September 6, 2023 low grade fever and fatigue began again. Here it is october 9th and I am still not over it.
Last march a similar fatigue and fever began lasted 3 weeks
My entire life has been filled with episodes of unexpected illnesses and this back pain which is chronic daily
I get so hopeful, so energetic and high on life sometimes with high expectations and wonderful dreams of succeeding at something, anything, lots of things only to be shot down with unexpected injuries illness and unwanted pain I cant shake
Top health and an even steady happiness with the ability to maintain daily necessities on a regular basis is all i want and ever wanted and have been unable to retain steady good health. It makes it impossible to achieve much of anything equal to or above the ordinary.
I cannot even keep up with any average persons long daily schedule of activities. Most people get up early 6 to 8 am and go all day long every day doing what needs to be done and doing fun things and hobbies after work. Not me. Its a mystery every day as to what i am able to do. It has nothing to do with desire or will, goals or dreams. It is nature forces beyond my control that determine my capabilities.
I want to do many things and end up not doing much of anything.
Do i need to reduce my expectations ?
Do I need to settle for being happy when I get one thing done on my list in one day?
Do i have unreasonable demands upon myself or from other people?
Is being content the way to be when those nonfunctioning days hit me hard?
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