vegetables.

I don't like seedless fruit or vegetables.
Some seeds are nutritious and very good for you.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Appreciation, respect, realization of what is is necessary for balance and happiness.

Appreciation, respect, realization of what is is necessary for balance and happiness.

A marriage certificate means nothing if good feelings aren't mutual between both partners.

A marriage certificate means nothing if good feelings aren't mutual between both partners.

When I was a little girl it was called a Drug Store not a Pharmacy. And that is what it is: a drug store

When I was a little girl it was called a Drug Store not a Pharmacy. And that is what it is: a drug store.

Look at what is sold at the drug stores. Medicine, drugs, alcohol, prescriptions, makeup, food (canned, fresh, frozen dairy, milk, meat, vegetable,fruit,crackers), pet food, candy (lots of
candy and sweets),candy bars, cookies, treats, snacks (chips, nuts,dips), soda pop, fruit juice, sports drinks, cleaners, laundry soap, chemicals, liquor/wine/spirits/beer, shampoo, hair coloring, deodorant, lotion, cream. All drugs.  All chemicals.

Other items are available for the household including children's toys, pet toys, towels, blankets,
clothing items like slippers, automotive, items "as seen on tv" for sale, stationery
and greeting cards. Some drug stores sell lottery tickets, some don't.

Curb side pick up is available.
Online ordering is available.
You don't even have to get up out of your car and shop inside the store.
You get no exercise.

Drive thru prescription pickup is now available.
You can just sit there, calmly waiting to be legally served your drugs through a window.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Can't file for disability because own more than one vehicle. Household income 58% less than 2016 household poverty level

Can't file for disability because own more than one vehicle. Household income 58% less than 2016 household poverty level

Yesterday I called a lawyer who specializes in social security disability claims.
The receptionist who answered the phone asked me many
questions to screen me and came to the conclusion that I could
not make an appointment to see the attorney.

She asked me how I heard about the lawyer,
Sharon J. Meyers -- I said Thrifty Nickel newspaper,
http://kansascity.thriftynickel.com/classifieds/social-security-disability-is-our-only-business-free-459745882.html
--
my name, date of birth,
address, telephone number, if I have ever filed for disability,
how I paid my bills, what conditions I suffer from, if I have been
seeing a doctor, what type of work I did
and the last year I worked at a regular job.

I have scoliosis and degnerative disc disease also known as osteoarthritis.
This causes daily ongoing back pain, pain in my right side, burning pain in
the lower, middle and upper left side of my back, pain in both calves of my legs and feet.

The doctor I was able to see this year-- I haven't
been able to see a doctor since 2006 when my husband
lost his job due to his boss/ employer's death and our
health insurance stopped-- starting in March, 2016
and ending this month December, 2016 said I have
a chronic condition with the scoliosis and degenerative disc disease.
It will not go away. It will get progressively worse as I get older.
He prescribed 4 things for those conditions:
heating pad
massage
physical therapy
tens unit
The only thing I have of the above 4 is a heating pad.

He told me I shouldn't lift more than 10 pounds.
I cannot stand on my feet for hours nor sit in a chair in one position for
long periods of time. When the back pain gets unbearable I have to lay
down, put my knees up and usually have to take a nap for at least an hour.
This is daily, everyday and has been going on for many years.
Every time I eat the pain in the right side of my abdomen starts
and feels like a football stuck under my ribcage then starts
gravitating to the left lower-middle and upper section of my back.

Neither I nor my husband has any health insurance.
We are not eligible to apply for medicaid at our age of 55 due to the
single fact that we have more than two vehicles in our household
even though our household income is 58% less than the 2016 household
poverty level of $16,020.00 for a family of two.
See https://www.healthcare.gov/glossary/federal-poverty-level-FPL/
This was determined by a woman I saw in July, 2016 who works
at Truman Medical Center East Hospital in
Kansas City, Missouri when I made an appointment and went to
see if we were eligible for Missouri medicaid.


I was only able to see this doctor because my daughter-in-law, who is a
registered nurse, was paying $75.00 per month for the subscription and any
services or prescriptions I needed. The doctor performed 3 blood tests,
gave me prescriptions for gastritis and duodenitis, exzema and black hairy tongue.
He recommended I buy some jojoba oil and CeraVe lotion for dry skin/exzema,
avoid foods and drinks that cause high stomach acid and
buy gel eyes drops like Systane Gel Drops for dry eye--which cost around
16 dollars at CVS. I got all 3 items but I won't buy gel eye drops again
and probably won't buy CeraVe lotion again, either. Gel eye drops don't stay
in my eye, they fall out and go on the rim of my eyelid and don't do any good,
unlike regular eye drops. CeraVe lotion was okay but is expensive, composed of
chemicals similar to other lotions sold on over the counter retail shelves and
not something I would want to use on a regular basis.
Jojoba oil seems to help alleviate dry skin but I found that using other
oils like coconut or olive work just as good or better.

Prescriptions filled and taken:
Pantoprazole sodium 20 mg for gastritis/duodenitis
Triamcinolone acetonide ointment ups .1% for exzema
Fluconazole 200 mg (an antifungal) for black hairy tongue

2005 I was turned down for the second time for social security disability.
I had an attorney who specializes in disability cases.

2001 was the last year I had a regular job. I have been
self employed part time since 2000 selling items on the internet.
Sales last year ended being zero $0.00 after expenses.

Last year I made some money for babysitting my grandson,
a little over $2,000.00.
The receptionist at the lawyer's office I called
yesterday told me I would have to have worked 5 out the last 10
years in order to file for disability.

Since I have not worked 5 out the last ten years she asked me
more questions to see if I am eligible to file for need based benefits.
She asked me what property I own.
I said I am married and my husband owns the house, it's in his name,
not mine.
How many vehicles do you have in your household? she asked me.
Three, I answered.
Three? You are only allowed one vehicle per household, she said.
How much money did your husband make last year?
What is your household income?
How much money does your husband make?
What does he do for a living?

I said, I don't know what I am supposed to do. I can't go to the doctor,
I can't file for disability, I can't get a job, I don't know who is going to hire me,
an old lady with a broken back and all of these physical problems.
How am I supposed to live if I don't have any money or medical care?

She determined I was not eligible to make an appointment to see
the attorney and suggested that
I call the Social Security Office to see if I am eligible for
need based benefits.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Thursday, November 17, 2016

regardless of your healthy diet, bank account or how much stuff you own

regardless of your healthy diet, bank account or how much stuff you own
if you have chronic stress from being systematically attacked by predators at every moment,
be it mentally or physically --the mind doesn't know the difference between real or imagined/fake attacks--
by each move you make and every word you say
and you cannot escape the attacks
and find relief, peace, safety and comfort somewhere
by someone you will deteriorate rapidly and die sooner
than one who has a loving network of people who support them

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

social skills: the most important thing i don't seem to have. why i am alone

social skills: the most important thing i don't seem to have. why i am alone

Presbyopia, farsighted, astigmatism, 10-26-16 diagnosed

Presbyopia, farsighted, astigmatism, 10-26-16 diagnosed
America's Best Contacts & Eyeglasses.
State Line Shopping Center
10127 State Line Rd
Kansas City, MO 64114
(816) 765-2500
Day Hours
Monday-Friday: 9am-7pm
Saturday: 9am-6pm
Sunday: Closed

10-26-16 eye exam
11-4-16 picked up two pairs of glasses, bifocals
11-5-16 returned both pairs,  first pair could only read text in printed material
in center bottom area about 1/2 inch space, had to move my head side to side
and back and forth, second pair had larger lenses could see better on top portion
of glasses when driving and at night.
both pairs tried to see on computer and everything was a blur.
they are making two new different eyeglasses, one readers, one progressive for distance and driving
wait 1 to 2 weeks to get new glasses so i can see properly.

