Only because I told him he owed me an apology.
Now that my back is severely twisted at 58 degree angle and he can see it clearly he believes me that I have pain.
I have told him for over 30 years my back hurts.
any pain I had or illness he has been negligent and in denial of it
incorrible, can't learn
say I can't understand frequently
I must repeat myself over and over and they still don't get it
they do not listen
are not introspective, reflective
can't see themselves in the mirror
are never to blame
blame everyone else for things
expect someone else to fix problems and have solutions
often follow celebrities or anyone in the news without question
susceptible to advertising
unknowingly brainwashed by commercials
repeatedly do things to piss me or others off
rude, impolite
stubborn, hold onto fixed beliefs, ways, methods
resistant to new ideas
belligerent
scornful, hateful, mean, jealous, envious, doubtful, hurtful
empathy is lacking or nonexistent
might donate to lost causes or fake entities claiming to help others
grandma Sarah's words and my mom, my aunts used to say this alot
When dealing with OBTUSE people you get to the point where you are so furious you end up cussing/cursing, yelling even being mean becasue
THEY DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT YOU SAY
You have to repeat yourself because they are so dense and stupid they
cannot understand what I or you are telling them
don't say anything
don't go anywhere
don't do anything
drop dead
so those times when my energy level is high or when i need to sleep for days
i can do it
with no one pestering me
phoney phony baloney
words contradict. i love you care about you one minute i cant stand you the next
says canned responses in public. says things they think you are supposed to say to be polite and doesnt mean it
actions contradict statements. claims to care then avoids you and stonewalls, abuses physically, verbally, emotionally
standard pat answers comments to strangers neighbors public.
lashing out at home. violent rage.
says what do you expect me to say or do instead of naturally responding with real statements
This behavior is one reason i detested working in corporate environments. Lots of bullshit ass kissing brown nosing fake caring. They are there for the money not ethics. Same behavior in high school.
Confusion. Mind Games
keeps you off balanced
distorts your mind and reality
tells you how you feel
you feel like the mole in whack a mole
minimizes what you say
doubtful and wants you to doubt yourself and your own instincts and feelings, preferences, desires. wants and needs
forces food upon you that they like
pushes you to do what they like
believes their imaginings and fantasies are real and factual
questions your judgement
projects themself upon you and others
desires superiority perfection
desires rulership control of others
lacks self control
center of attention desired
compares self to others
secretly feels unworthy incompetent unattractive undesirable stupid ignorant
secretly jealous of others
takes credit for your success, accomplishments...if it werent for me you would be in terrible shape...
befriends people to get information
coercive, pushy
nothing you do is good enough
they are never satisfied
they change the rules of the game as they go
you cannot say wise things to a fool, he will laugh at you and stomp you into the mud. logic and reason does not work
do not throw your pearls before the swine
"Do not give that which is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, for they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces"
you feel like your brain has been put in a blender around them
she wants to own her partner
cut mommy out of his life and be his everything
mother never goes away even if she is dead
how and why do people and animals change personas in different environments and around different people
fear of being found out
fear of not knowing
fear
of loss..things. money. good looks. old age.
death...by anything..falling , heights. stings. cuts fumes. burns, water, dirt covering body. suffocation, freezing.
uncertainty. unknown.
how does the fear come upon you that you thought you conquered?
why do tragedies happen you were never afraid of?
sought after by people
notoriety
importance
love
ownership
being the favorite
getting things, money, sex
and gives me credit for nothing
usually it is people known
family friends associates those I/you/we are close to
NOT how much I worked at some piddly ass job
entertainers, actors, musicians, movies, books,
fantasy imaginary world of power, status, control
hero heroes and villains
good guy bad guy
guy gets the girl after proving his worth power strength masculinity
status
looking good
important
smart/smarter
intelligent
important
in control
having it all
being prepared
how long can i do something before i am worn out?
the same rule applies today that was there in me 50 years ago
after about an hour i am sick of doing it
time for a break
do something else
spend just enough time to get what they want
then i am equivalent to dead or trash
read books
live a nice life
do puzzles
enjoy
have a clean home
things i need working properly
nice people in my life
work selling stuff on the internet
walk
go to the gym/community center
shop for things; groceries, household, clothes, automobile, shoes
go to fun places like the zoo, carnivals,
train rides ..still havent done this yet
visit relatives
proper happy gut bacteria equals happy person
unbalance in this system has upset my life and countless others i know and have known in the past
i see many people in the course of my runnings that are unhealthy and do things they normally wouldnt do if they were healthy
many people i have known are dead much earlier than they should have died due to a totally messed up digestive system
exercise alone wont fix a screwed up gut and a bad diet
visitors
holidays
get togethers
any person friend, stranger or family that comes over sees this mess or hotel i/we live in
my grandma sarah's words for many years
clean up after yourself.
watch your thoughts
control your language/mouth/what you say
control what you watch and pay attention to
control who you keep company with; friends, acquaintances, associates, family
control what you own
where you go
what you do
how you feel
direct truthful statements they don't want to hear about
food
sex
politics
religion
philosophy
simplicity
tell it like it is and how it happened
I suppose it is good. Weeds out the weeds
breads
candy
candy bars
crackers
cookies
noodles
cakes
pancakes
pie crust
corn dogs
pancake wrapped anything
pizza dough
dough of any kind
rolls, dinner, white soft
raw cookie dough, never eat this
salad dressings, manmade store bought
sauces, barbecue, soy, keriaki
soda pop
sugary drinks or artificially sweetened ones
artificial sweetened or flavored anything
syrup, most
high fructose corn syrup in anything
waffles
oils and fats: soybean oil, corn oil, vegetable oil, hydrogenated shortening, hydrogenated anything
mayonnaise, miracle whip processed store bought made with soybean oil instead of old fashioned way
************************************
scented laundry products, soap, dryer sheets, liquid fabric softeners
toothpaste
mouthwash
AIR
WATER
EARTH
FIRE
ETHER
our fascination with movement of these things probably has roots in our dna, instincts
grandma used to say i would have this once i got away from that ass hole
or any jerk
hundreds thousands millions of times
same things said
because he the other cant understand the first time or the fortieth time
simple things
he repeats his broken records daily
he will not end an argument wont finish and complete a subject showing he completely understands the subject at hand
instead throws out false accusations, imagined conclusions and suspected motivations of others
a fair argument is not possible with a stupid idiot, a mentally deranged brain damaged individual
he/they are not happy until they make me or you miserable, confused, angry, hostile
like a black hole vacuum
will not consider solutions
fester in the poison of the problem
do not want anyone's help
and can suck innocent people down the hole
into the pit of frustration and hell
with endless excuses
and no valid reasons
to continue feeding the problems
avoiding them and moving away doesn't even solve the problem
because they carry all of their problems wherever they go
and lash out to anyone or anything around
and you or I are still victimized by their immature ways
even though we contributed nothing to their problems
lees summit missouri
my age. i was 19
sambos restaurant. police officer came in. asked if i was sarah wilson, montgomery
yes i am
he took me to jail. failure to appear in court over a traffic violation of failing to yield right of way as i had turned left on a green light to enter the highway. i had taken drivers education and wasnt taught didnt know about yielding to drivers going straight thru intersection when i was turning when i had a green light
this incident is an indicator of the future...the present.. i have experienced for many years of not having holiday celebrations
i got sick with a flu while in that jail cell. fever. throwing up. the runs. zero medical attention for 3 days i was in there. i could have died for all they cared or knew.
i had been working at sambos restaurant for a few months. divorce was final october 1980.
the guy i was living with came into the restaurant the day my divorce was final. mike stone. he said the papers came today. i want to get married to you. i said when. he said tomorrow. when i got back to his apartment in belton missouri i packed all my things into my car and left him for good. i was scared to death to even think about marriage after all i had been through.
i lived in my car from mid october until dec 31 1980. the day i was released from jail approximately january 1 or 2 1981 my dad came and got me. he said sarah you can stay with me and dottie his wife my stepmother at 8201 spring valley rd raytown missouri.
