Volvo man/men

 vern friend of tom presbury back in 1979 1980

tom introduced me to this man vern. i was 19 going thru divorce from ex husband perry. vern was divorced. his wife got rid of him. he introduced me to the ex wife and she was blonde very honest intelligent and told me the truth about him and men. she became fed up and disgusted with him and divorced him. 

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tom stitz, volvo only . works on his own and mothers cars. never married. lives with mother in her basement. has had relationships always looking for the perfect woman and never found her yet. many years ago sent me emails about sex and how we supposedly were perfectly compatible according to astrology charts. tried to get me to go to a motel room which i refused. never had anything to do with this guy except for business. he focuses on turntables, electronics, buying and selling mostly expensive equipment. he is not attractive to me in any way shape or form and i have never acted as if i would ever have sex with him . is into occult , conspiracy theory news, health and nutrition vitamins herbs liver cleansing.. talks about his associations with famous and wealthy and knowledgable people. says has been to malaysia. 

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devin z,  mid 20s young adult says is bi sexual. very good communication understanding . never made a pass at me. polite respectful. mother is full blown narcissist..

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Savages

 some are just like a savage 

cant understand, dont listen, superstitious, lack curiosity, form opinions and say they are facts

lack understanding, language skills are subprime basic level sometimes just grunts and groans ..words are often misinterpreted and used improperly

training a person who is over a certain age and attempting to teach them manners, civility, empathy, language is almost impossible 

if they did not learn to be polite, inquisitive, empathetic and benevolent things when they were children it is doubtful they will learn it as a teen or and adult over 18

cannot learn, unteachable, not trainable after a certain age

they only believe when they see and often believe in imaginary things that are not proven

Never say anything intelligent to or in front of him

 he ignores it, mocks it, discredits it and say you think you know it all dont you

love yourself first

 know my mind and body

if i would not have put others first a whole lot of abuse would never have happened

I was 28. He was 60 something

 he persuaded me to come to his house. wanted me to paint signs for his auction business. i did. hung them on telephone poles 

i sat in a chair in his living room

he approached me and said i bet youre a tiger in bed

meaning fuck like an animal a cat

i made it out untouched and alive

he was an old auctioneer. denzal lentz. or lantz. raytown missouri close to valencia apartments he lived

found address on truepeoplesearch

9504 e 84th st and

8614 e utopia dr

july 1923 his birthdate

i was born 1961 so he is 38 years older than me. so he was 66

 .. maybe i could find the incident in my journals.

Grandma said I would never be alone, never have to worry about having things

 some of it is true. i have plenty of things and a house to live in

however i have been alone as far as having friends for years

i am not alone only because i am married to him

and he often shoves me away tells me to leave, go away when i choose to discuss something he disagrees with, doesn't understand or does not want to do

cleaning up this house has taken far too long. years and years of accumulation

i am fed up with clutter and junk

i want a nice clean functional beautiful home to live in

He takes away my power by being controlling, buying things for me I could get myself

 overrides my decisions on many things

all purchases must be his idea, at least he has to conclude it was his decision even though I have made statements regarding many things for many years

only when he thinks it is his original decision will he get rid of some old stuff and get new things

if I get it first he says I/we don't need it

When a man loves a woman. When a woman loves a man

 He will do anything to see her happy and smiling 

He spreads himself to the outside world ignored the ones at home

He will give you things but not himself or his time

 Conversation with Miss Dee at Walmart 

He is not happy with himself. Never has been.

 therefore criticizes nitpicks judges ridicules condemns almost everyone else in the world

finds fault with literally everything

Watched 2 movies on vhs tape last night

 Citizen Kane

story line. man has money, riches, status, beautiful woman in his life. ignores her needs. 