A frustrating situation having to deal with not being able to see anything
the way I used to.
Sight / seeing seems to be the dominant one, the most important sense,
of the five/5 physical senses we have.

special needs handicapped crippled disabled are successful because they have a network of supportive, loving people (family, friends, strangers)

special needs handicapped crippled disabled are successful because they have a network of supportive, loving people (family, friends, strangers)

the physically and mentally healthy are also successful for the same reasons.

i am tired of hearing the stories about how anyone can do anything they set their mind to
regardless of obstacles handicaps deficiencies lack of money etcetera
because the truth is they coudn't succeed at anything
without the aid help support encouragement of other people.

comment from an old martian friend "even people in wheelchairs have
full time jobs".  yes, some of them do but not without the support of other
people and government organizations who help them

in the wild, in nature,  the weak handicapped old disabled, the slow ones
who slip and cannot keep running, can't compete, can't feed themselves
are eaten alive or eaten up after they are killed and dead

woman's requirements: #1 be beautiful

woman's requirements: #1 be beautiful
look beautiful
act beautiful
appear to be beautiful
pretend to be beautiful
if not naturally and really beautiful then fake it
not too many people can tell the difference between real and fake

Monday, November 14, 2016

used cast iron skillet during last week

used cast iron skillet during last week
feeling a little better
cooked
bacon eggs potatoes
spaghetti sauce
grilled cheese

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Inanimate objects (material things that do not have life) are most familiar to him

Inanimate objects (material things that do not have life) are most familiar to him. Things have life
and resonate through his blood. Physical things detected through the five basic senses
of seeing/sight, smelling/smell, hearing/hear, tasting/taste, touching/touch dominate his thoughts
and actions.
He is in touch, tuned in to the sight and sound of someone using a knife to cut food on a plate, the sound of dishes/plates being put/slammed, as he says, into a kitchen cabinet.
He says I use the knife so hard I could cut the plate in half.
He is tuned into material things and money.
He is not tuned into me or any other person I or we know.
He says what he says expecting perfection and others to know what he knows
and be exactly like him if they do not perfectly compliment him
he considers them stupid.
He is what he is due to his genes/genetics/ upbringing, due to his mother.
He does not consider my feelings or anyone else's feelings about anything.
He is only focused upon his own feelings, thoughts, desires, wants and needs.

Psychology, the favorite subject of my life since I was age 10 (or younger).

Psychology, the favorite subject of my life since I was age 10 (or younger).

I do not control you. I do not own you. You are not a robot. You are not an inanimate object that I can mold to my perception of perfection.

I do not control you. I do not own you. You are not a robot. You are not an inanimate object that I can mold to my perception of perfection. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Sunday, October 16, 2016

No one has accomplished anything or has been successful at achieving a goal without the help

No one has accomplished anything or has been successful at achieving a goal
without the help, encouragement, acknowledgement, aid, appreciation, gratitude,
support, teaching, love/understanding, faith of other people.

Rejection equals/means death.

10-16-2016 Sarah Wilson-Stillwell

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Today: Donated four 4 bags of clothes to Saver's Thrift Store.

Today: Donated four 4 bags of clothes to Saver's Thrift Store.

Cleaned out a corner counter in the kitchen.

Gave two boxes of blankets, towels and miscellaneous items of
necessity like toilet paper/tissue and shampoo and food to a family member.

Cleaned up my purse.

Slowly but surely on my way and making progress in clearing out unwanted and not needed things
that clutter up the house.
The narc/narcissist will make sure you are isolated to the point of having no friends,
no family to support you, no ability to further your education or increase your income.

The narc will gaslight you to death in order to convince others that you are crazy and
he is sane and logical.

The narc will always be right. He can't be wrong. Ever.
You will be blamed and take the blame for any and
all mistakes, wrongdoings, chance circumstances that have a negative outcome
regardless of whose fault it is; even if no one is at fault, it is still your fault.

The narc will persecute you over the tiniest mishap as well as the biggest mistake
and will you remind you of these mistakes frequently and forever.

The narc will keep you in the dark, not telling you what is going on, then
accuse you of not listening when he supposedly told you what is going on.

The narc
will shut you out shut you down tell you to shut up

always attempt to appear perfect flawless polite to the public, to strangers
but not to their partner

will prevent you from being healthy, obtaining proper medical treatment

invalidate minimize your feelings opinions wants needs emotions inspirations

take over your space your things

criticize and condemn you and others relentlessly, rarely or never give you a true compliment

call you stupid to your face, call other people they are not close to stupid behind their back

destroy any joy happiness fun from your life

eliminate your ability to smile and feel good

complain about all of your basic needs to live,  the things you need to use to survive
air water food shelter clothing transportation communication warmth love touch
expression of feelings wants needs desires hopes wishes

seek happiness in all of their desires and deny you the chance to be happy in
achieving your desires

accuse you of being just like them: mean, angry, hateful, selfish, unthoughtful (a word
he made up, it's not in the dictionary)
selfish, making food only for yourself when in fact you frequently make food for them
at the same time you prepare food for yourself

he will pamper himself with luxiour and offer or give you the bare minimum of
anything and act like you should appreciate his minimal and thoughtless efforts
of giving

will not give anything to anyone he wants for himself






A person who does not honor other people has no business nor do they deserve having a mate, a partner or a friend or having or raising children.

A person who does not honor other people has no business nor do they
deserve having a mate, a partner or a friend or having or raising children.

A man who does not honor women does not deserve to have a woman, a
girlfriend, or a wife.

A man who does not honor other men does not deserve to have a male friend,
partner or husband.

A woman who does not honor men does not deserve to have a man, a
boyfriend or a husband.

A woman who does not honor other women does not deserve to have a female
friend, a girlfriend or a wife.


10-15-2016  Sarah Wilson-Stillwell

Food, shelter, clothing. Focus of central bankers.

Food, shelter, clothing. Focus of central bankers.

Cut and ate fresh papaya for the first time in my life Wednesday October 12, 2016

Cut and ate fresh papaya for the first time in my life Wednesday October 12, 2016

Flesh of the papaya is a mild, soft, bland fruit.
Seeds are pungent, slightly spicy and easy to eat.

Discovered papaya aids in digestion, especially proteins and is anti-parasitic,
aids in digestion, anti-inflammatory, strengthens blood, anti-viral and more.