1980 i had no thanksgiving christmas or new years eve celebrations. i did not attend family get togethers.
much like what has been going on here for the last 10 ten years.
was it foretelling forecasting indicating my future ? 34 to 44 years later..
i felt like i was going to die while in that cell. sick. cold. miserable. crying.
today i have no cold or flu or fever. i am cold and cry often.
maybe a sickness will hit me like the grim reaper and take me away from this life where i feel dead half the time anyway. a ghost i am unseen unheard.
ghosted by most people who know me. they act like i am not there when i am 2 feet in front of them.
wont look at my face. wont listen when i talk.
uninvited. black sheep. outcast. scapegoat.
any verbal or physical abuse is justified in the perpetrator and by any person in my family or neighborhood.
what did you do sarah, what did you say . you did something wrong. justifies the justified treatment you get you stupid worthless bitch.
during my 3 months of living in my car i stayed with several different people all of them males and only 2 guys did not take advantage of me. jimmy coursey and a guy named john i think.
i cant remember all of their names. i remember personalities their homes and lifestyles.
while eating
while driving pulls out of front jeans pants pocket
of his insanity attacks yelling
i feel numb frozen like i shouldnt move talk or say anything
anything i say or do can stir up a fight or attack from him
some things i know are predictable triggers and some are things i would have no idea would trigger him or anyone
often it is some thing he sees that agitates him
or something he smells.. disinfectant perfume lip gloss candle burning blowing out a candle food smells like popcorn fish seafood
sometimes it is a thing he touches saying it is sticky
many years ago when i still smoked cigarettes so before december 2010 i remember him driving the toyota. i was passenger. he was pissed about something. pulled car into lot across from home depot. i got out of the car and lit a cig. his anger intensified after that and screamed you dont need that cigarette!!
says i complain and bitch all the time
that i cause problems
im in a bad mood
especially if i repeat his exact words and incidences events i remember
point out any fact
back in 1991 1992
she stayed in her room most of the time
she was paying rent here to him then finally moved out in july or august 1992
i moved in december 15, 1991
https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/nutrition/18-restaurant-menu-items-that-may-be-affected-by-rfk-jr-s-health-policies/ss-AA1wp73X?ocid=sapphireappshare
https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/nutrition/18-restaurant-menu-items-that-may-be-affected-by-rfk-jr-s-health-policies/ss-AA1wp73X?ocid=sapphireappshare
ricky rick richard
kirk
tony
what is to stop me from thinking he doesn't or does have any females girls women coming over here at the last moment when i am gone from the house?
all they would have to do is see that my van is gone to think i am not here at home
Body language reveals this.
Avoids looking at me.
Does not listen fully.
Finishes my sentences as if he knows what I will say and is usually wrong.
Crosses his arms.
Walks a long ways off in front of me when we are out anywhere. Can't walk beside me.
emotions change, switch on and off
a feeling of power
impersonating someone we used to know
someone we admire, look up to
not the same as mocking which is making fun of, humilitating someone
it is feigning, adopting the persona of someone else who probably appeared to have some kind of power over you/me
mimicking things like:
facial expressions
habits hobbies
food and drinks the other one uses
activities
beliefs, opinions
joe sprofera
pete sjveda
virgil holmes OR ohms home homes
theotus
AROS MCGUIRE MAGUIRE MACGUIRE
heating air conditioning business associates of my father 1970s 80s 90s 2000s and maybe earlier in 60s
and my grandparents
no sugar costed bullshit lies
honest life
business
empty
unsatisfied
still craving nutrients lacking in manmade trash
these things and acts like i am not aware.
government corruption
cost of everything
cost of living
bad news stories
stores closing
negative human behavior
I am fully aware of criminals. Burglars, thieves, liars, drug lords and users.
Pedophiles. Rapists. Murderers. Con men. Abusers. Wife and child beaters. Bullies. Mental and physical abusers.
Treachery. Dishonest people. Two 2 faced backstabbers.
Being used, taken advantage of.
Insane insanity crazy craziness. Sociopaths psychopaths schizophrenics. Any mental disorder.
first one to show interest in him
approaching him
living with a couple of months then leaving at his request
calling, showing up where he used to go on weekends working on cars trucks and junk
never letting him pursue me in beginning
calling again 4 years later
being easy lay for sex again
worshipping him in beginning. he never worshipped me. i was always easily thrown away
telling him i love you first
laying myself down like a doormat doing almost anything he said
listening to and following his orders giving up myself
allowing him to ever take charge of me
being married when we met and got back together instead of single living alone and self sufficient
feels better mentally
physically my back is breaking
however it is a load off my mind to donate give away usable things
and to dump things that are trash/totally unusable or inedible
maid
cheap labor
outcast
black sheep
easy or just good enough type girl good for a roll in the hay, someone to fuck while imagining he is screwing making real love to that dream girl he really wants
caretaker of house
cook
clean
laundry
dish washer
pay some bills so he doesnt have to pay for everything
doormat idiot
fool
second choice
last choice
no choice, not chosen
it was 1983 ish. corning or bedford iowa. usa. farm country.
my husband and i were 22. visiting his family in iowa. terry williams was his uncle. the brother of my husbands mother. terry was married to fat pat.
crude rude loud pat. obese. crass. dirty. disshevelled looking sloppy
she was throwing candy, food and m and ms across the living room like a 2 year old does. she was laughing loudly at the mess she made. made no effort to clean it up or the rest of the house
i sat in a chair in her living room while she was being boisterous and her husband terry and my husband talked.
suddenly a woman younger than her came out of a bedroom and into the living room wrapped partially in a bed sheet. hair a mess. she smiled acted goofy like pat. it was her teen age sister. brazen. uncooth. wild.
then a man appeared who came out of the same bedroom. dark hair. no shirt. zipping up his pants. ran his hands over his chest. realized he had no shirt. went back to bedroom to get it. said i better get dressed. have to leave soon.
pat said this is my sister and he is married. he comes over here to my house so he and her can screw.
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-false-memory-2795193
Mr Scrooge
he is a pissed off mother fucker most of the time
seeing someone else happy and smiling seems to piss him off the most
he grumbles complains bitches about the cost of everything
he says everything costs money
i ask him to name one thing that doesnt cost money
and he cant answer the question
miserable miser grumbling joyleff
complaining whinging
fool
i have been hiding away from getting away for many years
anyone who is complaining bitching causing troulbe
those who dont seek solutions to thinks and
cant make thmeselves happy
nobody wants to be around the old bastard or bitch who akes things hard, diffuclt and
cannot find joy in anything
the money focuses who worship the dollars and not the spirit force
who negkect to understand that the souce energy is what gives us all everythingt
the universer is abundant
there is plenty enough for evryone
and whatever i or you seek need or want is alrady there
108 years old today
she said she would live to 112
but died Dec. 2, 2008
at age 91
stuff i have had has been stolen in the past. ripped off. burglars burglarized
and have lost stuff down the drain
jewelry, camera, electronics, records, money, cigarettes
if i were stripped bare naked i could walk down the street and get back all that stuff and even more
and as long as i breathe that spirit essence inside of me can't be stolen
the more i toss out the more i get back
i havent figured out the pattern yet as to why
today he just said he is going to menards fill up propane, go walk, and might get a haircut
so the menards he goes to in in raymore missouri
i have no real idea where he goes what he does who he sees or doesnt see
i used to automatically trust in him and the last few years my feelings have changed
and he often tries to twist my memories into something unreal untrue and
denies what he said or did or gets pissed saying why do have to regurgitate things past
Psychosis of junk food and drink. Food equals mood and health
induces paranoia
mood swings
impulsive behavior
angry outburts
uncontrollable rage
destructive destructiveness
unable to see consequences
lack of forethought
inaccurate memory memories of past events
unable to recall real life events
depression
clogged arteries
clogged colon
imbalance in blood chemistry
breathing ability
thinking process processes
suicide suicidal tendencies thoughts actions behaviors
attacking others people animals
destroying things material animal vegetable any kind of item
irregular heartbeat
inability to concentrate focus
difficulty learning
memory functions impaired
vision affected
blurry vision, double sight, lack on lens focus
migraines
stomach upset
nausea vomiting
drowsiness
fatigue
incontinence
bowel bladder control affected and loss of function
pain anywhere in body
stroke
dizziness vertigo
high or low blood pressure
heartburn
metabolic syndrome
liver damage and failure
heart palpitations murmurs skipping beats
ringing in ears
epilepsy
ms multiple sclerosis
cfs chronic fatigue syndrome
fibromyalgia
obesity
fat belly
overweight underweight
anorexia bulimia