Diary of a mad housewife

man seeks money, status, material things, sex. he isn't happy or appreciative of what he's got.

in diary of a mad housewife the husband 
 nitpicks his wife to death criticizing her looks, actions, duties, expects instant roll in the hay when he demands it, treats her like a slave maid housekeeper.
her emotional needs are not met at all. she has a sex based only affair with a man met at a party. the man was straight up honest about what he want: a sexual based "relationship" only with zero emotional involvemnt.
at the end of the movie we find out the husband, a lawyer/attorney has lost his bogus investments in a winery.  he is broke is going to lose his job and has been having an affair with a woman named margot.
he told his wife to stay out of all of his financial dealings when she asked about his doings. he would not listen to her advice, statements, comments about anything.

sounds like exactly what I am going through. SAME OLD STORY

in my life he has the money seeks more of it, total independence and secrecy of his actions regarding everything. found out he sends money to bogus political conspiracy theory place(s). the last i saw on his cc statement. he sends 100 dollars a month to this place (lof; lindell offense fund) while screaming at me he needs more money from me to pay the bills around here he has been paying; the property taxes, car insurance. he spends large amounts of money on snacks junk food items cakes pies fast instant food at stores and restaurants. he does not want to spend any money on paying for sex so he would seek out freebies if he did it. he does not want to spend any money on tickets or any kind of entertainment activities, hobbies or sports things like bowling camping anything. 
i have no proof he has cheated or his cheating so i do not know for sure. 

I Miss all the good times I didn't have ..

 holidays birthdays get togethers picnics celebrations not done due to the circumstances living with a hater

Fake fakers haters ego monsters predators removed off my social media facebook etc accounts

Incident visiting my cousin Diane is KS around 2008 or 2009

 she was living in a nice community style home she called her office

the man she was seeing, whatever his name was I don't know was taking her shopping etcetera

he was in the house watching her walk, talk and circle the room as I witnessed this

he didnt say much until I heard him say to her "let's go to a motel room.."

and all she was talking about is wanting a hamburger

she is a short tiny little thing full of energy and spunk

a beautiful girl/lady/woman all the way around

who was this guy and is he still around

another example of the him that just wants the sex 

this is why he hung around her and ran her around doing favors

she is one year older than me born in april 1960 so at the time i was 47 or 48

she was 48 or 49 years old still cute as a button kewpie doll 

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she told me the true story of some guy that lived with her before in kansas .. i cant remember his name..and that all he had to do was keep a job and he couldn't even do that so she left

she is a very beautiful intelligent talented creative loving kind clean hard working independent woman. loves to cook, loves babies, children, family, pets, get togethers, vacations, having fun, chilling out, organizing just like i do

she said that is why she is not with a man.. they do not do and act as they should

and they don't, at least most of the ones i have been with

i have been a magnet for ass holes due to my ignorance, naivete, kindness and false beliefs

i know not all men are the same as i have witnessed a lot in public who genuinely appear to love their woman and show it in every way possible...hand holding, hugs, protective behavior, looking at her and listening to her, focusing on whatever is going on around them together instead of running off, staring off into space/the distance and ignoring the woman he is with like the way i am treated

Hates these things, people, animals plants

says I bought that, got that for things he did not buy or get

 a can of tamales

a package of bacon

acts like he owns some things that are not his

Says things. Doesn't mean it. He does this frequently

 these things said are lies

I am sorry

I feel bad for so and so

I like to see you happy

I would love to see you have a good job making a lot of money

I love you

I care about you

I appreciate you

Riddled with guilt and shame he is

Buys expensive and cheap things for himself

 first and foremost. purchases things for himself. 

not concerned with getting or doing anything for anyone to see them happy

does things out of sheer feeling of obligation

reluctantly gives anything to anyone

remembers everly dollar and little thing "given" to anyone

Why don't you get a job?