Papaya Benefits, Nutrition & Recipes

A Tasty Parasite Cleanse

Intestinal parasites are a far more common problem than most people realize. They are also difficult to diagnose due to the wide variety of symptoms that can result from a parasitic infection. In fact, it’s been estimated that over 90% of Americans have parasites!
Unfortunately, it’s quite easy to get parasites. You can get them from drinking or swimming in unclean water, other humans, animals, meat, eating produce that has been washed in unclean water, eating organic produce that hasn’t been properly cleaned, travel, etc.
Let me go a little bit into how we can get parasites. (But don’t worry, I’ll share with you a tasty way to get rid of them afterwards!)
Water
Over 50% of our lakes, river streams and creeks are infected with the protozoa parasite Giardia Lambia. This parasite is not killed by chlorine and is steadily finding it’s way into urban areas with “treated” drinking water. And to make matters worse, if a swimmer has parasites and they swim in places with others, the water is then contaminated with eggs from their bodies. It only takes a very small amount of swallowed water to become infected.
Humans
You can obtain parasite eggs from other humans very easily. Since most infections come from the anal-oral route think about this -- someone has parasites, they use the restroom, do not wash their hands afterwards, then they sit down and use the salt shaker on the restaurant’s table -- they have just deposited microscopic eggs onto this object. You then use the salt shaker. Eww. Disgusting, I know. I’ll never eat communal food (like bar nuts and popcorn) again. And it also makes me not want to touch anything in public places again either. Did you know, parasite eggs can live under human fingernails for up to 2 months?! They can, so make sure you wash your hands often.
Think of how many common objects you come into contact with on a daily basis. Even more common infections come from kissing, holding hands, sharing eating utensils and of course, sexual contact. Usually if one family member is a host to parasites, the entire family is infected.
Animals
Animals, including pets, can spread 240 diseases to humans via parasites. By petting or grooming animals, you are picking up eggs that pass from them to us via hands, nose and mouth. THINK about this -- when your pet (or someone else’s) licks their butt, they are depositing thousands of eggs onto their tongues -- then they lick you and those eggs have just been transmitted to their new host - YOU. That’s why I NEVER let animals lick me.
Pets and domesticated animals are not the only ones spreading parasites -- mosquitoes, fleas, ticks, lice and all other biting insects transmit protozoa (one cell) parasites to humans.
Meat
Undercooked meats are a very high source of parasite infections. We trust the cattle, pork and chicken producers to keep their livestock wormed on a regular basis, but over 50% of animals that go to slaughter are parasite infected. You’ll probably never look at sushi the same way again when you’re thinking about all the microscopic eggs that are hovering just below the surface.
Veggies
Americans import 30 billion tons of food per year. Some of this food comes from countries where animal manure and human feces are used as fertilizer. This practice greatly increases the spread of parasites. Salad bars, infected food handlers, and improperly washed fruits and vegetables are all sources for parasites.
And, furthermore, if you eat ORGANIC produce and you don’t wash it properly, your chance for ingesting parasite eggs just increased about 100 fold! (I ALWAYS wash my produce with grapefruit seed extract to kill all the eggs.)
Travel
When we travel, we are exposed to parasites that we aren’t used to. We usually bring the parasites back with us. And, in addition, residents from other countries bring THEIR parasites when them when they are visiting our country, as a result, contaminating us.
So, as you can see, there is pretty much a 100% chance that you have parasites. But that’s okay. If you make a parasite cleanse part of your life a couple of times a year, you can keep them at bay.


Papaya Seeds as a Parasite Killer!
You may have heard about using papaya seeds for digestive health. But when you are using them as a parasite killer you are taking more of them, you’re taking them on an empty stomach, and you’re following with a natural laxative to ensure as many parasites as possible are expelled.
If you’ve never tried it, I’ll let you know that chewing up a tablespoon (or two) of papaya seeds is disgusting. Let alone first thing in the morning. They taste like pepper. It’s hard to get them down. So, instead, I blend them in a smoothie! I do this for breakfast for 15 days straight as a natural parasite killer.
The Papaya Seed Parasite Killer Smoothie
Add to blender:
1/4 to 1/2 papaya (depending on size)
1 to 2 tablespoons fresh papaya seeds
1/2 to 1 banana (for sweetness)
1 to 2 cups chopped pineapple (pineapples are rich in digestive enzyme that have an anti-parasitic effect and help to improve the intestinal environment)
1 tablespoon coconut oil (the lauric acid in coconuts is converted to monolaurin in the digestive tract, which can help rid the body of protozea, ringworm and giardia parasites)
1 to 2 cups coconut water, normal water, or nut milk
1 to 2 inches fresh aloe with skin removed (this helps to ensure the bowels move and expel dead parasites from the body

Blend all ingredients in blender. If you don’t have all the ingredients, that’s okay. The most important thing is to get the papaya seeds in daily for 15 days.
Since some parasites are believed to be paralyzed by a treatment rather than killed outright, it is also beneficial to follow it with a natural laxative to expel the worms before they can recover.
NATURAL LAXATIVES

Salt Water Flush - add 2 teaspoons sea salt to 1 quart warm water. Shake and drink the entire container of salt water about 30 minutes after drinking the smoothie. Warning, you will want to be near the toilet for the next couple of hours after drinking this.

Enema - Enemas use water to clean out the colon. They are safe and a natural way to get the bowels moving. See how to perform one here.

Cold Pressed Castor Oil - Take 1 teaspoon castor oil with either cranberry juice, orange juice, prune juice, or ginger juice. Take 30 minutes after drinking the smoothie.
Will you see the parasites expelled in your stools?

Many parasites are either too small, or are expelled compacted within the stool. So don’t be too concerned about whether you see them or not. There’s a good chance this combination of ingredients is making life very difficult for your unwelcome intestinal visitors and any uncomfortable symptoms that you are experiencing will disappear. You’ll experience greater energy and better health in general.
Be aware though that you may well experience a temporary worsening of symptoms when you first begin any kind of internal cleansing as the parasites are immobilized. They will resist being killed and/or removed from the body. This is commonly referred to as a healing crisis. With this papaya seed treatment you should usually feel significantly better after visiting the bathroom.
What can you do to minimize your chance of parasites?

- Follow the age old advice of DON’T DRINK THE WATER -- especially on camping trips, while traveling in foreign countries and when swimming in public places. Filtering your home drinking water also helps, as does boiling water to drink while away from home (camping, in foreign countries, etc.).

- Avoid putting your hands in your mouth or touching your face and wash your hands often when out and about shopping, eating out, etc.

- Worm your pets (and livestock) twice per year and do not walk barefoot where animals have been known to defecate. Do not allow animals to lick you in the face or mouth.

- Thoroughly cook all meats -- stay away from raw meats (including sushi) and cold cuts (including hot dogs) if possible.

- Thoroughly wash all fruits and vegetables before consuming with grapefruit seed extract.

- Do a parasite cleanse a couple times a year

- Do a liver flush a couple times a year. (Last month, a client released parasitic worms from her stomach/liver! You can see the pictures on this page here)
Sources:
humaworm.com
superfoodprofiles.com
Erin Schumacher is a Certified Natural Health and Holistic Nutrition Practitioner (CNHP; CHNP) She specializes in detoxification programs, internal cleanses, and helping clients build strong immune systems. She also travels internationally to do raw food workshops, yoga retreats, and personal coaching. In addition, Erin is a Certified Power Yoga Instructor and a Certified Raw Food Chef from the SunKitchen. She currently lives in Vilcabamba, Ecuador. For more information, visit ErinSchumacher.net.