immune system disrupted
gut bacteria wrong
irritability
impulsiveness
fear for no explainable reason, unjust
micromanaging others, control freak
hormone disruption testosterone estrogen progesterone any kind
blood imbalance
too much energy
lack of energy
sleep disruptions insomnia daytime sleepiness up all night getting tired in the daytime
tired after eating food
bone loss
edema swelling
hair loss
protein deficiency
--------------------
CHEMICALS
ADDITIVES
FLAVORING ARTIFICIAL
FOOD COLORING
OILS PROCESSED RANCID
DOUGH CONDITIONERS
SUGAR
ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS
ALCOHOL
FAKE BUTTER MARGARINE
LOW FAT SOME ITEMS
CORN SYRUP
HIGH FRUCTOCE CORN SYRUP
SALT EXCESS
SODIUM NITRATE
MSG MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE
FLAVOR ENCHANCERS
TOOTHPASTE
LAUNDRY SOAP
SOAPS
CLEANERS CLEANING AGENTS
ODORS SMELLS SCENTS
LACK OF VITAMIN D
LACK OF SUNSHINE
DRUGS HUNDREDS THOUSANDS OF MANMADE LAB IN FACTORY CHEMICALS
DRUGS MEDS PHARMACEUTICAL MEDICINE
PAIN PILLS MUSCLE RELAXERS
HEADACHE REMEDIES
TAINTED HERBS SPICES
SPOILED
OUTDATED PAST EXPIRATION DATE
PLASTIC LEACHED OUT OF CONTAINERS
BPA
BROMIDE OLESTRA
ENERGY DRINKS POWDERS LIQUID POWDER ANY FORM
EXCESS CAFFEINE
SNACKS MAJORITY OF UNNATURAL PROCESSED
POWDERED CHEESE
FAKE CHEESE PROCESSED CHEESE FOOD
OLEO
DIET FOOD AND DRINK
COLD FLU MEDICINE
IBUBROFEN
ACETAMINOPHEN
DIPHENHYDRAMINE
STREET DRUGS
SODA CARBONATED BEVERAGES
JUICE FRUIT VEGETABLE MANMADE
SPORTS DRINKS GATORADE
SALAD DRESSINGS
SAUCES BARBECUE SOME KETCHUPS OR MUSTARDS
SOY SAUCE
WORCESTERSHIRE
STEAK SAUCE
MARINADES PROCESSED MANMADE STORE BOUGHT
SHELF STABLE
CANNED GOODS
PREPACKAGE FOOD
PROCESSED MACARONI CHEESE HAMBUGER HELPER SKILLET KITS AND MEALS BAGGED BOXED OR FROZEN
SUGAR LOADED CANNED FRUIT, CANDY, SAUCES, DRESSINGS,
DRY PACKAGED SPICES LOADED WITH SALT MSG NATURAL OR ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS
NOODLES
BREAD
PROCESSED WHITE FLOUR
LOTS OF WHITE OR BROWN SUGAR
PIE AND CRUST
CAKES COOKIES DOUGHNUTS SCONES ROLLS PIZZA DOUGH
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/SupermanClarkKent
then takes responsibility for "buying me things" or doing things for me that i could have done for myself
rips away my decision making on stuff so he can take credit for everything
if i had twice as much money as him that would shake him up, rattle him so bad that he would feel even more powerless than he feels now
having more money gives him confidence in himself.. an illusion of power, control, dominance, intelligence, super all knowing abilities
throwing me a crumb of attention once in awhile..calling me names getting defensive when i ask a simple question accusing me of being accusatory/accusing him of stuff like i said earlier..devilment is what some men/women do when they go out and leave the house....
i said i know what some men do i have been on this planet a long time. i know exactly what i have experienced.
he throws back a question to me instead of answering the question i asked
"what do men do when they leave the house?"
he fires back "what do YOU do when you leave the house????"
"it depends of what is on my mind..." he finally responds
"i have to get out of here and go walk at the park in the woods so i can get some real exercise. walking around sams club or walmart is no good."
all this conversation began with his statement about the male cat we "have" that leaves and stays gone for days at a time. he said that is what male cats do. take our female cat lizzy she is smart she doesnt go far from home
very true. female beings tend to hang around and "nest" in familiar locations
male wants to run around and roam
so what does this male cat "cuddles" do when he is gone for days? well, i assume he has found several places around here where he can be fed, eat and lay around and sleep in safety... just need a tracking device on him to find out where he goes.
discussed reality of life with some person working at a store again yesterday
mind blowing facts disclosed
truths of life
as one you dont have to answer to or live with everyday i/we/you more willing to be straight up honest
i appreciate the ability to get out and about and see the world and how much in common we humans are
subjects
life is not fair
men and women are not equal
the guy if he had a "side piece" will have her because she gives him peace no drama ..no daily having to listen to anything she is "bickering", complaining, bitching about..
he just wants to go to work come home and have peace
that is exactly what i want. i want peace and harmony both at home and at work..one of the most difficult things to accomplish...
how to maintain a peaceful lovely life at home living with a war monger who is focused on battling the world daily. unable to solve the worlds problems and not interested in solving his own personal issues or those of any individual he knows he is frustrated continually and unhappy. he himself is the bitching complainer never satisfied . he does not know how to calm himself in most situations. i cannot fix him. he must fix himself. he must learn on his own.
is the best way to teach him or anyone else by having my absence? not being around and taken for granted anymore. . the awareness of losing, you lost him or her or you are going to lose them .. is that the catalyst to awareness of just how good it is with the person you are with?
roaming running always looking for something someone better than what he/she has
some men/women act impulsviely upon opportunity, some restrain themselves
a delicious looking healthy clean sexy one is hard to resist
self discipline and awareness is a great quality to have
in my youth i was not aware of this genetic phenonmenon in our dna
fact
like any animal
aware
sensing looks, smells, temperment of the other...
is he/she a good candidate for an interlude or for long lasting partner/relationship
is what i have experienced with relationships
that is about to change
will not fix the damage you have done
I am dead inside
crimes
i am concerned with crimes against individual people
he is concerned about world crime. if it affects many he sees it as a big deal. if its only one person its no big deal
truth is it is only individuals in each instance
i am guilty as sin as anyone else
for
backbiting
mocking
imitating
gossiping
rumors
making fun of
name calling
ridiculing
possibly ruining someones reputation from anything i said
hurting someones feelings
being rude. nasty hateful mean inconsiderate
being arrogant haughty sarcastic
repeating something that might not be true
insane jealousy
proud
He aimed the handheld temperature taking thermometer at both of my hands. I had told him my left hand was colder. I can tell immediately the difference without touching myself or anything else.
A small child around 5 years old, dressed approprately in winter clothes wearing a coat was throwing a yelling fit at Ward Parkway mall the other day.
The little boy could not just say "I am cold and miserable". The dad/father was standing there doing nothing while the child was miserable in agony. He was wriggling around and said I am cold. Immediately I could relate to this as I feel so cold so easily. The temp outside was chilly to me in the 40s.
I looked at them, told the child to rub his hands together and jump up and down to see if that would make him warm up and feel better.
I DO NOT BELONG in the area with this cold weather!! Neither does that boy.
I try to look good like most women and girls do
Lack of adequate pockets might cost me my life due to the attacks on women carrying purses, bags, handbags, carryons or anything similar.
I witnessed a woman being assaulted in front of United Super grocery store when I was about 22 or 23 years old. I sat in the car with my two children ages 1 and 5, waiting for my husband to come out of the store. Suddenly I saw an elderly woman with short grey hair dressed nice in a leather jacket. She had a purse hanging on her shoulder. A white male approached her and it looked like they were arguing. Then he grabbed the strap of her purse and pulled it hard. She hung on tight to the bag, struggling to keep it. After he was unsuccessful in stealing her purse he ran off into the parking lot.
My mother and my aunt ruth were mugged/ robbed of their pocketbooks while walking. Mother in Northeast Kansas City, Missouri, my aunt on the Plaza.
LOOKING good in clothes with no pockets, shallow or fake faux ones can cost you your life.
Clothing manufacturers ought to be sued for this. However no one would take responsiblity for this. Blaming the woman is the "natural' course of things and always has been. "If she weren't dressed like that" and other bull shit expressions... then I wouldn't have DONE that, comitted that crime against her.
ugliness
nitpicking criticizing others constantly and neglecting to clean up your own self and mess
focusing on lack scarcity poverty stricken mind.
comparing self to others
opening mouth crap coming out. crap is supposed to come out in the morning when you go the bathroom
accusing others of things and ruining their reputation
it is so easy to fall into the hell trap of finding fault with anyone or everyone.. the more you or i do it the uglier I or YOU get/become
a thing i used to tell those many men who asked if i was married, asked if i was available for sex regardless of the fact i was committed to my monogomous relationship
i told them to use their imagination because i wasnt going to do anything with them
and i didnt
sometimes i wonder if i should have
and i return to the thought that fantasy is much better than reality so i am glad i didnt
doesn't get into my money, can't access my bank account
never asks to see receipts when i get groceries or anything else
lots of fresh moving area
sams club huge
nice people are all over. lorna in optical center very nice. older lady not 65 yet
i only know this when i go out
vision place at ward parkway super nice person heath 7-16-91 working there will be back monday
hyvee lees summit grocery. shopping today saturday night what a blast. bought great food i like.
