He remains the same

 after all these years 

I look back on old emails

have memories of thousands of incidents and I realize he has not changed one bit

neither have I

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he watches short clips of funny and stupid videos

likes ambient music

picks of auto/cars/trucks that need repair and fixes them, does bodywork

focuses on money, paying bills

spends countless hours working on junk

hoards very old stuff. stereo equipment speakers auto parts, plumbing, tools, videos vhs dvds, cds, records, tapes, cassette, reel to reel

buys old laptop computers from a pawn shop in olathes kansas

drinks sweet beverages, juice, sugary tea, soda and now has been drinking flavored liqours like rum whisky vodka tequila for how many years i don't know. I suspect he has been nipping the big and little bottles for many more years than i know about, doing it when i am not looking.

is cheap when it comes to certain things and

goes all out buying high dollar expensive stuff he likes for himself only like stereo equipment tools car and truck parts shoes some clothes 

hides certain things and activities i am not sure of all these things but i know of a few

cant stand to see me have buy or get a simple thing i like always cuts down what i like such as coffee drinking, owning a coffee maker

has fits of hell if he thinks i have any money makes sure that i have to spend it on utilities or some thing he knows about. the underlying idea is to keep me broke and him always having more money as he has to spend larger amounts of money at once on car insurance, house and car property taxes, house expenditures and vehicle parts etcetera

if he thought i had some money especially more than him it would make him even madder crazier more jealous hateful mean 

controlling as hell over every little thing i do starting with the expression on my face

eyeballs closely me and any mood i am in and any item i have. has to pick up look at finger my stuff then will go on and say when did you get that what good is it, you dont need that, that is frilly stuff i dont like it, that's stupid

would never buy me "frilly stuff" like jewelry rings necklaces lingerie

is easily embarassed in public about items i mention while shopping ..anything related to certain clothing items he likes or any type of thing considered sexual like lube devices underwear garments bras panties even ladies thermals

always more concerned about what the neighbors think or any person who might peep look thru the window

has total meltdown if i wear anything slightly revealing showing ass boob tits

appears polite, calm, well mannered in public, not "easily rattled" according to mark one of our neighbors, logical then switches to the opposite in front of me when no one is looking or can hear him

pitches a fit about having to pay taxes and insurance occuring every 6 months for the auto insurance and once a year for the house and automobile property taxes.. i break it down by the monthly figure average 100 a month for the house then he returns to the total amount he has to put out emphasizing how much money it is costing him

consistently tells me he pays all the bills around here for the most part and i contribute very little

tells me i dont work and dont do anything around here

will buy me something to eat at fast food restaurants, gets upset every time if we go to a nicer sit down restaurant so i have decided to never go to any place to eat with him that is not fast food

plays chess on his computer esp while listening to news uses headphones while i am home sometimes blasts the shit through the stereo and big speakers when i am here then probably when i am gone

obsessed with weather constantly watching it 

obsessed with news, used to listen to npr public radio now switched to fm 98.1

listens to all the ads playing while hearing pandora free radio playlists it makes for him

constantly focused on outside world what other people are doing

instantly judges often criticizes ridicules people even animals calling them stupid

thinks he knows what everyone should be doing

hates self analysis and reflection

cant meditate and have total silence

says i cant undertand frequently

pays bills ontime and makes sure they dont get their payment early he says they will earn interest on the money yet wants to earn interest on his money

says people dont want to pay him yet he doesnt want to pay other people for anything

wants to do everything himself

doesnt want anyone in the house but will let a few trusted people come over

is infuriated is i allow anyone in my bedroom thinking it means i am offering sex

cant stand it when i make an independent decision on anything including things like when i am driving he thinks i should turn and stop and go exactly like he does, if it differs from he would do he blows up says stop the van i am driving youre an idiot and dont know how to drive

sucks up the porn being closed doors

might be a peeper, not sure but has binocolurs

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i hate listening to the news. most of it is horrible some of it is lies, lots of ads

detest advertising and commercials i wont listen to it usually skip it on the radio

and i still play freelotto

still dont give a fuck about what people think about me or the way i am dressed at home

i still talk and reveal too much..i need to work on that and be careful what i say anywhere i am where anyone can hear me talk..believe me people are listening everywhere

i am still into foods, health nutrition, vitamins, herbs natural healing

i still love to dance and like music that makes me feel like moving. music with lots of steady drum beats

i seek to understand