Friday, October 14, 2016

Don't you realize you are going to die? You know you will die but realizing it means you completely understand it.

Don't you realize you are going to die? You know you will die but realizing it means you completely understand it.
Your physical body will not be here anymore.
Pursuit of money and material things won't exist.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Eczema: An Introduction to This Chronic Skin Disorder

Eczema: An Introduction to This Chronic Skin Disorder

Eczema: An Introduction to This Chronic Skin Disorder

Scoliosis What is scoliosis?

Scoliosis

What is scoliosis?

Scoliosis is a lateral, or sideways, curvature of the spine, which in its normal state should be a straight vertical line when viewed from the front or back. Viewed from the side, a normal spine curves slightly backward to produce a mild degree of roundness in the upper back area and slightly inward curve in the lower back. When a person with scoliosis is viewed from the front or back, the spine appears to be curved to either side of its normal vertical line.

What causes scoliosis?

There are numerous causes and types of scoliosis. Neuromuscular scoliosis is caused by abnormal muscles or nerves. This is often seen in people with spina bifida or cerebral palsy, or in those with a number of conditions that include or lead to paralysis. Congenital scoliosis occurs as a result of a bone abnormality that is present at birth. Degenerative scoliosis is bone collapse due to an injury or illness, previous major back surgery, or osteoporosis (a disease that causes thinning of the bones). The most common type is called “idiopathic scoliosis,” and a cause for this has not yet been identified. There is, however, substantial evidence that idiopathic scoliosis is inherited.

Who gets scoliosis?

Roughly 2 to 3 percent of American 16-year-olds have scoliosis, although less than one tenth of 1 percent have curves that might require surgery (a curvature measuring 40 degrees or higher). It is not known why, but girls are more likely to have scoliosis than boys. Idiopathic scoliosis, the most common kind, typically affects kids ages 10 through 16, and it usually gets worse as a child grows, though it rarely progresses into adulthood.

What are the symptoms of scoliosis?

Scoliosis does not have symptoms as such, but there are discernable warning signs. These include uneven shoulders or hips, a shoulder blade that juts out, noticeable leaning to one side, or walking with a rolling gait. Persons with scoliosis may experience back pain or tire easily during activities that require excessive chest and stomach movement.

How is scoliosis diagnosed?

Usually, scoliosis is first observed by a child’s pediatrician, a parent, or it is discovered during a routine school screening exam. To establish the presence and type of scoliosis, a bone exam is necessary, as well as an X-ray to determine the extent of the curve.

What are the most common scoliosis treatments?

Most adolescents who are diagnosed with idiopathic scoliosis need to be checked every four to six months, which should include a physical exam and an X-ray. For those with a spinal curve anywhere from 25 to 40 degrees – especially if they have at least two more years of growth ahead of them – bracing is the most common treatment. Braces are designed to stop the progression of the curvature and will occasionally produce a temporary correction. When the brace is removed, however, the curve usually will return to its previous position.

Surgery is often recommended for those with a spinal curve greater than 40 degrees. But surgery will only keep the curve from getting worse; it will not bring the spine back to perfect vertical alignment. During the procedure, metallic implants are used to correct some of the curvature and hold it in the proper position until a bone graft creates a rigid fusion in the area of the curve. Surgery usually involves joining the vertebrae together permanently – which is called spinal fusion. Because fusion prevents growth in the fused part of the spine, another technique may be used for younger children. In this case, a brace is always required after surgery.


Exercises for Sciatica: The Top 5 (and 3 Sciatica Exercises to Avoid)

Exercises for Sciatica: The Top 5 (and 3 Sciatica Exercises to Avoid)

Exercises for Sciatica: The Top 5 (and 3 Sciatica Exercises to Avoid)

Downward Facing Dog Exercise for Sciatica
Is this popular yoga exercise a good sciatica exercise? Or will it leave you in more pain?
The sciatic nerve is the longest and widest single nerve in your body, running from your lower spine down each leg and ending in each foot.

Sciatica refers to the pain, numbness and other symptoms caused by compression or inflammation of this important nerve.

4 Things CAUSE Sciatica <– click here to listen to our audio learning seminar!

Sciatica exercises are designed to specifically target the areas surrounding the sciatic nerve, to both stretch and strengthen key muscles affecting your pain.

Exercises like these will not only reduce your pain quickly, they may prevent the need for drastic measures like surgery in the future.

Here are the top five most effective stretches to relieve your sciatica pain, and three you should avoid to keep from inflaming your sciatica further.


The Five Best Sciatica Stretches – Try Them All!

These simple but effective sciatica stretches are indicated for relaxing the lower back, pelvic floor, buttocks and legs. They also work to help you strengthen these key areas for reducing or preventing sciatica pain by allowing the spine to return to its natural, functional alignment.

For best results, repeat these several times a day until your pain subsides.

Before you begin, lay flat on your back with your arms at your sides and legs outstretched. Allow your body to relax and clear your mind in preparation for these pain-relieving stretches.

Remember: listen to your body. If anything hurts, stop or reduce the intensity immediately.

1. The Complete Back Stretch

While you’re lying on your back, perform this stretch. It will relax your entire back and is very effective at alleviating sciatica pain.

How to Do It:

Bring both your knees to your chest
Wrap your arms around your legs, at the knees, and relax your lower back
Do not try to “crack” your spine–this is purely for relaxing your back
2. Lower Back Stretch

This exercise stretches and relaxes your lower and middle back specifically. Remember to be gentle while stretching your back.

How to Do It:

From your flat back position, bend one knee to a 90 degree angle while keeping your foot on the floor
Allow your knee to “fall” gently to the opposite side of your body, letting your hips twist
Rest your foot on the floor for support and try to keep your back and hips flat on the floor
Repeat on both sides for 10-20 seconds
3. Pretzel Stretch

This stretch is excellent for releasing tension in your buttocks and pelvic floor.

How to Do It:

From your flat back, bend both knees while keeping your feet on the floor
Bring the right ankle atop the left knee
Pull your left thigh back toward your body slowly
4. Single Leg Stretch & Lift

A common exercise in Pilates practices, the single leg stretch and lift will strengthen your core and hip flexors while stretching the buttocks and hips.

How to Do It:

From your flat back, lift one leg to a 90 degree angle, supporting your thigh with both hands
Keep your foot parallel with the floor
Then, lift your other leg a few inches off the ground, your foot at 90 degrees
Repeat the lift 12 to 15 times, then switch
5. Modified Quadricep Stretch

This stretch is great for relaxing your hips and quads.

How to Do It:

Flip gently over to your stomach and lay flat.
Lift one leg up behind you, bend your knee, and grip your foot or ankle with the hand on the same side (i.e. right foot, right hand)
Pull your foot as close to your body as possible, but don’t pull too hard. Go for a relaxing stretch, not an intense burn.
Three Exercises to Avoid With Sciatica

When sciatica pain is at its worst these stretches may seem like common sense, instinctual exercises to do… but they can actually make your pain worse.

1. Downward-Facing Dog

This popular “fix all, relax all” yoga pose may feel good after a long vinyasa, but not if your sciatica is currently acting up. Downward-Facing Dog not only stretches the hamstrings, but your calves and tendons down to your heel

Downward-Facing Dog and yoga are recommended for maintaining your condition, but only after acute sciatic pain has subsided.