i am beginning to get this down. how to buy food i like. store cook eat
drove home cold air no heat on
dress down, cover up
be emotionless
no makeup frilly feminine things no jewelry paint polish on nails
no smiles at anyone. looks of any kind never look in the eyes at home
dead face
robot actions
when i got back home from grocery shopping
tears.. he had drank some wine out of that short red glass. talked about his oldest brother larry born 1943 dead for a long time now, he was 3 years older than dorothy, his evil brother john who stole kidnapped the mother took her to texas where john lived and she died and he didnt even notify anyone..he only found out his mothers death when he called social security and discovered her death ..
the crying didnt last long as he told me he didnt want to talk and i was to go away
i was saying that when you or i feel grief that nothing will help stop it ..that you must go ahead and cry. so far you have suppressed grief over loss of dead ones and instead replaced it with anger because it is not "cool' for a male to cry, anger is more acceptable. I have rarely seen him cry over anything. any loss of anyone during or after the funerals i have attended with him. ( I AM THE ONE CRYING OVER TONS OF THINGS INSTEAD HE SCREAMS YELLS NITPICKS BLOWS UP IN ANGRY FIT TEMPER TANTRUMS OVER ANYTHING. )
then he stopped crying
he said was thinking of his 78 year old sister dorothy ann... he ought to take her to see xmas lights she likes that kind of stuff..she might die soon... i said i agree she loves that kind of thing and then he said oh its at night she doesnt like to go out at dark.. so i said she likes parks and walks...
then he says he wants to visit with her alone
NOT hAVING ME THERE
which he what he does often
he wants to isolate himself with another person and NOT have me around saying that i dominate the conversation when in fact he is the one that wants total control of the other and will not have a 2 way conversation
i am thinking he knows she will die soon wont last much longer and she in fact only has a car a newer toyota that is worth something and that is really the goal here is to get her to sign over her money insurance cash belongings over to him without me being around, without my knowledge
and i dont give a rats butt about that shit
i told my own father to give away all of his wordly possessions and do whatever makes him happy right before he died and many years before that... you cant take all that money and stuff with you to your grave for crying out loud...
somehow i think the crying was a put on show not real sympathy or grief of loss of any person ..it is more of a fear of losing out on the money he thinks he will get and deserves for just being alive and doing all the great deeds he has done for her or anyone.
to know and act as if I don't know
to fake it, pretend ignorance of the facts
go along with the insane ridiculous bs lies nonsense crazy shit he does and act like everything is okay and normal
to be one way around him and totally myself when i am around others and not in his presence
the dead sister in law. one of 5 sisters of my husband
am realizing that he does a lot of the same things she did and so does the other 4 sisters of the family
karen was...
all about looks
fake put on crying tears acting like she cared about someone but was really feeling sorry for herself
about the money, control,
intensely jealous of anyone anywhere
watched all others carefully, criticizing accusing attacking anytime she could acting as if she was a victim and everyone was after her
managed to work at various places and i have no idea how she could keep a job anywhere with the way she was
followed the news constantly like he does
compared herself to everyone else
jealous envious of anyone anything she thought had something she didnt have
constantly on the phone whining to people
plotting revenge
2 faced fake fako nice to your face then turned savagely threatening
accused us and others of spying on her, tapping her phone line, sabotaging her car, hurting and molesting her daughter
called police so much they made her quit harassing them in lees summit when she lived there
caused disruption and fights wherever she lived
her mother was spiteful jealous towards her and mother could never be pleased with karen or her other 4 daughters
pretended to care about a person by giving some gift ..expected total appreciation thanks and admiration of her because she brought you a thing. several incidences come to mind.. she gave her mother a pair of slippers in pleasant hill missouri senior apartment complex. the mother did not like the gift instead mother marge marjorie came up off the chair charging towards karen lashing out at her yelling i dont like it i hate it dont need your presents...
then turn around do the 180 flipflop by backstabbing lying stealing cheating hating your guts accusations trouble maker caused trouble, fights wherever she goes
accumulated her so called friends to fight in her defense and threaten to kill me, him, us, to murder
made constant threatening phone calls her to my house and would leave continuing messages filling up the answering machine and did it so much that mike finally had our home phone disconnected
accused her own brother of molesting her daughter amber back in 2002 or 2003 or so which incited anger in me at such an accusation which would destroy his life. mike's answer was calm and all he said was " i was never alone with her (the baby girl daughter amber)" he never said ' i did not do it, i would not/never do such a thing to a child as pedophilia, or its not me , ... he never acts irate or disgusted or protective of a child over the idea of a child molester attacking a kid. not like me, i become very protective defensive over the babies, kids, children ...he has zero protective instincts over kids anywhere anytime i have ever been with him somewhere he in fact gets pissed off if i show any concern over the welfare of a child.
loud, vicious, aggressive, attacking, accusatory
feigned faked that innocent little lamb face of beauty / innocence then did the jekyll and hyde devil face in an instant
got on the telephone calling lots of people..i remember her lying on the couch in her apartment in lees summit mo when i was babysitting her daughter. she was calling all kinds of people whining about how terrible these other people were in her life supposedly attacking her, threatening her, following her ..she was paranoid to the max
accused everyone of using her and she was the one doing the using
appearance her face hair clothes body were most important rather than having inner true beauty
stole any type of item thing belonging to others in family or friends or roommates
old karen took me to a mexian restaurant once in lees summit to act like she was being nice doing me a freaking favor only because i was babysitting her baby girl daughter
interesting fact; he likes to go to mexican restaurants also the fast food cheapo taco bell being the favorite exactly like karen when the nicer "sit down" restaurants are much better quality and price and food
I remember this phenonmenon happening when I was around 10 or 11 years old.
the feeling was overwhelming as if I were going to explode from happiness. the grateful joy of all was so intense
anymore it rarely happens.
instead a horrible depression hits with suicide thoughts on my mind
alot is due to past experiences of abuse that pop up and conglomerate into a snowball
and living with a doomsday micromanager person who destroys any moment of joy if he sees a smile on my face
when the tube or cell or internet is on we get absorbed into it blocking out a lot of who or what is in the immediate environment
ambivalent friendship
love hate. no sex. she had turned lesbian. he was heterosexual into sadomasochism and had no one that i know of.
she hated his pigliness filth disorder. his temper tantrums. pushiness. hoarding. greed.
gorging. overdoing. overeating. using her as a chauffeur hauling him around in her lexus loading her car with junk. the same thing he did to me.
he filled his house and 3 large storage units that i know about. there may be more.
first off i realize our situation is strikingly similar to those in some movies
i have not progressed much in being with a different type of person personality.
the inital attraction was strictly physical between us. upon first meeting his demeanor appeared to be nice, kind, humble, clean, detailed, intelligent and not trying to get at me and made no pass
now after being around here 33 years..it was 37 years ago when we met...i have realized some of the most irritating things that i no longer want to put up with
Nitpicking me to death over everything. especially my looks, what i am wearing
Unclean dirty ways and habits
Rudeness disguised as being honest
Name calling of me and everyone else
Never getting dressed up or going anywhere nice
Obsessions with weather, news, politics, disasters
Doubt and negativity regarding all things
Micromanaging all as he is in control of me and the world
Neighbors: focusing on them and acting nice, appearing like a great guy to them and treating me like a fucking doormat
Getting up early then expecting me to jump and run immediately
Forcing me to watch and listen to shit he likes
Music, movies he likes ( I hate these: new age, boston, kansas, politics, news, commercials..)
Leaving the radio blasting and vent turned on in his vehicle when starting it
Impulsiveness
Rarely plans for outings of any kind
Hates social gatherings and
If people visit he forces them to watch and listen to the stuff he likes
He turns the radio, tv, etc onto the channels he watches around other people
Questions everything I do
Gets in my way. Blocks me. Makes a good door not a window
Inability to understand the simplest things. Social ineptitude
Suspicious, Paranoid
Mean, vengeful, hateful, rude
Eating trash junk all througout the day everyday
Scattering crap all over the kitchen table, living room table, his bathroom counter, anywhere and everywhere
filthy bathroom, bedroom, garage, living room
Floors: everytime I sweep he bitches about dust..and takes over floor cleaning, vacuuming, all of it. Uses filthy black rag to wipe floor
Wears same clothes over and over and stinks. Shirts, jeans, underwear, socks, thermals worn many times
Uses stinky spray on armpits sometimes like when he went to vote
Wont open car door for me or most doors
Runs ahead of me when walking, not side by side
Stares around at other people when we go anywhere instead of looking at me and talking to me
Inability to have a conversation. It is all one way only. Talks about his interests. Ignores what I say.
