empty, used up, in pain physically and emotionally
treated like a doormat
alone except for one person in the house i live in which is husband. marriage on paper
Friday, July 5, 2024
Food made today and recently
homemade cole slaw
brown rice with broccoli, portabella mushrooms, parmesan, potato water, parsley
home made potato salad
earlier today july 4th I ate one eckrich sausage on a piece of gut health bread with lots of mustard, homemade potato salad, cole slaw, a sweet pickle spear, one home grown tomato
around 1 am july 5th ate brown rice with mushrooms mixture
Thursday, July 4, 2024
More vital things
I always wanted to work, to learn . My work means nothing. My curiosity and knowledge mean nothing. My diligence, my efforts , my caring are worthless in the minds of others.
Whatever i was working on was not important to anyone but me
I was being watched, sabotaged, criticized, bushwacked, outdone in all settings of work, school, family, relationships
I have thousands of examples, events that happened to me by many people that i can recall and write about
This behavior is not exclusive to me. It is commonplace human treatment worldwide. To watch, compare, sabotage, seize, steal, cheat, hoard, own, control, dominate.
We all want attention. We want it all. We want everything that looks good, tastes good, feels good. No one else deserves any of it.
You cannot really tell how ethical or nice anyone is. Some appear to be pillars of good publicly and later on found out to be rotten logs in reality.
Learned some vital things in my life
I concentrate best alone in the middle of the night. I cant get much done during the day when most people are awake and busy . Crowded areas and streets are common
Most people make better doors than windows, often getting in my way or getting on my nerves in some way
People tend to be anchors, dead weights
I work and accomplish most thoughts and activities solitary with no interruptions from anyone or anything
People can and will turn on a dime, their moods, feelings , attitudes and actions changing as quick as lightning
So.. i just got interrupted at 3:10 am .. exactly what i was talking about and didnt want to happen.
Raining all night and he gets up and opens the hole he cut out in the floor of my bedroom. He turns on a pump to drain water out of a 6 foot deep hole he dug under my room in the crawlspace. The hole fills up with water. It is riduculous to have this situation. There was no hole dug out under my room until he did it a year and a half ago the fall of 2022 when foundation company he hired came out here digging and jacking up the house. Nothing they did or he has done has fixed the leaking that happens in 3 spots in this house. The basement pantry wall leaks, the outside room he built on the northeast corner fills up with water and now that 6 ft deep hole he dug under my room also fills up with water when it rains. He sops up water using a rag and a bucket in the basement. He refuses to squeegee the water off the floor and push it down the floor drain.
An additional leak he discovered about a month ago is now on the roof vent pipe which he promptly made a tin can cover for and which does not work to stop it from leaking.
There are some jerry rigged things around here he did and dont work right and he wont research what to do to do these things right. My input is never welcome to him nor is anyone elses input. He firmly believes he is right about anything and everything. He says other people just take your money and dont do a good job.
Wednesday, July 3, 2024
It's always a woman : the other one
that catches his eye
she looks at him with doe eyes and giggles
she is cute, adorable, pretty, silly
she is different than what he is used to
she laughs at his stupid jokes and comments
she believes what he says, however ridicuous or false it is
he thinks she admires him and listens to his lies
she acts ignorant as if whatever he says and does is incredible, astonishing and wonderful
she is simple
she doesn't challenge him
she doesn't question his intelligence, strength, abilities
He thinks he has to take charge of whatever I am doing
so it is a big mistake to tell him what I am going to do
Dont be, do, think or say
Dont do what you dont want to do
Dont be where you dont want to be
Dont be where you are not welcome, not wanted
Dont think thoughts you dont want
Dont say what you dont like
Dont listen to me or anyone else
Listen to yourself
Now i realize why I was ousted from babysitting my grandson a year ago in May 2023
I was replaced by a young woman name begins with K
And he told me my grandson age 9 was too old for a sitter, did5nt need one
When the truth is K was actually the new girl addition to his harem and supposedly there to make sure his wife had some food to eat when she got home from work at her 2 days a week job on saturday and sunday home around 730 pm
K hasnt been there on the weekends for the last month he said so this means the screw sex affair lasted one year at least may 2023 to may 2024. She is in her 20s shoulder length blonde hair, has 2 boys from 2 different men, has cystic fibrosis gets disability lives with parents can only go out fri and sat nights, plays beer pong. He says she is shy. Timid. Scared to order food. She was quiet and i heard her giggling while he was talking to her through the guest bedroom walls may 15 2023 when i spent the night.
He was acting funny, peculiar on february 5, 2023 saying i dont want to pay you but i know you took him swimming and bought him food at burger king, 2 whoppers, fries, cookies so i will give you 20 dollars
Driving that new corvette he got in fall of 2022 he picked up my grandson at burger king lees summit missouri that night in february 2023. I said I would have taken him home.
On october 29, 2022 I left his house abruptly after he yelled at me for spraying rubbing alcohol in the air to ward off wasps in the garage because my grandson is terrified, scared to death of wasps. He claimed alcohol spray would damage the paint finish on his car.
People live and people die. You cant depend on them being here forever.
As much as I loved my grandmother when I was five and I didnt know she was going to die. At my age I thought she and mom and dad and brothers and the rest of my family were alive forever.
Have to find something to do not based upon a person i love
Not religion. I am not religious.
Not political.
Not any particular group or single person.
No person is reliable including myself.
We all have problems .
We all perish.
Monday, July 1, 2024
Beauty duty honesty, faithfulness is no guarantee
Of loyalty and faithfulness from the partner, person, spouse, friends, coworkers or anyone
I choose what I see and do
And where I go
Who i interact with
What I think
What I read, watch, smell, own or disown
Tossing stuff and not eating just anything means I gain considerably
In freedom and health
I am not giving up anything
I gain everything good
Just have more room to move, to breathe, be healthy, be skinny
People love to watch shows/movies about how stupid people are
and not see themselves as one of the characters in the show
it is called pointing the finger at others
not self reflecting
can't see further than the nose beyond their own face
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