2. Hamstring Stretch

Whether you’re standing and leaning forward, in a runner’s stretch, or leaning over both feet, this one stretch can aggravate the entire length of your sciatic nerve, from the lower back to the heel.

3. Leg Circles

A common exercise in Pilates and martial arts, swinging your leg in a full circle will stretch the hamstring suddenly, possibly causing severe pain down your sciatic nerve.

Besides these three, as a general rule you should avoid high impact, jarring exercises or sports until you have corrected the condition causing your sciatica pain.

More Sciatica Exercises to End the Pain for Good – Fully Illustrated!

The stretches and exercises recommended above should help relieve much of your sciatica pain. But it’s just the beginning.

For complete and lasting sciatica relief you need to address the underlying structural issues and other causes behind your sciatic pain. That’s where the Lose the Back Pain® System comes in.

Starting with a complete self-diagnostic, you’ll know in minutes exactly which stretches and targeted exercises you need to fully relieve not only sciatica, but virtually any kind of back pain or neck pain.

Every exercise is clearly explained and illustrated with step-by-step color photographs. It’s simply the easiest – and most effective – way to finally get lasting relief from sciatica pain.

Lose the Back Pain System

The male sucks the life out of the female.

The male sucks the life out of the female.

A male claims the life is being sucked out of him
it is the other way around

It's a reverse vacuum idea in a male brain
She provided life

He denigrates, denounces, minimizes, invalidates, abuses, takes for granted,
says and acts like he doesn't need it or her, punishes her, hits her with his fists or
other objects, destroys and takes her belongings,
He takes advantage of her kindness, loving behavior, thoughtfulness.

He expects her to bow down and comply with his every need,
want, wish, expectation and to completely deny herself of
her needs, wants, wishes, expectations so he can satisfy himself
in his own upbringing, his wants, wishes, desires that are
based on, originate and came from a female:
his own mother.


Are you actively participating or a watching spectator? I prefer the action more than the viewing.

Are you actively participating or a watching spectator? I prefer the action more than the viewing.

I would rather play baseball than watch it. I would choose to do and experience a thing .
I am interested in instead of
merely watching someone else do it.

Unfortunately I have physical disabilities that limit my ability to actively perform most sports
and daily activities that the majority of people can do with ease and no pain
.
What I can do physically is narrowed down to swimming, sitting, walking and standing for brief periods of time
(30 minutes to one hour usually), dancing in short intervals, light activities like
cooking, housework, cleaning in short bursts with no heavy lifting (not more than 10
pounds), not having to bend over or squat much. Because my back hurts, my lower
legs / calves hurt, my right side of abdomen hurts and left side of back hurts,
I am in pain every day.

I have and take no pain medications. I seek and find natural herb herbal remedies and
and drastically altered my diet in search of relief from pain.

I end up having to lie down flat on my back with
both knees up or prostrate, face down lying on
my belly for an hour or more before I can get up and continue to be
active doing anything.

Days are remembered when I had more physical strength in youth.
It is so frustrating to not be able to do what my mind wants my body to do.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Dry eyes must cry. Cried alot over most things as a child, teen, in my 20's, 30's, 40's when my eyes were not dry

Dry eyes must cry. Cried alot over most things as a child, teen, in my 20's, 30's, 40's when
my eyes were not dry.

Stopped crying so much in late 40's and early 50's due to trying
to teach myself not to cry when being bullied, verbally or physically abused.

Instead of crying
when assaulted I lashed back in anger, in depression, in retreating, pulling back and away from the source of abuse, crying quietly, silently for hours mostly at night all by myself, no one else around
the watch or see me, getting
in analytic conversations in an attempt to understand
and make sense of the situation.

I was taught to cry silently as a child.

Logic does not make sense. We are not logical creatures. We are driven by emotions,
feelings, intuitions, inner awareness, how others make us feel. Feelings rule. 

How much do you spend getting a haircut/ on your hair?

How much do you spend getting a haircut/ on your hair?
I spent $14.00 in six  years. Last time March, 2010.
September 30, 2016 next haircut at Great Clips.

Monday, October 3, 2016

"It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop." -- Confucius

"It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop."
-- Confucius 

Took some ugly shots of me over the last couple of days. Long hair before losing the locks

Took some ugly shots of me over the last couple of days. Long hair before losing the locks at Great Clips 103rd & State Line, Kansas City, Missouri thanks to Judy
who lopped off my hair, dried out ends coming out in handfuls every time I combed, brushed my hair or showered. It was hair everywhere.

Ugly before and ugly after.
It's not the hair, it is the face.
The face is ugly.
No wonder people look away, look the other direction and change the subject focusing on someone or something else when I am around. 
It is one thing to be born ugle uglee ugggleey and loved and accepted and another to be born beautiful then turn ugly and no one wants anything to do with you.
A life of isolation. 












It simply doesn't matter because I am going to die anyway.

It simply doesn't matter because I am going to die anyway.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Monday, September 26, 2016

Simple things that used to be easy to do no longer are at my age: 55

Sunday, September 18, 2016

School homework should be abolished. You have plenty of work to do at home.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Re-evaulate question all I do everything about me my worth and purpose of existing. Having to answer to someone for all things about me. Mastering simplifying cutting down
cutting back trimming away doing without limiting all activities what is eaten what I drink when I go and where and why and with whom. Answering the
questions "How much money is that going to cost? Is so and so paying you
for it?" "What do you get out of that? What's the purpose?"
Eating pride losing pride gaining humility going to church once a week for food pantry
while being taught and learning simple meanings of statements in the bible.
Am very loving and affectionate person learning to do without compassion,
simple things like hugs, a kiss on the cheek, any sort of understanding from
the other person who does not understand, doesn't want to even try to
understand and will never understand. Quit explaining myself, reasoning telling why,rationalizing or making sense of anything. A dog is a dog and
dogs bark because that's what they do. Don't expect a dog to meow. It's
impossible and it never will.
I cut my own hair, do my own nails rarely painting fingernails or toenails
anymore. No salons, no beauticians, no waxing, no stylists. I shave my own
legs and use manual tweezers to pluck hairs off of my face. I don't buy
shaving cream, use cheap hair conditioner or shampoo or bar soap when
I shave.
Learning about all the things I miss that I used to do and one day in my next life will do if there is a next life. Burning incense, making popcorn, nap in total peace and quiet in living room instead of an old worn out recliner thrown away by the neighbor, eat in total peace without anyone bitching and complaining at me
about what I eat, how much or when I eat. Listen to music I feel like
listening to, watch a movie on tv that I want to see. Dance, swim, walk
when and where I want to. Move the furniture around. Get rid of all carpet
so I don't have to lug a heavy stinking dirty vacuum up and down the stairs
and all around the house. Use a manual broom dust mop and dustpan.
Use a feather duster to dust furniture.  Do laundry after 10 pm. Don't
watch the news every night. It's depressing anyway.
Appreciation of what is and what used to be, hoping for things in the future
like freedom of thought and action. Ability to make my own choices.