Army of One: Me

Big Mistakes i have made

 trusting other people

taking bad advice

not taking good advice

being naive, trusting, trustworthy

being taken for granted

detailed. trying to be perfect

living with losers

talking too much

revealing too many personal details about myself or anyone else in conversations

associating with just anybody. not having more discretion

letting anyone in my house

believing criminals reform and want to change their behavior and become ethical and motivated by intrinsic values

believing in the image a person presents in public

revealing what i want to do, have done, experienced and witnessed

allowing abusive behavior, verbal and physical

not having friendships with ethical people

He plays the victim constantly

 talks about how he is ripped off, gets the short end of the stick

never has enough money or anything

does things and doesnt get paid enough

nobody wants to pay him

says he pays for everything and does everything around here and i have contributed very little

runs around constantly pissed off

doubtful of all people, good outcomes and things

says people give him piddly gifts

does not appreciate any small efforts made by anyone

says it wont last regarding any job or thing or good thing 

neglects to mention, talk about, realize all the money, material things and people he has in his life

the poor little me syndrome

focuses on negative outcomes of all things

focuses on disasters, war, famine, shortages, lack, poverty, fighting, destruction

takes advantage of any person, place, thing or situation and says everyone else takes advantage of him

does not enjoy giving anything to anyone. stingy. throws it back it my face when he does something for me or gives me something ..never really gives anything because he keeps track and remembers whatever he did or "gave" to me or anyone

thinks other people have it better 

nothing is ever good enough

chronic complainer

spends hundreds and thousands of dollars on items for himself and fails to admit it

focuses on any little thing i spend money on for myself and hates it, magnifies the amount of money i spend 

drinks alcohol sugary drinks daily 

doesn't listen to me and says i don't listen to him

complained about how he has paid for all the property taxes every year since hes been here, pays car insurance and same old whine about it he does every year at this time and same accusations about how little i have paid until i finally gave him a check for 300 dollars and i know that wont stop him from bitching .  

i get 515 a month he gets 1060

expects me to pay half the bills and cost of living 

he wants a roommate tenant to collect rent from not a wife, not a relationship. before my back was this visibly bad looking he expected me to do all the hard manual labor he does like a man, work a full time job, earn as much as he does without a formal education, do all grocery food household cleaning and laundry supply shopping.

he expects me to look good and be pleasant and agree with everything he says and does. to give up myself, my interests, my friends i used to have. my family.

Some people are only nice to get your money or favors

 Those have to be paid for all they do

They will work for the money not out of kindness

They are apathetic, mean and venomous when they dont get something in return, dont want to help anyone unless there is something in it for them

Love is nothing unless there is respect

Professions of love mean nothing without respect

Celebs dress like you cant in public

How many are judges

 in their armchair 

passing judgement

watching sports and not participating

watching beauty contests and cant look in the mirror

soaking up news could never be a reporter

giving advice and not living it

know what everyone else should do but not themselves

pointing their finger at others

Cheap and free labor, a free fuck. Thats me

 Sums up my life

Caretaker, caregiver

Babysitter

Maid

Trusted trustworthy watch person

Doormat

Slave

Cheap date, girlfriend, wife

Tax preparer

Bill payer

Cook

Laundress

Masseuse

Counselor

Never been appreciated

Never been paid much money for any job

Mocked for my likes, information, hobbies, interests, dreams, work, appearance

Always been the one to do the dishes

 and clean up the mess

The suspicious person who does not trust is not to be trusted

A woman should never fight for a man

 that is a show of very low self confidence

HE is the one who fights

a woman of value will walk straight away from a loser, a failure, a man who is out looking, learing, cheating his ass off on his woman

PROPERTY: The thing a man fights for

 Be it 

a woman, a house, car, land, business, pets, animals, money, possessions..

whatever he thinks he owns is what he will fight for

Can't make plans for much of anything with him

New thing I am doing with him...