Tells me I talk about nonsense, unimportant stuff
Calls me a stupid idiot. Tells me I think I know it all when he is the one that thinks he knows it all
Porn obsession. Movies, mags..who knows what all he has hidden around this place. Some of it I found in the garage in a cardboard box, some tapes he had hidden in his bedroom. Raw, sex tapes of many different scenes, some are one woman with several men, some are women and women together. some have sodomy, lots of anal fucking and oral sex as well as vaginal penetration.
Cake; spends 17 dollars on carrot cake eats one piece at a time just like john layson has tea with milk in it. john had to have coffee with his dessert. Makes cakes buys cookies sweets treats doughnuts frequently. has to have dessert right after a meal (just like john did).. then gets mad if I would spend a lot on a huge chunk of good quality meat.
Ridicules me for spending any money on clothes just like john did once when i was savers thrift i spent 32 dollars he made snide nasty comment about it.
Hates smoking. Yet fills up on unhealthy sugar fats
buys premade premixed convenience food constantly because it is fast easy tastes good
shops at dollar stores, dollar tree, general and buys snacks often instead of buying a large container of quality nuts or an economical bag of high quality chocolate
thinks he can tell if food is good just by smelling it
sticks his fingers in the food, wipes off bbq sauce bottle with his finger then licks his finger. totally unhygienic. says his hands are clean.
fills up refrigerator with trash junk sweets hamburger helper cakes pies some fruit and vegetables, little containers of old crap sauces. puts little pieces of food in a plastic container which gets shoved to the back and i find later on black and moldy
throws a fit when we go to a nice restaurant like a steak house and complains constantly about the price of the food. i have told him for years that you may spend more on that burger and fries at a nice place but you get to eat off of it at least twice maybe 3 times so it costs the same or less than fast food joints like burger king, hardees, wendys, taco bell
uses ebay to buy things often just like john layson did. doesnt want to go thru effort to sell items. buyer only. leaves that selling job to me and expects me to spend my time doing it then if item sells will split money half 50/50 with me then tells me i dont do anything around here
accumulates junk old crap for years hides things in boxes fills up the shed and 2 extra storage areas he built with his junk then tells me i am using up most of the space at this house
mixed patterns and colors of items all over. doesnt bother him at all just like john. john said he like to look at all these different things in the same room which drives me insane.
freaks out when i spray disinfectant, room fresheners of any kind and if he sees any dust flying in the air when i sweep or shake out the blankets
has to have outside noise going most of the time like wearing headphones or earphones which i hate just like john layson
focuses on how much electricity is used according to watts amps of everything i use and ignores some of the things he uses like stereo equipment, television
hates night lights anywhere. unplugs or turns them off if i have one on
likes to think he is the master in charge of everything and has all the money and i am poor, broke and dependent upon him.
rollercoaster emotions like love me one minute hate my guts the next
refuses to spend money on entertainment things including dinner theaters, movies, concerts, bowling, virtually any type of thing like amusement parks which are fun
had free tickets to a beatles thing given to me by a friend of my son and he invited chuck strand. during the show we stood up and the music was playing and he told me not to dance
cant stand it when i move. not to ever show any skin off my body and definitely no dancing or yoga or any flexibility of my body shown to anyone unless it is him then he doesnt want to watch me move if he does he immediately wants sex when i am not even interested
the only time he appreciates seeing me happy smiling is during sex other than that it is constant misery and frustration
obsessed with politics and news just like john. john taught politics was a college teacher of it, majored in it.
given the boot
abandoned
divorced
alone
single
they know how to work
the rest of their life is a mess
vern friend of tom presbury back in 1979 1980
tom introduced me to this man vern. i was 19 going thru divorce from ex husband perry. vern was divorced. his wife got rid of him. he introduced me to the ex wife and she was blonde very honest intelligent and told me the truth about him and men. she became fed up and disgusted with him and divorced him.
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tom stitz, volvo only . works on his own and mothers cars. never married. lives with mother in her basement. has had relationships always looking for the perfect woman and never found her yet. many years ago sent me emails about sex and how we supposedly were perfectly compatible according to astrology charts. tried to get me to go to a motel room which i refused. never had anything to do with this guy except for business. he focuses on turntables, electronics, buying and selling mostly expensive equipment. he is not attractive to me in any way shape or form and i have never acted as if i would ever have sex with him . is into occult , conspiracy theory news, health and nutrition vitamins herbs liver cleansing.. talks about his associations with famous and wealthy and knowledgable people. says has been to malaysia.
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devin z, mid 20s young adult says is bi sexual. very good communication understanding . never made a pass at me. polite respectful. mother is full blown narcissist..
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some are just like a savage
cant understand, dont listen, superstitious, lack curiosity, form opinions and say they are facts
lack understanding, language skills are subprime basic level sometimes just grunts and groans ..words are often misinterpreted and used improperly
training a person who is over a certain age and attempting to teach them manners, civility, empathy, language is almost impossible
if they did not learn to be polite, inquisitive, empathetic and benevolent things when they were children it is doubtful they will learn it as a teen or and adult over 18
cannot learn, unteachable, not trainable after a certain age
they only believe when they see and often believe in imaginary things that are not proven
he ignores it, mocks it, discredits it and say you think you know it all dont you
know my mind and body
if i would not have put others first a whole lot of abuse would never have happened
he persuaded me to come to his house. wanted me to paint signs for his auction business. i did. hung them on telephone poles
i sat in a chair in his living room
he approached me and said i bet youre a tiger in bed
meaning fuck like an animal a cat
i made it out untouched and alive
he was an old auctioneer. denzal lentz. or lantz. raytown missouri close to valencia apartments he lived
found address on truepeoplesearch
9504 e 84th st and
8614 e utopia dr
july 1923 his birthdate
i was born 1961 so he is 38 years older than me. so he was 66
.. maybe i could find the incident in my journals.
some of it is true. i have plenty of things and a house to live in
however i have been alone as far as having friends for years
i am not alone only because i am married to him
and he often shoves me away tells me to leave, go away when i choose to discuss something he disagrees with, doesn't understand or does not want to do
cleaning up this house has taken far too long. years and years of accumulation
i am fed up with clutter and junk
i want a nice clean functional beautiful home to live in
overrides my decisions on many things
all purchases must be his idea, at least he has to conclude it was his decision even though I have made statements regarding many things for many years
only when he thinks it is his original decision will he get rid of some old stuff and get new things
if I get it first he says I/we don't need it
therefore criticizes nitpicks judges ridicules condemns almost everyone else in the world
finds fault with literally everything
Citizen Kane
story line. man has money, riches, status, beautiful woman in his life. ignores her needs.
Diary of a mad housewife
man seeks money, status, material things, sex. he isn't happy or appreciative of what he's got.
in diary of a mad housewife the husband
nitpicks his wife to death criticizing her looks, actions, duties, expects instant roll in the hay when he demands it, treats her like a slave maid housekeeper.
her emotional needs are not met at all. she has a sex based only affair with a man met at a party. the man was straight up honest about what he want: a sexual based "relationship" only with zero emotional involvemnt.
at the end of the movie we find out the husband, a lawyer/attorney has lost his bogus investments in a winery. he is broke is going to lose his job and has been having an affair with a woman named margot.
he told his wife to stay out of all of his financial dealings when she asked about his doings. he would not listen to her advice, statements, comments about anything.
sounds like exactly what I am going through. SAME OLD STORY
in my life he has the money seeks more of it, total independence and secrecy of his actions regarding everything. found out he sends money to bogus political conspiracy theory place(s). the last i saw on his cc statement. he sends 100 dollars a month to this place (lof; lindell offense fund) while screaming at me he needs more money from me to pay the bills around here he has been paying; the property taxes, car insurance. he spends large amounts of money on snacks junk food items cakes pies fast instant food at stores and restaurants. he does not want to spend any money on paying for sex so he would seek out freebies if he did it. he does not want to spend any money on tickets or any kind of entertainment activities, hobbies or sports things like bowling camping anything.
i have no proof he has cheated or his cheating so i do not know for sure.
holidays birthdays get togethers picnics celebrations not done due to the circumstances living with a hater
she was living in a nice community style home she called her office
the man she was seeing, whatever his name was I don't know was taking her shopping etcetera
he was in the house watching her walk, talk and circle the room as I witnessed this
he didnt say much until I heard him say to her "let's go to a motel room.."