April 9, 2014



Discussing ability to bid jobs by pre-configuring hours it
takes to do the job because you are not getting paid by the hour
the way you do at a regular job.
I said "If you are experienced and have done the job several times
you should know how long it is going to take to get the job done."
His response:
I don't need your input.
You think you know everything.
I have heard all this before.
I'm not going to do it if I can't make any money at it
I have to charge by the hour because I don't know how long it will take.
.

So he continues to think he can charge by the hour when
doing independent contractor jobs.
Used to being paid flat regular salary at a job for 20 years
that ended in 2006. Regular weekly paycheck with bonuses
usually every year.
Had an independent entrepreneurial boss born in July
who found a need and fulfilled it and paid him regularly
every two weeks for twenty years
yet he does not understand and respect the idea or fact
that business is founded upon an individual's ability and desire,



on 9-15-16 Thursday 
is it ability to memorize that people think determines and
equals intelligence
or the ability to remember how things happened?

Friday, September 16, 2016

Handicapped, disabled, crippled, deformed people are happy and successful for the same reason normal healthy people are happy and successful.

Handicapped, disabled, crippled, deformed people are happy and successful for the same reason normal healthy people are happy and successful.
They have a strong support group and network of loving, understanding and helpful people.
Group acceptance, networking and support are mandatory for the survival of any individual person, animal, plant or other life form/force.

9-16-16 Sarah Wilson-Stillwell
This is America, the land of freedom. I have the privilege to live the way I want. I don't have to put up with these daily battles, useless arguments and perpetual unresolved conflicts in the war zone at home. 

The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you be somebody else.

The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you be somebody else.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

You aren't lazy because you are tired. You are tired because every organ in your body needs rest. You need sleep. Go to sleep. Rest. Wake up and feel refreshed.

You aren't lazy because you are tired. You are tired because every organ in your body needs rest.
You need sleep. Go to sleep. Rest. Wake up and feel refreshed.

--- Sarah Wilson Stillwell

Who wins? Nobody wins at life. We all die.

Who wins? Nobody wins at life. We all die.

-- Sarah Wilson Stillwell
"In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends."

-- John Churton Collins 
"What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists
and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind
in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined
not to quit until he finds it."

-- Alexander Graham Bell 

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Adult Scoliosis

Adult Scoliosis

Adult Scoliosis

http://umm.edu/programs/spine/health/guides/adult-scoliosis

Thoracic and lumbar scoliosis

Thoracic and lumbar scoliosis

Thoracic and lumbar scoliosis




http://erikdalton.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/thoracic-and-lumbar-scoliosis.jpg

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Saturday, September 3, 2016

He said I feel so overwhelmed.  Everybody wants me to do something for them.

I said, "How does it feel to be a wanted man?"


Thursday, September 1, 2016

BM bowel movement stool parasites diarrhea poop crap shit









Holding it holding it in bm when you have to go to the bathroom, urinate, defecate, pee, poop, crap, shit, toilet, have a bowel movement, have to pee, have to go one of the worst human being ideas ever thought of/about.

Holding it holding it in bm when you have to go to the bathroom, urinate, defecate, pee, poop, crap,
shit, toilet, have a bowel movement, have to pee, have to go one of the worst human being
ideas ever thought of/about.
Only humans in their greed and speed and expecting instant satisfaction
for themselves and disregarding the needs of others would instigate
the idea that a person/ people, human should hold their bowels, bowel movements,
pee, urinate, urination, for hours and hours so that they can continue to work and
strive to please others that require and demand immediate satisfaction.

Healing powers of the Dead Sea

Healing powers of the Dead Sea

Healing powers of the Dead Sea

Choices. Chance. Energy.

Choices. Chance. Energy.
I am here in my current condition / state due to my choices, whether they originated
from me or were influenced by someone else and due to chances, circumstance
and the energy that created and will destroy me.

Alive (still) in this physical body breathing is a miraculous state of grace not
controlled by me --my pride and ego would say it was --but by the sources of
energy that put me here and will take me away from here at its or their will not mine.

Until you heal yourself you will keep experiencing the same things over and over again.

Until you heal yourself you will keep experiencing the same things over and over again.

Seeds.  There is great nutritional value in seeds.

He doesn't understand.

Cleansing, doing regular liver cleanses is extremely important.

The liver is so important to the body it was put into a sarcophagus (tomb/casket)
by the ancient Egyptians.

Only the poor man can become wise.

Grey sea salt from France can heal due to having the same alkalinity of the blood. 5-24-16
René Quinton [1867 – 1925] a French physiologist, whose chief scientific work “L'eau de mer, milieu organique” (Ocean water, organic matrix) was published in 1904. He demonstrated the analogy between the body inner environment, the blood plasma, and ocean water, the medium of all cellular life. He cured tens of thousands of children in France and Egypt with his plasma, derived from oceanic water. He eradicated some of the most virulent diseases of the time in France: infant cholera and gastro-intestinal infections. [2]


One of my associates told me these things.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

I
am not good at multi tasking
do not like being distracted
am best at focusing on one thing at a time

am a hsp highly sensitive person
am too/overly sensitive thin skinned
do not react well to being bossed around
don't like taking orders shot at me

don't laugh at most jokes other people find funny or amusing

will not tolerate abusive critical mean
demanding cruel sarcastic hurtful cheating
cunning conniving insensitive hateful arrogant
thieves liars haters abusers

am not into most sports common to others
especially watching these i call combat but are
called contact sports
baseball basketball football hockey soccer

will occasionally watch auto car races nascar martial arts gymnastics skydiving swimming
will swim, used to do some gymnastics, some martial arts / karate

do not think i should look like someone else

do not want to be anyone else but me/myself

don't wear makeup about 99% of the time

got an eye infection last time i used mascara back in march 2016
have been told by many people i don't need to wear makeup

am not trying to make myself more beautiful to try to impress people
or attract others especially men because i have had thousands of
experiences in my life where they act like sex starved salivating dogs
and attempt to own me as if i were a piece of furniture or a car and
dominate dictate almost everything in my life
while minimizing my needs wants desires goals passion
denying restricting blocking putting up road blocks to my thoughts
feelings goals desires ...all in an attempt to erase me
and replace me with them with what they want desire feel need
and pushing all of their ideas thoughts feelings desires goals from
their past their upbringing ... from their mother, father, sister, brother,
friends, acquaintances, associates onto me

am alone most of the time typical day when not watching my
grandson i spend approximately 20 to 30 minutes max talking
with or doing things with husband

have no friends buddies admirers except my grandson

realize that one day my grandson won't listen to me anymore
and will be driven away from me to the world and worldly things
and will forget that i taught him what i did loved him as he is
and will ridicule make fun of me call me derogatory names because he will
hear this hate talk about me from other people and begin to judge me
criticize me and hate me as an outcast, a crazy old lady who doesn't know
what she is talking about

will still love my grandson anyway even though he hates me

have no groupies or anyone trying to model me or begging my company
or companionship

rarely participate in group gatherings such as family get-togethers
outings trips vacations sports sporting activities

Monday, August 29, 2016

The man you are with will have it his way not your way.

The man you are with will have it his way not your way.
He will do what he wants to do.
He will not do what you want to do, the things that please you.