 anytime he says something about me or someone else I say he is that very thing

i told him you call others what you are

He can't resist

 has hardly any resistance to certain things

like anything that looks edible mostly snacks and sweets

can't keep his hands off anything

He asks the neighbors for advice, opinions, remedies

 and ignores what i say

minimizes, questions, shits on, discounts whatever i say or do

Is excess sugar responsible for

 erratic behavior

mood swings 

impulsivity

angry outbursts

uncontrollable words and actions

inducing criminal behavior, meanness, rudeness, theft, crime, abuse mental and physical, 

inability to accept simple, plain ordinary, 

inability to fully relax

easily bored

nitpicking attacking others 

basis for forming unhealthy addictions to substances or activities

craving sugar, sweets, cakes, brownies, cookies, pies, doughnuts, breads, rolls

Running scared

 the criminal 

Extreme pain after eating. left side internally now

 happens almost everytime i eat

just had

white hamburger bakery bun

white turkey meat i cooked last saturday. slice of aldis brand pepper jack cheese. mustard. 

onion, iceberg lettuce, home grown tomato , pretzels, aldis plain waffle potato chips , tzatziki dip from sams club, carrots celery. pinto and black beans i cooked today in the instant pot. beans have onion, garlic and salt.

i want to find out why i have so much terrible pain in my left side back when i eat. is it a particular food, is it the amount? 

what causes tiredness afterwards?

He focuses on external outside other people and not himself

 he constantly listens to and reads "news" from conspiracy theory sites

that focus on war, crime, espionage, pedophilia, treason, espionage, execution, death

HE IS PHOBIC, has phobia which is more than fear

He said today, again 

"I will be happy when mainstream media puts this stuff out on the news then you will know it is true"

puts his headphones back on then sticks a dum dum candy sucker in his mouth and has dental problems cavities

SO THAT MEANS ALOT OF THIS SHIT IS NOT TRUE, IT IS MADE UP BOGUS BULL SHIT

He says I am bitching and complaining when..

 I expect something to work properly

I expect simple politeness, common courtesy most children are taught and should know

I express that somehing is out of line, disorderly, dirty, unkempt

When you have a feeling

 You must express it

Must experience it all alone

No one can help you 

While you learn and deal with it 

Crying on someone's shoulder won't fix me or you

Bad men

 Create bitches

Whores

Mean women

Cowtowing slaves

Bad women

Stripped of their sweet little girl gifts and niceness

Gone are the days.. or are they??

 So cute in my youth even into my 50s

That I wasn't aware of my pretty self, always comparing myself to beauties which I thought I wasn't at all. Lots of people told me I was beautiful up until a few years ago.

To return to the way I was..can I be like that again 

After almost 50 years of abuse by the men in my life

My face shows it

My personality became unlike me. .loud, aggressive assertive defensive due to being attacked and controlled criticized scrutinized to death. Used like a wet rag door mat slave. Not appreciated nor loved. 

Gets restaurant food brings it home

 Prefers to eat out over home cooked food

Forces food upon me and others

Eats every couple of hours snacks a lot

Sugary drinks liked

Doesn't want to relax while eating at a restaurant 

Criticized partner family members and people to death

Full of shoulds

Trying to impress

Status public image dominates takes precedence over the way they treat spouse wife children 

Money motivated 

House truck car material things top priority 

What will the neighbors think. Don't embarrass me attitude 

Mother haters

Sex and duty duties are expected out of wife. No relationship exists outside of that

Obsessed with videos tv radio blasts it loud and does it while people are eating so they can't focus on the meal

Demanding entitled attitude as if they are the king and don't have to do lowly duties like dishes and cleaning house 

Yet will make tremendous efforts to keep their car washed 

Lights off demanded

Oogles teen girls 

Will work for money

Will connive wheel and deal to get what they want

One has at least one concubine. The other I am not sure 

Impulsive and rash 

Conniption fit if you touch their car truck 

Protective over taking good care of material things but not careful with people who are close to them