and all she was talking about is wanting a hamburger
she is a short tiny little thing full of energy and spunk
a beautiful girl/lady/woman all the way around
who was this guy and is he still around
another example of the him that just wants the sex
this is why he hung around her and ran her around doing favors
she is one year older than me born in april 1960 so at the time i was 47 or 48
she was 48 or 49 years old still cute as a button kewpie doll
------------
she told me the true story of some guy that lived with her before in kansas .. i cant remember his name..and that all he had to do was keep a job and he couldn't even do that so she left
she is a very beautiful intelligent talented creative loving kind clean hard working independent woman. loves to cook, loves babies, children, family, pets, get togethers, vacations, having fun, chilling out, organizing just like i do
she said that is why she is not with a man.. they do not do and act as they should
and they don't, at least most of the ones i have been with
i have been a magnet for ass holes due to my ignorance, naivete, kindness and false beliefs
i know not all men are the same as i have witnessed a lot in public who genuinely appear to love their woman and show it in every way possible...hand holding, hugs, protective behavior, looking at her and listening to her, focusing on whatever is going on around them together instead of running off, staring off into space/the distance and ignoring the woman he is with like the way i am treated
a can of tamales
a package of bacon
acts like he owns some things that are not his
these things said are lies
I am sorry
I feel bad for so and so
I like to see you happy
I would love to see you have a good job making a lot of money
I love you
I care about you
I appreciate you
first and foremost. purchases things for himself.
not concerned with getting or doing anything for anyone to see them happy
does things out of sheer feeling of obligation
reluctantly gives anything to anyone
remembers everly dollar and little thing "given" to anyone
trusting other people
taking bad advice
not taking good advice
being naive, trusting, trustworthy
being taken for granted
detailed. trying to be perfect
living with losers
talking too much
revealing too many personal details about myself or anyone else in conversations
associating with just anybody. not having more discretion
letting anyone in my house
believing criminals reform and want to change their behavior and become ethical and motivated by intrinsic values
believing in the image a person presents in public
revealing what i want to do, have done, experienced and witnessed
allowing abusive behavior, verbal and physical
not having friendships with ethical people
talks about how he is ripped off, gets the short end of the stick
never has enough money or anything
does things and doesnt get paid enough
nobody wants to pay him
says he pays for everything and does everything around here and i have contributed very little
runs around constantly pissed off
doubtful of all people, good outcomes and things
says people give him piddly gifts
does not appreciate any small efforts made by anyone
says it wont last regarding any job or thing or good thing
neglects to mention, talk about, realize all the money, material things and people he has in his life
the poor little me syndrome
focuses on negative outcomes of all things
focuses on disasters, war, famine, shortages, lack, poverty, fighting, destruction
takes advantage of any person, place, thing or situation and says everyone else takes advantage of him
does not enjoy giving anything to anyone. stingy. throws it back it my face when he does something for me or gives me something ..never really gives anything because he keeps track and remembers whatever he did or "gave" to me or anyone
thinks other people have it better
nothing is ever good enough
chronic complainer
spends hundreds and thousands of dollars on items for himself and fails to admit it
focuses on any little thing i spend money on for myself and hates it, magnifies the amount of money i spend
drinks alcohol sugary drinks daily
doesn't listen to me and says i don't listen to him
complained about how he has paid for all the property taxes every year since hes been here, pays car insurance and same old whine about it he does every year at this time and same accusations about how little i have paid until i finally gave him a check for 300 dollars and i know that wont stop him from bitching .
i get 515 a month he gets 1060
expects me to pay half the bills and cost of living
he wants a roommate tenant to collect rent from not a wife, not a relationship. before my back was this visibly bad looking he expected me to do all the hard manual labor he does like a man, work a full time job, earn as much as he does without a formal education, do all grocery food household cleaning and laundry supply shopping.
he expects me to look good and be pleasant and agree with everything he says and does. to give up myself, my interests, my friends i used to have. my family.
Those have to be paid for all they do
They will work for the money not out of kindness
They are apathetic, mean and venomous when they dont get something in return, dont want to help anyone unless there is something in it for them
in their armchair
passing judgement
watching sports and not participating
watching beauty contests and cant look in the mirror
soaking up news could never be a reporter
giving advice and not living it
know what everyone else should do but not themselves
pointing their finger at others
Sums up my life
Caretaker, caregiver
Babysitter
Maid
Trusted trustworthy watch person
Doormat
Slave
Cheap date, girlfriend, wife
Tax preparer
Bill payer
Cook
Laundress
Masseuse
Counselor
Never been appreciated
Never been paid much money for any job
Mocked for my likes, information, hobbies, interests, dreams, work, appearance
that is a show of very low self confidence
HE is the one who fights
a woman of value will walk straight away from a loser, a failure, a man who is out looking, learing, cheating his ass off on his woman
Be it
a woman, a house, car, land, business, pets, animals, money, possessions..
whatever he thinks he owns is what he will fight for
anytime he says something about me or someone else I say he is that very thing
i told him you call others what you are
has hardly any resistance to certain things
like anything that looks edible mostly snacks and sweets
can't keep his hands off anything
and ignores what i say
minimizes, questions, shits on, discounts whatever i say or do
erratic behavior
mood swings
impulsivity
angry outbursts
uncontrollable words and actions
inducing criminal behavior, meanness, rudeness, theft, crime, abuse mental and physical,
inability to accept simple, plain ordinary,
inability to fully relax
easily bored
nitpicking attacking others
basis for forming unhealthy addictions to substances or activities
craving sugar, sweets, cakes, brownies, cookies, pies, doughnuts, breads, rolls
happens almost everytime i eat
just had
white hamburger bakery bun
white turkey meat i cooked last saturday. slice of aldis brand pepper jack cheese. mustard.
onion, iceberg lettuce, home grown tomato , pretzels, aldis plain waffle potato chips , tzatziki dip from sams club, carrots celery. pinto and black beans i cooked today in the instant pot. beans have onion, garlic and salt.
i want to find out why i have so much terrible pain in my left side back when i eat. is it a particular food, is it the amount?
what causes tiredness afterwards?
he constantly listens to and reads "news" from conspiracy theory sites
that focus on war, crime, espionage, pedophilia, treason, espionage, execution, death
HE IS PHOBIC, has phobia which is more than fear
He said today, again
"I will be happy when mainstream media puts this stuff out on the news then you will know it is true"
puts his headphones back on then sticks a dum dum candy sucker in his mouth and has dental problems cavities
SO THAT MEANS ALOT OF THIS SHIT IS NOT TRUE, IT IS MADE UP BOGUS BULL SHIT
I expect something to work properly
I expect simple politeness, common courtesy most children are taught and should know
I express that somehing is out of line, disorderly, dirty, unkempt
You must express it
Must experience it all alone
No one can help you
While you learn and deal with it
Crying on someone's shoulder won't fix me or you
Create bitches
Whores
Mean women
Cowtowing slaves
Bad women
Stripped of their sweet little girl gifts and niceness
So cute in my youth even into my 50s
That I wasn't aware of my pretty self, always comparing myself to beauties which I thought I wasn't at all. Lots of people told me I was beautiful up until a few years ago.
To return to the way I was..can I be like that again
After almost 50 years of abuse by the men in my life
My face shows it
My personality became unlike me. .loud, aggressive assertive defensive due to being attacked and controlled criticized scrutinized to death. Used like a wet rag door mat slave. Not appreciated nor loved.
Prefers to eat out over home cooked food
Forces food upon me and others
Eats every couple of hours snacks a lot
Sugary drinks liked
Doesn't want to relax while eating at a restaurant
Criticized partner family members and people to death
Full of shoulds
Trying to impress
Status public image dominates takes precedence over the way they treat spouse wife children
Money motivated
House truck car material things top priority
What will the neighbors think. Don't embarrass me attitude
Mother haters
Sex and duty duties are expected out of wife. No relationship exists outside of that
Obsessed with videos tv radio blasts it loud and does it while people are eating so they can't focus on the meal
Demanding entitled attitude as if they are the king and don't have to do lowly duties like dishes and cleaning house
Yet will make tremendous efforts to keep their car washed
Lights off demanded
Oogles teen girls
Will work for money
Will connive wheel and deal to get what they want
One has at least one concubine. The other I am not sure
Impulsive and rash
Conniption fit if you touch their car truck
Protective over taking good care of material things but not careful with people who are close to them
With other people and strangers is very polite
expects everything to be their way and inconsiderate of others needs and wants
throws temper tantrums when something doesn't go the way they think it should
impulsive
uncontrollable anger
vengeful, spiteful
rude
mean
arrogant
haughty
always wants me to cover myself up
doesn't want me talking to people, anyone
expects me to agree with everything he says and does
corrects whatever i say or do
if i move something he moves it back or somewhere else
maintains a lot of false beliefs thinks they are facts
maintains separate financial accounts, bank, credit card which is very good for both of us
uses cash whenever possible
pays bills right before due date
leaves things laying out so he can find them
once in awhile buys something different
fairly predictable in his impulsivity
wake up early, bathroom, take a shower, dress, check weather and news on cell, go to laptop look at god knows what, get breakfast often cereal sometimes a pot pie always something easy to fix, decide on someplace to go and then be gone for a few hours driving around
only thing is i really dont know all the places he goes when i am not with him
i do know he pays close attention to all the neighbors when he drives by their houses and cranks head over and back to see houses and often does this while he is driving out of the neighborhood.