He will expect and demand that you forego, do without things, people, places,
hobbies, work, activities, thoughts, wishes, wants, desires, dreams,
goals that he does not want, do not fit into his past life his upbringing his
mother father brother sister aunt uncle cousin friend
anything not familiar to him or his raising in his life.

He will expect you to give up yourself your identity your own upbringing
your family your life...... in order to serve him.

He will expect you to do what he wants and like what he likes.
He will expect you to accept and be accepted by his mother and model her.
He will expect you to accept and deal with his family.

No matter how much someone anyone or people try to beat it out of me, I remain myself.

No matter how much someone anyone or people
try to beat it out of me, I remain myself.

I know what I want, what I like, who I am,
what I want to do, the right and ethical thing to do.

I am not a groupie, not a mob joiner follower or
crowd pleaser.

I won't do it or believe it just because it is
common and everyone else does it.

I have no friends or buddies to talk to or
with, to do things with.

All I have are a few business associates,
acquaintances and a small amount of family members.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Hurry up and wait is the way it is with him regarding what I need or want.

Hurry up and wait is the way it is with him regarding what I need or want.

I wait for long, very long periods of time for what I need or want.

He does not wait for what he wants. 

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Myths: Corporations, Government, Politicians, Physicians and Big Pharma care about you and me.

Lies we tell ourselves.
Bid Daddy cares about us and will take care of all of our needs.

All I have to do is listen, not think and not speak and
everything is provided for me without much effort.
Just obey, be obedient, subservient and don't ever question anything
and I'll be alright.

what you cannot do living with a person who has npd narc narcissist personality disorder

what you cannot do living with a person who has npd narc narcissist personality disorder

no dancing
no laughing
no partying parties get togethers
no having fun

no friends
no buddies
no work companions
no career
no ability to go to school college further my education

no relaxing
no bouncing
no spilling water on a floor counter by or
behind kitchen or bathroom sink faucet or
anywhere

no conversation between two people where
both listen to each other

no crying
no empathy

no accidents allowed such as breaking a
drinking glass chipping a plate or bowl
dropping something tripping on something car accident even
when it's not my fault

no health issues allowed that prevent keep me from
being able to do everything he does

no true feelings or emotions of love joy sadness content happiness from myself
are allowed
no self expression
no wants desires likes generated from me

no thinking things that he wouldn't think
no doing a thing he wouldn't do
no compassion
no individuality

no telling anyone anything about him such as the
things he says and does to me or other life forms

no ability to make decisions about:
decor dishes silverware flatware
furniture car auto automobile van transportation
repairs appliances kitchen bathroom bedroom garage
washer dryer dishwasher stove countertops faucets mirrors vanities
toilets floors walls windows drapes curtains blinds miniblinds
window coverings
table tables refrigerator freezer deep freeze
chair recliner sofa end table coffee table lamp
entertainment center tv television music player speakers
locks security system alarm cameras
insurance auto automobile car house health
lawn yard garden tree snow removal
driveway roof flooring carpet carpeting hardwood tile
bedding bed
cooking when and what i want or can any day of the year
air conditioning fans heating whether or not to get an ac/furnace
unit for central air
ceiling fan or any fans
coffee maker pot choice
bread maker machine
knife knives holder wood wooden block or other
toaster or toaster oven
where to live home house apartment duplex land area city
state region country climate
when to move
when to get rid of or buy any thing listed in this article

no personal choice choices preferences accepted tolerated understood
allowed

no conflict resolution

no decision making from myself
no thinking thought logic allowed
no acceptance of other's opinions feelings differences situations
problems ailments likes dislikes emotions circumstances

no warmth
no comfort when you are ill sick bad failed failing health
no hugs that are real genuine if you get a hug it is rare
no sleeping together or sleeping on separate ends of the bed

no kiss kisses or if you get one it is fake phony false performed
in a robotic fashion as if it is a duty expected
and not and never naturally given spontaneously out of genuine love

no congratulations
no appreciation
no gratitude

no word is said
no thing is done
without a premeditated predefined calculated plan of attack on an
innocent sweet loving natural energetic giving soul so that the
npd can gain extract steal take the life energy from source god
in order to get something for themselves that they cannot naturally express
give or receive for themselves or to any other life form



Monday, August 22, 2016

Yesterdays attack was about cutting food on a plate could scratch the plate.

Yesterdays attack was about cutting food on a plate could scratch the plate. 

30 Signs You Need to Get Out of Your Relationship ASAP

30 Signs You Need to Get Out of Your Relationship ASAP

30 Signs You Need to Get Out of Your Relationship ASAP

http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/family-relationships/30-signs-you-need-to-get-out-of-your-relationship-asap/ss-BBvJIV8#image=1

If you like yourself you can never be alone.

If you like yourself you can never be alone.

Curse of the racing brain

Curse of the racing brain

I sought to find the reason for insanity at 10 or 11.

I sought to find the reason for insanity at  10 or 11.

I was 11 years old and grandpa asked me what did I want to be when I grew up. A psychologist. Later on I decided that being a psychiatrist would be better because I would also be an M.D. and could prescribe medicine.

At age 45 years due to my life and of  living experiences
I realized/discovered the source of insanity
is believing in lies.

I am 55 years old.of age now and this truth seers my conscious/unconscious soul.

He did and does very little to please her. He does what he does to please himself. He does what he likes, what is comfortable for him.

He did and does very little to please her. He does what he does to please himself.
He does what he likes, what is comfortable for him. 

First signs a man likes a woman

First signs a man likes a woman
he wants to feed her, he wants to give her things
He looks at her for more than a few seconds
He makes eye contact with her
He smiles
He laughs
He jokes

If he thinks he "owns" her,
(she loves, admires and adores him,
she would do "anything" for him to please him)
The abuse begins
He takes her for granted
Orders her around
Accuses her of insensitivity and not understanding
(traits he has: projection of himself onto her)
Takes advantage of any opportunity to force his desires,
wants, needs, wishes upon her
expecting full compliance no resistance no delay
immediate response and satisfaction for him
She has to and must wait long periods of time for anything
she needs, wants, desires, hopes for, likes, loves, desires

Doormat or the shoe: which one is stronger?

Doormat or the shoe: which one is stronger?

Narc narcissist test: Spill some water by accident or have any kind of accident and notice/watch their reaction

Narc narcissist test: Spill some water by accident or have any kind of accident and notice/watch
their reaction.
Do they blow up, get mad, become angry? Yes, they are a narc/narcissist.
Do they call you derogatory, bad names and shame you? Yes, it is a narc.

Do they say things like:
"You always do that?"
"You tear everything up!"
"You're a mess!"
"You're worthless!"
"You're stupid"
"You good-for-nothing so and so!"
"Why do you always break, spill, mess everything up?"
"You are really a stupid idiot fool"
"No wonder why you're life is such a mess, you can't do anything right. You're a
total fuckhead fuck-up ass hole "
"You'll never amount to anything"
"You never could do or get anything right"
"You're always fucking things up"
"You can't get anything straight"
"You can't get or do anything right"
"You are a fucking idiot"
"You don't understand a gd goddamned thing"
"You never listen (to me)"
"If you would have listened to me this wouldn't have happened"
"I can't believe you did such a thing. Don't you think? Do you have a brain?
"Why don't you use your brain?"