With other people and strangers is very polite 

He doesn't want me to move my body or anything else

Immature male or female, adult man or woman

 expects everything to be their way and inconsiderate of others needs and wants

throws temper tantrums when something doesn't go the way they think it should

impulsive

uncontrollable anger

vengeful, spiteful

rude

mean

arrogant

haughty

The dumber , sillier and more stupid it is the more popular it is. People like this kind of stuff

It's a different world out there

Black sheep I am

Actions words behaviors from him

 always wants me to cover myself up

doesn't want me talking to people, anyone

expects me to agree with everything he says and does

corrects whatever i say or do

if i move something he moves it back or somewhere else

maintains a lot of false beliefs thinks they are facts

maintains separate financial accounts, bank, credit card which is very good for both of us

uses cash whenever possible

pays bills right before due date

leaves things laying out so he can find them 

He does the same old things goes to same places buys same things except

 once in awhile buys something different

fairly predictable in his impulsivity

wake up early, bathroom, take a shower, dress, check weather and news on cell, go to laptop look at god knows what, get breakfast often cereal sometimes a pot pie always something easy to fix, decide on someplace to go and then be gone for a few hours driving around 

only thing is i really dont know all the places he goes when i am not with him

i do know he pays close attention to all the neighbors when he drives by their houses and cranks head over and back to see houses and often does this while he is driving out of the neighborhood. 

I am anything but stupid, a favorite pet word he calls me often

Little things do not impress him

Replace anger, fear with understanding

 a most difficult thing to do

Silence allows thinking

No Provocative, provoking, provoke anything

 no makeup, eyes mascara, shadow, blush, rouge, lipstick colors

no colored nail polish

no fancy hairdoes hairdo ornaments

no fancy jewelry gold gems diamonds silver necklaces earrings 

no weird hair colors like pink purple blue bright red yellow orange white

no revealing, skin tight , sheer, holey fishnet clothes

no bare arms and shoulders

no midriff middle stomach belly showing

no funky strong stinking colognes perfumes scents of any kind

no bad breath

no cussing cursing foul mouth

no tattoos marking of any kind of the body

no fake eyebrows shaved off and painted or tatooed on the face

no yellow teeth in fact do not smile much and show the teeth

no loud talking yelling screaming 

no constant chatter running your mouth saying nothing

no gossiping about anyone at anytime

no stories reflections memories of the past

no past at all conversed in any conversation: ACT innocent dumb naive like i dont know anything

no previous relationship mentioned ..ever

be natural and cover yourself up 

no sexy undergarments of hosiery stockings clothes of any kind. period.

I remember living off potatoes when I was 19

 stayed with a couple of young men at their homes, owned by their parents mother and father

lived in the basement at one he fed me potatoes because they were cheap and thought his mom and dad wouldnt miss the food that i ate

the other person let me sleep in an unused bedroom and kept my presence away from his parents and he fed me potatoes too

i was bone thin at the time half starved to death

My friends Mary, Martha, Diane and Debra

 these 3 were all molested by their own father when they were just little girls

Martha, sister of Mary. a girl with a bad temper fits of jealousy over me or anyone else

Mary : became a professional at hallmark cards. artist. very nice person always trying to make people happy calm them down. said the father was a control freak over her mother and entire family which was 3 daughters and a son named sam/samuel.

the father of martha and mary was an alcoholic. came into her or marthas room at night after mother went to bed.

Diane. bore her own father's child, a son, a boy and forced to raise it as her brother. she told me she killed her dad method poisoning i think. she was a beautiful woman .. her attitude though was very rough and hard acting treating the males in her life like dogs. probably fearing if she were nice and not controlling they would hurt her

Debra: 

Spending time with me is the thing he does not want to do

 listening, having a two way conversation is 

out of the question

he will only talk about his stuff, things, interest, hobbies, work 

and focus on what he wants

Filling her or his face with junk "food"