no makeup, eyes mascara, shadow, blush, rouge, lipstick colors
no colored nail polish
no fancy hairdoes hairdo ornaments
no fancy jewelry gold gems diamonds silver necklaces earrings
no weird hair colors like pink purple blue bright red yellow orange white
no revealing, skin tight , sheer, holey fishnet clothes
no bare arms and shoulders
no midriff middle stomach belly showing
no funky strong stinking colognes perfumes scents of any kind
no bad breath
no cussing cursing foul mouth
no tattoos marking of any kind of the body
no fake eyebrows shaved off and painted or tatooed on the face
no yellow teeth in fact do not smile much and show the teeth
no loud talking yelling screaming
no constant chatter running your mouth saying nothing
no gossiping about anyone at anytime
no stories reflections memories of the past
no past at all conversed in any conversation: ACT innocent dumb naive like i dont know anything
no previous relationship mentioned ..ever
be natural and cover yourself up
no sexy undergarments of hosiery stockings clothes of any kind. period.
stayed with a couple of young men at their homes, owned by their parents mother and father
lived in the basement at one he fed me potatoes because they were cheap and thought his mom and dad wouldnt miss the food that i ate
the other person let me sleep in an unused bedroom and kept my presence away from his parents and he fed me potatoes too
i was bone thin at the time half starved to death
these 3 were all molested by their own father when they were just little girls
Martha, sister of Mary. a girl with a bad temper fits of jealousy over me or anyone else
Mary : became a professional at hallmark cards. artist. very nice person always trying to make people happy calm them down. said the father was a control freak over her mother and entire family which was 3 daughters and a son named sam/samuel.
the father of martha and mary was an alcoholic. came into her or marthas room at night after mother went to bed.
Diane. bore her own father's child, a son, a boy and forced to raise it as her brother. she told me she killed her dad method poisoning i think. she was a beautiful woman .. her attitude though was very rough and hard acting treating the males in her life like dogs. probably fearing if she were nice and not controlling they would hurt her
Debra:
listening, having a two way conversation is
out of the question
he will only talk about his stuff, things, interest, hobbies, work
and focus on what he wants
that way they dont have to work for it
they dont have to shop, cook, clean up a mess
dont have to read a book, a story or talk to her at all
they can just absorb themselves into the video and audio have no conversation with her
and feed their face with no effort on their part
and then say they worked hard gave it all they got and busted nuts and balls to get her
later if he is inclined he can toss her a grain or a ring some flower like roses when he tries to butter her up after being a total ass or right after one of his cheating episodes he did either in fantasy land or for real
takes zero effort to go buy a piece of jewelry or flower or any item like candy
this makes him look good as if he has done something important
in reality he tosses out a crumb once in awhile and expects tons of adoration gratitude and being worshipped like a king by this womn or that female
work hard, work your ass tail off, has 3 phds masters degrees be intelligent smart savvy wise and be as nice as can be and still
that won't stop him from criticizing ridiculing the hell out of you and
looking around gawking at all the other women
and if he is the kind of man who takes action
he goes out and chases all the tail he can get
while ignoring his wife putting her down and
boosting himself up by doing hard work and hobbies man things that make him happy and make him look good and boost his status with all the neighbors the public and any strangers or family
so it is not so obvious
whatever i do i cannot cover it all up
the hideous monster back i have
the way i look
no wonder people look the other way
GONE are the belts and ties and purses around my waist
the once hourglass figure i had is not there
my mid section abdomen stomach area is still flat but the sides are totally uneven and the back looks like i am carrying a load of a pile of something looking like a log that must weight 30 lbs or more
the pastor seeks fresh young fertile females in his harem
majority of males i have known want the sex and not the end result of a baby child children offspring..they just want to perform the act and be unaccountable for their actions
he will ball anything he can especially when he is in private and thinks he wont be caught
males seek harem group of females only they have access to; true of deer, cats, lions, dogs, humans and others i do not know how many species are like this
if the male cant do it in real life he finds imaginary fantasy ways or surrogate actions with parts or substances designed to fufill his sexual urges, to have sex with as many as possible via moves pictures tapes magazines or just whenever he looks anywhere and sees an attractive looking person he would like to screw
he keeps track in his mind of any possible object or person or whatever that he wants to fuck
his memory is excellent when it comes to remembering the look on her face (or his face in the case of bisexual or homosexual people) that indicates whether or not the object is going to want to do it or might be trappable, catch able, obtainable
peeping all over is common . sometimes they use binoculars
he will lie, cheat, sneak around doing these things and when caught usually deny all of his actions
he will use any means necessary to lure trap seduce or if he is a forceful narc sociopath psychopath he will attack rape and kill to get the sex giving him a total sense of control over his victim
he feels threatened by a smart educated woman who knows about the methods of males boys men because she exposes him for what he is so he would like to hurt her, beat her up, kill her, shut her mouth up
met this guy at my sons school. his son was also a student
i was gettting started in painting house and wanted to learn
he was all about himself and how perfect he was and how excellent he thought his work was
another ego centered person i have known
since i was willing to work and learn he immediately took advantage of my
gullible naive stupid self and hired me right away to work for minimum wage about 5 bucks dollars an hour
as one of his slaves
he did the same thing to tracy the chunky girl about 20 plus years younger than him that he was screwing while he was still married to his wife
i designed drew sketched a sign that looked nice and professional he like it alot so he put it in his back window of his pickup truck ..it said peterson remodeling
he had a few good points..he showed me tips and tricks
i was married and he wanted to have sex with me but he was pretty good at holding himself back so i give him credit for not pushing his fat body upon me or raping me ..i was already being raped at home by my own husband who felt entitled to do so
vern bought me a poster for my wall for christmas that year..it was the desiderata one of my favorite poems
that was very nice
when i woke up this morning around 930 am i remembered carbon monoxoid poisoning from car exhaust fumes
wait until he is gone
put van in garage. lock cats outside. close gaps under inside garage door. close windows in garage.
place burial deed and prepaid cremation on the ledge by the stairs so he sees it
i failed at 17 when i slit my wrists with a razor blade at 8 months pregnant
i failed at 18 took a bottle of pills
failed again in my 30s taking pills
i was in the hot tub spa at the community center a few months ago and staring into the water thinking about drowning in it. the lifeguards wouldnt be able to revive me if i were on drugs that worked. it only takes 3 minutes to die without oxygen air. how long would i be underwater before someone noticed?
the bathtub at home would be best if i only had a sedative that was foolproof . i could be in the tub for an hour or more before he would even think about checking on me.
after being stabbed thousands of times with cruel words, insults, threats, viciousness
and faux strangled, hit, slapped, punched, kicked, shoved
you killed the love i had
then think you can magically bring my death back to life according to your desire and convenience
The way I used to be when I was a little girl up into my 20s.
1965. My Age 4. Molestation began by a 16 year old male named David Newman in Kansas City, MO who was the brother of the woman named Sue who was supposed to be babysitting me.
The quiet ones won't talk and tell what he did to her. At least that is what they think. Abusers think you won't talk and worse, they pretend like you will forget what they did to you. They even dismiss their actions as not being abusive even though they do this shit in secrecy, undercover, hiding their dreadful actions somewhere where no one else can see. In my case, David locked me in the shed in the backyard. He made fun of me when I ate, the way I "chewed my ice cream" as I sat at that kitchen table. He put me in that shed, closed the door..very dark in there.. and said "stay here i will be back" and I dreaded him coming back as I cowered in corner trying to hide myself so he couldn't see or find me . But he came back, every time. He would ask me "Where do you want it now? In the puss or in the mouth?" And I vomited. to this day the smell of semen makes me heave and vomit.
Until later on when they grow up, get older and wiser and reveal all. Like me. If they live long enough. If they don't kill themselves first. Or be murdered by the abuser.
I have a grand niece who is almost mute.