It's not going to be all in a day's work or get it all done at once, it is most likely going to be a lot of little
things done every day to accomplish small and large goals, accomplishments, success/successes.

Being tired, needed sleep and sleeping does not mean you are lazy.

Being tired, needed sleep and sleeping does not mean you are lazy.
You need sleep when tired. You don't need caffeine or any other drug to keep you awake.
The Martian reptilian-nature narcissistic mammon material
money worshipping people get plenty of sleep for themselves and
accuse, call others lazy if they see someone sleeping or being tired.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

I am aware of and conscious of my gender ( female)

I am aware of and conscious of my gender ( female)
I am not confused about which gender I am.
Good to know what I am and I am not trying to be a man.
I am a woman. I am female. I am a little girl and a big girl.

All of this, just to survive?

All of this, just to survive?

I woke up today. I accomplished this. I am still alive.

I woke up today. I accomplished this. I am still alive.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

I am weird because I don't follow the crowd. The crowds.
I think and feel based on my experience not what I am told to think and feel.
I wear no makeup and show my ugly beauty barefaced.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

health issues 8-15-2016

doctor prescribed:
yogurt twice a day, two times a day or 3 if I ate 3 meals a day which I don't
ulcer diet: no or limited high acid causing foods, grease, greasy, oily, salt, salty,
citrus, hot spicey foods peppers, use low fat cottage cheese, beware of pizza,
sauces: tomato, barbecue, hot sauce. avoid caffeeine, black pepper.
make sure i have some food in stomach if i have caffeine.
all of the above irritate stomach lining


jojoba oil
hydrocortisone ointment
protonix
difulcan
heat, heating pad 1 hour then use
tens electronic
massage
physical therapy, recommended elite physical therapy, said they might be using a monthly
plan cost $25.00 per month can go unlimited times


swollen eyes, eyelids, bags under eyes
red eyes, bloodshot
lumps in inside corners of eyes, yellowish-white in color
blurry vision
burning sensation in eyes
yellow, darker in under and upper side of eyeball
june 2016 doctor said have dry eye and dry mouth could be
sjorgen's syndrome
blood tests done
came back negative sjorgen's so
prescribed antifungal diflucan

since march 2016 have had 3 blood tests done/ran

pain in right side upper quadrant april 15, 2009 pain began
left side back burning pain worse after eating
march 2016 doctor said is duedenitis and gastritis
prescribed prontonix
may 2016 doctor prescribed more prontonix

january 2011 began
swollen calves in both legs
varicose veins in legs
brown spots on skin on legs, face, back
pain in calves of both legs

brown spots on top of both hands
red, reddened palms of both hands

brown spots on face
hirsutism, excess, excessive hairiness on face: beard, mustache, sideburns cheeks
arms, legs, back, lower back

skin rash, itchy, crusty spot on back, center right area of spine feels
like nodule lump bump growth under skin, there for many years will not go away


skin rash behind right knee, red, reddened 2016 dr doctor said exczema
skin rash on front of right knee 2008-2009 appeared

black tongue greenish green colored tongue december 2015 first noticed
in mirror, june 2016 doctor said is black hairy tongue
dry mouth dry eye
prescribed antifungal difulcan

scalp on head, left side back of skull itchy, when scratched feels wet, top right back side
lump of something crusty, can feel hair pushed up above it, will not go away
used dandruff shampoos, vo5, suave, clairol herbal essence, john frieda
doctor said is exczema use hydrocortisone or prescription shampoo cannot afford
said make sure there is no alcohol or sulfur in shampoo it is drying


insomnia, irregular, erratic sleep schedules, no schedule at all
eating causes pain in right front side and left back side, burning pain
diarrhea chronic almost daily for many years
bloating, excessive gas
bad breath

thirst, constantly thirsty

march 31, 2016 since then have had only 2 cups of coffee
began 1 to 2 cups of lipton tea bag when i get up late late morning or early afternoon

diet alterations

10 Signs You May Have A Parasite

10 Signs You May Have A Parasite

Sunday, August 14, 2016

male, man, masculine, boy

male, man, masculine, boy
loud, bold, big, heavy, immovable, stationary,
fixed, stubborn, forceful, expensive, grandiose, large,
excessive, massive, uncooperative, competitive,
one track minded,
single minded,
demanding, selfish, self-centered, hard, muscular,
repetitive, monotonous, predictable, inflexible, stiff

it isn't only about why and how others have hurt me it is in recognizing why and how have i hurt others

it isn't only about
why and how others have hurt me
it is in recognizing
why and how have i hurt others

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Having plenty of money feels nice.

Having plenty of money feels nice.
Being beautiful feels good.
Having men flirt with me, make passes, ask me out, ask me if I
am married and want me anyway is an ego boost.
Growing up feels great.
Being alone, solo 90% of the time is inspiring.
Socializing a little is fun.


Saturday, August 6, 2016

We get along best when we see each other less

We get along best when we see each other less
What is there more of? I asked him.
Space, he (Mike)  answered.
He knows but does not realize.
Can you see the air?
No.
Does it exist if you can't see it?

Questions
If I can't see it does it exist
If I see it, is it real does it really exist

He sees end result of physical manifestation
Not the source of energy



Is it true only a woman can cry when she is happy?

Is it true only a woman can cry when she is happy?
No. Some men do, too. Like my father.
Interesting to note: I do not remember seeing my mother cry.. ever.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Monday, August 1, 2016

Teach a baby, learn who you are, where you are at

Teach a baby, learn who you are, where you are at
We are here to learn, to teach, to experience, to feel, to understand

Accurate information and clear communication are essential to happiness and productivity.

Accurate information and clear communication are essential to happiness and productivity.

Does it feel nice, feel good and make you happy to have plenty of money?

Does it feel nice, feel good and make you happy to have plenty of money?
Current human conditions on this planet we call Earth say yes.
Having plenty of money means you can:
1. Do what you want
2. Have what you want
3. Help others get what they want

The time and day will come when money is not required for these 3 things.

Let it go...

Let it go...

Thursday, July 28, 2016

4 Four Things Doctor Recommended For Scoliosis Not Getting any of them

Heat heating pad
Massage
Physical Therapy
TENS unit

heating pad quit working about a month ago

No one No person no personable individual has done anything
personally to help me.

Intense pain in left side lower back and right side.
Pain in calves of both legs left and right.
I do not have heating pad.
I do not get massage.
I do not get physical therapy.
I do not have a tens unit and spouse does not support the idea of tens unit
electrical stimulator

spouse does not support anything that costs money
such as doctor hospital prescription therapy massage tens unit
and does not massage, does not understand, does not want to
understand

Suffering in intense pain every day daily
hurts to sit, hurts to stand, hurts to lay down
No therapy, no help, no pain pills medication

No health insurance
but in March 2016 daughter in law
passed the buck paid for monthly subscription so
I can see a doctor and she or no one had to do anything
to personally help , yes pass it on to the doctor physicican
so i we you don't have to get involved personally

I am taking care of babysitting watching grandson so
I should be at least partially healthy partly able to go on


I'm betting it's mold in here

 I must have mold on the brain and my whole body is loaded with mold fungi bugs and toxic waste from all of it