Dinner and a movie scheme/scam is what they prefer and like to propose to new women they want to get with

 that way they dont have to work for it

they dont have to shop, cook, clean up a mess

dont have to read a book,  a story or talk to her at all

they can just absorb themselves into the video and audio have no conversation with her

and feed their face with no effort on their part

and then say they worked hard gave it all they got and busted nuts and balls to get her

later if he is inclined he can toss her a grain or a ring some flower like roses when he tries to butter her up after being a total ass or right after one of his cheating episodes he did either in fantasy land or for real

takes zero effort to go buy a piece of jewelry or flower or any item like candy

this makes him look good as if he has done something important

in reality he tosses out a crumb once in awhile and expects tons of adoration gratitude and being worshipped like a king by this womn or that female

You can cook good, clean to perfection, look like a million bucks...

 work hard, work your ass tail off, has 3 phds masters degrees be intelligent smart savvy wise and be as nice as can be and still

that won't stop him from criticizing ridiculing the hell out of you and 

looking around gawking at all the other women

and if he is the kind of man who takes action

he goes out and chases all the tail he can get

while ignoring his wife putting her down and 

boosting himself up by doing hard work and hobbies man things that make him happy and make him look good and boost his status with all the neighbors the public and any strangers or family 

I need clothes/clothing for a hunchbak humpback person that I am

 so it is not so obvious

whatever i do i cannot cover it all up 

the hideous monster back i have

the way i look

no wonder people look the other way

GONE are the belts and ties and purses around my waist

the once hourglass figure i had is not there

my mid section abdomen stomach area is still flat but the sides are totally uneven and the back looks like i am carrying a load of a pile of something looking like a log that must weight 30 lbs or more

As I clean and clean today feeling better already

Church and the bible and life taught me

 the pastor seeks fresh young fertile females in his harem

majority of males i have known want the sex and not the end result of a baby child children offspring..they just want to perform the act and be unaccountable for their actions

he will ball anything he can especially when he is in private and thinks he wont be caught

males seek harem group of females only they have access to; true of deer, cats, lions, dogs, humans and others i do not know how many species are like this

if the male cant do it in real life he finds imaginary fantasy ways or surrogate actions with parts or substances designed to fufill his sexual urges, to have sex with as many as possible via moves pictures tapes magazines or just whenever he looks anywhere and sees an attractive looking person he would like to screw

he keeps track in his mind of any possible object or person or whatever that he wants to fuck

his memory is excellent when it comes to remembering the look on her face (or his face in the case of bisexual or homosexual people) that indicates whether or not the object is going to want to do it or might be trappable, catch able, obtainable

peeping all over is common . sometimes they use binoculars 

he will lie, cheat, sneak around doing these things and when caught usually deny all of his actions

he will use any means necessary to lure trap seduce or if he is a forceful narc sociopath psychopath he will attack rape and kill to get the sex giving him a total sense of control over his victim

he feels threatened by a smart educated woman who knows about the methods of males boys men because she exposes him for what he is so he would like to hurt her, beat her up, kill her, shut her mouth up

I look worn out and beat up because I am

Vern Peterson remodeller contractor in the 90s

 met this guy at my sons school. his son was also a student

i was gettting started in painting house and wanted to learn

he was all about himself and how perfect he was and how excellent he thought his work was

another ego centered person i have known

since i was willing to work and learn he immediately took advantage of my 

gullible naive stupid self and hired me right away to work for minimum wage about 5 bucks dollars an hour

as one of his slaves

he did the same thing to tracy the chunky girl about 20 plus years younger than him that he was screwing while he was still married to his wife

i designed drew sketched a sign that looked nice and professional he like it alot so he put it in his back window of his pickup truck ..it said peterson remodeling 

he had a few good points..he showed me tips and tricks 

i was married and he wanted to have sex with me but he was pretty good at holding himself back so i give him credit for not pushing his fat body upon me or raping me ..i was already being raped at home by my own husband who felt entitled to do so

vern bought me a poster for my wall for christmas that year..it was the desiderata one of my favorite poems

that was very nice

I look best covered up

Once I am perfect then I can criticize others