She is 15 years old and beautiful. Blonde, nice figure. At age 5 her grandma found out she was being sexually abused by a man who is close friends with her father. Nobody (the mother and father of the niece) wants grandma to talk to anyone and tell about the abuse this girl has suffered. The dad says "Just don't think about it or talk about it. It's no big deal," in regards to the things that have been done to his own daughter. He covers for the totally inappropriate actions of his friend, the molester. He runs the house like a tyrant dictator focusing on how hard he works how much money he spent and micromanages everyone in the house. His wife, mother of the 15 year old, is an alcoholic. She is now overweight, fat in the middle. She hurts. She was once the littlest cutest and very quiet little girl. Today she is outgoing and loud and drinks smokes cusses and works hard at her job. The night shift ..a way to avoid her husband who is an early morning day person. She puts up with his tyrannical abuse and control and even covers his bad actions and theft. Why? She is 53 years old now, mother of 3 of his children and feels obligated to pay homage to this dictator.. she has nowhere else to go, nothing else to do and is being the loyal faithful wife while he does whatever he wants to do. Lying about insurance claims, stealing and sabotaging cars, furniture, whatever he can do to get a buck. The money he is after.
One day Madison will talk. So far she remains silent and has been in and out of psychiatric mental health care professionals, been put on drugs to "sedate, calm, help" her. She has attempted suicide several times. She won't even give her own grandmother a hug due to fear of being touched.
Perry Montgomery 1951-2014 junkman junker auto mechanic, heating and a/c. egotistical braggart. sex maniac. preferred young girls but would have sex with any available ones around. flirted with waitresses in front of me all the time and ignored me at home unless he wanted sex which was daily every night before going to sleep. dirty filthy rarely showered or brushed his green teeth and green fungus filled feet and toes. wore same old filthy socks and clothes.
Ed M 1961-now. detests cleaning anything. scatters his stuff all over home and stores junk at other peoples houses and places. Egotistical. Braggart. thinks he is smarter than everyone else. memorizes trivia math whiz encyclopedic mind. arrogant. dirty body. shaggy hair on face and head. Major porn addiction; movies vhs tapes on his computer websites with links lots of them showing women females girls being raped in their sleep. He raped me in my sleep countless times then claimed a wife cant file charges against ther husband in the state of Missouri. Entitled acting as if he is a king.
John Wilson 1949-2002. electrician by trade. thief criminal burglar drug addict, alcoholic, sex maniac by nature. Impregnated countless unknown number of females and never took care of any of his children or any woman he fucked. Instead he beat them up. homeless. never kept track of anything. didnt shower or bathe often. stunk. When sober was laughing alot acting childish and fun loving. Once when he was over here he ran into my bathroom chasing me when no one was looking and forced a kiss on me. How disgusting. That day I happened to be in a good mood and smiling alot which I now realized affected his mood towards me. He would sense whatever mood i was in and if I ever felt sad or upset he would become violent hit me kick me shove me down to the ground. He closely watched other people and stole whatever he could get from anyone. Forced me to drink and I was pregnant.
Norman R 1920-2002 junkyard home. automobile parts scattered everywhere even buried underground where he lived in raytown and when moved to kingsville, missouri until his death. hardly ever bathed when he did it was rain water with a rag. wore old rag clothes.
John Layson 1946-2023 hoarder collector obsessed with hundreds of things. dirty filthy might go 2 weeks without taking a shower. hated cleaning anything. encyclopedic mind memorizing music trivia and math whiz. sex addiction all kinds of hard core pornography on tape dvd ..he put most of the porn in his bedroom and in the den room he called his office. his computer was filled with porn sex whipping sex slavery websites.
Gina at Midwest Import Auto. "controller, accounting" files for customers and keys scattered all over the office. she laid me off/fired me for cleaning up her mess. she was so disorganized that the company failed. she had fake nice sweet voice at first and in public then turned into nasty bitch when i called her on the carpet she had to face the fact she was a mess. she treated her husband like total shit, acting like she was some kind of queen bee princess. she was fat but had a pretty face. She mocked me when I said stuff like "did you know when a fly lands on something it poops every time".
Marielle the hoarder taking 40 meds a day. she detested cleaning but did take a bath. Food addictions to all kinds especially her sweets and cookies and milk and wine . Sex addiction. said she was polyamorous. she tried to have sex with a teenage boy across the street and any male that would have her. she said sex relieved her pain and acted like people should feel sorry for her.
Mike S
history reveals thousands of incidents in my life proving to me why I am avoided, hated, disrespected
People have different ways of indicating they don't like me or you
some come right out and say it directly. some lash out phyisically and hit me
some are silent, dont say a word. they ghost, avoid, neglect, ignore
wont talk to me
dont want me/you around
do not invite me to anything
no get togethers, gatherings, holiday, nothing
isolation exclusion scapegoat avoidance neglect ignore ghost
He and lots of other people I know and have known
are more absorbed in the big screen than are in the real life
Once to display starts they are engrossed in it and ignore their own family and surroundings
I was
Perfectly pretty
perfectly clean
in a spotless new house
new everything
it wasnt a dream
it was real
it was me
before i fell in a sewer
in the other world out there
the one my grandma warned me about
little red riding hood
captured in the woods by the devil who appeared to be the white knight in shining armor
but when the sun went down his black evil came out behind closed doors
when the sun rose he went outside and appeared as an angel again to all
but me
Now I have become a queen living a public dream
and a private nightmare
on elm street
she has two faces, one sweet and one mean
she learned this magic lesson from her king
the forked tongue serpent lashing love and pain
she dodges his daggers with her dance
he screams. he cant catch her in his trap of fear and doubt
she bounces in her bubble he cant break
he tries to get in her
she slips away
he thinks he will win
he doesnt know he lost her
long ago from all his little cuts and stabs
her wounds are deep scars
dead forever
her eyes have become lifeless. the princess sparkle gone
she sleeps, the beauty
only a true noble king can revive her
i knew it was dirty because it is difficult to deep clean around him when hes here but after getting down on my hands and knees tonight looking at the floor the baseboards closet and under the bed using a flashlight i could really see the dead bugs cobwebs dirt hairs food pieces.
its sick and disgusting.
i saw a live spider in a web under the baseboard electric heater.
this is not me and the way i want to live.
having to creep around in the dark to wait for him to go to bed or leave the house so i can clean
when changing sheets in bedroom 2
dont remember last time they were changed. its been months.
a new mattress whenever he bought it years ago. only us two have slept in this house and on that bed as far as i know.
stain is round, dark reddish brown about 7 or 8 inches on diameter on the top layer and side on long edge of mattress. is it blood? what is it? what could it be?
i dont bleed. no period since 2010 march.
wish i had a forensic lab or could hire one.
also discovered a sealed in plastic toothpick on the floor in bedroom 2. strange. he uses those when we eat at a restaurant that has them. i dont. he uses unsealed wood toothpicks at home that he got at walmart and keeps in a dispenser on the kitchen table. as far as i know he doesnt eat in the bedroom unless hes sick and sleeping in bedroom 3 his room.
also some large yellowish mysterious stains appeared on my new queen mattress in the master bedroom a year or so after i had it.
i checked his new mattress in bedroom 3. no stains on it.
do these new mattresses automatically stain themselves?
creepy things happen in my own house.
gary age 67 seeks 28 year old blonde beautiful russian lady. uses online communication to chat with her and says she is stuck and needs help getting out of the country. he feels sorry for her and dreams of having her. he is divorced. said ex would drink get drunk act horrible to him when he came home from work. owns real estate houses uses them as bed and breakfast. former screen writer crime fictions and arts photography entertainment field. owns later model car not sure of make and model.
vincent age 64 seeks power in politcs, running for governor in MO. decided being alone is his choice and destiny fate for now. has had countless females in various of the united states. most sex relationships brief not more than 2 years at a time. decided to remain friends with these women in various states across the country. former engineer for the city. mechanic of things and automobiles has pickup truck and car. used to store things in minnesota.
tony g age 58 seeks 21 year latin or spanish mexican young lady/girl. he is single never married never lived with a woman as far as anyone knows. early morning riser. works 6 days a week. house is cluttered dirty needs lots of repairs. has 2 work vans. used to have full size pickup truck/chevrolet.
darin age 58. married 28 yr old female who lives overseas in phillipines. he sends her thousands of dollars monthly and visits her once or twice a year obviously just for the sex while he is there. early morning riser. self employed usually works 6 days a week in various places missouri and kansas. house is cluttered like a hoarder, dirty, needs repairs.
darin seeks any female that looks good he sees anywhere be it while shopping in various stores, thrift, grocery, supply houses, hardware, auto parts, service stations. seeks out sex partners while he is anywhere, online places like craigslist or while working or in any neighborhood. has 2 grown adult children one male one female. self employed handyman painter. last live in woman gave him sex anytime he wanted and he nailed as many other women as he could while living with her sometimes leaving earlier in the morning for work and screwing the female then returning later at home to have sex with his live in woman who loved him dearly and did all kinds of household cleaning and yard lawn work chores and held down a job and did his taxes.
sean age 56.
